Dream Shard (21 page)

“Only if I’m stupid enough to not be realistic, and there is one thing I am, Devon Ross, and that is realistic. It sucks sometimes when a patient comes in and the nurse side of my brain knows it’s a lost cause. But it’s a call a good ER nurse has to make.”

“You won’t have anything of your own if I stay in your life, Kalin.”

“Did someone tell you that?” she challenged.

He paused. “It’s what happened to Heather.”

“Did she ever try to have anything else?” She reached over and turned on the bedside lamp. Devon’s face was harsher than she’d anticipated. There were deep circles under his eyes and lines etched around his mouth.

“How long has it been since you slept?”

“I see you when I sleep, so I get up.”

The strength of his confidence in there being no solution, no future for them almost knocked the breath from her. He reached past her and turned the light back off.

“Someone will note the light and know I’m here,” he said. “They probably already know.”

And it disgusted him. She felt his frustration and shared it.

“Let me tell you another thing about ER nurses…” she forced out over the almost overwhelming defeat. “There are times we try to beat the odds, and every now and then, we do. Which is why we do it, in spite of being written up over the times we fail because we waste resources on cases that are too critical.”

“Kalin, I don’t fit into the rules that govern your world.”

“If you’re expecting me to be grateful you’re breaking up with me for my own good, it’s going to be a long wait. How can you be so ready to give up on your own happiness?”

“Happiness is for normal people.”

“Grace isn’t normal, but she looked pretty happy to me. And you wouldn’t be here if you’d given up completely.”

He opened his mouth but shut it without saying anything. She felt him reaching out to her, sinking into her thoughts.

“I don’t want to feel this way about you.”

“Gee, thanks,” she offered sarcastically. “Should I match that with telling you how much falling down the rabbit hole into your Operative world wasn’t in my plans? Or should I cut past the bullshit and admit it scares me to admit how much you mean to me?”

His lips twitched just a tiny amount. “Actually, I fell into your world. And you’ve turned your back on being an ER nurse, Kalin.”

It was a hard blow, one that set her back. For a moment, all she could feel was the sense of hopelessness that seemed to not belong to either of them but to both.

“Neither of us is willing to face our demons.”

She wanted to argue, wanted to have something to say that would keep him with her.

When the door closed behind him all she was left with was the bitter knowledge that her love wasn’t enough.

Dresner tapped on a coded link and waited for his fingerprint to be scanned. His tablet screen lit up, revealing contact from a deep-cover mole.

Devon Ross has returned to post. Fully recovered. Grace Campbell on post in advanced stage of pregnancy. Sonya Roberts in sight.

Dresner felt a twinge of anticipation. A psychic baby was worth far more than one of its parents. It was a longer-term investment, but the child might be raised to be loyal to whoever bought it. A priceless investment opportunity.

He typed a reply.

Keep me advised of Grace Campbell. Baby is a prime target.

He waited while the message was coded and sent.

Yes, the baby was a prime target.

Kalin didn’t feel any better the next morning.

In fact, she was ready to pull the covers over her head and cry.

No.

She’d been down that road and wasn’t going back. She got up and showered. Her belongings still hadn’t arrived so she decided on her options. The room she was staying in was rather spartan. Bed, desk and chair, small dresser and one end table. The bathroom was just as plain. A single sink and shower stall. But at least it was a private bathroom.

There was a mess hall and a recreation room. She headed out to the recreation room and the row of computers she’d seen there.

It took exactly five minutes at one of the keyboards before Major Gennaro showed up.

He was a master at concealing his feelings, just like Devon, but there was a glint in his eyes that gave him away. He was severely annoyed to be dealing with her. Kalin turned around and fluttered her eyelashes at him.

“Did you come all the way over here to take this off my wrist?” She lifted her right hand up with the electronic tracking beacon. “How nice of you.”

His eyes narrowed. “What are you doing?”

“Ordering some underwear. Since I was brought up here in what I’m wearing, and it looks like you and your Operative are parting company with me. I might be tempted to say you’ve dumped me now that I’m not needed anymore, but that would be a tad emotional. Wouldn’t it? I’m sure an important man such as yourself doesn’t have time for that sort of thing. But since you’re here…”

She stuck her wrist out farther.

The tension lines around his eyes eased and he had the good grace to look a little guilty. He reached down and opened one of the lower pockets on his black vest. He withdrew a slim, rectangular box and cupped her wrist. It chirped when he passed it over the bracelet on her arm and he had to press his thumbprint onto it before the device on her wrist released.

