Draw Me In (30 page)

Heat
pooled in my belly as he pressed me up against the wall. The stone was cold
against my bare shoulders and the disparity in temperature between Leo
’
s body and the wall first ran chills
down to my toes, then blew my skin up with a flush of warmth. I was coated in
thousands of goose bumps that layered every inch of my exposed flesh. It was
almost too much sensation to be felt in such a public setting.
Almost.

As
he drew back slowly, taking my lip with him between his teeth until our heads
were far enough apart that we couldn
’
t
stay connected like this, he murmured in a raspy, strangled breath,
“
You
’
re going to make me say it before you
’
re ready to hear it.
”

I
knew there weren
’
t
any nearby railway stations, but that
’
s
exactly what sounded in my head: a freight train barreling toward us at
breakneck speed. Your heart couldn
’
t
physically leave your chest, but mine had. It leapt into my throat, then took
up residence in my ears, jamming out with my eardrums in a garage band-worthy
beat that I figured even Leo could hear, too.

“
What am I not ready to hear, Leo?
”
I said each word in staccato, right
along with the pounding in my head like it was a metronome directing my speech.

“
That I
’
m in love with you.
”

 
My air got trapped in my chest. For some
indiscernible length of time, I froze
—
not
moving, not speaking, not even thinking. Everything in the world came to a
stop. The cosmos were thrown into utter chaos. For a brief moment, I wondered
how it was possible for everyone around us to continue doing what they were
doing when Leo had uttered those words that completely knocked my world off its
axis.

“
Maybe I
am
ready,
”
I finally exhaled in challenge as I curled my fingers into his scarf and slowly
reeled him closer. We stared. Searching and longing in our eyes. I couldn
’
t shake it, the way he made me feel,
the things he made me do.

So
I didn
’
t
try.

My
mouth slid onto his and the tips of our tongues met first as Leo
’
s fingers dove into my hair, pulling
me to him as he clutched the base of my head with his large hand. He tasted
like cinnamon and when he let out a ragged gasp as my chest pushed into his in
an effort to get even closer, I savored that intoxicating hint of spice that
flooded my mouth.

No
one had told me they loved me in that way before. Unsure, yet still willing to
bear their emotions, not knowing if they would be fully reciprocated. Quite
honestly, I think all of the past
I love
you
’
s
I
’
d
received had been
I love you, too
’
s.
I was quick to give
my heart away, even quicker to declare that the exchange had taken place. I was
always the first to say it, always the first to confess those three little
words. I swear I could
’
ve
even worn a nametag that read,
“
HELLO,
my name is Julie and I love you,
”
for a few years there. I
’
d
craved it, and sometimes in craving something, we lost control.

But
I hadn
’
t
let myself do that with Leo. For as many other ways as I
’
d unintentionally attempted to
sabotage things between us, I wasn
’
t
about to go down in flames in an admission of unrequited love. But the thing
was, it appeared as though it was absolutely requited. From what I could tell,
feel and even taste on my lips, Leo
’
s
heart beat just as strong for me as mine did for him.

The
dawning of this reality bordered on surreal, and I didn
’
t usually do surreal. I was a girl
that was all about realism, but nothing about what we felt was realistic. It
defied all rational thought, all logic and reason. Which only made it stronger
because my past relationships normally didn
’
t operate this way. That things could
be so different with Leo made it all the more true. He was my outlier, my
anomaly. He stood apart from the rest in every best way imaginable.

I
loved him, and I was going to allow myself to feel that love, and to accept the
love he offered me, too. We deserved this. This was our happiness that I
’
d spent all of my life pursuing.

“
Before you say anything back,
”
he began, running his palms up and
down my arms.
“
I
’
m going to stuff your mouth full of
stracciatella so you can
’
t
accidentally utter something you
’
ll
later regret.
”

I
slugged him hard against his chest.
“
You
cannot use ice cream as a gag order, Leo!
”

Ripping
his sunglasses from his eyes, he shot me an accusatory look and gasped,
“
You
did not
just call it ice cream!
”
He couldn
’
t even keep his shock contained
within him and his mouth fell open in response.

