Down and Out (Hawks MC: Caroline Springs Charter Book 3) (6 page)

Not only did I feel lucky to have a job where I would spend it looking after a cute little monster, but I needed the job like I needed a new place to live. If I knew nine months ago, I would be in the spot I was, I would have done something about it. But I didn't, so there was no point in living with regrets. They got a person nowhere in life.

And that was why I didn't regret marrying my childhood friend, Mark.

It would be easy for me to do so, but again, it would get me nowhere.

Mark and I had been inseparable since kindergarten. We were there for each other in every way. He was my rock when first my mum died and then my dad. Then I had the chance to be there for him when his dad passed. Some would say we'd had a tragic life, so much death, so much misfortune, but we made sure we had each other and that was all that mattered.

It wasn't until two years earlier that Mark asked me to marry him. I knew I loved him. He was my best friend after all. Only, he loved me in a different way.

Never had I pictured us in a relationship, but I was worried I would lose him if I said no. I was worried I would lose the only person who had been there from the start.

Guilt played a big part in my life over the previous year.

I felt guilty I didn't love him like he did me.

I felt guilty for giving in and promising him a part of me that I couldn't give. My whole heart.

And guilty because of the anger I felt for him, when he was so important to me, had grown inside of me in the last year.

If I hadn't married him, I wouldn't be where I was.

Then again, I wouldn't have been able to see him before he died. I still, even after it all, cherished that morning kiss goodbye.

Six months earlier, Mark was on his way to work his night shift when there was an accident. An accident he caused because he was drunk. An accident that not only took his life, but the life of a mother. When the police came to our door the next morning, I knew something bad had happened. I'd felt it deep within me. My body stiffened only to fall to the floor in a heap while I'd burst into heaving sobs of tears. Unbearable pain had coursed through me knowing I'd never see Mark again.

He'd been drunk that morning because he'd been stressed. I blamed myself when I hadn't smelt it on him before he left. I blamed myself in many ways. We were in a lot of debt and couldn't seem to climb out. It wasn't a situation we needed to be in. However, Mark had always liked the best in life. A new apartment, a new car, a new beginning. He didn't understand I didn't need or
want
any of it. All I cared about was his happiness. Yet more guilt, when I foolishly let it happen and didn't say a thing. Since then, a pang of sorrow lived inside of me and always would because I'd lost the last person I loved in my life. However, on some days, anger would take over. Anger would rise to the surface because he'd stupidly drank that day and caused an accident taking his life, a life I'd cherished. He was my best friend, my world, my only. And because of his stupidity, he'd left me to live a life without him.

As luck would go, the day before Mark's death, I'd lost my job due to cutbacks. I'd been the last to be hired, so I was the first to go. I hadn't had the courage to tell Mark that night. His anxiety levels had already been through the roof. Then, the week that followed, I was kicked out of the house. I had to sell my car to get a cheaper one, and I found myself sleeping on the streets in my car because I had nowhere else to go, no close friends and certainly no family.

I didn't choose to be living out of my car. I'd applied for houses, but with the bad record marked against my name, it meant no one would rent to me. I had been able to claim benefits, but most of the money I received from the government was put against my debt. It was a desperate attempt to clear the negative and start fresh. What little I had left over paid for fuel and food.

I smiled. I finally had a job!

As I walked to my car from Mr Brooks's house, relief fluttered in my chest. This job was the chance I needed to get on my feet. I reached my small Tarana and glanced at all that I owned. There was no way I could let my boss know this was my sleeping arrangement. No one would want to employ someone who was homeless.

I brushed aside the thought as I pulled away. It was time to celebrate my success. Driving down the road, I planned what to eat that night. I would splurge a little. Anything would be better than two-minute noodles with the warm water from a gas station. I considered if, with my new job, I'd be able to eat there. I hadn't actually asked the rule about eating at Mr Brooks's house. Would I be allowed to feed myself during the day? God, he could want me to bring my own lunch, which I would do, but then he'd see the stale bread I ate.