“I guess I should say I’m sorry it ended this way,” he said as he put the bracelet into his fatigue pants pocket.

“Devon made a full recovery. What’s to be sorry about?” She started to turn back around to the keyboard, needing to make a dignified exit, but there were still too many gray areas. “Is there a problem with me getting on with my life?”

“That won’t be up to me.” He pulled a pen and a small notepad out of his vest. He wrote something down. “You were my responsibility as long as you were deemed necessary to my Operative’s recovery.”

“And now?”

“You’ll become General Slynn’s decision. You’re not free to leave the restricted area of post until he says so. The second you sat down here I was notified because there’s a standing order to keep you contained.” His mask cracked for a second. “I should have explained a few things to you yesterday.”

The major stuck the note next to the keyboard. “Packages can be shipped there. They’ll make it to your quarters. I’ll find out where your stuff is and make sure you’re drawing pay since we’re keeping you from earning a living. Use that account number to pay, your cards have all been canceled.”

She started to say thank you but closed her mouth. The polite response felt out of place.

And pathetic.

She wasn’t going to let him see her bleed, so she turned around and faced the computer. He stood behind her for a long moment as she began sifting through the pile of emails clogging her inbox. Holding herself together took more effort than she’d anticipated, but he left at last. She felt the chill of his departure.

It was the only way it could have ended.

But that didn’t change that it sucked.

“What are you doing?”

Kalin jumped, feeling the question as much as she heard it. It was a good thing the chair was one that rotated or she’d have fallen off it as she whipped around to find Sonya.

The girl smiled but creases appeared around her eyes for a moment. “Sorry, I forgot how sensitive you are. Guess my arrival was a little loud.”

She pulled a chair up and sat down next to Kalin. “So, what you up to?”

Kalin pushed back, feeling her way around Sonya’s thoughts. “You already know. The…lab-rat team sent you over.” She recalled Devon’s description. “But feel free to look through bras with me.”

Sonya’s lips curved as she gave a wicked little giggle before mouthing, “Lab-rat team”.

“Oh, they will always insist on watching everything you do,” Sonya answered. But she leaned forward and tapped an ad link that had popped up on the side bar. “But I’d love to look at Victoria’s Secret’s new line. They make me wear standard issue.” She let out a little huff. “It’s enough to make a girl cry.”

“Standard issue, huh?” Kalin moved the mouse so that the newest sets of lingerie were on the screen. “Sounds very blah.”

“It is.” Sonya leaned in but stopped and looked over her shoulder and made a gesture with her hand. “Just telling the boys you’re on the level.”

Kalin turned to see the older major who seemed attached to Sonya watching from across the room with a couple of rough-looking Rangers. Her belly did a little flip as she recalled Gennaro’s warning from the first time she’d met him.

“Make a wrong turn and you’ll regret it…”

“Lovely,” she muttered before turning back to the screen.

Sonya smiled and shrugged. “Wasn’t my idea to come over here, but I’m not sorry. If that makes it any better. You have no idea how hard it is to find girl time around here.”

“I’m getting a feel for that.”

Kalin looked back at the lingerie. It was a far safer topic than addressing how frustrated she felt with Devon cutting her off. He could have addressed the honesty issue but was being a chicken again.

Sonya suddenly laughed. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard Devon described that way.”

“It’s well earned,” Kalin confirmed.

Sonya was sifting through her thoughts. She seemed lost in them for a long moment.

“I think you just might be right.”

Kalin tried to block the girl out, feeling overly exposed as Sonya went right on digging through her intimate thoughts on Devon. Sonya narrowed her eyes in response.

“All right. But you should have a little mercy on me, I’m a virgin stuck in a beef-cake locker. All these prime male specimens and most of them think I’m a voodoo doctor,” she said. “I’m going to die a virgin.”

“Voodoo doctor?”

Sonya shrugged. “Witch, sorcerer, weirdo, mind reader…the list goes on. Grace ignores it better than I do, but she’s a tracker while I’m stuck with being an interrogator. Whispers get out, ya know?”

“I got a few hints from Devon.”

“He’s so closed off…” Sonya looked pensive. “You were good for him.”

“Yeah, well, he thinks he’s protecting me by walking away.”

“And that hurts.”

Kalin tapped the screen to change the subject. “Let’s focus on the problems we can do something about.”

