Early Dawn (28 page)

“What woman on earth would ever feel right with me, knowing that I still love my dead wife?”

“What woman worth having would object?” she countered. “You loved Livvy and always will. Love isn’t something we can simply decide to stop feeling. It stays with us all our lives. I admire your loyalty to her. It tells me that when you love, you love very deeply. That’s a good thing, not a bad one, a very admirable trait.”

He studied her for a long while. Then he turned his gaze back to the sky. Eden wished he would say something, but he didn’t. And he stubbornly maintained a safe distance from her, even on the narrow pallet.

Eden said nothing more. She’d given him enough to chew on for one night.

 

Matthew lay awake long after Eden fell asleep. The soft whir of her breathing wasn’t exactly a snore, but close. Corners of his heart
.
What a bunch of skimble-skamble. And unless he missed his guess, Eden was bound and determined to chisel her name on one of them. The very thought scared him half to death. She was a beautiful woman and a tempting package, no question about it, but he couldn’t let himself love anyone again. Life was too full of risks. If that cat had attacked her this morning instead of him, she’d be dead. Tomorrow they might encounter another danger. This was harsh and perilous country. There was no guarantee that he’d be able to protect her a second time.

The long and short of it was that he couldn’t let her get under his skin and then end up burying her. He just couldn’t. Call him a coward, but he refused to live through that again. When she looked at him with those big blue eyes, he read emotions in them that made him feel as if he were standing at the edge of a cliff and she was about to give him a push. She had his thoughts all messed up. She was making him question convictions that he’d had for three years. Just looking at her gave him a hard-on.
Enough
.

From this moment forward, she could preach all she liked, but that didn’t mean he had to listen. As for her being attracted to him, he would nip that in the bud, too. He wasn’t sure how just yet, but he’d figure out something.

 

Eden awakened before Matthew did the next morning. Hoping to lighten his workload, because she knew he was in more pain than he wanted to reveal, she strapped on her guns, donned her jacket, and traipsed off through the early dawn to gather firewood. Then she fished through the rations for ingredients for breakfast. Hunting for meat was out. She didn’t think she’d be able to get anything with a crudely fashioned spear, and firing a gun would be too risky. She found a tin of beef and decided fried potatoes would accompany it nicely.

As she set to work, stoking the fire and peeling the spuds, Matthew stirred awake. When he saw that she already had a pot of coffee on to boil and was preparing to cook, he sat up and finger-combed his hair, looking so handsome that he nearly took her breath away.

What truly spoke to her were his eyes. They were so incredibly blue and clear, like the crest of an ocean breaker on a calm summer day, and, unlike when she’d first met him, they seemed so expressive to her now, twinkling with amusement when he was about to laugh, going warm when he studied her face, darkening to the color of storm clouds when he felt sad or worried. This morning they were stormy.

Studying him, Eden knew she was treading on perilous ground, in danger of losing her heart to a man who claimed he had nothing left to give her in return.

“How’s your chest this morning?” she asked.

“Fine,” he bit out. “The cuts aren’t that deep. They’ll heal fast as long as infection doesn’t set in.”

“I cleaned them well. Let’s hope that doesn’t happen.”

He struggled to his feet and bent to roll up the bedding.

“I’ll get that, Matthew.”

“You’re hurt, too, and a whole lot worse than I am,” he retorted. “I’m fine, I said.”

“My goodness, aren’t we cheery this morning?”

“Maybe I’m cross more mornings than not. Did you ever think of that? You think you know me, but the truth is, you don’t.”

He strode down to the creek without fetching his shaving gear. Eden gazed thoughtfully after him. When he returned a few minutes later, she offered him a cup of coffee. He took it without saying thank-you. Then he ate the food in sullen silence.

When the remains of breakfast had been cleaned up, they broke camp without speaking. Eden was weary of riding. Last night, she’d grown so exhausted that she’d caught herself nodding off in the saddle. She didn’t look forward to another long day, especially when her companion was in such a grump.