I sighed and decided I'd deal with the unanswered questions on Monday. I was working myself up unnecessarily. I allowed myself to grasp on to the fact that the money I should make during the week would give me an extra $20 a week more than what I got from the government and
if
Mr Brooks didn't mind my eating their food while minding Koda, I had the chance to start saving.

By the time I'd left Mr Brooks's house, it was already six. It was time to celebrate my new job. I hadn't done anything for myself in a long time, and if I regreted it come Monday, I would deal with it then. I'd learned many times my body could go without in dire situations; it was nothing new. My excited mood, however, helped my annoying conscience to settle down as I pulled into the car park of the supermarket.

My stomach grumbled while my eyes had an orgasm over all the food. I knew as soon as I paid for the food remorse would take over, but right then, I was more than eager to grab some deliciousness. First, I went to the toiletry aisle and grabbed a fresh, cheap tube of toothpaste and some sanitary napkins. I still had enough shampoo and conditioner in the car to last me for at least two more weeks. When I could, I showered at the community showers for the homeless. However, they weren't always open, so some of the other days, I washed my hair in the gas station bathroom, or I drove to one of the local waterfalls at night when I knew no one would be around. It was cold, but it was always worth it.

When I was low on fuel, I walked everywhere I had to go, which was why I chose to sleep in the car close to the centre of town. Though, I considered changing that to park close to Mr Brooks's place so I wouldn't be late. Something told me he would hate tardiness. Actually, he seemed like the kind of man to hate a lot of things, except his son. From his gruff and glaring exterior, I knew there was a story behind it, and it wasn't hard to guess it had a lot to do with Koda's mum, whoever that was. He kind of scared me, especially when I, without thought, leaned in to kiss Koda's forehead. His scowling face looked like he considered stabbing me. I had to remember no overfondness to Koda while he was around.

My body was already weary as I made my way up to the cash register to pay for my half-full basket. Tiredness was something I was used to. It came with sleeping in a small car and not getting enough shut-eye because all noises through the night spooked me. Ever since a drunk man stumbled across my car one night when I was asleep and started pounding on the roof, yelling, "I can see you in there. Come on, pretty, open up and I'll show you a good time." Never had I moved so fast into the front seat. I'd started the car and sped out of there. Since then, I made sure I was vigilant during the night. I didn't want anyone to accidently stumble across my path. There were many sickos out there, and I refused to be a victim. I only had myself to protect me, so I was smarter with where I parked and who I spoke to.

"Evening." The man serving me smiled. He was in his late fifties. "Nice night out there. I nodded and offered a small smile in return. It was a pleasant evening. I loved the warmer nights. It meant I wouldn't freeze in the car or have to pile clothes upon clothes on to try to stay warm. "That'll be twenty-nine, seventy."

Cringing, I looked down into my purse and grabbed out the twenty and the five-dollar note. "Um, sorry, can I take off the deli meat?" My face heated. I should have kept a better total. Then I remembered I didn't take the toiletry items into account. Foolish amateur move. My mind was too occupied.

"No worries, love. New total is twenty-four, ninety."

Handing him over the money, I waited for the change, all ten cents of it. There was no pretence in my life, and I certainly wouldn't scoff at any change I received. It would add up to something I could buy the next time.

After I made my way to my car and drove ten minutes to a secluded area I'd discovered since I arrived in Halls Gap, I parked, grabbed my grocery bag, and hopped out of the car, making my way to the back where I sat on the trunk.

Sighing, I took a moment and looked up into the black night. Stars shone, their light greeting me. The one good thing about being homeless was that I never missed seeing the stars twinkling every night and appreciating how they shone down on me. It meant there was more out there in the world, and it made me feel there was more meant for me in the world.

At least I could only hope.

My stomach once again growled in complaint. Smiling to myself, I patted my stomach and opened the grocery bag next to me. It was a hard decision, but I chose a small piece of mud cake first. The fruit and vegetables would be for later and the weekend. I'd try to make the mud cake last as well, but I had a sweet tooth, and it was something I rarely bought. Also in the grocery bag were peanut butter and bread, a necessity because bread filled my grumbly stomach.

