Dreams Die First (14 page)

That was the end of it. A moment later she was fast asleep, but I was wide awake. I slipped out of bed quietly, dressed, put the gun back in my belt and stumbled through the dark until I found the door to the veranda.

I opened the door and stepped out. The faint light of dawn shone in the east. I stepped to the railing and lit a cigarette. The morning was cold and I pulled my jacket tight around me. A floorboard behind me creaked. I whirled around, the gun already in my hand.

The man was big and bearded. He was wearing a checked lumberjack shirt tucked into faded work Levi’s. His dark eyes looked down at the gun. His voice was calm. “You can put the gun away. You’re welcome here. I’m Brother Jonathan.”

He smiled. And the warmth of his smile took the edge from his words. “By the way, the next time you color your hair, color your eyebrows to match.”

CHAPTER 20

I shoved the gun back into my belt and he came and stood at my side. “That your car?”

“Yes.”

“It looks as if you were sideswiped by a truck.”

I didn’t answer.

“You’d better put it around back in the barn. The highway patrol comes by here every morning about eight o’clock.” He looked at me. “Are you hiding from the police?”

“No.” At least that was the truth.

“But you are hiding from someone?”

“Yes.” I threw the cigarette into the dirt in front of the house and watched the ashes scatter and die. I made up my mind. This was no place to hang out. Now that daylight was here it all looked too wide open. “Would you give Denise a message for me?”

“A message?” His voice was puzzled.

“Tell her I think it’s better if I leave. Ask her to keep in touch with the office. I’ll be back as soon as everything is okay.” I started down the steps.

“You don’t have to leave, Gareth. You’ll be safe here.”

His words stopped me. “How do you know my name?”

He chuckled. “Don’t worry. I can’t read your mind. Denise called from a motel on the way up here. She said she was bringing you and that no one was supposed to know who you were.”

“She shouldn’t have done that.”

“Don’t be angry with her. One way or another she would have to tell me the truth. We don’t believe in lying to each other.”

“The more people who know who I am, the more dangerous it gets. For everybody. I’d better go.”

“The only name you have to give anyone here is Brother. We’ll keep your secret.”

I didn’t answer.

“Where are you going to go? You look beat. Did you get any sleep at all last night?”

I looked up at him. “In that narrow bed?”

“Narrow bed?” He looked puzzled for a moment; then a broad smile came to his lips. “You were in a very small room? Just a chest of drawers and a closet?”

I nodded. He began to laugh. “What’s so funny?”

“The little fox.” He chuckled. “I told her to take the big room. The one with two beds.”

I stared at him for a moment; then I began to laugh. It seemed that in any generation a woman is a girl is a woman.

“Come,” he said. “Let me give you a cup of coffee and get you to bed. I think I’m beginning to understand why you look so tired.”

I put the car in the barn, then followed him to the kitchen. It was a large room in the rear of the house with an old-fashioned restaurant stove. A kettle of water was already boiling. He made two cups of instant coffee and we sat down at the wooden table.

“You’ll have to get into our routine,” he said, “or else you’ll stick out like a sore thumb.”

“Okay. I don’t want to make waves.”

“Reveille at five, services at five thirty. We’re in the fields working by six o’clock. Lunch is at eleven, then back to work until three thirty. You’ll have free time until six o’clock dinner and be free again until lights out at nine.”

“Sounds like a healthy life.”

“It is. How long do you plan to stay?”

“I don’t know. A couple of weeks at the outside, maybe only a day or two.”

“I’ll have to ask you to leave the gun with me. I’ll return it when you leave.”

I gave it to him and he checked to see if the safety was on, then put it on the table. “That’s an ugly little toy.”

“You know guns?”

“I was a retired cop, wandering around with no purpose in life, until I met Reverend Sam and got religion. Now it’s all worthwhile again.” He looked at me. “Do you believe in God?”

I met his gaze. “Not really.”

A faint sorrow tinged his voice. “Too bad. You’re missing out on something good.”

I didn’t answer.

He looked at his watch. “It’s almost five. I’d better get you to your room before reveille or you’ll never get any sleep. When you wake up, look for me. I’ll be around.”

