Down by Contact - A Seattle Lumberjacks Romance (29 page)

“I’m yours,” she said, and she meant it. She
touched Zach’s face with her finger, ran it down his stubble, even
though he’d shaved several hours ago, it still darkened his jaw.
This was a man. All man. And for now, her man.

Zach pushed her legs apart and guided his
cock into the slick, wet opening recently occupied by his clever
and talented index finger. He shuddered, closed his eyes for a
moment, as if savoring it and filing it away for the future.

She’d bet her beauty queen crowns the man’s
cock was even more clever than his finger. He took it slow, giving
her time to adjust to him physically and emotionally. Sure, she’d
been with other men before her marriage to Mark, including some
older, experienced men, but Zach was different. She didn’t know
why, but sometimes words didn’t do feelings justice, even the words
in her head.

When Zach’s penis rested inside her fully,
the head rubbed against her deepest spaces. She’d never had a man
this large or this gentle and caring. Even sweet. He filled her
body and he filled her mind and soul. She wrapped her legs around
his waist and held him to her, pushing him deeper by adjusting the
angle of her hips. He stared down at her, holding himself up by his
arms so he didn’t crush her with his large, muscular body. His face
reflected deep concern even as she read the tension of holding back
emblazoned on the creases around his lips and eyes.

“Make love to me, Zach.”

He nodded, his lips tightened, his eyes
hooded. He withdrew then thrust back inside, with an easy, steady
rhythm obviously designed to maintain control over his body. Kelsie
didn’t want control. She wanted Zach, the man. She wanted the
passion he showed for football directed at her, given to her. She
wanted to be more desirable to him than a coveted Super Bowl
ring.

Kelsie buried her fingers in his hair and
kissed him as if he held the key to eternal youth. Maybe he did. He
kissed her back and the wilder their mouths mated the wilder their
bodies followed until his controlled thrusts exploded into a wild
frenzy of thrusting hips and sweaty bodies punctuated by groans
from him and whimpers from her.

Kelsie’s body swept her mind into another
wild ride, only this time Zach traveled with her. Higher and higher
they climbed, like bungee jumpers riding a tram to the top of the
cliff, and then they jumped off together, clinging to each other in
a moment so intense neither was certain they’d survive, so they
held on, determined to make a few seconds last a lifetime. When
they hit the end of the cord, they didn’t die but bounded along,
drawing out the pleasure, until only a gentle swaying remained.

Zach rolled onto his side, taking her with
him, his partially-hard cock still inside her. She lay on top of
him. Her cheek pressed against his chest, wet from his sweat. She
filled her nostrils with the sweet scent of sex, so uniquely
theirs. It mingled with the scented vanilla candles burning about
the room.

Somewhere inside her, he’d permanently
branded his name on her heart.

CHAPTER 20

They must have fallen asleep because Kelsie
woke to the sound of rain hitting the windows of the old house.
Zach stirred next to her. His crooked smile warmed her heart. She
reached out to him, kissed his warm mouth, and smiled back.

Drunk with hazy feelings she couldn’t
decipher, she needed to explain her earlier behavior.

“Zach, I’m sorry I overreacted. It had
nothing to do with you.”

“You said that.” He nibbled on her
collarbone.

“I know. I need to explain more.”

“Okay.”

“Zach, this thing between us isn’t just
about sex.”

“Really? What’s it about?” His tone was
playful, hers was serious.

“You. I love being with you because of who
you are.” She needed him to understand that the former selfish girl
wasn’t using sex to manipulate him or draw him into her web. “Maybe
in my younger years I might have used my body to get what I wanted,
like winning pageants, but this isn’t like that.”

He pushed her off his body and sat up
against the headboard. The frown on his face cut a trench down both
sides of his jaw. “You used your body? Did you sleep with the
judges?” He looked like a husband who’d just discovered his
church-going wife moonlighted as a stripper.

Kelsie sat up and gathered the sheets around
her. “I’m not proud of what I did, Zach.” She couldn’t bear to look
him in the eyes. Maybe she’d been too honest this early in their
relationship.