“
I believe I did.
”

“
You insult the fine country of Italy
as a whole by doing that, Julie. I suggest you take it back.
”

This
was fun, teasing him in this way. I liked ruffling his feathers in this playful
back and forth of flirtation. I was ready to ruffle some more.
“
I would take it back, if I honestly
believed there was a real difference.
”

“
There
is
a real difference.
”

“
Pot-a-to, pot-ah-to. Ice cream,
gelato. Same thing if you ask me.
”

“
You have no clue what you
’
re talking about,
”
he huffed, though his voice was
strained enough that I could sense this was actually getting him all riled up.
The way he shifted his weight from one foot to the other hinted at the
frustrated energy buzzing through him.

“
Tom-a-to, tom-ah-to. Gelato. It
’
s all the same, really.
”

Leo
’
s lips pursed tightly.
“
You
’
re blurring so many lines here,
Julie. There are distinctions when it comes to things like this.
”

I
smirked.
“
Oh
really? Because to me, it
’
s
all just dessert.
”

He
waited a moment with his blue eyes locked onto mine. I could see the slight
squint in them as something formed just behind their surface, and without
warning, he angled his chin slightly and shifted toward me steadily until our
lips met. Rotating my own head the opposite direction, I softly pushed my mouth
deeper onto his. There was that pressing in, then drawing away, shifting your
angle and then pressing in again that defined a kiss, repeated a few times in
intensity and length. It only lasted a few short seconds, but it was sweet and
I savored the purity in it.

“
That was ice cream.
”
He swept one more chaste kiss across
my mouth.
“
This,
”
he started, leaning down toward me
so his eyes were so close it was hard to look into them. I couldn
’
t gain focus.
“
This is gelato.
”

 
It began the same. But things quickly
changed as Leo
’
s
lips took control of mine with a passion and heat that our previous kiss
lacked. The force of his tongue at the opening of my mouth. The way it trailed
along my full bottom lip to tease it open. My heart fluttered and drew sweat
into my palms. We did that same dance as earlier, the pushing in and pulling
back, but this time his warm tongue accompanied the movements, along with his
palms that ran along the edges of my waist, lighting on the heaving curve of my
breasts as they trailed up to my shoulders. While he continued ravaging my
mouth with his, Leo slid his hands up toward my neck and gripped onto it,
thumbs stroking along my jawline, using them to tilt and angle my head in the
desired direction. I lost all sense of being as his tongue snaked in and out of
my mouth and his lips sucked on my own to the point of numbness.

I
’
d temporarily forgotten that we were
in the middle of a crowded street, and had he instigated, I would have let him
take me right here. That was hot.

But
then he stopped.

As
Leo abruptly broke our connection, he spoke with a trembling chest and choppy
breath.
“
See?
”
he asked, his lips plump and
swollen.
“
There
’
s definitely a difference.
”

“
I don
’
t know,
”
I whispered against his warm lips.
My heart thundered in my chest, my ears, even in the tips of my fingers. Leo
’
s did the same, and I could see the
vein in his neck pulsing erratically as his breathing slowed back down. What
had he just done? I was pretty sure he
’
d
melted that entire case of gelato in the shop across from us. We were going to
have to pay for that.

“
Like I said before,
”
I grinned, my mouth now on his so he
could feel the flirtatious curl of it, along with the words that seeped out. I
nipped at his lips one more time and whispered,
“
The way I see it, it
’
s pretty much all dessert.
”

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

“
There
’
s a 25 percent chance Leo
’
s getting shit-faced tonight.
”
Walker leaned back so far in his
patio chair that I swear I heard the back legs start to crack. His head would
be cracking against the stone wall behind him if he kept that up, too.
“
And a 78 percent chance that I
’
ll be joining him.
”

I
didn
’
t
get Walker. I
’
d
tried to over the past three hours as we dined and celebrated Leo together
along with his other friends and family, but he remained an enigma. Which was a
word that I
’
d
learned the hard way. Never mix up enigma with enema. They are most definitely
not the same thing.

So
yeah, Walker confused me like that. I knew Leo said he was always readying for
the part, but I couldn
’
t
figure out his most recent fascination with percentages. He literally had a
running commentary on every interaction tonight that involved numbers and
statistics. Maybe he was studying to play a mathematician or a strategist in an
upcoming show. That was the only way even 50 percent of what he said made any
sense.