Sonya was sifting through her mind again. Kalin felt her reluctance to drop the subject. Kalin turned her head and faced her. “I’m not going to beg him. No relationship works out when it’s one sided. He has to want to be with me enough to fight for it.”

“He just knows the odds.”

Kalin felt Sonya’s emotions through their linked minds. It wasn’t nearly as strong as the link she had with Devon, but the distinct sense of desolation came through.

“Sonya…you’re too young to feel that way.”

Sonya abandoned the sweet, innocent expression she so often wore. It melted away, exposing a woman that was far more hardened than any eighteen-year-old should be.

“I’m everything they want me to be,” she confirmed. “The perfect Operative for intelligence gathering.”

She fluttered her eyelashes again. “The girl next door and all that crap. Seems I don’t have the features for a femme fatale. So it’s cotton and bows and no profanity…and I’m twenty-four.”

Shit.

Sonya arched an eyebrow as she read the thought crossing Kalin’s mind.

“You’ve met Grace,” Sonya said softly. “Did you really think I wasn’t as expertly trained?”

“Actually, you had me duped.”

Sonya wasn’t pleased with the admission. Instead, her eyes took on a hollow look. “I’m the very thing they deploy me against. A deception, a lie.”

“That sucks.”

Sonya drew in a deep breath and let it out before leaning toward the screen.

“Lorance has a hissy fit when I deviate from standard uniform.” She opened two of the buttons on her top to reveal a bright-pink undershirt. “Things are loosening up for us Operatives, but I still don’t have a bank card to use on the internet.” She glared at the little note Gennaro had left. “I don’t even get to use that slush account because everyone thinks I can’t take care of myself.”

“I feel your pain, sister. These guys have control issues.”

Sonya nodded and pointed at the screen. “I’ll slip you the cash for that one if you’ll order it.”

“Done.”

Sonya smiled but it wasn’t the one she flashed so freely. This one was genuine and a little shy. “Really?”

Kalin selected the set and pulled up the sizing information. “Every girl needs a little lace.”

“In just the right place,” Sonya finished. She tapped one of the pictures. “You need this one, to knock Devon out of his tracks.”

“Interesting idea.” Really interesting actually. Quitting wasn’t sitting very well on her stomach. She selected the set and sent Sonja a conspiratorial look.

“Girl power.”

Sonya Roberts laughed, low and sultry, drawing a couple of curious looks from some of the men on the other side of the recreation lounge. She fluttered her eyelashes to throw them off, but Kalin saw the glitter of anticipation in her light-green eyes.

Oh yeah, girl power it was. If Devon wanted to walk away from her, she was going to make it harder than he was counting on.

Chapter Six

Kalin couldn’t breathe.

The noose was knotted around her neck.

“A sixteen-year commitment would be better.”

In all, there were twenty men sitting at a long table discussing her future.

“I maintain that a full range of tests should be performed on the subject before any decision is made. Her ability to link with other psychics might be evidence of stronger abilities that can be harnessed.”

“I am not a fucking subject to be harnessed,” she exploded. The man in the white lab coat turned to look at her but only blinked. There wasn’t a single hint of remorse on his face for his attitude toward her.

He turned back to the meeting and continued to argue the points of needing to test her.

It was a nightmare.

But one she was awake during.

Boy, her life had certainly changed all right. Night terrors were paling again compared to the world Devon had dragged her into.

“Lab-rat brigade.”
Devon’s words made horrible, nauseating sense. She felt like a butterfly in a net. The team in front of her was deciding just how to pin her inside a shadow box for display.

If she sat at the table a moment longer, she was going to vomit.

At least leaving the room helped clear her head. She stopped at the outside door of the nondescript building the meeting was being held in, but someone came after her. She flipped them off before pushing through the outside doors and making her way across the blacktop. Most of the restricted access area of the base was covered in black tarmac. She felt like her eyes were drying out from the lack of vegetation. Even downtown Los Angeles had more greenery.

And she had nowhere to go.

Kalin stopped, feeling trapped. Her heart was pounding, sweat trickling down her back. A huge fence stood between her and the rest of the base. It was twelve feet high and topped with razor wire. The only exit in sight had armed guards at it.

She was just about ready to try her luck.

“Don’t.”

She jumped, hearing Devon with her ears and her mind. Only it pissed her off, because she was always jumping when he did that.

“Get out of my head,” she ordered, turning to find him closing the distance between them. He was dressed all in black, looking like some sort of special-operations shadow warrior.