After I'd eaten, I cleaned my teeth using the water I'd bottled from the waterfall to rinse. In the back seat, I then dressed in track pants and a jumper, dragging blankets over me as I lay back against my pillow.

Only sleep wasn't on my mind, Koda Brooks was. I'd always wanted a baby, but my life was never financially stable to have one. I didn't want my child going without like I had with my parents. I loved my parents with my whole heart, but they were lost. Going from job to job and sometimes no job at all, we'd scraped by every week. As a child who wore thrift shop clothing, I was constantly teased at school. I would never want my child to have the life I had.

Besides, I still had time. I was only thirty. There were older women out there still having babies. All I had to do was find a stable job. After I'd made leeway with my debt, I could find a nice, caring man and hopefully, by the time I was fifty, I would have a child… because I doubted I'd have everything paid off until then.

At least for the time being, I got to spend time with such a cute little man. I smiled to myself as I lay there thinking of Koda and his squishy, pinchable face.

Monday couldn't come fast enough.

Then I sent a silent prayer to God, asking for strength when it came to Mr Brooks. He seemed like a hard man to get along with, and I knew without a doubt, the threat he made was true. If I caused any type of trouble for Koda or him, I would regret it, and honestly, I wasn't sure if I would survive his type of payback.

A shiver raked my body thinking of his hard steel eyes.

I wondered why he was so quick to offer me the job on the spot. Could it be possible the other women were worse than what I was? I knew there were others up for an interview when Mr Brooks's mum mentioned it. She seemed like a nice woman, which left me wondering how and why he had become the opposite to her.

I guessed come Monday I would find out about him a little more.

Another shiver ran over me.

I wasn't sure I wanted to find anything out about him and his world.

Chapter Five

Mena

Early Monday morning, I found the perfect spot to store my car near my new job. Thankfully, bushland surrounded the house, so it made it easier for me to find a great hiding spot where no one would find it. The walk to the house only took twenty minutes, and it was a pleasant walk. I was glad the day was yet another sunny one. Still, the weather in Victoria was temperamental.

Taking the steps up to the front door, my heart beat faster in my chest. Nerves churned my stomach and with a trembling hand, I reached out and knocked.

"Come in," was clipped out harshly and loudly.

Opening the door, I walked in to find Mr Brooks in the kitchen with Koda already in his high chair while having some breakfast.

"Morning." I smiled. A grunt was offered from Mr Brooks and when Koda looked over to me, he smiled, warming my heart.

"Mum will be here in an hour. She'll show you through the ropes, what Koda likes and his normal sleeping time and stuff," he explained and stood from his chair, taking the bowl with him to the sink. "Not sure how Koda will go when I leave. He's used to his nanna being here, so he might make a fuss and cry when it's just the two of you."

"Don't worry, Mr Brooks. I can handle it."

He turned, his eyes hard. "You had much experience with kids?" He would have already seen my answer on my resume. Still, I humoured him.

"In my early twenties, I used to work in a child care centre. I left because I wasn't happy with the person who ran the centre. It had nothing to do with my work." Which was what he really would have wanted to know, but he seemed to like to play around it to try to intimidate me. "I know what I'm doing. I promise."

He eyed me from top to bottom. Suddenly, I felt very dirty, even though I'd washed my clothes during the weekend.

Jutting my chin out, annoyed with his appraisal, I shot out, "He will be in good care with me."

"Right. Well, cook and eat what you like." I quickly wiped my hand across my mouth to hide my wide smile. Relief swept over me. "Koda likes a bottle before his naps, both times. His formula is in the cupboard. Text me a list of what you want at the grocery store, and I'll pick it up on the way home."

Well, dang. "Um, I, ah, broke my phone recently, and I haven't had the chance to get a new one." Since six months ago.

Again, he studied me and then sighed. "I've left my number near the phone. Ring me around five and I'll get the stuff then."