Draculas (59 page)

Blake

* * *

Let me see what you do and I'll jump in. But you do plan to have Adam bitten, right?

Paul

* * *

For sure.

And here's my outline plan...

Adam 4.0 (almost done) will end with him leaving the mat ward to go get blood.

Herrick 1.0 will be her beginning to treat Stacie, and then oasis shows up and wreaks havoc, she gets bitten but scares O off.

Adam 5.0 - will be Adam goes down to the blood bank with only a scalpel to retrieve blood bags for Stacie, is chased, almost killed, but makes it back to the ER.

Oasis 4.0 - short, Oasis pissed, trying to figure out how to kill an adult.

Adam 6.0 - Adam returns to the ward with the blood and Herrick gets Stacie hooked up, but she starts to feel bad and leaves (they haven't seen these things turn so they don't know what the symptoms mean. Adam starts to comfort his wife and take care of his newborn daughter when Oasis shows up. Minister vs. 8-year-old dracula girl...can't wait to write this scene. Just as O is getting ready to overpower him, Clay arrives. (but Adam is bitten). I think Herrick can show back up after this at some point after clay arrives for a big scare.

Blake

* * *

Very cool. Is Stacy going to make it? If not, I have uses for that blood.

Paul

* * *

Not sure yet...my thought is she's touch-and-go as Clay and Adam roll her and the baby out of the maternity ward and they go in search of a way to get on the roof. But Adam is bringing back tons of blood bags. He's going to use them like grenades.

Blake

* * *

Sounds awesome. But don't have Adam bitten until he's on the roof.

Joe

* * *

Are elevators working?

Blake

* * *

No elevators. Are you thinking Adam has a cart for the blood?

Joe

* * *

How about this for Randall, since the outlines thus far don't really address what's going to happen with the kids in pediatrics.

He reaches pediatrics just as Benny is attacking. Randall is absolutely pissed beyond belief that the clown has his chainsaw. Benny loses the fight, and Randall gets his beloved chainsaw back.

They need to get the kids out. With Randall in the front, carving up every dracula that comes at them, and Jenny in the back, they move through the hospital as a group. The noise attracts more draculas, but that's fine, because Randall is ready to saw up as many of those things as will come at him. He's feeling
alive.

They make it outside the hospital. There's a news van out there. Randall gets the kids into the back of the van...but Jenny isn't with them anymore. A dracula grabbed her. The van drives off with the kids, but Randall has to go back into the hospital. He saves Jenny again, but his chainsaw dies, and now there are too many creatures in the lobby, feasting on the dismembered corpses of their fellow draculas. They need another way out. Which connects us back to the idea of going to the roof...

Jeff

* * *

No, just wanted to know what options he's got. Nurse Herrick just gave him the most convoluted directions to the blood bank in history. Of course, it's in the basement. I'm actually afraid for him.

Blake

* * *

@ Jeff - That works for me. Or they can meet with Clay and Adam in the hall and all go up together. If Jenny dies get separated, I need a lead dracula to terrorize her.

@ Blake - Is Adam going to kill Oasis? Or will he balk at killing a child? Also, Adam will have an overnight bag for the hospital stay. He can fill a wheeled suitcase with blood packs.

Joe

* * *

Adam 4.0 up...may need to do an accuracy polish later on what's happening with Stacie medically.

Blake

* * *

You can give Adam an iPad, which he reads the bible on. That could be his light. Or just a regular book light, for late night gospel reading. He'll need something in the basement.

Joe

* * *

Joe, cool. Jenny doesn't need to be separated for long--basically, she's not there when Randall gets outside with the kids, but he finds her again fairly quickly after he gets back inside. She's had her big showdown with Lanz, so I think it's fine to keep it all in Randall's POV until they're back together, heading upstairs.

Jeff

* * *

Herrick 1.0 is up...on to Adam's journey into the basement.

Blake

* * *

I did a quick draft of this to get it out of my system.

