e (91 page)

Last night I spent three hours at the Savoy Grill in the crashingly dull company of Van Halen, Korning and Korning’s stultifying flow charts.

How was it for you and Jim? Did the earth move? I trust you made me sound excellent.

	Harriet Greenbaum – 1/16/00, 10:28am
to:	David Crutton
cc:
re:	dinner

It was very good, thank you. Jim is entertaining, if a little gung-ho. I now know all there is to know about Florida big-game fishing, his fifty-room house in the Hamptons and Mark McGwire’s seventy home runs in a season. I’m afraid I wasn’t able to present your new business plan. Jim wanted to steer clear of shop talk.

	Liam O’Keefe – 1/16/00, 11:43am
to:	All Departments
cc:
re:	marker pens

Having drawn my 5,000th Coke can, I’ve finally run out of blood red Magic Markers (A313). Anyone got some?

	Nigel Godley – 1/16/00, 11:52am
to:	Liam O’Keefe
cc:
re:	marker pens

I have a box of red ballpoints. Any use? Nige

	David Crutton – 1/16/00, 12:13pm
to:	All Departments
cc:
re:	pitch rehearsal

There will be a full-scale run-through at 1:00 in the boardroom. Everyone who needs to be in it, don’t be late. The rest of you, some peace and quiet please.

David Crutton

CEO

	Lorraine Pallister – 1/16/00, 1:58pm
to:	Zoë Clarke
cc:
re:	laugh? I pissed myself.

I just walked by the boardroom and heard DC and that Scandinavian weirdo doing a duet of “Barbie Girl.” When they finished the Yanks were yelling “Whoo! Way to Go! Whoo!” I think people here must get dumber as their salaries get bigger.

	David Crutton – 1/16/00, 3:06pm
to:	Harriet Greenbaum
cc:
re:	what are we doing?

Being obliged to stand up and sing that ridiculous song with Van Halen as if it was the CEO’s karaoke night is about as humiliating as it can get. Whatever sins I have committed in my life I have more than atoned for them now. Remind me when this is over that my first priority is to rip out the Finn’s liver while he is awake to enjoy it.

	Zoë Clarke – 1/16/00, 3:35pm
to:	David Crutton
cc:
re:	someone else is here

Aqua are in reception. What do you want me to do with them?

	David Crutton – 1/16/00, 3:38pm
to:	Zoë Clarke
cc:
re:	someone else is here

Get their fucking autographs. How should I know what to do with them, you dozy cow? Find Van Halen and get him to look after them. They were his imbecilic idea.

	David Crutton – 1/16/00, 4:03pm
to:	Harriet Greenbaum
cc:
re:	tonight

Van Halen is insistent that I join him, Jim and Aqua at the sodding Fashion Café tonight – his fucking treat. I’m going to cry off with a migraine or something. Go for me. Please.

	Harriet Greenbaum – 1/16/00, 4:09pm
to:	David Crutton
cc:
re:	tonight

Jim has already asked me. It’s a shame you’re not up to it. I actually think Pertti is about as far as you can get from being a typical CEO, and all the more fun for it. If you’re not there, I’ll see you tomorrow.

	[email protected] – 1/16/00, 4:49pm
to:	[email protected]
cc:
re:	home sweet home