DutyBoundARe (18 page)

Mathieu ate on, completely oblivious to her inner turmoil.

Did she tell him how living and playing with him was doing a number on her?

Her rational side said yes, tell him now. Find somewhere else to stay. Thank him for putting her on this path. But could she? She’d slept in his arms last night and thought she wanted to buy into the dream that they could be together.

“What do you think about the scenes we’ve done so far?” Mathieu asked into the silence.

“Uh, which one?”

Don’t ask about last night.

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Let’s start with the first one.”

“The flogging? I liked it. It could have been harder, but it was great.”

“Did you even get any marks from it?”

“No, just a little soreness the next day.”

“What about the rope?”

“That was—cathartic. I don’t know how else to describe it. I really liked the rope, and it just felt like I could be really free and unrestrained, because I was safe. Does that make sense?” She tapped the table nervously, not liking the direction of this conversation. It was a good one for any Dominant to have with a play partner; she just didn’t want to have it right now. She couldn’t lie to him.

“Sure. Besides, it’s not what makes sense to me; it’s about you and if you got what you needed from the scene.”

An orgasm would have been nice.

“Yeah, I think I did.”

Change topics…

“And last night?” He wasn’t looking at her. Not at all now and it made her fidget more.

Were they really going to have this conversation? She blew out a breath and tried to select her words carefully.

“It was different. The first two were more about what I needed. Last night was different. It wasn’t always about what I needed, but about what you chose to do. And it was sensual. There was a lot of sexual energy, and,” she steeled herself for the admission, “it’s really thrown me for a loop.”

That got his attention. Mathieu glanced up, brows drawn down into a line. “How so?”

“Well, you stated no sex as a limit. I made the assumption that it included sexual contact.”

“I see.”

“I’m just. . .” She cringed. There was nothing to do but go ahead and say it. Lying to him would make the situation worse for both of them. “I’m in a really vulnerable place right now and I’m not sure what the answer is. I care for you, but I don’t want to become confused and misinterpret your actions as something more than two friends playing together and overcoming our pasts. Not something romantic.”

He set his fork down, completely focused on her. “I hadn’t even thought of it that way, but I can see how that could be an issue. What do you want to do about it?”

“I—don’t know.”

“First, the sexual contact. Do you feel like I broke your trust last night?”

“Uh, no. Not really. It’s less about the physical and more about the emotional. I thought about it, and with any other platonic play partner an orgasm wouldn’t be a big deal. But I think with our history and where I am, it complicates things. Orgasms release chemicals that make us bond, and the play has been so good I’m afraid going farther will cause problems. And that’s where I’m just confused.”

He nodded slowly, deep lines creasing his face. “So is the answer no sexual contact?”

“I don’t know,” she said for what felt like the hundredth time. She wrung her hands under the table. Were she counseling a client on what to do in her situation, her advice would be to do what she was doing now. Talk to them. But it didn’t seem to bring any more answers. If anything, Mathieu was building more walls between them. She could feel it, like having a window shut.

“Maybe we should scale back the play. Maybe it’s not a good idea.”

“That’s not what I’m saying.” Panic rose up, constricting her throat. Their play had helped her feel alive and herself for the first time in ages.

“But it’s what I’m saying. I’ve already had my ex leave me and I’m not ready to have a woman depending on me again.”

“Is that what this is about?” He was hung up on her needing help?

“No. But when this is all said and done, you’re leaving and going home to Florida.”

She blinked at him. “I am? That is news to me.”

“Why wouldn’t you?”

“I left my life and my job, Mathieu. All of my stuff was in a condo I stupidly moved into with Seth. Everything I had is gone. I literally gave my job no notice I was leaving. I called them while I drove to Chicago and was lucky enough to get a recommendation to a few other practices. I didn’t move to Miami because that’s where I wanted to be. It was a good location for me to work and there was an opening that fit my needs, but it’s not home. I don’t know where I’ll be when this finishes.”

“Oh. I…”

His phone rang, breaking into their conversation. He fumbled in his pocket before answering the call.

