Driving Mr. Dead (24 page)

And the hair. It was difficult for human companions, blood-bank staff, and storekeepers to take me seriously when I walked around with a crazy cloud of dark curls framing my head. Having Diana Ross’s ’do didn’t exactly inspire confidence, so I twisted my hair into a thick coil at the nape of my neck. Gigi called it my “sexy librarian” look, having little sympathy for me and my frizz. But since we shared the same unpredictable follicles, I was biding my time until she got her first serious job and realized how difficult it was to be considered a professional when your hair was practically sentient.

I used another keyless entry code to let myself into Mr. Rychek’s tidy little town house. Some American vampires lived in groups of threes and fours in what vampire behaviorists called “nesting,” but most of my clients, like Mr. Rychek, were loners. They had little habits and quirks that would annoy anyone, human or immortal, after a few centuries. So they lived alone and relied on people like me to bring the outside world to them.

I put the almond milk in the fridge and discreetly tucked the other items into a kitchen cabinet. I checked the memo board for further requests and was relieved to find none. I only hoped I could get through Diandra’s visit without being called to find a twenty-four-hour emergency vet service for her hypoallergenic cat, Ginger. That stupid furball had some sort of weird fascination with prying open remote controls and swallowing the batteries. And somehow, Diandra was always shocked when it happened.

As an afterthought, I moved Mr. Rychek’s remote from the coffee table to the top of the TV.

One more stop. I had just one stop left before I could put in my time at the booster meeting, go home, and bury myself in the romance novel I’d squirreled away inside the dust jacket for
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes
. If Gigi saw the bare-chested gladiator on the cover, the mockery would be inventive and, mostly likely, public.

My new client’s house was conveniently located in the newer section of Deer Haven, at the end of a long row of matching beige condos. As usual, I had to count the house numbers three times before I was sure I was at the right door, and I wondered how wrong it would be to bookmark my clients’ doors with big fluorescent yellow bumblebees.

Entering the security code provided on his new-client application, I popped the door open, carrying my usual “Thank you for supporting Beeline” floral arrangement inside. Most vampires enjoyed waking up to fresh flowers. The sight and smell reminded them of their human days, when they could wander around in the daylight unscathed. And they didn’t have to know I’d harvested the artfully arranged roses, irises, and freesia from my own garden. The appearance of an expensive gift was more important than the actual cost of said gift.

Mr. C. Calix certainly hadn’t wasted any money on redecorating, I mused as I walked into the bare beige foyer and set the vase on the generic maple end table. The place was dark, which was to be expected, given the sunproof metal shades clamped over the windows. But there was little furniture in the living room, no dining room table, no art or pictures on the clean taupe walls. The place looked barely lived in, even for a dead guy’s house.

Scraping past a few cardboard packing boxes, I walked into the kitchen, where I’d agreed to leave the contracts. My foot caught on a soft weight on the floor. “Mother of fudge!” I yelped, then fell flat on my face.

Have I mentioned that I haven’t cursed properly in about five years? With an impressionable kid around the house, I’d taken to using the “safe for network TV” version of curse words. Though that impressionable kid was now seventeen, I couldn’t seem to break the habit. Even with my face smashed against cold tile.

“Frak frakity frak,” I moaned, rubbing my bruised mouth as I righted myself from the floor. I ran my tongue over my teeth to make sure I hadn’t broken any of them. Because honestly, I wasn’t sure I could afford dental intervention at this point. My skinned
knees—and my pride—stung viciously as I re-counted my teeth for good measure.

What had I tripped over? I wondered. I pushed to my feet and stumbled over to the fridge and yanked the door open. The interior light clicked on, illuminating the dead body stretched across the floor.

Shrieking, I scrambled back against the fridge, my dress shoes skittering uselessly against the tile. I couldn’t seem to swallow the lump of panic hardening in my throat, keeping me from drawing a breath.

The corpse was huge, with long, rangy limbs and narrow, highly arched feet. Dark waves of hair sprang over his forehead in an inky profusion. The face would have been beautiful if it hadn’t been covered in dried blood. A straight nose, high cheekbones, full, generous lips that bowed slightly. He had that whole Michelangelo’s
David
thing going. If David had been a creepy religious figurine that wept blood.

