Draw Me In (25 page)

When I could stand without feeling like the ground was sliding around beneath me, I started walking. The administration building wasn’t far. I’d tell them everything that had happened and put in for another adviser. They couldn’t make me keep him if he made me uncomfortable, right?

The secretary I spoke with wasn’t exactly impressed with my explanation of how Dr. Fields had acted. “So, you’re saying that he almost touched you.”

I sighed, my palms flat against her desk as I leaned closer. I hated explaining out in the middle of the administration building’s lobby, but I hadn’t known where to go. My request at the registrar’s office for a new adviser had taken me to the college president’s personal secretary, for some reason. I didn’t think the president, Mrs. Grant, would much care who my adviser was, but I’d been told this was the way I had to go. “You’re missing the point. He was standing too close to me, and his hand was within an inch of my face. I had to jump over a freaking chair to get out of his office.”

The secretary frowned, glancing over her shoulder at the closed door of the college president’s office. “Dr. Fields has been here for years. We’ve never had anyone complain about him before.”

I wanted to bark an incredulous laugh, but I kept a lid on it. I dug the toe of my shoe into the expensive-looking Oriental carpet and looked up at the large brass chandelier as I responded. “That’s not my fault. He makes me uncomfortable, and I want a new adviser. And if you don’t help me, then I’m sure I could call the cops and complain about sexual harassment.”

The president’s door opened then, and Mrs. Grant came out, talking on her cellphone. I started to wave her down, but the secretary interrupted. “Be quiet!” she hissed at me, glancing over her shoulder at the president. The white-suited woman walked straight down the hallway without even glancing at me. “We handle all complaints in-house. I’m sure I can transfer you to another adviser. What’s your major?”

“Graphic design,” I said.

“Here. Graeme Withers has an opening.” The secretary yanked open a drawer. The sound echoed in the otherwise quiet room. “Here’s the information.”

“Thank you,” I said, the words dripping from my mouth with sincerity I didn’t feel at all. “You’ve been incredibly helpful.”

I took the form and left the administration building, still not sure what else to do. The awful feeling hadn’t left yet. My stomach felt like it was lodged somewhere between my chest and my tonsils. I glanced at my watch and sighed. Ten minutes late to my next class. I’d have to figure it out later.

Taking off at a dead run, I headed for calculus.

Neill

As I cleaned up my last tattoo of the day, I couldn’t help but admire the design. A steampunk owl, complete with goggles and surrounded by clockwork gears, seemed to fly off the girl’s back.

“Now, you’ll need someone to help you wash this, since it’ll be tough for you to reach. Keep it clean and dry, you know the drill.” As I finished explaining the aftercare, my client tied the strings to her halter. Together we went through the empty lobby, stopping at the front desk. I nodded toward Hailey. “Hailey here helped me with the design. The clockwork around the owl was her addition.”

“I love it so much,” the client said with a huge grin as she handed her credit card to Hailey. “I can’t thank both of you enough.”

“No problem,” Hailey said in the somber voice I’d come to despise over the afternoon. I gave her a look but then had to turn my attention back to the customer. Once we’d finished and the customer had gone, I folded my arms and looked down at my apprentice. “Are you going to tell me what’s up with you today? You look like someone kicked your puppy.”

Hailey didn’t look at me, just kept typing the payment information into the computer. “Nothing, really. Sorry. Just tired.”

I stalked over to the neon sign and yanked the cord to shut it off.
Just wait a minute before you shoot off your mouth. Breathe.
I flicked the lock on the front door, then turned back to her. “There’s no need to lie to me. I can see on your face that something’s definitely not right.”

She shook her head. “It’s nothing you can help me with. Besides, I’ve taken care of it. Not a problem anymore.” Her smile was overly bright, too big to be real.

I raked a hand through my hair and sighed, letting it go. “Okay. Up to you.” I turned to head back into my studio and clean up for the night. Her call stopped me.

“Hey, Neill? Want to grab a bite to eat when we’re done?” Her voice was hopeful, and the actual emotion there was a huge relief.

“You got it.” I nodded. “Wherever you want. My treat.”

Idiot, now it’s going to look like a date.

