Dragon (17 page)

Ion drops my right hand, raises his fingers toward my face, and ever-so-lightly caresses my cheek. “Beautiful Ilsa. Believe me—I will let you choose. I will let you be whoever you want to be.”

“But, I don’t know—”

“Take your time. Choose. I’ll be following you, always nearby. If you need me, call my name, and I will come and help you.”

I turn and look back at Ram. Which of these guys is telling the truth?

“Ask him,” Ion has stepped close behind me while my back was turned, and now I can feel his words tickling my neck as he speaks. “Ask Ram what their plans were. They only want you for your eggs. They don’t care about you. I care about you. I’ll be waiting.”

I turn around just as Ion has finished whispering the word waiting.

He’s gone.

If he was ever there at all.

I peer into the woods, which are thin at this altitude among the mountains. Was he ever really here, or did I only dream that part?

A tendril of smoke floats past me, its incense scent familiar.

Maybe he was here. Maybe he’s still nearby.

I slip back to my spot near the rock and settle back in to sleep. Or did I ever leave at all?

Chapter Seventeen

“Night has fallen, Ilsa. We should get going.” Ram nudges my shoulder, waking me gently.

Sure, now I’m sleeping hard, a deep dreamless sleep that weighs heavily upon me as I try to shove it away and rise past it.

“Want a bite to eat before we get going?” He holds out a roasted bird of some sort. Pheasant, maybe? It’s hard to tell once it’s roasted.

I sit up straighter, take the bird, chew a few bites, and swallow. “Ram?”

“Yes?”

“Can I choose who I am? Can I choose to be human?”

“If you never change into a dragon, then yes, I suppose you’d be human by default.” He tears meet with his teeth, thoughtfully chewing. “But your DNA would still be the same, you know. You’d still be part dragon, even if it was latent dragon.”

“What about my children? Would they be dragons?”

“Depends on their father, I suppose. If you married a man—a man who was only a man—your kids would be something in-between. I’ve never known anyone who was half dragon, but I’ve heard of them. Legend says Alexander the Great’s father was a dragon.”

“Really? But didn’t you say he was one of the conquerors who targeted dragons?”

“Maybe he was trying to prove himself to his father.” Ram suggests.

But I’ve already thought of another possibility. “Maybe he wanted to destroy the part of himself he didn’t like, and conquering dragons was the only way he knew how to do it.”

Ram frowns. “That might explain Eudora’s genocidal fixation.”

Though I can tell Ram is against the idea, still, I can’t shake it. I don’t want to be a dragon. That’s not the same as wanting to kill all the other dragons. It’s my identity, my choice. “What if I choose that? To stay only human, always. To live like a human?”

Ram sighs. “It’s going to take longer to get you home.”

“What if I don’t want to go home?”

Ram breathes out heavily. I can’t see his face in the twilight, so for a moment, I think maybe he’s upset. But he rises as far as his knees, and kind of scoot-walks the last few feet between us until he’s at my side, close enough his shoulder touches mine. He sits a little sideways so he can see my face clearly, and his blue eyes glow softly in the darkness. “I thought you wanted nothing more in all the world than to go home?”

I look up at him and swallow a bite of pheasant. I don’t know what to say.

“All summer you’ve been talking about going home. Wondering when your dad was going to come for you, asking where your home is. You just wanted to go home.”

I’m watching him, trying to remember the long summer back in Prague. It feels like it was a world away, falling, as it did, on the other side of the great divide—my life before I knew I was a dragon, and my life after I knew.

But the words from my dream spin through my thoughts. Was Ion’s visit real? Did his words mean anything, or did I dredge them up with my subconscious? I have to know if I’m ever going to decide who I can trust—Ram or Ion.

“What’s waiting for me in Azerbaijan? Why is it so important for me to return? What if I never go back?” I watch his face carefully. I need to see if he shows the slightest sign of bluffing.

“Your father is there. You’re the only family he has left.”

“But my father visited me at Saint Evangeline’s. Why can’t I live somewhere else, anywhere else? My dad could visit me there. Why do I have to return to the village where I was raised?”

“I thought you wanted to go home.”

I shrug, trying to act nonchalant, although my pulse is pounding so hard I can feel it in my neck, in a blood vessel above my eyeball, even. This is why I always lost at poker. I cannot bluff to save my life.