A half-empty bottle of Faux Type O lay splattered against the floor, which explained the rusty-looking dried splotches on his face. Had he been drinking it when he … passed out?

Vampires didn’t pass out. And most of them could sense when to get somewhere safe well before the sun rose. They didn’t get caught off guard and collapse wherever they were at dawn. What the hell was going on here?

I eyed my shoulder bag, flung across the room when I’d fallen on my face. Breathing steadily, I resolved that I’d call Ophelia at the local Council for the Equal Treatment of the Undead office and leave her a message. She would know what to do. And I could get the hell out of here before the hungry, wounded vampire rose for
the night and made me into his breakfast.

I reached over him, aiming my arm away from his mouth. A strong hand clamped around my wrist. I am ashamed to say I screamed like a little girl. I heard the telltale snick of fangs descending and panicked, yanking and struggling against a relentless vise grip. A tug-of-war ensued for control of the arm he was pulling toward his chapped, bloodied lips. He tried to lunge for me, but the effort cost him, and his head thunked back to the floor with a heavy thud.

With my hand hovering precariously over his gaping, hungry mouth, I did the only thing I could think of—I poked him in the eye.

“Ow,” he said, dully registering pain as I jabbed my index finger against his eyelid. The other eye popped open, the long sooty lashes fluttering. It was a deep, rich coffee color, the iris ringed in black.

“Ow!” he repeated indignantly, as if the sensation of the eye-poke was just breaking through his stupor.

With him distracted, I gave one final yank and broke free, holding my hand to my chest as I retreated against the fridge. I took another Faux Type O from the shelf. I popped it open and held it carefully to his lips, figuring that he wouldn’t care that it wasn’t heated to body temperature. He shook his head faintly, wheezing, “Bad blood.”

I checked the expiration date and offered it to him again. “No, it’s fine.”

His dry lips nearly cracked as they formed the words, “Poisoned … stupid.”

“OK … jackass,” I shot back.

The faintest flicker of amusement passed over his even features. “Need clean supply,” he whispered.

“Well, I’m not giving you mine,” I said, shrinking away from him. “I don’t do that.”

“Just wait to die, then,” he muttered. I had to bite my lips to keep from snickering or giggling hysterically. I was sure that crouching over him, laughing, while he was vulnerable and agitated wouldn’t improve the situation.

Shouting for him to hold on, I scurried out to my car, carefully shutting the door behind me so that sunlight didn’t spill into the kitchen. I had a case of Faux Type O in the back, destined for Ms. Wexler’s house the next day. I grabbed three bottles from the package and ran back into the house. Sadly, it only occurred to me
after
I’d run back into the house that I should have just grabbed my purse, jumped into my van, and gunned it all the way home.

But no, I had to take care of vampires with figurative broken wings, because of my stupid Good Samaritan complex.

Kneeling beside the fallen vampire, I twisted the top off the first bottle and offered it to him. “I’m sure this is clean. The tamper-proof seal’s intact.”

He gave the bottle a doubtful, guarded look, but took it from my hand. He greedily gulped his way through the first bottle, grimacing at the cold offering. Meanwhile, I popped the other two bottles in the microwave. I even dropped a penny in each one after heating to give them a more authentic coppery taste.

“Thank you,” he murmured, forcing himself into a sitting position, though the effort clearly exhausted him. He slumped against the pine cabinets. Like all of the Deer Haven homes, the kitchen was done in pastel earth tones—buffs, beiges, and creams. Mr. Calix looked like a wax figure sagging against the pale wood. “Who are you and what are you doing in my house?”

“I’m Iris Scanlon, from Beeline. The concierge service? Ophelia Lambert arranged your service contract before you arrived in the
Hollow. I came by to drop off the paperwork.”

He nodded his magnificent dark head slowly. “She mentioned something about a daywalker, said I could trust you.”

I snorted. Ophelia only said that because I hadn’t asked questions that time she put heavy duty trash bags, lime, and a shovel on her shopping list. The teenage leader of the local World Council for the Equal Treatment of the Undead office might have looked sweet sixteen, but at more than four hundred years old, Ophelia, I’m pretty sure, had committed felonies in every hemisphere.