She listened to his monosyllabic side of it all while her mind went through loopy-loops. What was his problem? Was it still issues over his ex? This was starting to get plain silly. She’d just wanted to have an honest discussion with him about her concerns, and this was a disaster.

“I’ll be over in a few. I have a key, so you don’t have to wait on me.” He pulled out several bills and tossed them on the table before rising and circling the table for their jackets.

Was this it?

Their waiter hurried over, glancing between them.

“Sorry, we have to run.” Lisette stood and Mathieu shoved her jacket at her.

“Understandable. Do you want a to-go box?” the waiter asked.

Mathieu strode toward the front doors and out to the sidewalk.

“Uh, I guess not. Thank you. The food was lovely.” She pulled on her jacket and hurried after Mathieu. This was ridiculous, and she was starting to get pissed at him.

She dashed through the rain and into the idling car. If she hadn’t followed him, would he have left her at the restaurant?

“What’s going on?” she asked.

Mathieu didn’t reply.

“Is something wrong?”

Again he didn’t respond.

He turned onto one of the major streets and headed toward the highway. For ten minutes neither of them spoke. The radio wasn’t even turned on.

Mathieu was supposed to be the Dominant, the one in charge, and he was acting like a bitter baby instead. An adult conversation had devolved into cold shoulders and the silent treatment. Well if he wanted to play the immaturity card, she could, too.

Lisette crossed her arms over her chest and stared out of the window. How had her life come to this? It was crazy and ridiculous.

Mathieu drove them all the way into one of the new housing developments. Some of the houses were built on the foundations of their predecessors, while others were completely new builds. In the years since Katrina, it had evolved into a busy community, evident by toys in the yards and well-kept houses.

He drove to the end of a cul-de-sac and parked in the drive of a house built in the style of years gone by, with brown and darker brown accents.

“I’ll be a second,” he said.

“I need to pee.”

“Can you hold it?”

“No, you didn’t give me a chance to go at the restaurant.”

“Fine. Come on.”

They dashed through the rain to the small porch where he unlocked it and let them into the house. The scent of herbs, sage especially, was heavy on the air. Women’s voices rose in laughter from somewhere deeper in the house.

“Mom?” Mathieu called out, frowning as he shucked his coat and hung it on a rack.

“Heck no,” a woman called.

She knew that voice.

Mathieu ducked into the room to their right, a den area. Lisette hung hers next to his and followed. A statuesque, beautiful woman with dark skin and a halo of curls emerged through another doorway that seemed to lead into a kitchen.

“Have you forgotten your sister?” Lola asked with a grin.

“Hey.” Mathieu enveloped Lola in a hug and Lisette had to fight down a momentary surge of jealousy. It was his sister, for Christ’s sake.

Lola’s gaze landed on her over his shoulder.

“Hey, baby girl. I was beginning to think I wouldn’t see you.” Lola pushed her brother away and strode to her, wrapping her in a tight embrace.

Lisette’s greeting was muted by the taller woman’s shoulder. She closed her eyes and squeezed her back, accepting all the comfort she could.

“Everyone goes off and leaves me in the kitchen alone,” another woman said, heavily accented with bayou French tones. She stepped into the doorway and Lisette knew this had to be his voodoo grandmère. Several necklaces hung around her neck with odd adornments. She couldn’t make out exactly what they were, but her imagination was full of ideas. “Hello, dear. Who are you?”

“Oh.” Lisette jerked back into the moment, aware she’d just been caught staring.

Mathieu muttered something that earned him a disapproving glance from grandmère while Lola merely chuckled.

“This is Lisette, grandmère. She’s one of Mathieu’s college friends,” Lola replied since her host didn’t.

“Well, aren’t you a pretty thing.” She frowned. “You’re all wet. Mathieu, you know how to treat a lady. Couldn’t you get her an umbrella or something?”

Lisette bit her lip, feeling a little justified after the childish way he’d treated her in the car.

Mathieu opened his mouth and closed it. She could almost see the protests hanging on the tip of his tongue, but all he said was, “Yes, ma’am.”

Lola elbowed her and slanted a glance Lisette’s way, her lips pursed.

