Each Time We Love (52 page)

But it wasn't just the wretched locked door, although it
seemed to symbolize the current situation; it was also Savanna herself
and the way she deftly avoided him—or any talk of the future! Just the
slightest mention of leaving for Belle Vista and Natchez, and she would
smile blandly and gently change the subject. It was clear that not only
was she keeping a cool distance between them, but that she also had no
intention of leaving Campo de Verde any time soon! And short of kicking
down the door between them and subjecting her to his obviously unwanted
caresses, or tying her on the back of a horse and forcefully dragging
her from her mother's home,

Adam saw no way out of his present circumstances. Worse, in
his estimation, however, was the fact that Savanna never seemed to
wander more than two feet away from her mother. Elizabeth
always
seemed to be underfoot! He liked his mother-in-law, but he would have
happily consigned her to Hades if that would have given him a few
minutes alone with Savanna.

During the time they'd been staying at Campo de Verde, he had
been hard-pressed to have even
one
private word
with his wife, let alone anything else! He'd patiently borne with
Savanna for weeks now, reminding himself of all that she had gone
through, but of late, his temper, never very good at best, was fraying
badly. What the hell sort of game was Savanna playing?

Savanna wasn't playing any game at all—she was suffering more
than she had ever thought possible, and she had painfully come to the
conclusion that she had but one choice to make. That it was going to
come at a high cost to herself, she didn't doubt, but during her
restless, sleepless nights, as she had miserably viewed the situation,
it had become clear that if she was ever to find any peace again, it
must be done—no matter how much her heart might ache.

While Adam raged around in his study, Savanna was upstairs in
her bedroom, lying on the plump, feather-filled mattress and staring
blindly at the ceiling. She was steeling herself to confront Adam and
tell him what she had decided.

He will probably be relieved, she told herself bitterly. After
all, he had never
wanted
to marry her—it was only
because of the baby that he had married her in the first place, and
with the baby gone… with the baby gone, their marriage was over. Done
with. Finished.

Drearily her eyes closed, but she couldn't shut out the images
that danced beneath her lids. Adam laughing at her, his blue eyes
sparkling mischief; the sensual curve of his wicked mouth just before
his lips would find hers; the frown he wore when he was troubled or
puzzled; the crisp curl of that thick black hair across his forehead
and that heart-thumping, dazzling smile of his—she had a million
memories of him and they would have to last her a lifetime.

In those first terrible moments when she had awakened after
Betsey had pushed her down the stairs, she had been too taken up with
mourning the loss of their child to really understand precisely what it
had meant, and it wasn't until she and Adam were actually on their way
to Campo de Verde that the horrible truth had struck her: with no baby
in the future,
there was absolutely no reason for them to
remain married!
There was now nothing tangible to bind them
together—no matter how kind he had been, no matter how close they had
been during their joint mourning of the infant. The situation was
appallingly clear to Savanna: Adam might indeed derive enjoyment from
her company, he might also have, at the moment, a great passion for her
body, but he did not
love
her, and since the baby
had been, as far as she knew, his main impetus for taking the drastic
step of marriage to someone of her background, she was positive that
only too soon he would take action to free himself from a marriage he
had not
truly
wanted. When Savanna had fallen
into her mother's arms weeping, the tears had flowed as much because of
the lost child as because of the knowledge that a life with Adam was
also lost to her.

Savanna had tried to hide from it, but like a starving wolf
slinking near a cabin door, those unpleasant thoughts kept creeping
around the edges of her mind, sometimes darting fully into view, other
times almost forgotten, but always there… She knew what she had to do,
if only to save her own sanity, but she shrank from taking the final
step, and in her pain and confusion she kept herself aloof from Adam,
not allowing herself to respond to any of the solicitous lures he sent
her way, not allowing herself to believe that he felt anything but
kindness and perhaps pity for her… It was a horrible thought and
suddenly she could bear the situation no longer.

Savanna sat up abruptly. Rising hurriedly from the bed, she
spared a moment to glance into the cheval glass in the corner of the
large room, her mouth twisting wryly at the elegant reflection that
stared back at her. Even Savanna would have to admit that she was
looking uncommonly attractive today—not at all like a woman whose heart
was breaking! Her red-gold hair curled in a becomingly tumbled mass
around her shoulders, and the gown she wore, a lovely confection of
delicate lace and finest muslin in a shade of glowing amethyst,
deepened the aquamarine hue of her eyes and imparted a pearly sheen to
her skin. The signs of her recent suffering had only highlighted the
fine structure of her face, her eyes with their long black lashes
appearing larger, more luminous, and the soft hollows in her cheeks
increasing rather than diminishing her haunting beauty.

