Dr. Frank Einstein (8 page)

    
I did not go on the date.

    
I guess I must have mentioned the place that I was staying at because she showed up there the next day.  She was waiting for me in the lobby.

    
“Please Frank let me explain.”  She confronted me.

    
“Are you gonna suck me dry or turn me into a vampire?” I was trying to ignore her.  I attempted to go upstairs to my room.

    
“No I promise.  I only use cow's blood.”  She grabbed both my arms forcefully but gently.

    
“You are cultist who gets kicks from pretending to be a vampire.”  I released my arms from her.

    
“I don't know what the word cultist means but I don't pretend. I am a vampire.”

    
“How old are you? Three hundred?”

    
“My body is like a twenty year old girl so I'm twenty.”  She thought.  “We are people; just a different kind of people.   I want a boyfriend just like any other girl.”

    
“Why don't you date another vampire?”  I still contemplated fleeing from her.

    
“There are two kinds of vampires.  There are those that drink cow's blood and those that drink human blood.  My family is the only ones left that drinks cow's blood.  Besides I like you.  You have the most powerful aurora I have ever felt.  I know you're different.  You talk different and walk different. But you’re handsome and I'm really turned on by your aurora.  This aurora tells me that you're very kind and have a good character.”

      We took to strolling hand in hand amongst the pastures. 
We came upon a cow.  We petted the cow.

      
“Obtineti vaca iesi de aici” yelled the running farmer; banishing a pitch fork at Nadia and me.  We fled across the pasture.

    
“What's his problem?” I panted.               

     “He wants us to stay away from his cows.”

     “Makes sense.”  We stopped on the road, “Why doesn’t he just drain blood and sell it to you all?”

  
  “They’d never do that.  It’s superstition.  Besides they don't like gypsies and they don't like vampires.”

     I slept in my room when my door burst opened.  It startled me awake. 

     The light flicked on illuminated four men in my door.

     “Don’t get up! No formalities necessary. We just come for a chat. I chat you listen.  You go home, yes. 
Now.  Yes, you go home. We don’t kill you.  Okay.  Now you talk you say yes.”

     “What have I done to you that you would want to kill me?”

     “I never meet Americans.  I’ve been told you believe rights. No rights you go home.  You say yes.”

  “Why do I have to go home?  I like it here. I like Nadia.”

    “Why do you ask questions?  No questions No Nadia
.  You go home.  Good bye.”

   
The men left and I went back to bed a bit unnerved.

  
When morning broke; a knock came on the door.  My first thought was the lynch mob was coming back.  But why would they knock.   I opened the door. Nadia came in the room.  She hugged and started kissing me.  Her tongue slipped on to my tongue.   I was aroused.  We kissed more and more.

   
“I love you, Frank.” She kissed me more.

   
“You're so beautiful.”  I replied as I continually participated in the kissing.

   
“I want to marry you.” She declared in between the kissing.

    “That is something I could give future consideration.”

    “Really?”

   
“I’m starting to.” I replied to her.

   
“That’s good.”  She continued to embrace me.

   
Then she stopped.  “I have big problem.  You know I can’t you know till I get married.  I’m a virgin.  I guess that surprising to an American.”

   
“Naw, You'd be surprised how many Americans are virgins when they get married or least when they first meet their future spouse.”

    “Well, I’ve never even kissed like I just did before.  But I’ve never felt like this before.  Are you should you don’t want to get married now?”

    “A part of me does. But maybe we should slow down.  Make sure we have no doubt about this.  I mean I really want you.   You are so unique.  I’m sure you’re the only one.”

    “Okay. You’re so amazing!  You actually respect my commitment to marriage.”

    “This maybe the wrong time to change the subject, but this guy broke into my room last night and told me to go home.”

    “Yes, he told me just before he went to see you.”

    “You know him?”

   
“Vlad.   He’s the king of human sucking vampires.  He’s really mad that I’m in love with you.  He looks down on my family because we don’t use human blood.  But he’s more against vampires associating with humans.  I guess that makes us like Romeo and Juliet.” She giggled and hugged my arm.

    “Also like Maria and Tony.”

    “Who?”

    What is the solution to this problem of vampires using human blood?  Human blood was healthier but there was a fifty percent possibility that the victims would turned in to vampires or die.    I decided that if I could harvest zombies I could manufacture human blood without ever sacrifice another living human.       

  
I had a brilliant idea I could use nanobots to bring dead Romanians alive and keep them alive with those very same nanobots.  Now if just I could figure out how to invent nanobots. Hmmmm.   

         
                                             Chapter Fifteen

       The United States government prohibits me from revealing how I activated zombies with nanobots.  It’s brilliant; if I do say so myself.

     
  Anyway, I soon had vampires slurping away.  Both the death toll by first bite and vampirvication went down to zero.

   
  “I’m quite proud of myself.” I mentioned to Nadia in my makeshift lab.