“Like I give a fuck,” I said to myself as I shoved past my studio door. I’d been in over my head for a while now.

When we’d finished closing the shop down, Hailey climbed on the back of the bike behind me, a red helmet on her head. I’d told her it was an extra helmet, and she’d seemed to believe it. I didn’t want her to know I’d gone out and bought the damn thing brand-new for her, then dragged it across the gravel a couple of times to scuff up the finish and age it a little. She didn’t need to know it was hers. She might read something into it. I didn’t like the idea of her wearing a helmet that didn’t fit. I needed to keep her safer than that.

We ate a quickie dinner at a fast-food joint between the shop and my house, not saying much. I had hoped I could cheer her up, but even away from the shop, I wasn’t sure what to say. With fake plants and gaudy colors around us, canned music pumping through tinny speakers, it wasn’t the best place for a heart-to-heart, I had to admit. All my questions got deflected or went unanswered. By the time we finished eating and got back on the bike, I’d settled on another strategy.

I drove her straight to my house. Once we’d stopped in my garage, I cut the engine, grabbing her hand to help her off the bike. Hand in hand, we walked through the warm spring evening, straight through my front door. I never dropped her hand, not until we were in the darkness of my bedroom. I took her in my arms there, and she melted in to me almost instantly. She burrowed her face into my chest and wrapped her arms around me, holding tightly, like she was afraid to let go.

I didn’t move, just held her back, resting my chin on top of her head. Whatever was wrong was eating her up, and she needed this. Maybe I’d been going about this comfort thing all wrong. Maybe all she needed was this. Us being together, no words, just whatever this was between us.

When she pulled back, looking up at me through the darkness, I didn’t hesitate. I kissed her. She kissed me back, opening her mouth, begging for more. I lifted her in my arms, and she wrapped her legs around my waist. Turning, I sat on the bed with her straddling my lap, kissing her all the while. She ran her hands beneath my shirt, feeling as far up as she could reach until I lifted the light cotton over my head, breaking our kiss just long enough to remove it.

“Neill,” she whispered as she clutched the muscles of my arms. “You feel so good.”

“So do you,” I whispered back, running my hands under her tank. She lifted her arms and I pulled it free, tossing it aside. Her bra followed a moment later, and I let myself kiss and fondle the beautiful breasts that were so close to my face. A long finger of light fell across the bed from the hallway, giving just enough illumination to let me see the beauty that was Hailey. She raised up on her knees to give me better access, straddling my hips.

When she pushed me back and lay atop me, rubbing against my erection, I thought I’d died and gone to heaven. But when she unbuttoned my jeans, sliding them down my hips, and removed my boxers, I knew I’d finally arrived. Her mouth closed over me, and I fought to keep myself calm. As she worked me, up and down, it was a battle I nearly lost.

“Come here,” I said, pulling her up to me. She did as I asked, lying on my chest, her hair falling around us like a silky chocolate curtain. I kissed her again, gripping her hips, and I cursed her jeans for getting in the way. With a quick movement, I flipped her on the bed and removed the last barriers of clothing. I grabbed a condom from the bedside drawer, and an instant later I was pushing into her, both of us gasping with pleasure.

I set the rhythm and she matched it, and we ran headlong for that peak. When she reached it, I followed, and we exploded from pleasure at the same time.

I rolled to the side, gathering her close to my chest. Her face pressed against my thumping heart, and I realized something.

I didn’t want to let her go. Not now, not ever. The thought was terrifying, but not the way it had been before. Now the fear came from something far more insidious.

I had to tell her the truth.

Waiting several minutes for our breathing to even out, I rehearsed what I’d say. There was too much at stake to screw up. I’d have to be careful.

When I was sure she’d recovered, I spoke. “Hailey?”

“Hmm?”

I propped up on an elbow so I could look down at her. The light from the hallway fell just below her head; her eyes shone in the darkness. “I need to tell you something.”

“What is it?” Her eyes went wide, worried. I hated that I’d done that to her.

“You know that I lived with Karl for a while, right?”

