Dreamsnake (18 page)
Snake turned back to Melissa. For a moment the child stared at her, ghostly
pale in the dim light. Suddenly she spun away and fled.
Snake jumped out of bed and followed her. Sobbing, Melissa fumbled at the
door and got it open just as Snake reached her. The child plunged into the
hallway, but Snake caught up to her and stopped her.
“Melissa, what’s wrong?”
Melissa hunched away, crying uncontrollably. Snake knelt and hugged her,
drawing her slowly around, stroking her hair.
“It’s all right, it’s all right,” Snake murmured, just to have something to
say.
“I didn’t know, I didn’t understand
…
” Melissa
jerked away from her. “I thought you were stronger—I thought you could do what
you want, but you’re just like me.”
Snake would not let go of Melissa’s hand. She led her into one of the other
guest rooms and turned up the light. Here the floor was not heated, and the
stone seemed to pull the warmth out through the soles of Snake’s bare feet. She
dragged a blanket off the neat bed and wrapped it around her shoulders as she
took Melissa to the window seat. They sat down, Melissa reluctantly.
“Now. Tell me what’s wrong.”
With her head down, Melissa hugged her knees to her chest. “You have to do
what they want, too.”
“I don’t
have
to do what anybody wants.”
Melissa looked up. From her right eye, the tears slid straight down her
cheek. From the left, the ridges of scar tissue led tear-tracks sideways. She
put her head down again. Snake moved nearer and put an arm around her shoulders.
“Just relax. There’s no hurry.”
“They
…
they do things
…
”
Snake frowned, totally confounded. “What things? Who’s ‘they’?”
“Him.”
“Who? Not Gabriel!”
Melissa nodded quickly without meeting her gaze.
Snake could not imagine Gabriel hurting anyone deliberately. “What happened?
If he hurt you, I’m sure it was an accident.”
Melissa stared at her. “He didn’t do anything to
me
.” Her voice was
contemptuous.
“Melissa, dear, I haven’t understood a word you’ve said. If Gabriel didn’t do
anything to you, why were you so upset when you saw him? He’s really very nice.”
Perhaps Melissa had heard about Leah and was afraid for Snake.
“He makes you get in his bed.”
“That’s my bed.”
“It doesn’t matter whose bed! Ras can’t find where I sleep, but sometimes
…
”
“Ras?”
“Me and him. You and the other.”
“Wait,” Snake said. “Ras makes you get in his bed? When you don’t want to?”
That was a stupid question, she thought, but she could not think of a better
one.
“Want to!” Melissa said with disgust.
With the calmness of disbelief, Snake said carefully, “Does he make you do
anything else?”
“He said it would stop hurting, but it never did
…
”
She hid her face against her knees.
What Melissa had been trying to say came clear to Snake in a rush of pity and
disgust. Snake hugged Melissa, patting her and stroking her hair until
gradually, as if afraid someone would notice and make her stop, Melissa slipped
her arms around Snake and cried against her shoulder.
“You don’t have to tell me any more,” Snake said. “I didn’t understand, but
now I do. Oh, Melissa, it’s not supposed to be like that. Didn’t anybody ever
tell you?”
“He said I was lucky,” Melissa whispered. “He said I should be grateful he
would touch me.” She shuddered violently.
Snake rocked her back and forth. “He was lucky,” she said. “He’s been lucky
no one knew.”
The door opened and Gabriel looked in. “Snake—? Oh, there you are.” He came
toward her, the light glinting off his golden body. Startled, Melissa glanced
toward him. Gabriel froze, shock and horror spreading over his face. Melissa
ducked her head again and held Snake tighter, shaking with the effort of
controlling her sobs.
“What—?”
“Go back to bed,” Snake said, even more harshly than she had meant to but
less harshly than she felt toward him right now.
“What’s going on?” he asked plaintively. Frowning, he looked at Melissa.
“Go away! I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
He started to protest, saw Snake’s expression change, cut off his words, and
left the room. Snake and Melissa sat together in silence for a long time.
Melissa’s breathing slowly grew quieter and more regular.
