Dylan (26 page)

“Okay, but I will still be home. I don’t
want to rush anything with him, and I need time to think.”

“You always have been a smart girl, Raven.
I’ll see you tonight then.” He releases a breath, and then clears
his throat before he speaks again. “I got a call today notifying me
that Lisa’s funeral will be Friday at two. They ruled her death a
suicide. I’m so sorry, Raven. I know there has been a lot of bad
blood between you two, and I understand it, but I really need you
to be there.”

My stomach plummets to my feet, and the mush
of confused feelings I’ve always had for my mother resurface. “Of
course I’ll be there. She was still my mother.”

She is my mother, and no matter what cruelty
she inflicted on me, that fact doesn’t change. I’ll be there, and
the tiny pinch of hurt in my chest tells me that it won’t be easy,
but it’s what is right—and necessary. It will be the final nail in
the coffin that has entrapped me most of my life.

“Thank you. I’ll let you get back to Dylan
and Harper. I just wanted you to know.”

“Thank you, Uncle Jim. I’ll see you
tonight.”

I hang up, and without much thought, head to
the spare room to check on a still napping Harper. Her busy day has
really taken a toll, and she is still lost to a deep sleep.

I’m about to turn, and head back out into
the bedroom when my phone rings again. It’s an unknown number, and
it sends chills dancing along my skin, but I refuse to live my life
in fear. I refuse to let my memories control my life. So, I answer,
and the voice that meets me stalls my heart, and crashes into my
chest like a fully loaded Semi Truck.

“Miss me, Raven? I’ve missed how sweet you
feel, how delicious you taste, and how amazing you smell, but I’ll
be back, and I’ll see you soon.”

Chapter Thirty

Dylan

If I had known
this was going to be such an unimportant meeting, I would have
stayed with Raven. However, with as distant as Ethan has been, I
wanted to make sure he was okay. So, I left. I drove all the way to
across town to Ethan’s condo, and worried over what could be so
fucking important that he would choose now to come out of his funk
and fucking talk to someone.

Turns out it was Trisha. Mother fucking
Trisha.

“She walked in right as I was banging this
chick against the fucking wall, Dylan.” He drops his head into his
hands and refuses to meet my eyes. “This whole time I was jealous
and pissed because I thought she was messing around, and turns out
I might have been wrong.”

“Have you called her?” I lean back to rest
my elbows against the counter behind me as I cast my gaze around
his abnormally messy apartment.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. They
have done this to each other with all of their childish bullshit,
and I think it might be for the best. I can’t imagine touching
another woman now that I have Raven, so maybe Trisha wasn’t as
important to Ethan as he thought.

“She won’t answer, and I can’t fucking blame
her.”

“Me either, but if she really wasn’t fucking
other dudes then she fooled everyone. If someone had asked me, I
would have said she was for sure.”

“I should have talked to her. I was just so
fucking mad.” He leans back, and rest his neck over the back of the
couch so that he is now looking up at the ceiling. “I fucked
up.”

“Maybe, but maybe that’s for the best.”

Ethan’s head drops back down to look at me
incredulously. “How the fuck do you figure that?”

I walk toward him, more than ready to leave,
but staying because it’s Ethan. “You two have been toxic for years.
It’s always on and off, fucking or fighting. Why don’t you just
take some time to figure out what’s best for you.”

He sighs, nods, but doesn’t look convinced.
“Yeah, thanks, man.”

“I’ll swing by tomorrow, and we can talk
some more. I’ll bring a little bit of something to make you feel
better.”

Ethan doesn’t say anything else—which isn’t
surprising—and I turn and head out. I feel like a hypocrite telling
Ethan to take some time to figure his shit out. If Raven were to
walk away from me right now I would fucking lose it.

I get back to my apartment in half of the
time it should take me by breaking every traffic law on the way.
Another perk to being Fianna Fáil. Not many cops fuck with
us, even if we
are driving like lunatics and going fifty-five in a thirty.

I walk into the house quiet house to see
Raven sitting on the sofa, softly rocking back and forth with
nothing more than a faraway look on her face. It’s quiet, and I
don’t hear or see Harper. She must still be sleeping. Which is for
the best because Raven is scaring the fuck out of me right now, and
she hasn’t said a word.