 
    “Well, here goes,” she said as imbedded her fangs in a moaning docile zombie’s neck.  “Wow, it so delicious I guess this is why other vampires prefer human blood.’

    
  She paused. “This zombie’s not gonna jump up and eat me.”

    
  “That’s Hollywood.”

    
  “Zombies eat people on the streets of Hollywood?”

  
    “No, what I mean its fictionalized account rendered in films.”

    
    At meal completion, she wiped her lips with a napkin and kissed me passionately.

 
       “I have a little surprise for you, Sweetheart.” I informed her. 

   
   “You do? What?” she replied to me.

     I went over to the stereo and turned it on:
The Blood Bank Blues
.  The upbeat music began forcefully.  At this cue the lab door opened and a troupe of six zombies filed out of storage room. They danced to music in a zombie like fashion. They gathered in a straight line; holding hands dancing a jig.  They partnered; one twirling the other around.  A partner leaped in unison across the room.  They walked up the wall, flipped over, and sliding back to the partner.  They grabbed each other hand and arched their back. One flipped over the other’s back.  They formed other chorus line dancing and bowing for the finale.

   
   “This is very great.” She said to me gleefully, “Thank you.”

       A few days later Vlad paid a visit.

 
     “I’ll try your zombie blood. My friends’ll try zombie blood.”

 
    I brought out five zombies from the zombie room.  I sat them down on an easy to utilize ramp. The men sat in upright red padded chairs behind the ramp.  They sucked the zombies’ blood.

 
     After they got their fill Vlad wanted to chat.

     “I tell you secret only us vampires know. My Papa’s great many great ex cetera papa, that is Vlad the Impalar, was Nicolai Machiavelli. It’s true.  He went to Italy looking thirty eight years younger, because he is a vampire.  He said I’m Nicolai Machiavelli and it’s better to be fear loved and all that shit.   He wrote this in his books and nobody followed Christ anymore.  Everybody from then on follow vampires. All the popes except Pope John XXVI and Paul VI from then on were vampires.  Why John XXVI and Paul VI were not vampires.  It’s those damn nineteen sixties.”

   
  For two months I had a steady business of Zombies harvest. I could recycle the same fifty zombies.  Everyone told me that Zombie blood taste as good as live human blood.  This was the consensus till George W Bush came to town.

   
  “Zombie blood taste like shit!”  Bush remarked after dipping his fangs in a sample.  He stood next to me in my lab.

  
  “Everybody told me this taste the same as human blood.”

    
“Son, they don’t want to hurt your feelings.”

      “But no living human has been attacked by a vampire here since I introduce my zombies.”

      “Any vampire that doesn’t suck blood from a living human is a fag.”

    
He looked at the crowd that had been following him. “Now get out there and bite an alive human!”

     The crowd cheered.   

   
“You stupid Imperialist American!  You think you controlled whole world.” Scalded Vlad at me. He had stopped me in the street as I exit my rented car to go to my room after departing from the lab, Vlad continued:

   
“Vampires rule the world! Democracy is a trick to sedate the people. It’s the new world order.   Count George Bush, a mid-level vampire, first declared, while he was the United States President to the world that they would be under this great new world order.  First level of New world dictatorship is the Free Masons with their control over Mormons, the Moonies, the Nazis, Al Quada the Red Brigade and you know the people in America with the white sheets over the heads; killing niggers?”

    
“You mean the Klu Klux Klan?” I clarified trying to move past him and his gang. to get to my room

    
“Da, the next level’s illumuni.” He blocked my way.

     
“Then there is the six ruling families and at the top the Council of seven.  The dictators of the world. All vampires. I should know I’m one of the seven.”

   
I laughed, “Why would one of seven who ruled the world want to talk to little ole me.” I looked sheepishly at the window of my room.

     
“Okay. Okay maybe I’m going to be one of the Seven just not yet. I am a direct descendant of Vlad the Impalar and do live in biggest castle in the county.”

    
“Then you’re a count?”

  
   “And king of all Vampires in Romania and Bulgaria.”

     “So, I don’t understand why you care what I do?”

      
“Because you fucking with a gypsy. I don’t mean fucking, fucking.  I mean fucking with a gypsy. Gypsies are dirt.  Gypsies are slaves. They’re donkeys and you’re treating Nadia like a human being. How can I’m keep gypsies down if you make them go up.  Because of you, all gypsies might think they up. I don’t want those gypsies to get any ideas. I have to rule those people and you ruined it. You American, especially you! You talk like shit and walk like a drunk and yet because you’re an American you’re rich.”

      
“I’m not rich.”

      
“How much salary you make last year? Answer me or I get mad.”

        “
Thirty thousand dollars”

          “
Thirty thousand United States Dollars! Thirty thousand United States Dollars!   In Romania, you’re rich. Not like me.  I’m king but to everybody else you rich” Then he scrunched face in sarcasm. “You American.  Everybody is equal. Everybody has rights. Freedom. Freedom speech, Freedom press, writ of harps corpus, trial by jury.  Then, you go and conquer Iraq and say to the Iraqis we give you freedom in exchange for total control of all of your oil.  Ha HA HA HA.  I predict future. I don’t want those gypsies to get any ideas.  I have to rule those people and I don’t want you to ruin it!”