“You slept with the judges?” He repeated and
scrubbed his hands over his face. When he looked up again, their
gazes clashed. Confusion warred with denial on his ruggedly
handsome face.

“I did what I thought I had to do.” She
searched his eyes for understanding, desperately needing someone in
her life to forgive her and help heal some of the overwhelming
guilt nesting inside her like squirrels running amok in the
attic.

“But you didn’t really sleep with the
judges?”

Kelsie stared at her hands, tried to find
the words to explain her actions. “There was a lot of pressure on
me to win by my family.”

“But you slept with the judges?” His brain
seemed to be stuck on that one horrible fact from her past. His
expression closed off, shutting her out.

“Zach, I had to win.” She tried to touch
him, but he jerked away, as if she might soil him.

“I have to win, too, but I have my
boundaries, my ethics.” He combed a hand through his long hair.

“I had to win to survive at home.”

He shook his head. “I don’t understand.”

“You think my childhood was wonderful
because we had money, don’t you?”

He nodded.

“Well, let me tell you. It was hell. Pure
hell.” Kelsie needed to make him understand. She didn’t want him to
think the worst of her.

“I can’t imagine it was worse than
mine.”

“Not worse, but it wasn’t good either.”

“Tell me why it wasn’t good. What did the
poor little rich girl ever have to worry about?”

Kelsie took a deep breath and dredged up a
past she’d attempted to bury in her backyard of bad memories and
mistakes. “As far back as I can remember, my mother paraded me on
stage before judges, made up like an unnatural doll and looking way
older than I should have. The consummate beauty pageant mother, she
didn’t allow me to play with other kids—I might get dirty—or to
ever appear out of costume down to the heavy makeup which
transformed my face into the face of a hooker. My life was constant
practice, countless hours of dance lessons, baton-twirling lessons,
and beauty makeovers. My weekends were beauty pageant after beauty
pageant.”

“What about your father? Where was he in all
this?” Zach still held his body away from her, but his accusing
gaze softened slightly.

“My father stayed out of it, obviously
grateful we weren’t in his hair. Besides, he had his own high
expectations. Carringtons do not get bad grades. Carringtons always
present themselves with class and dignity. Carringtons aren’t
allowed to have human failings. The first pageant I remember losing
was at the ripe old age of five years. My mother locked me in my
room without dinner, access to a bathroom, or water for twelve
hours.”

“No bathroom?” Zach frowned, not looking
quite so judgmental anymore.

Kelsie stumbled on before she lost her
nerve. She’d never told this to anyone. “When I turned thirteen,
Mom declared me too flat and made an appointment for breast
implants. Terrified, I ran to my father. It was the first and only
time he put his foot down when it came to me. My parents almost
divorced over what I secretly called Operation Big Boobs. Instead
my mother resorted to buying push up bras, custom-made. So, yes, I
guess I was programmed from diapers to win at all costs, no matter
the price.”

“So you slept with the judges?”

“Once. Not an old guy. A younger one from a
washed-up boy band.”

Zach shook his head and rubbed his eyes, as
if he couldn’t quite figure out what to do with this information.
When he glanced up, he looked so sweet and so confused that Kelsie
couldn’t help herself. She ran a finger along his jaw line, over
his pursed lips. He pulled away, got dressed, and left her alone
with her turbulent thoughts and a bucket full of regrets.

* * * * *

Zach stared out the window at the rain
falling on the bay beyond. His thoughts scrambled with conflicting
realities or at least his reality as he’d known it.

When he’d woken in bed with Kelsie after an
amazing night of sex, he’d been afraid to open his eyes, to find
out it’d all been a dream, an erotic figment of his usually boring
imagination. Yet her soft body was sprawled on top of his harder
one melding their sweat-slicked skin together. Soul-deep
satisfaction had settled in his bones. No man could imagine this,
especially a practical man who rarely left reality behind.

He’d left it behind last night. Not only
left it behind but jettisoned it right out of his comfortable
galaxy into uncharted territory. He’d always known that one night
with Kelsie, the girl of his fantasies, would ruin him for any
other woman, and now he was sure it damn well had.