“Lisette.” Mathieu whirled toward her. “Bathroom’s down the hall on the left. I’ll just be a minute.”

“I’ll show her,” Lola replied.

“No…” Mathieu’s sentence trailed off. He clearly wanted her away from his family.

Was there something wrong with her that he was afraid what would happen when she met them? Was she going to uncover some great secret of his life to them? Or was he ashamed of her?

“You’ve got him tied in knots,” Lola whispered as they stepped into the hall.

“What? No, he’s being a pissed off baby tonight.” The way he was behaving made her want to give him a spanking.

“Mm-hm.” One side of Lola’s mouth kicked up and her eyes twinkled.

What was that supposed to mean?

“How are things?” Lola flipped on the lights to a long, narrow bathroom and leaned on the wall across from the door.

Lisette mirrored her pose, leaning against the doorway. “Complicated. Stressful. Crazy.”

“Do you think you’re safe right now?”

She shrugged. “I thought I was safe in Chicago.”

“Besides being an ass tonight, has my brother been treating you well?” Though Lola wore jeans and a boat neck gray shirt, it was easy to tell, or maybe sense, that under her skin was a remarkable woman. Standing next to her, Lisette felt as if her entire life was a wreck.

“Yeah.” She shrugged, not having a better answer than that. If Lola wanted details they were going to be in trouble.

“I’m sorry I told him to break up with you in college. At the time, I thought it was the best thing for you—not him. He was never a thug or very wild, but he had some growing up to do; I thought he would hurt you. I’ve often regretted meddling in his life and what could have been.”

The words were no surprise to Lisette, but she felt better for hearing the admission from her friend’s lips. They’d never been close, but Lola was good people. Someone Lisette had always known she could turn to in a pinch.

“No, I think it was the right thing to do. I’ve had life experiences and opportunities I never would’ve had if I’d stayed here. I fell hard for him in college and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I saw myself marrying him because of it.”

“And now?”

“Now we’re friends.” She shrugged, the lie sitting hard in her throat.

Lola snorted. “If that’s the lie you want to feed me, okay.”

“It’s the truth. How I feel is irrelevant. He’s not over his ex-wife and I’m not going to be the scapegoat for her sins.” It felt good to say those words. Falling for Mathieu all over again would be easy. There was enough love left to build something new. But she couldn’t pay the price of someone else’s wrongdoings.

“I wanted so bad to play divorce attorney on that damn case.” Lola’s face creased, as if she’d tasted something foul.

“Was it nasty?” Her gross curiosity wanted all the details. Sure, she’d like nothing better than to give his ex a black eye.

“She went for the jugular. Amanda was a con artist, and she got him for the house he owned before she was in the picture as well as all his money.”

“They weren’t married that long. How could she have had a right to the house?”

“She broke him. There wasn’t any fight left. You don’t understand. The Mathieu you’re seeing right now is about as close to how he was before Amanda as I’ve seen him.”

“Oh.” Lisette blinked, letting that tidbit sink in. “Hold that thought, I’ve got to pee.”

She shut the door and turned to the mirror, staring at herself. The woman in the mirror was a wreck. No wonder his grandmère had been so hard on him. But maybe that’s what it took to get through to him.

Mathieu ducked his head
under the kitchen sink. “Grandmère, nothing’s leaking here. I think it’s your head.”

“You calling me a liar?”

He glanced up at Grandmère with her hands on her hips and an overly dramatic frown creasing her features.

“Grandmère, what’s this about?” He straightened until he towered over her. It would never matter how much taller or bigger he was than her; the whole family knew who had the real power here.

“I don’t know what your mother wanted you to do, but she left in a hurry. What have you been doing lately to worry your mother, boy?” She leaned against the counter and stirred something in a stockpot he doubted had anything to do with food. She was always making something. He idly wondered if Jacques Savoy had ever had cause to meet his grandmère. The bounty hunter was some sort of backwater healer himself.

“I’ve just been working. I don’t know why she’d be worried when her and dad are the ones who put off family dinner. You should be worried about them, not me.” He leaned against the sink and watched her stir the pot.