“You see how people look at me?”
“Yes, dear. I see.” After Gabriel’s reaction Snake hardly felt she could
paint any more rosy pictures of people’s tolerance. Yet now Snake hoped even
more that Melissa would decide to leave this place. Anything would be better.
Anything.
Snake’s anger rose in a slow, dangerous, inexorable way. A scarred and hurt
and frightened child had as much right to a gentle sexual initiation as any
beautiful, confident one, perhaps a greater right. But Melissa had only been
scarred and hurt and frightened more. And humiliated. Snake held her and rocked
her. Melissa clung contentedly to her like a much younger child. “Melissa
…
”
“Yes, mistress.”
“Ras is an evil man. He’s hurt you in ways no one who wasn’t evil would ever
hurt anyone. I promise you he’ll never hurt you again.”
“What does it matter if it’s him or somebody else?”
“Remember how surprised you were that someone tried to rob me?”
“But that was a crazy. Ras isn’t a crazy.”
“There are more crazies like that than people like Ras.”
“That other one is like Ras. You had to be with him.”
“No, I didn’t. I invited him to stay with me. There are things people can do
for each other—”
Melissa glanced up. Snake could not tell if her expression was curiosity or
concern, her face was so stiff with the terrible scars of burning. For the first
time Snake could see that the scars extended beneath the collar of the child’s
shirt. Snake felt the blood drain from her face.
“Mistress, what’s wrong?”
“Tell me something, dear. How badly were you burned? Where are the scars?”
Melissa’s right eye narrowed; that was all she could make of a frown. “My
face.” She drew back and touched her collarbone, just to the left of her throat.
“Here.” Her hand moved down her chest to the bottom of her rib cage, then to her
side. “To here.”
“No farther down?”
“No. My arm was stiff for a long time.” She rotated her left shoulder: it was
not as limber as it should have been. “I was lucky. If it was worse and I
couldn’t ride, then I wouldn’t be worth keeping alive to anybody.”
Snake released her breath slowly with great relief. She had seen people
burned so badly they had no sex left at all, neither external organs nor
capacity for pleasurable sensation. Snake thanked all the gods of all the people
of the world for what Melissa had told her. Ras had hurt her, but the pain was
because she was a child and he was a large and brutal adult, not because the
fire had destroyed all other feeling except pain.
“People can do things for each other that give them both pleasure,” Snake
said. “That’s why Gabriel and I were together. I wanted him to touch me and he
wanted me to touch him. But when someone touches another person without caring
how they feel—against their wishes!” She stopped, for she could not understand
anyone twisted enough to turn sexuality into assault. “Ras is an evil man,” she
said again.
“The other one didn’t hurt you?”
“No. We were having fun.”
“All right,” Melissa said reluctantly.
“I can show you.”
“No! Please don’t.”
“Don’t worry,” Snake said. “Don’t worry. From now on nobody will do anything
to you that you don’t want.”
“Mistress Snake, you can’t stop him. I can’t stop him. You have to go away,
and I have to stay here.”
Anything would be better than staying here, Snake had thought. Anything. Even
exile. Like the dream she had been searching for, the answers slipped up into
Snake’s mind, and she laughed and cried at herself for not seeing them sooner.
“Would you come with me, if you could?”
“Come with
you?”
“Yes.”
“Mistress Snake—!”
“Healers adopt their children, did you know that? I didn’t realize it before,
but I’ve been looking for someone for a long time.”
“But you could have anybody.”
“I want you, if you’ll have me as your parent.”
Melissa huddled against her. “They’ll never let me go,” she whispered. “I’m
scared.”
Snake, stroked Melissa’s hair and stared out the window at the darkness and
the scattered lights of wealthy, beautiful Mountainside. Some time later, just
on the edge of sleep, Melissa whispered, “I’m scared.”
Snake woke at the first rays of scarlet morning sun. Melissa was gone. She
must have slipped out and returned to the stable, and Snake was afraid for her.