“Raven?” I walk over to her slowly, but she
doesn’t acknowledge me. “Angel?”

I kneel down in front of her and lay my
palms against her thighs. Her gray eyes instantly move to drill
into me with a chilliness that causes something inside of me to
break wide open. She blinks at me a few times. I watch as the look
in her eyes slowly changes to register me sitting in front of
her.

“Dylan.” She breathes out a relieved rush of
air and launches herself into my arms.

I struggle to keep us from toppling over,
but I manage. “What happened? What’s wrong, Angel?”

I hear her sniffles against my chest, and
I’m flooded with an emotion I don’t entirely recognize, but can
only compare to an agonized protectiveness. As if my sole purpose
is to protect her, but I’ve somehow failed.

“He called me.”

Her words are mumbled against my chest, but
I hear them. The violence surging through me makes me want to not
only murder someone, but also make it as painful as I possibly can.
I try to rein in my emotions, but I can already feel the pain in my
jaw radiate through my skull from the tightened pressure of my
clenched teeth.

“Who called you, Angel?” I already know the
answer, but I need to hear her say it.

There is only one man who can transform my
beautifully strong woman to this shutdown one. I swear if she says
his name now I will kill him. I don’t care how long I have to
search for him. I’ll make it my fucking life’s mission.

“Steven.” The name is a broken whisper, so
quietly spoken and full of anguish that I know without a doubt
Steven is the man who raped her.

I also know I will kill him.

It’s time for me to open up. I need to tell
Raven who I am. What I am. She opened up to me. Told me the very
worst of herself, but she has no fucking clue who I am, or how
fucking completely I’ve fallen in love with her.

“I need to talk to you.” The words seem to
float from my lips with all of the emotion I feel rioting inside of
me. I don’t just sound just angry, which I am, or sad, or in love,
or completely crazy. I sound like all of those things at the same
time.

Raven lifts herself away from my chest, and
turns her tear-filled eyes to me. “Talk? About what?” She asks me
hesitantly.

“A lot of things, Angel.” I sigh, and sit
myself up to lean my back against the couch. I keep my eyes on her
as I plead for the one thing I know will completely destroy me.
“Promise me you won’t leave, and that you’ll at least let me finish
explaining before you make any decisions.”

“You’re kind of worrying me, Dylan.”

“Just promise me, Angel.”

She hesitates, but crosses her legs, and
gets comfortable across from me. “I promise.”

Those two simple words fill me with more
hope than any one man should be allowed to feel, but I hold onto
them, and let them fill my soul in a way only she can.

“I’m ready to talk to you. You asked what
the tattoo meant. I’m ready to tell you.”

Raven nods, and tucks a loose strand of hair
behind her ear, but she doesn’t speak. I’m used to these silences
from her. Raven understands the importance of listening as opposed
to interrupting.

“This tattoo is a brand. It marks me. It’s
who I am, what I’ve been, what I’ll always be.” I run a hand
through my hair, and really wish I had a joint in my pocket right
about now.

“Have you ever heard of Fianna Fáil?” I lift
a brow, and watch as her confusion deepens.

“Is that like a gang?” The fingers on her
right hand begin a soft drum over her thigh.

“Not a gang exactly. It’s more than that.
It’s a family. It’s my family.”

Her fingers stop tapping, and her shoulders
tense up. “What exactly do you do for this
family
?”

“That’s where you need to really listen,
okay?” She nods. “I run drugs for Fianna Fáil.”

I know that after what she told me, this
will be the hardest thing for her to accept about me. My life is
supplying drugs to people who are just like her mother and the man
who raped her. I don’t know the life stories of the people I supply
to, but I believe it takes more than drugs to make someone do what
was done to my angel.

I watch as her body further tenses, and her
eyes narrow slightly. “You run drugs?”