***

It was past three thirty in the afternoon when I awakened. My own clothes were gone. A checked woolen lumberjack shirt and a pair of Levi’s similar to those worn by Brother Jonathan were draped over a chair. Barefoot, I went into the bathroom and stepped under the shower. There was no hot water and the cold really woke me up. I came out with chattering teeth, rubbing myself vigorously with the rough towel. I had just put on the jeans when the door opened.

Denise came in, smiling. “You’re awake already?”

I nodded.

“I was in about an hour ago. You were still asleep. Brother Jonathan sent this razor for you and an eyebrow pencil.”

I still didn’t speak.

“Are you angry with me?”

“No.”

“You’re not talking.”

“There’s nothing to say.” I took the razor and pencil from her and went back to the bathroom. She came to the door and watched me shave. I saw her face in the mirror. “Your black eye isn’t as bad as I thought it would be.”

“Makeup,” she said. “It’s horrible.” She came toward me. “You want me to do your eyebrows?”

I nodded. I followed her into the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed. She stood in front of me and began to brush the pencil lightly across my brow. I felt the warmth of her and put my hands on her waist. “Why didn’t you bring us to this room?”

She paused and looked down into my face. “I was beginning to feel afraid that you would never make love to me, that you thought I was too much of a child.”

“Are you like that with everyone you want?”

“I never felt like that about anyone else.”

“Why me?”

She moistened the pencil with her tongue and continued brushing. “I don’t know. But every time I’m near you I get so turned on I’m soaking wet.”

“Even now?”

She nodded. “Do you think I’m terrible?”

“No. I just don’t understand, that’s all.”

“Then maybe you never really loved anybody.” She put the pencil down. “I think we’ve done it. Go look in the mirror.”

“We’ve done it,” I said, staring at my strange reflection.

“Brother Jonathan would like you to join him at the fifth-plane meeting this afternoon.”

“When is that?”

“Four o’clock.”

“How long does it last? I have to call Lonergan at six.”

“About an hour.”

“Okay.”

She smiled suddenly. “I’m glad. Now let me get you something to eat. Then we’ll go to the meeting together.”

***

The windowless room was no more than fourteen feet square with a high, beamed ceiling sloping from a central ridge. Six others—three men and three women—were already in the room when we got there. They were seated in pairs, each pair facing a wall on which there was a tall wooden bas-relief of Christ on the cross. The only light came from altar candles in front of each carving.

Following Denise’s example, I took off my shoes outside the door, then went to a spot opposite the far wall and sat down with her on the bare floor. No one looked at us. A moment later I heard a sound at the door. I peeked over my shoulder. It was Brother Jonathan. He was barefoot and wearing a brown cassock that reached his ankles. Silently he closed and locked the door, then crossed to the center of the room and sank to the floor beneath the apex of the ceiling. There was a moment’s silence; then he began speaking.

“Two thousand years ago He walked among us. A man among men. But He was also the Son of God and He came to this earth to expiate our sins and free us of our fears. And it was for our sins and because of our fears that He gave His life on the cross. His tomb was in a small pyramid which had been built by the Jews in their flight from Egypt many thousands of years before. And it was through the apex of this pyramid that God returned life to His only Son and so Jesus arose from His grave, bringing us this message: ‘I have died for you so that you may have the gift of eternal life with me. Give unto me your sins and your faith and you will be with me forever in the kingdom of heaven.’”

There was a soft chorus of “Amens.” Then Brother Jonathan spoke again. “Since that time man has attempted to climb the steps of the pyramid to heaven, but he has fallen by the wayside because of his own weaknesses. It was not until Reverend Sam discovered the Principle of the Seven Planes that the truth became evident. Man could not reach God until he had rid himself of the seven deadly sins—pride, covetousness, lust, anger, gluttony, envy and sloth. The more sins a man has, the lower the level of his existence and the farther his distance from God; the less he has, the higher the level of his existence, the closer he is to God. And it is only from the highest level that man can climb to the apex of the pyramid and stand in God’s pure light. Reverend Sam has shown us that this goal is within reach of all of us. He reaches down to raise us up into God’s pure light. May he continue to shine with God’s blessing. Praise the Lord, Jesus Christ. Amen.”

