Duck (Rebel Wayfarers MC Book 8) (31 page)

“How do I help make things right with Eli?” Duck asked the air in the empty office, not expecting an answer. Which was good, because no guiding spirits spoke from the ceiling, giving him parenting advice. He snorted, thinking,
Even advice from the other side would be welcomed about now
.

In the beginning of their ‘we are a family’ exploration, from the first night when the boy crawled into bed with them, things had been easy, the two of them falling into a comfortable relationship which existed separate from what either of them had with Brenda. The bonds Duck had been careful to tend when he met the boy had smoothed the way, making them feel like a family from the start. Eli settled in, still the boy Duck first met, sociable and respectful, outgoing and hardworking. It was good to see, and both he and Brenda had drawn more than one breath of relief, sharing proud looks over the boy’s head when he went out of his way to do things for Duck or his mother.

Even when Blackie showed with his family, when Eli met Randi and the other kids, he had still come to Duck for reassurances he was welcome, that what they had was real. He didn’t ask right out, of course, but he put himself into Duck’s path often enough and in ways which let everyone see his unease, making his mom note where he lacked confidence. Knowing what Eli had told him about Tommy, and putting that alongside the bits Bee had been comfortable sharing, he suspected the brutal truth-telling Eli had offered was the tip of the iceberg for a dysfunctional father/son relationship.

So, he suspected this was Eli testing him. Every time he turned around Eli was pushing and pulling, trying to rip reactions from Duck, hitting him from all sides. First with careful hero worship, to see if Duck would puff up, get a big head, or let down his guard and be whatever Eli thought he was really like underneath everything. Since the shit went down by the creek, he hadn’t been able to break through with the boy, not like he had before. They hadn’t been able to get back to where they were before Eli knew he belonged to Duck.

After the scene at the creek, it had been nothing but attitude and none of it good, directed both at him and at Bee. Eli acting out, turning a rough tongue to everyone around him except Randi, who he treated like glass. With what he was doing, the only reaction Eli received in return was a resigned disappointment from Duck, and his mom’s patient responses. Duck let Bee deal with the barbs sent her way, but it killed him to see Eli trying to find a soft spot like he did. Things had seemed to be slowly settling down until after Blackie and Peaches picked up Randi on their way home.

That’s when things fell to shit. Duck thought it had to be anger driving him. Anger he could have lost his mother or Randi. Anger the place which should be safe, always, wasn’t. He just didn’t know how to go about making the boy understand it would be okay.

Picking up his cell from the desktop, he dialed and waited through two rings, then heard his friend’s voice. “Mason,” he said, hearing the relief in his own voice. “Got a question for you.”

“Hit me,” came the quick response, and he smiled.

“When you found out about Chase, and you went down to visit for all those years, how did you keep him from…I don’t know, being pissed at you for not being there before?” The laughter that came through the phone startled him, and he looked at the phone, pulling it away from his head to scowl at the device. “I’m serious, brother. How did you deal?”

“Well, first off, don’t ever think you can do one damn thing to change how your boy feels about finding out about you being his dad. He feels it, it’s his emotion. He can own that. Doesn’t matter if it’s joy or hate, it is
his
, brother. You don’t get to tell him how to feel.” Mason’s voice still carried a thread of humor, but the tone was now serious. This was an important question from Duck and he knew it. “He feels it, you feel it differently, and I bet your woman feels it different yet again. You can try and guide him to a place where your viewpoints intersect, but that’s a crapshoot at best. Tell me what’s up, brother.”

“He’s acting out. Right after he found out, everything was cool for a while. He was glad, it seemed, but then he started up. Didn’t take long, we got a handle on it.”

“How did you get a handle on it, exactly?” At Mason’s question, his brows snapped together because he didn’t know.

Admitting this lack of knowledge wasn’t hard. Mason knew everything there was to know about Duck, so letting him in on this secret wasn’t a big deal. “I don’t really know. He just pushed until he hit a boundary Brenda and I didn’t back away from, and then he settled.”