When Adam pulls the trigger, it would be nice to have a POV character see the windows blow out from the parking lot.

Paul

* * *

I'll read it right now. Oasis 4.0 is up...short scene in the maternity ward.

Blake

* * *

Paul, that's beautiful. I can see this all coming together now. There will be a touching scene between Adam and Stacie right before
Randall
takes Stacie and the baby up to the roof. She'll be back into consciousness, holding their daughter, blood flowing into her, and Adam is leaving them, infected, to go with Randall to kill these monsters. I fucking LOVE this.

Blake

* * *

I head Adam on the roof: "I can't turn into one of these abominations. I won't!"

Clay: "That can be arranged."

Paul

* * *

That was I
hear
Adam...

Sheesh

Paul

* * *

I think this is the first time I'm really catching a glimpse of how this thing is going to wrap up, of seeing the sum of the parts, and it's truly exciting. Gonna be a helluva book.

Blake

* * *

Adam 5.0 is up...which is halfway through his journey into hell.

Blake

* * *

Jeff 7.0 is up...wherein the lumberjack and the clown and set up for their final confrontation.

Jeff

* * *

Going way back to the beginning of the process, I was very happy to see Blake's glorious "intestines stuck in the drawer" sequence. I thought "Sweet! We get to have FUN with this thing!"

Jeff

* * *

I'm reading this and laughing while I'm worrying about Randall. Together the 4 of us have created, I think, the paradigm of balancing horror and humor. I armed Randall with the ultimate hand weapon, and you, Jeff (you should add, btw, something about its awesome recoil) have used incidents from previous chapters to render it useless against Benny.

Paul

September 13, 2010

Paul, I'm redoing the infodump scene, trying to make it less on the nose. It begins with Clay and Shanna in the stairwell, and Shanna isn't packing heat.

Did I miss something, or in the previous scene was Shanna gung-ho about carrying a weapon, and refused to give it back?

Joe

* * *

It didn't ring true, so I'm going to change it when we go back for fix-ups.

Paul

* * *

It's possible there's so much info to dump that you should spread it over several Shanna/Clay scenes.

Blake

* * *

There's a scene with Shanna alone in the chapel where she's trying to reconcile some of what she knows with what she's seen (ie, the monster wearing Mort's pants/belt). You could start the exposition there, maybe have her interrupted by Clay's calling her name through the intercom. Then finish the exposition on the stairwell.

Paul

* * *

Jeff 8.0 is up...The heartfelt reunion of a man and his chainsaw.

Jeff

September 14, 2010

I caught up on everyone's new chapters last night. Good shit, guys. I also added a little something to the info dump scene. Still think it needs to be broken out into the chapel scene. Maybe I'll look at that today if Joe can't get to it.

I just have to write the Adam v. Oasis scene which will end with Clayton Theel killing some draculas on the verge of breaking into the maternity ward, saving Adam et al., and I think we'll be ready to put the finale together.

My plan is to add all the new stuff to the existing manuscript once I write this last scene and have my folks meet up with Clayton. Then we can dive into the finale.

One more scene before we hit the finale, will have Randall, Jeff, Jenny and the kids meet up and decide to head for the roof because Clay can flag down a television helicopter. On the way, Clay can hear human screams in the maternity ward, and he can go and get Adam, Stacie, and their baby. Then all our characters are together heading for the roof, draculas chasing them because the army is storming the place, etc.

Who's writing the next Jenny/Randall/Clayton scene?

Also, should we talk start talking about who writes what for the final scenes?

Blake

* * *

So can we get the pediatrics kids into a helicopter and off to safety? I'm all in favor of killing young children in my fiction ("With that scene in
Pressure
, you've just lost 35% of your audience." -- Joseph Konrath) but I think Randall needs to save these kids and a camera crew needs to see him doing it.