But for the sake of the truth, I have to keep going. “The way home is barred by yagi. I was just thinking, maybe it would be easier for all of us if I didn’t try to get past them. If I just slipped off somewhere else for a while.”

“You don’t care about going home?”

“Is there any reason why I should?”

“Your family—”

“It’s just my father, right? Or do I have other family I—” I was going to say something like I don’t know about or I need to know about, but I can’t do it. My voice chokes off, my throat too tense to form any more words.

Ram stares down at the last of the bird bones he’s picked clean. Like me, he ate the smaller bones, crunching them down. Delicious. And a great source of calcium.

“I promised your father—” he begins slowly.

“Promised him what?”

“That I’d bring you home.”

Right. Paid mercenary bodyguard, or something like that. I’d almost forgotten. I’d begun to think of him as a real friend. But a real friend would have told me the truth instead of waiting for me to hear it from Ion. Maybe Ion’s my real friend. “What if you don’t?”

Ram hangs his head. Something painful crosses his face. He isn’t going to cry again, is he? It was okay that one time, because his dog died and anyway I was crying then, too, but I don’t know if I can handle much more of the big guy crying.

I’m slightly worried. “What? Are you going to get in trouble if you don’t bring me home? Or is there something more?”

“There’s something more.”

For a panicked instant, I don’t think I can take it. I don’t want to know. But I desperately want to know. I wish I knew already. I don’t want to hear him say it. “What is it?”

“Your father doesn’t want you to know. He wants it to be a surprise.” Ram blows out a long breath, meets my eyes. His are glowing with something I don’t recognize. It’s not apology this time, at least. Hope, maybe? But that seems weird. He makes his confession without losing eye-contact. “You’re betrothed to a dragon king.”

Even though I saw this coming, or was forewarned in a dream, or maybe not a dream, or whatever, somehow hearing it from Ram on top of already hearing it and desperately wanting it to not be true, makes it a hundred thousand times worse. I leap to my feet and throw down what’s left of my pheasant carcass. “The bloody hell I’m not!”

“Shh, Ilsa,” Ram stands and tries to take my hand, but I’m more likely to pull my dagger on him than let him touch me right now.

“Crusty old cave-dwelling lizard king!”

“He’s not that bad.”

“Bloody, bloody hell.” I glare at Ram as he tries to shush me. “Every girl dreams of being swept off her feet by a creepy lizard who’s not that bad!” Yeah, that was sarcasm, in case you weren’t sure.

But then it’s Ram’s turn to surprise me. He’s laughing.

“What the bloody hell is so funny?” I know I’ve said some of those words already, but to be honest, I feel slightly better when I use them, so I keep using them.

“Nothing,” he shakes his head. “Nothing is funny. It’s all terrible, really.”

“You’ve gone daft in the head,” I accuse him.

“I have,” Ram acknowledges freely. “I’ve been fearing all this trip how you’d react when you found out, and now I’ve told you, and the pressure’s off.”

“But I bloody well the bloody hell am not going to marry anyone, especially not some ancient dragon geezer.”

“Right.” Ram sobers slightly. “Ilsa, do you really not want to go home?”

I make a face. “I don’t know. I thought I wanted to go home when I was far away. But the closer I get, the more I learn that makes me want to run as fast as I can in the opposite direction.” I’m not sure whether I should stay fighting mad with Ram, or if I should be glad that he actually told me the truth instead of dragging me off to the lizard king with no warning of the fate that awaited me. And maybe he would have if Ion hadn’t tipped me off.

But he told me the truth. That part seems to stick out above the rest, especially given that it was my uber-secretive father who tried to hide the truth from me in the first place. Ram defied him by telling me. It’s almost as though Ram’s more on my side than my father’s side. That’s something.

Ram sighs. “Has nothing good come of this trip, then?”

I fling my arms wide, shrugging dramatically. “I found out my dad keeps secrets from me, but then, I already knew that. You? It’s been a terrible trip for you. Your dog died, you’ve been attacked and pushed to exhaustion, and you’re probably going to disappoint my father by not delivering his daughter.”

“It hasn’t been a terrible trip.”

“Hasn’t it? Your dog died.”