      
I responded thusly, “You say that those in Council of Seven, that rules the world, are Vampires. That may be true. In the fact they drink human blood.  But they are not immortal. They have normal life spans.  They can see their refection. They can be stabbed, poisoned, shot by any bullet. They have a medical proven illness that compels them to drink blood and the skin to scab in sunlight. It's called porphyria. ”

    
“No! No! What right do you have to question my authority?”

       “I have every right. I have civil rights.”

      “Submit to me!”

        “Uh Oh” I said and ran as fast I could run.  I made it to my rented car. I was glad that I now mastered the clutch. I looked b
ack they was punching the air frustrated that they could not fly nor did they had a car.  I drove straight to Budapest. I flew immediately by airline to the states. I swore off vampires and never contacted Nadia again.

                                    Chapter   Sixteen

      If I died at birth I would have been guarantee a place in heaven because I would not have to chance to sin.

       I forgot to renew my California intern special education –severely handicapped teaching credential.  The principal found out.  For anyone else this mistake would have been no big deal.  He said he would remove me.  He was going do this even though I had a multiple subjects credential, it is a credential to teach any self-contained class, as opposed a single subject credential that taught students who went from class to class, such as middle and high school.  I taught a self-contained class.  I had this class for two years.  I had only a couple weeks until I would receive my California special education –severely handicapped teaching credential.  But the principal was determined to get rid of me.

      My class consisted of four students all who have cerebral palsy that was more severe than l.  I had the same students each year. This is because it was the only moderate to severe special education class in the school.  From sixth grade past twelfth grade to potentially age twenty two.  It had two girls: Yantee and Ruby; two boys Jose and Michael. 

      I taught life skills rather than the academics curriculum because that the life skill curriculum was required by all the students' Individual Education Plans.  Each year I gave the Berrgance and Los Angeles County Profile assessments.  These assessments confirmed my student’s gradual progression.  This is all prescribed the California severely handicapped curriculum.  This curriculum has five domains: academics; vocational; home; community and recreational.      

     I would be placed in the school substitute pool, its only member-- in its history, until the end of the school year—June
thirty.  My employment with the school district would be then terminated.  That was his plan. It was not my plan.

   
On the day of my removal from my class, my student teaching university supervisor, Mr. Signorelli, came to my class to drop off my final grade for the three month class and supervision.  Mr. Signorelli retired from this district position of director of special education—an assistant superintendent position.  Every two weeks he would come to my classroom to evaluate and instruct on my teaching performance.   If I had a passing grade, it would mean I would have my California special education –severely handicapped teaching credential. 

      “
Hi, Eric,’’’ Greeted Mr. Signorelli, I greeted back.  Without sitting down he handed the grade form.  He smiled and left the room.  It said B.  I wondered if he had known that these were the last hours of me being in this classroom or if knew how hostile the principal was towards me if he would have change the grade. I waited days for the change but it never came.

       I taught at a large school with three thousand students.   So there was always an absent teacher.  The school would assign me the vacancy before calling sub finder for another substitute.  By the contract, they had to maintain my salary until the end of year.  I made a lot more than a substitute.  I suppose if there were no vacancy they would have me do clerical work.

     One time they gave assistant vacancy which violated the teacher contract but I did not report because it was easier.

      Meantime the principal filled my old position with a retired lawyer who told me he had no teaching experience   and only had an emergency credential.  An emergency credential is rewarded to whoever had a bachelor degree and had passed a background check and cbest test.   With an emergency credential one could a substitute (day to day or long term)--no contract.

      In contrast, I was much more qualified for the position.  In addition to what the retired lawyer had; the multiple subjects credential required more and more difficult tests. It also required eighteen hours of college course work plus two supervised student teachings. I had worked in special education –severely handicapped classes before.  I had four years’ experience with these students.

      It took two and a half months between my removal and the end of the school year.  So I subbed about fifty times.  One day I was assigned to take two students, who had been designated as Native Americans, on a Native American themed field trip to the Southwest Museum of the American Indian.  They had an    Orientation class.  After this I followed the two students as toured they the museum.

      I received my Special Education credential in the mail.   Receiving this meant that my status as an intern automatically changed, by contract, to be grafted into a probationary II.  Also, according to the contract, if termination was not submitted by March first, the probationary II teacher (even the ones grafted into probationary II) could not be terminated.  It was May twenty fifth.  Being now a probationary II, come July first I will automatically become a permanent teacher (know vernacularly as having tenure).   This means that the district could never terminate me.  They could bring up charges against me at an arbitration board.   This arbitration board would have consisted of representatives of the local union--my union, the school district and an independent arbitrator.  This is all because California is not a right to work state –which means in California I do have the right to work.