She nodded. But her gaze was too much. I’d need to do something different to get all this out. I lay back down and pulled her close. She went without complaint, nestling under my arm against my chest. I stared at the ceiling, rubbing her arm gently as the words fought their way out. “I did that because of my dad. I had to get out of that house. He was into drugs. Heavy shit. Heroin, meth—you name it, he did it.” When the memories threatened to drag me down, I fought them by holding her closer against me. “He’d get violent. My mom was long gone by then, and it was just me to be his punching bag. As soon as I was old enough, I got out. I found Karl, and he put me up, and eventually he taught me how to tattoo.”

Hailey’s arm snaked across me, squeezing me back as tightly as I was squeezing her. “I’m so sorry, Neill.”

“That’s not it.” Not even close. And this was by far the harder thing to admit. “I’d been tattooing on my own for about a year when I met Gretchen. I fell for her without knowing much about her. It didn’t take long before I figured her out, too.” My voice got bitter, got hard, but I fought the words and eventually won. “She became just like him. She got into drugs, Hailey. She stole money from me to buy drugs, she was in trouble all the time. Then she’d get clean, she’d cry, she’d apologize, and I’d forgive her. It happened like that over and over and over again.”

I clung to Hailey, trying like hell to stay in the moment and not travel back to the past. “She got tossed in prison, and that was it for me. I told her I couldn’t do it anymore. But I loved her, Hailey. I really thought I’d loved her.”

Hailey removed her arm from around me, and my heart broke a little. Of course, I couldn’t blame her.

She pressed her hand against my chest and lifted over me, staring down at me in the darkness. “Neill, I’m not Gretchen. I’m different. I can’t imagine ever hurting you like that. Not when I . . .” Her voice faltered, just for a second, before returning even stronger. “Not when I love you so much.”

She kissed me then, and I accepted it gratefully. Hailey was incredible. She knew the worst things that had ever happened to me and she still cared about me.

No, loved me.

Neither of us slept much at all that night.

Chapter Twenty-two

Hailey

I didn’t realize I’d been humming to myself until I sat down next to Brian in religion class. Though the lecture hall was starting to get crowded, there wasn’t anyone else in our general vicinity. At my extra-cheerful greeting, he looked over at me with a confused expression.“Somebody’s really happy today.”

I hung my bag on the back of the chair and smiled over at him. “Why shouldn’t I be happy?” The memory of being in Neill’s arms warmed my cheeks, and I was sure my blush was obvious. But over the past five days or so, I’d spent every moment I could with him. He hadn’t said he loved me, too, but I could wait. His actions were proof enough.

“That assignment was a huge pain in the ass, and it counts for half our exam grade.” Brian tapped the paper-clipped pile of papers atop his green notebook. “I guess maybe it was easy for you?”

My fluttering heart stopped dead. “What assignment?” I dug in my bag for my notebook, realizing too late that it wasn’t there.
Really?
Shooting Brian a panicked look, I froze. “Oh my God, my notebook, the assignment pages were in there. I dropped it. I never got it back. I am in so much shit right now.”

Brian shook his head sympathetically. “Sorry I ruined your mood. But yeah, this assignment took me three days. I was all over the freaking library looking for help. Making us use paper sources is just barbaric.”

I slumped forward, resting my forehead directly on the cold wood of the desk.
Shit. Shit, shit, shit
. This was not good. I’d been struggling a little in religion before, but now? I’d have to beg the professor for more time after class. And if I knew Professor Falk, that would be a near impossibility. She’d read me the riot act the last time I’d begged her for a favor.

Class began, and my stomach churned as assignments were passed forward. I dutifully handed them over to the next student without adding one to the pile. Sweat broke out along my forehead as I recounted all the times I could have gone to track down my notebook, could have contacted the professor for another copy, could have thought about school or done anything to prevent this from happening.

Every single one of those times I’d been at the shop or with Neill.

As the professor started the review for the exam, I paid strict attention, scribbling notes on a piece of loose notebook paper. I’d have to ace the next part of the exam or I’d fail this stupid class. So I drank in every word, scribbling notes in the margins when I ran out of space in the lines. I’d moved on to a piece of sketch paper ripped from my book when the professor dismissed us.

“Thanks, Brian,” I said as he got up to go. “I’m going to see if I can get another day or so to finish.”