The plan was for him to get them out through the main entrance, but Randall has to go back because Jenny was grabbed by a dracula, and their own escape is cut off, forcing the roof plan. But if we can get the kids out with a helicopter on the roof (which then has no room for the others), I can still have Randall chainsawing draculas left and right as he leads the kids to safety, but get us closer to the finale quicker.

Jeff

* * *

Do it, and hells yes, save the kids. Have Randall put them on a helicopter...(so they can be sick and die in peace...love that line)...

Here's the part of Joe's outline that I agree with...

"Randall rescues her. Tearful reunion. Then they're surrounded by draculas. Randall fights off a bunch with his saw, but he's outnumbered. Gets bitten. Clay comes in with the boom boom, clears the path. Threatens to kill Randall. Jenny won't let him. They go, with the kids, to the roof because Clay thinks he can flag down the TV helicopter. Along the way they meet up with Adam, Stacie, and the baby. Army shows up. Begins to massacre draculas, causing all of them to flee--running up the stairs. Everyone on the roof. Randall begins to change. He and Jenny express love. Randall becomes a dracula and starts kicking ass."

After this, I think it changes a little. Let's have Randall getting the kids on the chopper, along with Stacie's baby, after she's killed and Adam wounded (another heartbreaking, scene...Adam saying goodbye to his daughter).

While Randall gets the kids onto the chopper, Clay and Adam go down to the room with the grenades, and we have Adam's death scene as he takes out a tons of draculas.

Back on the roof, Randall is wounded and dying. Jenny stays with him.

WHAT IS CLAY DOING? HOW DOES THIS END FOR HIM? I'M NOT SURE IF HE'S JUMPING ONTO THE HELICOPTER SKIDS ANYMORE WITH HE ADAM GOING BACK INTO THE HOSPITAL.

Adam blows up, making meat confetti. Jenny tell Randall she loves him. He dies. Just as she's surrounded, the army drops a bomb.

Shanna sees the explosion. Watches the helicopter come. Clay isn't on it. She weeps. Meets another survivor. Young guy. He's calm and a bit flirtatious.

DOES CLAY SURVIVE? REUNION WITH SHANNA?

Survivor gets baby. It's Mort.

Thoughts?

Blake

* * *

Sounds fantastic. And Randall's chainsaw and screams of "Die, draculas, die!!!" could attract the other survivors, helping to bring our group together.

Jeff

* * *

Real suspense there, Blake -- even though I knew he'd survive.

I'm gonna dive back in 1st thing tomorrow.

Paul

* * *

Thanks, Paul, glad it clicked for you...let's shoot to have the finale set up by say Thursday, and I can then get working on assembling everything we've got so far into the manuscript. I think I know what I need to do...Jeff, Paul, can you guys have your characters (and Jenny) poised for the finale by then? I think I've got the biggest part to write, so we're pretty close already.

Blake

* * *

Clay and Randall/Jenny need to hook up relatively quickly, since otherwise my characters would think to go down to the lobby, not up to the roof. (An intercom message might work, but Randall is holding a loud chainsaw, and Clay wouldn't know that the draculas can't understand his message.)

If Paul sets up the idea that Clay is going to the roof, and ends his bit with Clay on the third floor, seeing Randall put his chainsaw through a random dracula, I can take it to wherever Blake wants me to leave off.

As for POV after that, the actual "children in the helicopter" rescue needs to be Randall's POV, since it's his big moment of redemption. That scene will end with Clay pointing out that Randall has been bitten.

I think the scene with Clay threatening to shoot him should be Jenny's POV.

Jeff

* * *

I think we need to bring in some of the characters perhaps seeing lights from the helicopter sweeping across the building, maybe the roadblock out in the parking lot a little earlier...I may try to work that in when I assemble everything.

Blake

* * *

Cell phones work. Clay could call the TV station, have them land the copter.

Joe

September 15, 2010

Sayonara, Adam.

I added a scene with Shanna in the parking lot with the army and a mysterious Dr. Driscoll. You may or may not like the implication I'm making toward the end of her scene. If not, we'll cut it. It's only a few lines.