“So he pushed and pushed, found a wall, backed off because he knew the lay of the land. Structured boundaries. Felt you out, probably trying to piss you the fuck off, see how you dealt with anger or frustration. Then he found a place where you and his mom stood side by side, liked what he found, and he was good. You were a match for his mom, who he knows and trusts.” Mason cleared his throat, and then asked, “Pains me to ask, but what’s changed since then?”

“Lalo,” was Duck’s direct answer, knowing Mason heard every nuance of anger and hate he held inside.

“Man comes at the kids, takes potshots at his mother, but they got away safe. She didn’t stick around, you told me that much. So she, what, took the kids back to the ranch, right?”

“Yeah. Took them up the creek bed until she believed they were far enough away, and then angled through the scrub to the house. They met the foreman along the way and she sent him to where I was.” Duck shook his head, remembering how good it had been to see Gill ride up, knowing the man had his back. He might not be a fan of the man’s lifestyle, meaning it wasn’t for him, but Gill had proven his worth that day, fearlessly riding to the clearing in order to make sure the man Brenda had described as ‘armed and goddamned dangerous’ wouldn’t get to Duck’s woman or kids. Or Duck. “Had my back, brother. I owe him huge.”

“Good you got that, man. Trust is hard earned, but that’s surely a trial by fire. So, back to your Brenda. She took the boy with her when she headed out of the fray?”

“Uh, yeah, she got him and Randi out, Randi being Blackie’s little girl.” The girl had bounced back fast, treating the whole thing as just another facet of her summer adventure.

“Leaving you behind. The man he barely knew, but liked. The man he just learned was his real dad, the man who had stood up to his tests, earning his…respect? Maybe affection?” Mason scoffed, and then laughed softly, a thread of derision in his voice. “While his momma totes him off with a little girl. Totes him off, taking them home like they were babies been out playin’ in the sun too long. A little girl that—until you and his momma showed up—he had been protecting.” There was silence on the phone for a beat as he turned over what Mason said, considering everything his friend pointed out.
Dammit, he has the right of it
.

Then Mason spoke again, that derision turning to a soft strength, “He’s scared, but he don’t know how to show it, so he’s trying to pretend he ain’t afraid out of his fucking mind that he nearly lost you. I bet he also thinks he lost your regard, his momma treating him like a kid. Boy that age, treated like a little girl and he knows it because there was a little girl there and she got the exact same as him. He’s not going to see how precious he is to his momma…to you. Won’t know what went through your head when you saw Lalo, heard the gunfire, knew your boy was vulnerable to that shit.

“Brother, his head is full of ageing panic, fresh shame, and not a little bit of misplaced anger. You gotta talk to him, Duck. Show him your fear. Teach him to embrace the feeling, rise above it, and become better on the other side. You know how this shit works, brother. You’ve done it yourself, seen many of our brothers deal. Help your boy learn how to be a man. Help him, so when he needs the lesson most, he can reach back, bring it out and look it over. Help him turn that fear into courage, brother.”

***

“Bee,” he called as he stepped into the house, hearing a muffled response from upstairs. Dropping his boots in the mudroom, he headed up the stairs two at a time, walked directly to the bath off the master bedroom and stopped in his tracks, rocking in place at what greeted him when he opened the door. Brenda was in the tub, head back, reclining in the water lapping softly around the sides of her breasts. Candles were lit, scattered around the room, the one on the inside edge of the tub casting a flickering glow over her features.

Startled, she looked up, arms instinctively folding to cover her chest in response, the movement setting the water rocking, pressure on her breasts pushing them together, creating a vision of plump, delectable cleavage. Glistening, wet skin, her softly flushed cheeks, the slow smile that curled her lips…all for him. Just him.
Mine
, he thought, stepping into the room and gently pushing the door closed.

“Bath time?” His fingers flew down the buttons of his shirt and he shrugged it off, and then reached over his head to grip the collar of his tee, pulling that off and discarding it on the floor, too. “You didn’t tell me it was bath time, Bee.” He scolded her as he worked the tail of his belt loose, unbuttoning his jeans and pushing them down his hips. “I’m the new bath time inspector, didn’t you know?” Shoving his socks down, he let them fall inside the legs of his jeans onto the floor.