Then she’d dropped the bombshell. She’d
traded her body for a Miss Whatever sash. She’d prostituted herself
to get what she wanted. How the hell did he know she wasn’t doing
that now? Did it even fucking matter since they were both using
each other in this crazy-assed marriage of theirs? A stupid idea
from the beginning, it seemed even more ridiculous in the morning
light. Especially considering how tarnished his princess was.

Funny thing was, knowing what he knew, he’d
still make the same decision. He wanted her, no matter the price,
no matter how temporary, no matter how damaged he’d be at the end
of the relationship. He’d make a deal with the devil to keep her
for as long as possible. Perhaps, he already had.

Kelsie ran a delicate hand along the bump in
his right collarbone, and he stiffened. He’d been so deep in
thought he hadn’t heard her approach. “What happened?”

“Broke it in college.” Her hair brushed
against his shoulder, and he breathed in the heady scent of her
shampoo and expensive perfume blending with the smell of sex and
sweat.

“Have you broken a lot of bones over the
years?”

“A few.” Some playing football, some caused
by an abusive father, but Kelsie didn’t need to know about Zach’s
upbringing.

She planted a kiss on the bump and laid her
cheek against his shoulder. “You’re so invincible.”

“Hardly. I wish it were true.” He was a
pansy everywhere but the football field and especially when it came
to her.

She lifted up and gazed into his eyes, her
brows furrowed in the cutest way. He was so screwed. “Zach?”

“Yeah?” He stroked her hair, marveling at
how the strands slipped through his fingers.

“I saw the memorial to your brother in the
yard.” She stared into his eyes, as if plumbing for his deepest
secrets.

He grunted in response, not wanting to pile
his personal pain on top of her painful admission.

“I’m sorry, Zach. You were with me at the
country club the day he died. I didn’t know. I really didn’t
know.”

“I don’t want to talk about it. Not now.”
Not ever.

She looked crushed, as if he’d just told her
an eagle had swooped down and carted off Scranton. “Sorry. I know
some things are best left alone.”

“This is one of those things. Okay?” He
softened his voice, knowing he’d sounded too harsh.

“Okay.” She wrapped her arms around him,
laid her head against his chest and closed her eyes. Her small
hands clutched his back. Actually, it felt good to be needed like
this. He shut his eyes, put his arms around her, and tried to live
in the moment, not the past.

When it came to Kelsie, he’d been the one to
trail after her like a puppy begging for a pat on the head. She’d
tossed a few crumbs his way during their high school years just to
keep him on the line, to use him when the need arose, to carry her
books or stroke her ego or make her latest boyfriend jealous. He’d
been nothing to her but a means to an end. Just like that pageant
judge.

Zach shuddered. What made him believe things
had changed one little bit when it came to him and her? Except one
big thing had changed. This time he held the cards and the money,
and she held nothing.

Except his fragile heart.

* * * * *

That afternoon they left and as soon as the
float plane landed on Lake Union, Zach dropped Kelsie off at home
and headed to HQ to watch game film. It was after midnight when
Zach dragged his tired body into the bedroom he would share with
Kelsie.

Trying to concentrate on film had been next
to impossible. His concentration broke several times as his mind
drifted to Kelsie’s face and the look in her eyes when he drove her
over the edge during sex. Nothing could stand in the way of his
quest to win a ring. Nothing. Not even his dream girl wife and
fantasy-come-true in bed.

Zach stripped off his clothes and hesitated
beside their bed. Kelsie’s arms were wrapped around his pillow. Her
little dog snored at the foot of their bed. This was his life now.
With a sigh, he crawled into bed next to her. Immediately, she
wrapped her arms and legs around him and clung to him. Zach held
her tight, his resolve evaporating like steam from a whirlpool
tub.

“Where were you?” The worry in her sleepy
voice caused a twinge of guilt.

“Working.” He rose up on one elbow, fear
rolled through him. “Are you okay? Is something wrong? Have you
seen that guy?”

“No. Not at all. Not since that night you
proposed. It’s as if he’s disappeared into the mist.”

“Let’s hope he stays that way.” He’d done
all he could, installed a state-of-the-art security system, and
paid a company to make a pass by their house every hour. Maybe the
jerk found an easier victim.