Scary felonies.

“Well, you seem to be feeling a bit better. I’ll leave these papers here and be on my way, then,” I said, inching around him.

“Stop,” he commanded me, his voice losing its raspy quality as he pushed to his feet. I froze, looking up at him through lowered lashes. His face was fuller somehow, less haggard. He seemed to be growing a little stronger with every sip of blood. “I need your help.”

“How could
I
help you?”

“You already have helped.” As he spoke, I picked up on the faint trace of an accent, a sort of caress of the tongue against each finishing syllable. It sounded … old, which was a decidedly unhelpful concept when dealing with a vampire. And since most vamps didn’t like talking about their backstories, I ignored the sexy lilt and its effects on my pulse rate. “And now I need you to take me home with you.”

“Why would I take an unstable, hungry vampire home with me? Do I look particularly stupid to you?”

He snorted. “No, which is
why
you should take me home with you. I already know where you live. While you were running to your car, I looked in your purse and memorized your driver’s license.
Imagine how irritated I would be, how motivated I would be to find you and repay your
kindness,
after I am well again.”

I gasped, clutching my bag closer to my chest. “Don’t you threaten me! There seem to be a lot of handy, breakable wooden objects in this room. I’m not above living out my fonder Buffy fantasies.”

His expression was annoyed, but contrite. Mostly annoyed. He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, that was out of line. But I need to find a safe shelter before dark falls. I have a feeling someone may be coming by to finish me off. No sane person would attack me while I was at full strength.”

I believed it, but it didn’t stop me from thinking Mr. Calix was a bit full of himself. “How do I know that you won’t drain me as soon as you stabilize?”

“I don’t do that,” he said, echoing my earlier pronouncement, and took my bag from my hands. I tried snatching it back, but he held it just out of my grasp, like some elementary school bully with a My Little Pony backpack.

Scowling at him, I crossed my arms over my chest. “Considering you just vaguely threatened me, I have a hard time believing that.”

“Check my wallet, on the counter.”

I flipped open the expensive-looking leather folio and found what looked like a shiny gold policeman’s badge. “You’re an investigator for the Council? In terms of credibility, that means nothing to me. I’ve met Ophelia.”

His lips twitched.

“Why can’t you just call her?” I asked. “She’s your Council rep. This should be reported to her anyway.”

“I can’t call her. The Council supplied me with that blood,” he said, giving a significant look to the discarded bottle on the floor. “I
can’t trust the Council. I can’t check into a hotel or seek help from friends without being tracked.”

“I have a little sister who lives with me. I’m not going to let you drag us into your vampire bullcrap.” I grunted, making a grab for my bag as his tired arms drooped. “I am not running a stop on the vampire underground railroad.”

“I can pay you an obscene amount of money.”

I’m ashamed to say that that stilled my hand. If anything would make me consider this bizarre scheme, it was money. My parents had died nearly five years before, leaving me to raise my little sister without much in the way of life insurance or savings. I needed money for Gigi’s ever-looming college tuition. I needed money to keep up the house, to pay off the home equity loan I’d taken out for Beeline’s start-up capital. I needed money to keep us in the food Gigi insisted on eating. And despite the fact that the business was finally becoming somewhat successful, I always seemed to just cover our expenses, with a tiny bit left over to throw at my own rabid student loan officers. Something always seemed to pop up and eat away at our extra cash—car repairs, fees for a school trip, explosive air-conditioning failure.

An obscene amount of money would provide enough of a cushion that I might be able to sleep for more than handful of hours per night. Mr. Calix slid to the floor, apparently drained by the effort of playing purse keep-away.

“How obscene?” I asked, coughing suddenly to chase the meek note from my voice.

“Ten thousand dollars for a week.”

I quickly calculated the estimate to replace the aging pipes in my house, plus Gigi’s first semester tuition and the loan payment due
next month, against what the Council paid even the lowest of its underlings. I shook my head and made a counteroffer. “Twenty-five thousand.”