“Oh, yeah?” A soft, amused, tender look suffused her features and he halted in place again, shocked at how much he liked seeing that expression on her face, wanting to preserve the moment. “New rules, bossman?”

God, I love her
. Duck went to his knees beside the tub, rested an elbow on the edge and lifted his hand to brush her hair off her cheek, unable to go another moment without touching her. Not another breath. “Yeah,” he said softly, and she must have seen the emotion overwhelming him because she reached up, cupping his hand to her face and then turned to place a gentle kiss on his palm. Thoughts of Watcher flashed through his head, an image of Bella, purple lips. Slate and Ruby, her body jerking as Goose’s hands thrust hard against her chest, breathing life back into her again and again. Still and cold.
Never miss a moment
, he thought and breathed out his love. “God, I love you, Brenda.”

“I know, baby. I know you do.” She moved his hand, placing it palm-down on her chest, gaze locked with his. Her skin was heated under his hand, pulse thudding, flesh soft and yielding.
God
. “I feel it here, every time you look at me. I don’t question it, never have to wonder, because you show me a dozen times a day…a hundred. Giving and giving to me; giving and making sure I know.” Lifting his hand, she brought it to her mouth again, grazing her lips across his knuckles, her breath dancing across his skin. “And I don’t. Wonder, that is. I know. And, I love you, too. So much, Duck.”

Pushing up on his knees, he angled his torso close, tilting his head, pressing his lips against hers. “Love you,” he repeated, murmuring, tracing his tongue across her bottom lip, cupping his hand behind her neck, cradling the back of her head, pulling her into him. “Let me in, Bee.”

Her mouth opened for him, their tongues sliding and tangling as he angled his head more, deepening the kiss. He mapped the column of her neck with his hand, curved his fingers over her shoulder. Holding on tight, the fragility of her flesh and bone impressing itself under the strength of his hand. He wrapped his palm around her arm and caressed her slowly, easing his hand down into the water, and his thumb grazed the curve of her breast. Breathing faster, he flattened his hand on her ribs, moving up, gathering and cupping her breast in his palm.

“God, I love your tits,” he whispered in between pants, their mouths still pressed together. He plumped and squeezed gently, drawing a whimper from her so he dragged the pad of his thumb across her nipple. Palming her breast, he plumped and caressed her again. “Pretty, so fucking pretty. Perfect for me. Nips perched on the tips, waiting for my lips.” Thumb and fingertip met there and he rolled and pinched lightly, pulling another whimper from her. “Pretty little nips.” He tugged and rolled, stretching her nipple, cupping his palm underneath and lifting her breast as he shifted, drawing back, seeing her eyes closed, brows drawn together in cute concentration.

Bending his neck, he brought her breast to his mouth, latching on and sucking deep, groaning in his throat. Rolling her nipple with his tongue, he trapped it, guiding it between his front teeth and flicking the tip relentlessly for a few moments before drawing her deep into his mouth again.

His hand moved, gliding into the water along her hip. Then he skimmed across her belly before pushing between her tightly clenched thighs. Sucking hard on her breast, he lifted his other hand to her face, cupping her cheek. Groaning as she turned her head, she captured his thumb between her lips and mouthed it, using her teeth on the pad. He mimicked her motions with his mouth on her breast and Brenda moaned softly.

Cupping her pussy with his palm, he pressed firmly, feeling her legs fall apart, opening without him having to ask. Thrusting his thumb in and out of her mouth, the suction she gave him grew stronger and he groaned, rolling her nipple in his mouth before drawing her deep again. He focused on his hand in the water. Shifting on his knees, he moved, getting closer so he could rock the heel of his hand against the top of her mound. Grinding into her clit he smiled at the cool air caressing his thumb as her mouth opened in a gasp, and then she closed around him again, sucking and nibbling harder, more frantically.