Snake unfolded herself from the window seat and padded back to her room, the
blanket wrapped around her shoulders. The tower was silent and cool. Her room
was empty. Just as well that Gabriel had left, for though she was annoyed at him
she did not want to dissipate her anger. It was not he who deserved it, and she
had better uses for it. After washing she dressed, looking out over the valley.
The eastern peaks still shadowed much of its floor. As she watched, the darkness
crept back from the stable and its geometric white-fenced paddocks. Everything
was still.
Suddenly, a horse strode from shade to sunlight. Tremendously lengthened, its
shadow sprang from its hooves and marched like a giant through the sparkling
grass. It was the big piebald stallion, with Melissa perched on his back.
The stallion broke into a canter and moved smoothly across the field. Snake
wished she too were riding through the morning with the wind on her face; she
could almost hear the hollow drumming of hooves on earth, smell the fragrance of
new grass, see glistening dewdrops flung up by her passing.
The stallion galloped across the field, mane and tail flying. Melissa hunched
close over his withers. One of the high stone boundary walls loomed before them.
Snake caught her breath, certain the stallion was out of Melissa’s control.
His pace never slackened. Snake leaned forward as if she could reach out and
stop them before the horse threw the child against the wall. She could see the
tension in him, but Melissa sat still and calm. The horse steadied and sailed
over the barrier, clean.
A few paces later his canter slowed; he trotted a few steps and then walked,
sedately, grandly, toward the stable, as if he, like Melissa, were in no hurry
to return.
If she had had any doubts about the truth of anything Melissa had told her,
they were gone now. She had not doubted that Ras abused the child: Melissa’s
distress and confusion were all too real. Snake had wondered if riding Gabriel’s
horse had been an understandable fantasy, but it was equally real and it made
Snake understand how difficult it might be to free her young friend. Melissa was
valuable to Ras and he would not want to let her go. Snake was afraid to go
straight to the mayor, with whom she had no rapport, and denounce Ras for the
twisted thing he was. Who would believe her? In daylight she herself had trouble
believing such a thing could ever happen, and Melissa was too frightened to
accuse Ras directly. Snake did not blame her.
Snake went to the other tower and knocked on the mayor’s door. As the noise
echoed in the stone hallways she realized how early it was. But she did not
really care; she was in no mood for conventional courtesy.
Brian opened the door. “Yes, mistress?”
“I’ve come to speak to the mayor about my payment.”
He bowed her inside. “He’s awake. I’m sure he’ll see you.”
Snake lifted one eyebrow at the implication that he might choose not to see
her. But the servant had spoken the way a man does who worships another person
beyond consideration for any other customs. Brian did not deserve her anger
either.
“He’s been wakeful all night,” Brian said, leading her toward the tower room.
“The scab itches so badly— perhaps you could—?”
“If it isn’t infected it’s a matter for the chemist, not for me,” Snake said
coldly.
Brian glanced back at her. “But, mistress—”
“I’ll speak to him alone, Brian. Will you please send for the stablemaster
and for Melissa?”
“Melissa?” It was his turn to raise his eyebrows. “Is that the red-haired
child?”
“Yes.”
“Mistress, are you sure you wish her to come here?”
“Please do as I ask.”
He bowed slightly, his face again the mask of a perfect servant. Snake
stepped past him into the mayor’s bedroom.
The mayor lay contorted on his bed, sheets and blankets in a tangle around
him and on the floor. The bandages and dressing sagged away from his leg and the
clean brown scab. His expression one of pleasure and relief, he scratched the
healing wound slowly.
He saw Snake and tried to pull the bandages back up, smiling guiltily.
“It does itch,” he said. “I suppose that means it’s getting well?”
“Scratch all you want,” Snake said. “I’ll be two days gone by the time you
reinfect it.”
He snatched his hand away and pushed himself back up on his pillows.
Awkwardly trying to straighten the bedclothes, he looked around, irritable
again. “Where’s Brian?”
“He’s doing a favor for me.”
“I see.” Snake detected more annoyance in his tone, but the mayor let the
subject drop. “Did you want to see me about something?”
“My payment.”
“Of course—I should have brought it up myself. I had no idea you were leaving
us so soon, my dear.”