“True. That was a blow. But don’t blame yourself—she was very old. She went down the way she wanted, saving someone she loved. And I don’t mind being attacked, or the exhaustion. Overall, I’d say it’s been a great trip.”

“You’re being sarcastic,” I accuse him, though I’m not sure. He sounds like he’s being honest, even heartfelt.

“I’ve enjoyed myself immensely.”

“You haven’t.”

“I have.”

“What made the trip good?”

Ram grins. Remember, this is the guy who never grins, or only that one time when I got the hang of the butterfly maneuver to butcher the steaks and also, as it turns out, to decapitate the yagi. When Ram grins, it means something. I’m not sure what it means, but something, something big.

The moon is up, nearly a quarter full, so even though the sun has set, there is still light to see. And here in the mountains the air is crisp and clear. “You are bluffing, then,” I accuse him.

But he’s still grinning almost like he can’t help it, and he shakes his head.

I prod further. “There’s been nothing good. It’s all been bad to worse.”

“All of it?” He asks, and now his smile is a knowing smile with a secret behind it, and he calls my bluff and I realize maybe there have been a few good things.

Like waking up on his shoulder this morning in the abandoned castle in the foothills. And the moment I realized he’d taught me the butterfly maneuver so I could decapitate yagi. And, all right, yes, holding tight to his back while he flew me through the starlit sky. That was magical.

But I don’t dare tell him any of that, because it all had to do with him. I can’t very well admit all the good parts were because of him—especially since I’m supposed to be mad at him for keeping secrets from me, and there’s every possibility I might take up Ion’s offer and run away from him yet.

“Ilsa? Anything good?”

“Maybe,” I admit, quickly turning defensive, shining the spotlight back on him. “What was good about the trip for you?”

“Getting to know you better.” He speaks the words clearly, his eyes on mine for only a fraction of the phrase, and then he ducks his head as though embarrassed and walks away.

I watch him kick off his shoes and peel off his shirt, getting ready to change into a dragon. Is it just me, or did he get suddenly shy?

Ram, shy? I guess I’d already figured out he doesn’t like using words as much as he likes communicating with his face. But shy? He seems too invincible, with his massive muscled shoulders too wide to fit through doorways, and the rest of him, all strong and trim and so very fine looking in boxer shorts. He’s a way better butcher than I am, and a way better dragon.

And his favorite part of the whole trip was getting to know me better? Getting to know me was enough to make up for losing Azi?

I review the trip in my mind. My favorite parts were all Ram. And maybe that’s the thing that terrifies me the most about this dragon king plan. I like spending time with Ram. And I don’t want to give that up.

I hoist my backpack onto my back and walk over near him. “Hey, Ram?”

“Yeah?”

“If we ever get to the village, am I going to still see you?”

Ram turns to face me and pulls his backpack on. He’s looking at me, but his face is unreadable. “I come from another part of the mountains. My home is not far, less than half a day’s journey by foot.”

My mouth drops open and I’m about to protest that it’s too far, and I don’t want to be so far from him, but he raises his hand in that signal that says he has something to say. Rather than talk over him and risk that he might decide not to say these words at all, I remain silent.

Ram speaks. “When I spoke earlier, I was out of line. Please forget I said that.”

“Said what?” I’m nearly sure I know what he’s referring to, but I want to be certain, and anyway, it seems weird that he would claim it was out of line for him to say he enjoyed getting to know me better. I mean, it’s a nice, pleasant, un-offensive thing to say, right? Unless it hints at something deeper, which his embarrassment suggests it does.

Ram hangs his head, which is a tad ironic—I mean, this is the strong guy who can fly through the air with me on his back, can decapitate a dozen yagi in under a minute (not that I’ve actually timed him, but I bet he could), whose biceps are as big around as my thighs—and I don’t have twiggy thighs. But he doesn’t throw his weight around to get his way. And right now, he seems genuinely ashamed of stepping out of line.

“I said I enjoyed getting to know you. I should not have spoken so boldly.”

“It’s okay. I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, too.” I expect my words to cheer him up, but he only looks more miserable. Why? Is the paid bodyguard not supposed to make friends with the princess? Is it dishonoring to the dragon king I’m betrothed to? Bloody dragon king.