He pushed right into her head and she lost control, screaming with frustration before she turned toward the only place she felt she might go.

It was the mess hall for the restricted area of the base. As far as diners went, it was pretty good. Just about anything she might want was served up free of charge.

But one whiff of the inside of it and her belly rolled. So she turned back towards the beverage bar and started to pour herself a cup of coffee. She’d take it one step at a time.

Devon pushed in the door and back into her thoughts.

“Fine.” She faced him before sipping at the coffee. “Want to reconnect? It’s not like I was the one who decided to walk away.”

Major Garrick Gennaro showed up in the doorway right on cue as Devon pulled back out of her thoughts. The other people in the mess hall were clustered in small groups, but they assessed them before dismissing them.

The muscles in her neck felt tight enough to snap. Devon sifted through her thoughts again, like he just couldn’t resist. But his lips thinned and he put up a hard wall between them.

“It’s the way it has to be, Kalin. I explained it to you.”

“So what are you doing in my face now?”

His face darkened. “You’re panicking.”

“So what if I am?” she snarled. “I’m sure one of the lab-coat rats will be along to deal with me. Since you’ve explained to me that we’re not having a relationship, get lost. I’ll deal.”

Pain was flowing through her. The sight of him so close yet so closed off was like a hot knife cutting into her.

“Kalin—”

“Save it,” she snapped. “When you walk away from someone, you don’t have the right to tell them how to feel.”

She headed for the door but felt Devon behind her. His wall was slipping. She felt him reaching for her, felt that familiar touch of his mind, and doubled her stride. She made it through the door of the building and felt his touch recede.

Well, it was better that way.

But she didn’t like it one bit. Tears escaped from her eyes as it took every bit of effort she had to keep walking away from the man she loved.

“You are…what is the word in English? Stupid.”

Devon turned around to face a man that was slightly bigger than himself, happy to have a target. What brought him up short was the way the guy tried to roll right into his head. Devon knew another psychic when he felt it, and this man was one.

A powerful one.

He had dark hair but blue eyes and was built like a linebacker. If there was a soft spot on him, Devon couldn’t see it. Whoever he was, he read Devon’s assessment of him and grinned, showing off two chipped teeth that only added to his hard look.

“Who are you?” Garrick looked their way and started toward them.

“Me?” the man answered with a clear Russian accent. “I am nobody. Officially I am told.”

“This is Jurek Vadik.”

Devon shifted his attention to the major standing off to the Russian’s right. “I’m Major Polke. We’ve been transferred to General Slynn now that—”

“Now that some of your little lab-coat men have decided I am not going to eat your children and pick my teeth with their bones.” He gave a huge smile and pointed at Devon. “I am enjoying the entertainment already. If the rest of you Operatives are as much idiots as you, I am going to think I am at the…fun park…you call it…Disneyland.”

Jurek poured himself a cup of coffee and wrapped the mug in one hand. “What else do you do for fun around here besides being stupid?”

“Nothing.” Sonya came through the door and answered with a little sigh. “So you’re the new guy. Slynn told me to watch out for your charm.”

Jurek set his coffee aside and offered her an innocent look. “How could I be anything less than charming when in the company of so stunning a creature like yourself?” He extended his hand toward her and her cheeks flushed. She placed her hand in his and he lifted it to his lips.

But Major Lorance snagged Sonya’s hand and walked right between them. “Like a daughter to me, Vadik, and she knows when you’re lying to her.”

Sonya went off with her C.O., but not before she looked back at the Russian. “See? Nothing fun ever happens.”

Jurek tilted his head to the side and flattened his hand over his heart. Major Polke cleared his throat, bringing Jurek’s attention back to him. “Would you rather I was as stupid as this one?” He gestured with his thumb at Devon.

“You’re mighty free with your opinions,” Devon remarked, indulging in the urge to let his temper loose.

Jurek’s expression tightened, his teasing demeanor evaporating as he stared Devon down. “What is the point of not being honest when you would know I was lying to you before the words finished crossing my lips? I do think you are stupid, it is not trying to get under your skin bullshit.”

Devon felt some of his temper sizzle out as Jurek retrieved his coffee and watched him through cobalt-blue eyes. “I never asked for your opinion.”

Devon turned toward the door but a crusty chuckle from the Russian stopped him.

“If you have your break up…in the open, expect a critique.”

Devon faced the man and raked him with a hard glare. “I expect you to keep out of my affairs.”