“
Why is Leo getting drunk?
”
Ian asked, his fingers around the
slender stem of his wine glass. He took a slow sip and settled it onto the
brick ledge behind him.

The
four-course meal that Ian and Gio spent all afternoon preparing had been
cleared from the outside tables while we waited for dessert to be brought out.
I
’
d only been in the vineyard during
the day prior to this, and it took on an entirely different aura now that the
sun had winked its last rays.

White
lights were strung across the patio, dotting the sky in what looked like
hundreds of flashing stars. There was a large fire pit crackling and popping to
my left where several partygoers gathered to keep warm from the evening chill,
leaning back in Adirondack styled chairs. They held their hands over the
flames, rotating from their palms to the backside of them, back and forth like
a rotisserie. Yellows and oranges danced along every vertical surface. The
outdoors were alive with chatter and warmth.

It
was a quaint, yet festive celebration, equipped with a traditional Italian duo
of a man with a guitar and another with a voice to make your knees weak. Leo
had been making the rounds for the past hour, being sure to spend some time
with each person in attendance. I thought it would be a small gathering, and I
supposed it still was relatively small with between thirty and forty dinner
guests, but something about watching him interact with all of these people made
me feel like I was glimpsing what it would be like on our wedding day as he
greeted and exchanged pleasantries with each of our attendees.
“
Thank
you for sharing this special day with us,
”
he would say.
“
We
’
re so glad you could be a part of our
joy.
”
I knew it was crazy to think this far ahead, but my mind no longer listened to
the logic in my brain. It didn
’
t
reside in the here and now. My heart had truly taken over, and my heart was a
future-minded thing.

“
I said there was only a 25 percent
chance of that happening,
”
Walker slurred in a cocky tenor, much too long after Ian
’
s initial question. I realized there
was a 100 percent chance Walker was already wasted.
“
But there was also only a 25 percent
chance he
’
d
make it to see this birthday, so maybe those odds are better than they seem.
”

It
was a good thing I didn
’
t
have anything in my hands when he said it, because it would have gone crashing
to the floor. Along with everything else.

“
What do you mean?
”

I
exchanged a nervous glance with Ian, who immediately placed a calming hand upon
my knee.

“
His cancer.
”
Walker
’
s shoulder sagged and his head fell
to the side.
“
Damn.
He hadn
’
t
told you?
”

“
No,
”
I shook my head.
“
No, he had.
”
My lower lip quivered and I bit hard
on it with my teeth to mask the tremble.
“
I
just hadn
’
t
realized
—”

“
Leo was given a 25-78 percent chance of
surviving five years past the last reoccurrence.
”
Walker rolled the lip of his beer
bottle between his fingers. While the rest of us drank wine, Walker didn
’
t seem to discriminate when it came
to the form of alcohol he consumed. And beer seemed to suit him better in my
opinion.

“
Those actually seem like pretty good
odds,
”
Ian suggested, looking to me for approval.

“
Right,
”
Walker agreed. He tipped the bottle
to his lips and took a long pull.
“
But
those were the same odds his mother was given and she died three weeks after
hearing them.
”

My
stomach lurched.

From
across the courtyard, Leo
’
s
gaze caught my eye. He was bent down talking to a middle-aged couple, his hands
hooked on the older gentleman
’
s
shoulders, and though he was engaged in conversation with them, his eyes locked
with mine. Communicated with me. I covered my face with a smile and pretended
that I hadn
’
t
just heard one of the most tragic statistics yet.

“
Honestly,
”
Walker began, his foot pushing off
of the table so he rocked back onto the hind legs of the chair again. The
housekeepers were going to be cleaning his blood off of that wall, I was sure
of it.
“
I
don
’
t
think Leo thought he
’
d
live to see this day. He was much more focused on those 25 percent odds than
the 78. That
’
s
why he waited the very last minute to plan the party.
”