Snake hated endearments from people toward whom she did not feel dear. Grum
must have said the same words to her fifty times, a hundred times a day, and
they had not grated the way this man’s did.
“I know of no town that refuses Mountainside currency,” he said. “They know
we never adulterate the metal or short-weigh the coins. However, we can pay you
in precious stones if you prefer.”
“I want neither,” Snake said. “I want Melissa.”
“Melissa? A citizen? Healer, it took me twenty years to overcome
Mountainside’s reputation as a place of bonding! We free bondservants, we don’t
take them.”
“Healers don’t keep bondservants. I should have said I want her freedom. She
wants to leave with me, but your stablemaster Ras is—what do you call it?—her
guardian.”
The mayor stared at her. “Healer, I can’t ask a man to break up his family.”
Snake forced herself not to react. She did not want to have to explain her
disgust. When she did not reply, the mayor fidgeted, rubbed his leg, pulled his
hand away from the bandage again.
“This is very complicated. Are you sure you won’t choose something else?”
“Are you refusing my request?”
He recognized her tone as the veiled threat it was; he touched the call-bell
and Brian reappeared.
“Send a message to Ras. Ask him to come up as soon as he can. He’s to bring
his child as well.”
“The healer has sent for them already, sir.”
“I see.” He gazed at Snake as Brian withdrew. “Suppose he refuses your
demands?”
“Anyone is free to refuse payment to a healer,” Snake said. “We carry weapons
only for defense and we never make threats. But we do not go where we are not
welcome.”
“You mean you boycott any place that doesn’t please you.”
Snake shrugged.
“Ras is here, sir,” Brian said from the doorway.
“Ask him to come in.”
Snake tensed, forcing herself to control contempt and revulsion. The big man
entered the room, ill at ease. His hair was damp and haphazardly slicked back.
He bowed slightly to the mayor.
Behind Ras, next to Brian, Melissa hung back. The old servant drew her into
the room, but she did not look up.
“It’s all right, child,” the mayor said. “You aren’t here for punishment.”
“That’s hardly the way to reassure anyone!” Snake snapped.
“Healer, please, sit down,” the mayor said gently. “Ras—?” He nodded to two
chairs.
Ras seated himself, glancing at Snake with dislike. Brian urged Melissa
forward until she was standing between Snake and Ras, but she kept her gaze
fixed on the floor.
“Ras is your guardian,” the mayor said. “Is that correct?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
Ras reached out, put one finger against Melissa’s shoulder, and shoved
lightly but deliberately. “Show some respect when you speak to the mayor.”
“Sir.” Melissa’s voice was soft and shaky.
“Melissa,” Snake said, “he asked you up here to find out what it is you want
to do.”
Ras swung around. “What she wants to do? What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Healer,” the mayor said again, his cautioning tone a little more emphatic,
“please. Ras, I’m in considerable difficulty. And only you, my friend, can help
me.”
“I don’t understand.”
“The healer saved my life, you know, and now it’s time to pay her. It seems
she and your child have taken a fancy to one another.”
“So what is it you want me to do?”
“I’d not ask you to make this sacrifice if not for the good of the town. And
according to the healer it’s what your child wishes.”
“
What’s
what she wishes?”
“Your child—”
“Melissa,” Snake said.
“Her name isn’t Melissa,” Ras said shortly. “It isn’t that now and it never
has been.”
“Then you tell the mayor what you call her!”
“What I call her is more honest than the airs she puts on. She gave herself
that name.”
“Then it’s all the more hers.”
“Please,” the mayor said. “We’re talking about the child’s guardianship, not
her name.”
“Her guardianship? Is that what this is all about? You mean you want me to
give her away?”
“That’s a harsh way of putting it, but
…
accurate.”
Ras glanced at Melissa, who had not moved, and then at Snake. Before he
turned back to the mayor he concealed the quick flash of insight and triumph
that Snake saw clearly.
“Send her off with a stranger? I’ve been her guardian since she was three.
Her parents were my friends. Where else could she go where she’d be happy and
people wouldn’t stare at her?”
“She isn’t happy here,” Snake said.