Polke tried to interrupt, but Jurek lifted one finger and pointed at the major. Polke looked undecided as he watched his Operative.

Jurek chuckled again. “I am not the one who cuts the heart of a woman who offers you her devotion.” The Russian left his coffee and stepped up to peer at Devon. “You would willingly spend your future with women who want nothing from you but the pleasure of the flesh. For some men, it is acceptable. But you feel deeper, know the woman you hold in a way only you and I can understand. I say you are stupid for pushing away one who loves you, because love is a rare thing and even rarer is the blessing of being able to embrace it.” He jabbed Devon in the chest. “Stupid man.”

Devon shoved him back, but the Russian’s eyes only lit with growing excitement. Polke tried to step in but it was Gennaro who stopped him.

The urge to take a swing at Jurek was overridden. Devon turned to look at Garrick, trying to decide why his C.O. was suddenly standing back. He went right into his mind searching for the answer. Garrick gritted his teeth but stood still.

“You…agree?” Devon asked incredulously. “Since when?”

“Since I was standing close enough to feel your feelings when Kalin walked out the door.” Garrick locked gazes with him.

Devon felt the blow connect, shattering the façade of excuses he’d built to keep him from seeing just how much Kalin meant to him. It left him facing his need for her and opened up a link between them that let her despair flow straight into him. It twisted his gut. But what made him start after her was the pain it sent through his heart.

“You are…welcome,” Jurek said, but Devon was gone. Polke eyed him with confusion. Garrick gazed at the Russian as Jurek sat and leaned against the wall with one knee bent on the booth seat. “Sometimes…we men, need the—how do you say in English?—kick in the ass.”

His demeanor became pensive, his eyes darkening as he sipped the coffee. Garrick watched him for a long moment, recognizing the look of a man who had dark secrets eating at his soul. The Russian shut everyone out and nursed the coffee.

Garrick found himself alone and facing the fact that he’d helped Devon remain cut off by being his companion. He pulled his phone out and searched through it for Monica’s number.

Devon wasn’t the only stupid one when it came to women.

Kalin opened the door to her quarters without turning on the light. She sent it closed with a hard push and ran into something. She cussed and fumbled for the light switch. Her shin was smarting as the light flooded the room, showing her the ten plastic bins that held her belongings.

“Wonderful.”

“I thought you wanted clean underwear?”

She squealed and turned on Devon, but he was already through the door and closed it with a slam.

“These are my quarters.”

He crossed his arms over his chest, looking impossibly big and hard and everything she craved.

“So tell me to leave.” His tone was impossibly dark and full of promise. Everything she longed for, promising her the sanctuary she needed so badly.

But for how long?

“I don’t know.” He punched the light off and folded her into his embrace in the same motion.

“I don’t know, Kalin.” He crushed her against his chest, seeking out her mouth and claiming it with a hungry kiss.

He didn’t know? Well, she knew how good he felt against her. He dropped his defenses, passion overriding his self-discipline. Their minds mingled, relieving the panic that had been gripping her.

He wasn’t the only one who couldn’t maintain self-discipline when they were together. She reached for him, clawing at his clothing, trying to tear it away and leave her with only the man she craved.

Sometime later, Kalin listened to the sound of Devon’s breathing. She savored the moment, fearing the approach of dawn because she knew daylight would steal him away from her.

She honestly didn’t know how she was going to bear it.

The restricted section of base was a quiet one. It was the place secrets were discussed in dark corners and behind soundproofed walls. The hangars hid classified aircraft and the men who manned them didn’t want to be recognized.

It made it more of a challenge to be a spy. Yet in some ways, it made it simple. A lone figure leaned against a hangar in the shadow as he watched the block of quarters Devon Ross had followed Kalin Smith into. The light was out and there was no doubt what they were doing.

For once, Major Gennaro wasn’t in sight. It was a prime opportunity to gather information on the psychic because he was absorbed with his partner.

But he didn’t want to push his luck. He moved on, making sure to stay away from Sonya Roberts. Intel on her claimed she could spot dishonesty from a hundred yards away. He slipped along the fence line, searching for Grace Campbell. Her baby would give him enough money to live anywhere in the world.

Just one little baby.

If her unit dropped the ball and let her out of their sight, he wouldn’t even have to wait for her to deliver. He could just cut it from her body.

He pulled a large bowie knife from a scabbard strapped to his belt and tested the blade.

Perfect.