“Yeah. I’m not going to lie to you, Raven.
This is one of those things I can’t change about myself. Even if I
could, I don’t know that I would. I know you are pissed at me for
saying that. I know what you told me about your mom, and I know
what happened to you, and I am so fucking sorry for all of that.” I
pause to suck in a deep breath, but it doesn’t loosen the tightness
in my chest. “I’m not perfect, Angel, but I’m yours. Completely
yours if you’ll still have me. I know I don’t deserve you, but I
want you more than I want my next fucking breath. I promise you
that no one will ever hurt you again, and I have the power to keep
that promise.”

I lock my gaze to hers. She is still tense,
and I know that there is a very real possibility that she’ll walk
away from me. I don’t know how the fuck I’ll handle that.

“So you’re a drug dealer? In a gang?” Her
voice isn’t timid, or soft anymore.

I just nod not knowing what else to say.
Raven doesn’t have that same problem, and is already standing
before I have a chance to stop her.

“I’ve had my daughter around a drug dealer.
What the fuck is wrong with me?”

I stand up and quickly crowd into her space.
I need to be close to her, even when she’s pissed at me. “Don’t,
Raven. You know me. I haven’t changed.”

“Everything about you has changed!” I
stumble back at the power of her words stabbing into my chest.

“Nothing has changed.” I repeat, but I’m
less certain now, and even more afraid of losing her.

“You represent everything I’ve ever known.
All of the pain, the lies, the guilt. You are the total package of
all of it.”

I step back into her space, and rest my lips
against her ear. She doesn’t push me away, but she does place her
hands against my chest as though she’s prepared to.

“Don’t compare me to that. I will never hurt
you, and you know that.” I sigh, and rest one hand against her hip.
“I need you to accept me, Raven, because I need you.”

Now, she does push me away, and the pain
that stabs into my chest is almost unbearable. “You should have
told me, Dylan. From the beginning, you should have told me. You
shouldn’t have let me fall in love with you. I shouldn’t—”

“What did you just say?” Hope soars inside
of me as Raven’s eyes widen with the realization of her words. She
shakes her head rapidly as if that will erase what she just said.
“You said you love me.” I repeat, but she is still shaking her
head.

“I do love you, but it doesn’t matter
anymore. How can I justify being with you after what I went
through? How will I ever be able to tell Harper that she deserves
the best in life if I’m living with a dealer?”

“We don’t have to tell her. I can get out of
drugs, Raven, but I’ll always be Fianna Fáil.”

“And I’m just supposed to accept that? To
live with that?”

“Yeah, you are, for me, Angel, you are.”

“Why?” Her silver eyes narrow in question,
but I know that there is no way I can lose her now.

“Because you’re my life now. I want you to
be here, by my side, forever. I want to be everything you’ll ever
need, but I won’t force you to stay with me.”

“I can’t promise you anything right now,
Dylan.” Raven hangs her head, and the curtain of hair that falls
over one side of her face begs me to push it back.

“Just give me a chance. Please, Raven? We
can slow down, we can do whatever you want, but don’t give up on
me.”

I pull her into my arms, and she only
resists for a second before she gives in. She lets herself relax
into my embrace.

“I just need some time to think.” She
whispers against my chest.

“I’ll give you that, but please do your
thinking here.” She starts to pull away, but I tighten my grip.
“Just until I find him, okay. I need to make sure you’re safe.” I
amend, and she nods.

“Okay, but I’m sleeping in Harper’s
room.”

I hate that, but I nod. I’ll give her
anything, especially right now.

I rest my lips against her head but have to
pull away when my cell blares to life. I step back and slip it out
of my pocket. The sight of June’s name has my pulse thundering
again. June only calls when something is wrong.

“What happened?” I answer, not caring if it
sounds rude, or if my rudeness hurts her feelings.

“It’s your mom. You better get down here.”
June’s voice is thick with worry, and I feel panic grip my
throat.

“On my way.” I hang up, immediately dialing
Ethan. He answers on the second ring, but I don’t give him time to
speak. “Mom needs me. I need you at my place to watch Raven and
Harper.”

I don’t wait for him to answer before I hang
up. I know he’ll be here, and that’s enough for me right now. I
grab Raven, and pull her back to me.

“Ethan will be here until I get back. He
will keep you safe I promise. I have to check on Mom.”