“Stare at her? Why?”
“Raise your head,” Ras said to Melissa. When she did not obey he prodded her
again, and slowly she looked up.
The mayor’s reaction was more controlled than Gabriel’s had been, but still
he flinched. Melissa avoided his stare quickly, gazing stolidly at the floor
again and letting her hair fall in front of her face.
“She was burned in the stable fire, sir,” Ras said. “She nearly died. I took
care of her.”
The mayor turned toward Snake. “Healer, won’t you change your mind?”
“Doesn’t it matter if she wants to come with me? Anywhere else that would be
all there is to it.”
“Do you want to go with her, child? Ras has been good to you, hasn’t he? Why
do you want to leave us?”
Her hands clenched tightly together behind her back, Melissa did not answer.
Snake willed her to speak, but knew she would not; she was too frightened, and
with good reason.
“She’s just a child,” the mayor said. “She can’t make a decision like this.
The responsibility has to be mine, just like the responsibility for guarding
Mountainside’s children has been mine for twenty years.”
“Then you must realize I can do more for her than either of you,” Snake said.
“If she stays here she’ll spend her life hiding in a stable. Let her go with me
and she won’t have to hide any more.”
“She’ll always hide,” Ras said. “Poor little scar-face.”
“You’ve made sure she’ll never forget that!”
“He hasn’t necessarily done an unkindness there, healer,” the mayor said
gently.
“All you people see is beauty!” Snake cried, and knew they would not
understand what she was saying.
“She needs me,” Ras said. “Don’t you, girl? Who else would take care of you
like I do? And now you want to leave?” He shook his head. “I don’t understand.
Why would she want to go? And why do you want her?”
“That’s an excellent question, healer,” the mayor said. “Why do you want this
child? People might be all too willing to say we’ve gone from selling our
beautiful children to disposing of our disfigured ones.”
“She can’t spend her whole life hiding,” Snake said. “She’s a talented child,
she’s smart and she’s brave. I can do more for her than anyone can here. I can
help her have a profession. I can help her be someone who won’t be judged on her
scars.”
“A healer?”
“It’s possible, if that’s what she wants.”
“What you’re saying is, you’d adopt her.”
“Yes, of course. What else?”
The mayor turned to Ras. “It would be quite a coup for Mountainside if one of
our people became a healer.”
“She wouldn’t be happy away from here,” Ras said.
“Don’t you want to do what’s best for the child?” The mayor’s voice had
softened, taking on a cajoling tone.
“Is sending her away from her home what’s best? Would you send your—” Ras cut
himself off, paling.
The mayor lay back against his pillows. “No, I wouldn’t send my own child
away. But if he chose to go, I’d let him.” He smiled at Ras sadly. “You and I
have similar problems, my friend. Thank you for reminding me.” He put his hands
behind his head and stared up at the ceiling for long moments.
“You can’t send her away,” Ras said. “It’s just the same as selling her as a
bondservant.”
“Ras, my friend,” the mayor said gently.
“Don’t try to tell me any different. I know better and so will everyone
else.”
“But the benefits—”
“Do you really believe anyone would offer this poor little thing the chance
to be a healer? The idea’s crazy.”
Melissa glanced quickly, surreptitiously, at Snake, her emotions as always
masked, then lowered her gaze again.
“I don’t like being called a liar,” Snake said.
“Healer, Ras didn’t mean that the way it sounded. Let’s all be calm. We
aren’t talking so much about reality as appearances. Appearances are very
important and they’re what people believe. I have to take that into account.
Don’t think it’s easy keeping this office. More than one young firebrand—and
some who aren’t so young—would move me out of my home if I gave them a chance.
No matter that I’ve been here twenty years. A charge of bonding—” He shook his
head.
Snake watched him talk himself back toward refusal, helpless to turn him
toward acceptance. Ras had known exactly what arguments would affect him most,
while Snake had assumed that she would be trusted, or at the very least be given
her own way. But the possible healer’s interdict against Mountainside was a
future problem, made even more serious by how rare healers’ visits to the town
had become in recent years.