There was no help for it, though. If they made for a town too soon, the Sebastians might cut them off before they got there. Eden understood the danger, and she preferred to avoid a shoot-out. Target-practicing was a lot different from aiming her gun at a man and pulling the trigger.

While Matthew saddled the horses, Eden hurried down to the creek for a quick scrub. The water was icy, but she enjoyed the first bracing splash to her face to get the sleep out of her eyes. She used her reflection on the water as a mirror to do something with her hair. The wild mane of curls proved impossible to tame without a brush and pins, so she settled for combing it with her fingers and knotting it at the back of her head. At least that would keep it out of her eyes when the wind picked up later. She hadn’t smeared mud on her face in days. Her sunburn was now healed, and the battered straw hat Matthew had lent her had a wide brim to help protect her from the sun.

Matthew was putting the packs on Herman when she returned. While he did that, she began erasing all signs of their campfire, as she’d seen Matthew do, and then she feathered away their footprints and all the hoofmarks. The binding around her ribs was a godsend.

She hoped that Matthew might say she’d done a good job when she finished erasing their tracks, but instead he swung up onto his horse, tipped his hat low to shade his eyes from the sun, and rode off before she’d even mounted up. She had to hurry to catch up with him.

That morning he headed northwest into the foothills, undoubtedly to make another circle. Since coming upon the Sebastians’ tracks, he’d been extremely alert to their surroundings, either scanning the hillsides or searching for signs that the gang had recently been in the area. She’d also noticed that he’d been keeping their fires small at night, which told her he feared the criminals could be somewhere nearby.

A few minutes later, when they came to a meadow, he slowed his horse so she could ride abreast of him. “Yesterday when you were telling me about John, you said his father threatened to disinherit him if he went through with the marriage. Can I take that to mean John will be a rich man someday?”

Eden nodded. “His father owns five banks and several businesses.”

“So John was quite a catch.”

“I suppose you could say that, yes.”

He drew his horse to a stop and looked her directly in the eye. “The next time you fancy yourself attracted to me, Eden, remember one thing: I’m
not
a good catch. I have very little money and no way to make a lot.”

“Money isn’t everything. You’re not afraid of hard work, and heaven knows you have a determined nature.”

“Big problem. I have no land to work, remember?”

“You have the land in Oregon.”

“Even if I decided to go home, which I have no intention of doing, the Lazy J is a family-owned ranch, and the profits are divided among everyone. My share was never large, and we’re all a far cry from wealthy. My parents’ house is livable, but there’s nothing fancy about it. The cabin Livvy and I shared was nothing to shout about, either, squat and tiny, with only two bedrooms.”

“I didn’t always live in a fancy house, Matthew, and I have no overwhelming need to do so again. There’s a lot more to life than that. I could be happy on a ranch with only the basic necessities.”

“You think that now, but you might change your mind after the new wore off. On a ranch, you don’t work with cattle only for the fun of it, and you can’t avoid the unpleasant jobs just because they turn your stomach. Branding and castrating are part of the business. So is selling the steers for slaughter, no matter how fond of them you become. It’s a hard, demanding life with few days off. No expensive honeymoons, no fancy dresses, no attending the opera or theater, no kitchen staff to oversee. You’ve got mettle, Eden; I’ll give you that. But you’re not made of stern enough stuff to be a rancher’s wife.”

He nudged his horse into a trot to leave her trailing behind him again. Eden wanted to shout a retort at him, but she could think of nothing to say. Why did he always sell her short? It made her so furious that she had to clench her teeth to keep from screaming. Yesterday, after the cougar attack, had she balked at stitching him up? No, not even once. How dared he say she didn’t have what it took to be a rancher’s wife!

 

For about five minutes, Matthew congratulated himself on a job well-done. A woman couldn’t very well feel attracted to a man when he riled her temper at every turn. But then he started to feel guilty as hell. He’d seen the hurt, bruised look in Eden’s eyes when he’d taken that jab at her, and now he wished he could take it back. She
was
made of stern enough stuff to be a rancher’s wife, and he was a low-down, cowardly skunk for telling her she wasn’t. Just because she was getting under his skin was no excuse for him to tell her a flat-out lie, and it was no excuse to injure her feelings, either.