There was a faint rustle of movement, another chorus of “Amens,” then silence.

Brother Jonathan’s voice was gentle. “All of us come here standing on the fifth plane of the stairway to heaven. There are still five planes to climb before you can reach for the pure light of the apex. We will begin by confessing to ourselves and each other the sin that troubles us most. Who will be the first to confess?”

Denise’s voice broke the momentary silence. “I will, Brother.”

“And the sin you confess, Sister?”

I glanced around the room. No one had turned to look at her. They all sat quietly, hands clasped in their laps, their eyes on the cross in front of them. Denise, too, was focusing on the crucifix.

“I confess to the sin of lust, Brother.”

She closed her eyes and spoke in a hushed voice. “Several weeks ago I met a man. Since I met this man, my body has been on fire, my mind filled with lustful images and desire. When I think of him, my legs become weak and my sex overflows. I lie in bed and masturbate, his image constantly in my mind. In my lust for him I have lain with other men and used their bodies to assuage the desire in my own. Now that I have lain with him I am still not satisfied. My lust for him continues unabated. My only thoughts are of sex. Fornication, fellatio, cunnilingus, sodomy. I am a slave to my lust, unable to think of anything else.”

Her voice faded away and she bowed her head. I could see that she was weeping. After a moment she added in a small voice, “I confess to my sin and pray to God for His guidance.”

“We will join in a moment of prayer with our sister,” Brother Jonathan said. For a moment there was the hushed murmur of voices; then Brother Jonathan spoke again. “In the eyes of God there is only love, Sister, and love takes many forms, love of the body as well as of the spirit. There are times that there is no other way to express this love except with the body. Examine your heart carefully, Sister. Is it possible that you truly love this man?”

Her voice was low. “I don’t know, Brother. Until now all that I have felt has been physical. I know that he does not desire me as much as I desire him, but that does not dampen my desire. Even now, as I speak of it, my sex overflows and I am burning with desire.”

“Are you ready to communicate these desires to the kinetic conductor?”

“Yes, Brother.”

“Then come to me, Sister.”

Denise rose to her feet slowly, her eyes half closed as if she were almost asleep. She turned and moved toward Brother Jonathan, unbuttoning her shirt as she walked. When she reached him, she took off her shirt and a moment later her jeans. Then she lay down naked in front of him.

“Sister Mary and Sister Jean will take Sister Denise’s hands and feet. The others will turn toward us and join in our prayers.”

Two of the girls rose and went to Denise. Each of them kissed her on the mouth. Then one sat cross-legged at her head, holding her hands; the other sat at her feet, holding her ankles. I glanced at the others. Their faces were thoughtful, not curious. Apparently this was something they had all been through before.

Brother Jonathan moved and next to him I saw what looked like a small transformer. In his hand he was holding something that resembled a glass wand a little less than a foot long. A black cable ran from the wand to the transformer, which he was now adjusting. There was a crackle, then a spark of blue light in the wand. A moment later there was a faint odor of ozone in the air. The light in the wand grew steady and cast a strange pale color over their faces. The crackling sound was somewhat louder.

Brother Jonathan held the wand high over his head. “O Lord! In the name of thy son, Jesus Christ, I beg of you. Listen to the communication of our sister in sin as she speaks to you through the force of the energy with which you give us life.”

“Amen.” The chorus of voices was stronger now.

Brother Jonathan brought the wand down slowly. Denise’s eyes were closed; she didn’t move. “Are you ready, Sister?”

“I am ready, Brother,” she whispered.

He touched her right arm with the wand. The crackling noise increased, her arm twitched for a moment, but then she was still. Slowly he traced her arm to the shoulder, then her other arm. It wasn’t until the wand began to approach her breasts that she started to move. Squirming slightly, at first, then thrusting her body up toward the wand almost orgasmically. Finally, she began to moan and I knew what she was feeling. I had heard the same moans coming from her last night while we were in bed.

The nipples burst forth as the wand touched her breasts, and she was thrashing around wildly. Now I knew why the two girls were there. If it weren’t for them, there would have been no way to hold her down.