“
Who said he had anything to do with
the planning?
”
Her voice greeted us before she did, with her Jessica Rabbit hips swaying side
to side under her jet-black cocktail dress. Sofia sashayed up to Walker and
draped her arms around his neck from behind. She seemed just as intoxicated as
he was, and I wondered if Ian and I were the only sober ones left at the party.
“
I
’
m
responsible for
putting this bash together, along with some culinary help from Ian and Gio.
”
She pursed her bright red lips. She
batted her eyes like they had wings.
“
You
know Leo doesn
’
t
like to do anything that makes him the center of attention. Which is so very
different from his best friend,
”
she crooned, leaning in closer to his ear. It almost felt inappropriate to
watch the two of them.
“
You
know, that one that always has to be center stage.
”

“
And so very different from his
ex-fianc
ée
.
”
Walker smoothed his blond hair and
glanced up at Sofia
’
s
rounded eyes. His sarcasm was thick.
“
You
’
re not any better, Sofia. That little
swimming pool spectacle several years back?
”

I
prayed to God they wouldn
’
t
elaborate, but that request line must have been busy because my wish obviously
didn
’
t
get through.

“
It came untied, Walker!
”
Sofia feigned innocence. I feigned
sanity as I crinkled my nose and shut my eyes, somehow hoping in doing so I
could keep the words from traveling through my ears. But the damn girl kept
talking.
“
I
didn
’
t
realize you all would come back from your slingshot excursion so early. I was
sunbathing!
”

“
Of course you didn
’
t,
”
Walker smirked, downing the
remainder of his drink in one long swallow. His lips flipped inward and he
smacked them loudly.
“
There
is no way you could have heard all twenty of us heading back to the pool. Us
guys are known for how quiet we are. Like cats. Or better yet, like a Prius.
Those damned things sneak up on you like panthers.
”

Sofia
didn
’
t
add any more words to her denial and just shrugged her slender shoulders in a
quick acquiescence of defeat.

“
Not that I had a problem with it at
all,
”
he droned on. Walker angled his head back toward her, but her chest was in his
direct line of sight.
“
In
fact, I think you should try to make that happen again
—”

“
I
’
m gonna go get something to drink!
”
I jumped from my chair, pressing my
hands to my knees to push off to stand.

Ian
looked up at me as if to ask if I wanted company and I waggled my head at him.
He mouthed
‘
You
sure?
’
and I nodded once more. I needed to get away from Walker
and Sofia. I needed some alone time.

Sober
Sofia was acutely endearing. Drunken Sofia was a slut. I didn
’
t like the thought of Leo ever being
with her, and though I tried not to let my mind wander there, it didn
’
t do a good job staying put. It had
trespassed into dangerous territory with that one.

“
Would you excuse me for one moment,
”
I overheard Leo say to that same
couple he had been talking with earlier. Meeting my eyes, he wove through the
chairs and tables and headed my direction. I loved the casual, yet polished
look he wore with his white linen shirt and fitted navy slacks. This man had
the fashion sense of a GQ model and the body to match.

I
stood at the small outdoor bar along the wall of the Villa and filled my empty
glass with the Chianti that so badly messed me up just a few nights ago. Though
it had only been a day since I completed my Renaldo sketch, Leo and his team
had been hard at work designing the new label, and they even had a few
prototypes already adhered to the bottles we were drinking from. It was surreal
to see a piece of mine on something so prestigious. And you know what? I
decided I really liked the surreal. Since I wasn
’
t sure I
’
d ever get used to the fact that any
of this was
really
happening to me, I
’
d just have to accept that things in
my life might be surreal for as long as Leo was in it.

“
You having a good time?
”
Leo asked, his voice low and
thoughtful. He came up behind me and dropped his hands onto my hips and spoke
into the shell of my ear.
“
Or
is Walker up to his old antics again?
”

“
If by antics you mean flirting shamelessly
with Sofia while consuming copious amounts of alcohol, then yes, he
’
s up to them. Knee deep in them
actually.
”

“
I
’
m sorry.
”
His voice was apologetic.
“
He
’
s a little rough around the edges,
but at the heart of it he
’
s
a quality guy.
”

I
drained the contents of the bottle into the glass and settled it back down onto
the bar. I sighed.
“
Oh
I don
’
t
doubt that. I like him. And honestly, I even like Sofia, as much as I want to
dislike her. I just didn
’
t
want to hear any more of her topless sunbathing stories.
”