Damn.
Every time he looked at her, his brains leaked out his ears. He dreaded having to apologize, but he knew there was no help for it.

 

For lunch, they stopped by a narrow stream that meandered through a gorgeous stand of ponderosa pine. While they rested the horses and chewed on jerky, Matthew spread a map of the area over his lap. Though still miffed, Eden scooted close so she could peruse it with him.

“That’s Holden Creek,” he said, pointing to a small dot. “After the train was held up, I rode there for help. To say I wasn’t impressed with the marshal would be an understatement. He’s an old, paunchy drunk, and his pals were the same. They wouldn’t offer much protection against the Sebastians.”

“No,” she agreed. “We should head for a town where there are a lot of people and enough lawmen to deal with gunslingers. Denver would be ideal.” Squinting to make sense of the squiggles on the map, she asked, “Where are we right now?”

He indicated the spot, and when she followed the point of his finger, her heart sank. “Oh,
mercy
, Matthew. We’re clear out in the middle of nowhere.” She located Denver, and her heart sank even more. “Please tell me that isn’t as far away as it looks.”

“Not quite as far away as it looks, but a far piece all the same. I’d say it’s a five- or six-day ride, maybe even seven. Not that it matters.”

She shot him a bewildered look. “What do you mean?”

“We aren’t going there.”

“Where are we going then?”

He rubbed his jaw and glanced away. “Nowhere,” he muttered.

“Pardon me?”

In a louder voice, he repeated himself. “Nowhere. I’ve been mulling it over, and I think we should keep moving into different areas and riding in circles. Your brothers are halfway decent trackers, right?”

“Right. David is a lawman, so he’s especially good.”

“We’ve seen their tracks. We know they’re out here somewhere. We just have to wait for them to find us.”

“You’re constantly riding in streams and covering our tracks. They may not find us for several more days, maybe even
weeks
.” Eden gaped at him. “What happened to our plan to ride in circles for a few more days and then head for a town?”

“Well, that’s just the thing. There are a number of towns, but this map doesn’t tell their population, so I’m not sure how big they are or what kind of law enforcement they have. If you know something I don’t about them, fill me in, because the way I see it, Denver is our only safe bet, and if I’m thinking that, so are the Sebastians.”

“So you’re afraid to go there?”

“If we go that way, they’ll head us off, sure as rain is wet, and I’d rather avoid that if we possibly can.”

“You don’t think we can take them?”

He sighed and finally met her gaze again. “We’re both pretty damned good with a gun, but so are they. In a shoot-out, it’ll be two against five. What are our chances? If one little thing goes wrong, we’re dead.”

Eden’s throat felt as if she’d swallowed flour paste. “But, Matthew, we can’t ride around out here in circles indefinitely. We’ll run out of supplies.”

“I can hunt. I won’t let you starve.”

“I’m tired. I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”

“If you go down, I’ll carry you in front of me on my horse.”

Eden knew he would do exactly that—even with a lacerated chest. “I’m not a small woman, Matthew. Your arms would feel as if they were falling off after only a few hours.”

“You’re not that heavy. I’ve picked you up, remember? If it comes to that, I can carry you, no problem.”

She started to make another protest, but he held up a hand to silence her. “I know it won’t be easy, Eden, and I understand that the prospect seems overwhelming to you. But I can’t in good conscience put your life at risk, not if I can help it.” He puffed air into his cheeks and slowly released it. “The moment I carried you from that camp, you became my responsibility. I don’t take that lightly, and I have to do everything in my power to keep you safe, even if it means riding in circles out here for weeks. Do you understand? With any luck, the Sebastians will grow tired of the chase and give up.”

Eden understood his reasoning but wished she didn’t. “Maybe we should change tactics and start tracking
them
,” she suggested. “If we catch them by surprise, it’ll increase the odds in our favor.”

“It would still be risky. I say we should just keep outsmarting them until your brothers find us. When they do, it’ll be six fast guns against five. At least then we’ll have a decent chance. Maybe Ace will pull a rabbit out of his hat and take two of them with one bullet.”