Her lips thinned and her shoulders stiffened. It must be done.
Like a warrior queen, head held high, she strode from the room, never
slacking or faltering in her stride until she reached the door to
Adam's study. There she stopped for a long moment, breathing deeply,
cursing the tears that suddenly flooded her eyes.

Smothering back a curse that would have done a flatboat
captain proud, she flung back her head and, without knocking, stalked
into the room. "Adam!" she said imperiously as she closed the door
behind her, "I must talk to you!"

If her husband was startled at her sudden advent into his
sanctuary, he gave no sign of it. Carefully setting down his tumbler of
whiskey, he glanced courteously across the small room at her.

Savanna's resolve almost melted when he turned those brilliant
sapphire eyes upon her, and her heart began to beat thunderously as she
stared at his tall, magnificent form. He was undoubtedly the embodiment
of a maiden's dream, his face rising darkly handsome above the starched
white cravat, the Prussian blue coat fitting his wide shoulders
admirably and the long, hard-muscled legs clearly revealed by the
tight-fitting breeches. Her gaze clung compulsively to his chiseled
features and a pang shot through her. Oh, God! I love him! she thought
piteously. How can I do this?

Hideously the answer slid through her mind: But
he
doesn't love you! Her chin lifted. Of course. How could she have been
so stupid as to forget?

Unaware of just how tempting, just how lovely she looked as
she stood there facing him, unaware of Adam's aching need to touch her,
to drag her into his arms and swear aloud his love for her, Savanna
forced herself to coolly meet his eyes. Shoulders squared, body stiff,
she said with outward calm, "I think this has gone on long enough—we
cannot continue this way—I want a divorce!"

AT
HER WORDS, ADAM PALED AND VISIBLY FLINCHED. He looked away
for a moment, trying to hide the furious anguish her demand had caused.
Nearly reeling from the bitter knowledge that, despite all that had
passed between them, she still wanted to be free of him, he stared
blindly at the shabby carpet on the floor. Unrequited love, he decided,
torn between fury and pain, was not something that he had ever expected
to face, and the anguish of knowing that Savanna was
never
going to love him hurt him unbearably.

Every instinct Adam possessed raged against simple acceptance
of her demand, and he felt an almost overpowering impulse to stride
across the room and drag her into his arms and force her to take back
her words. Force her to admit, once and for all, to the potent
attraction that lay between them. But he could not. He was cruelly
aware that compelling Savanna to give in to him would accomplish
nothing—he'd been ruthlessly bending her to his will practically from
the moment they had met, and it had, he conceded grimly, gained him
nothing.

Adam was an intelligent man, a determined man, even a stubborn
man, but he was not a foolish man, and only a foolish man would
persevere in the face of such clear rejection. He took a deep,
shuddering breath. Perhaps she was the wise one after all. Perhaps it
would be best if they did divorce. Free of each other, they could then
pick up the threads of their previous lives. A bleak smile touched his
lips. Somehow he could not imagine a life without Savanna, but it
appeared that he was going to have to face that particularly barren
existence. Not one to linger over painful decisions, he lifted his
head, and levelly meeting her gaze, he said in a voice devoid of any
emotion, "Very well, my dear. If a divorce is what you want, I will not
stand in your way."

Savanna had been prepared to do battle; she had been certain
that he would furiously refuse to countenance such an action. Feeling
very much as if the wind had been knocked right out of her, she stared
numbly at him. It had never really occurred to her that Adam would
submit so tamely, give into her demands without a fierce struggle, and
she was left floundering helplessly in the wake of her startling
victory. She also realized rather sickly that a divorce was the
last
thing she wanted, that in some twisted,
foolish
way she had hoped that she could force him to reveal his emotions. She
choked back a hysterical laugh. What had she expected? That, faced with
her demand for a divorce, he would fall on his knees and declare his
love for her? Beg her to stay with him?

She had, Savanna admitted wretchedly, made a miserable mess of
the situation and had put herself in an untenable position. But at
least I know, she thought bitterly. At least I know that he doesn't
give a damn about me! Why else would he have agreed so readily to a
divorce? Her chin lifted proudly. The aquamarine eyes dark like the sea
before a storm, she muttered, "How do we go about it?"

In that same unnervingly lifeless voice, Adam replied, "I'm
not really certain. I shall write to the attorney I use in Natchez and
have him advise us." He suddenly shot her a keen look. "Do you wish me
to leave Campo de Verde immediately?"

The question caught her off guard and she nearly blurted out
that she
never
wanted him to leave, but holding
back those betraying words, she shook her head, stammering, "I—I didn't
m-m-mean… I d-d-didn't believe…" She stopped and, taking a deep breath,
continued more coherently. "It's not necessary for you to leave this
very instant! I just wanted things to be clear between us and—and I see
no reason why we cannot part, er, friends."