Earth's End (Air Awakens Series Book 3) (39 page)

“Goodbye, Aldrik,” Vhalla whispered.

His face fell. All emotion collapsed like a house of cards in the wake of world-shattering panic. Aldrik heard the finality Vhalla put in her tone. “Wait!” he cried. “Where are you going?”

Vhalla kept walking for the door, folding the parchment before putting it in her pocket.

“Answer me!” he pleaded, he ordered. “Vhalla,
Vhalla, please
! Answer me!”

Vhalla plunged herself into the night air beyond, listening to Aldrik’s cries muffled through the doors. The two soldiers stationed on either side gave her extremely curious looks, but Vhalla held her head high. The camp was certain to be ablaze with talk the moment the guard changed.

Vhalla bit her lip so hard she split it on her teeth. She had the one thing she’d been fighting for since leaving the capital: her freedom. But it had cost her nearly everything. Vhalla realized she’d walked out of the camp palace with nothing but the clothes on her back and the decree from the Emperor. She’d left everything in that poorly built, glorified shack. Strewn about the floor of Aldrik’s room were all the things she’d taken to the North: her clothes, her armor, a few meager possessions, and her heart.

V
HALLA DIDN
’
T WALK
. She drifted through time and space from one location to the next, gravitating toward the only place she could think of to go: Fritz’s bedside. She’d taken the long way, wandering through the wreckage that surrounded her. The battle already seemed like another world and, somehow, it had suddenly turned into a loss.

Elecia was gone and Fritz was asleep, as were most of the people in the large cleric’s tent. Vhalla situated herself on the bare ground next to her friend. It wasn’t long after she’d settled that his eyes cracked open, his head turning slowly to look at her.

Fritz stared at her for a long moment, peering thoughtfully at her face. “What happened?”

Vhalla raised a hand up to her cheek, noticing where Fritz’s eyes had gravitated. The skin near her eye was puffy and tender, likely red or a purple color. A bruise that hadn’t been there the last time he’d seen her.

“A lot,” Vhalla whispered.

“It looks it,” Fritz agreed. “Do you want to talk about it?”

She mused over this. Her immediate answer was no; not even by a small margin did she want to talk about her falling out with the man who was supposed to be her intended. The watch almost burned against her chest, and Vhalla thought of all the times Aldrik had kept silent when she desperately wanted him to open up. She thought of Larel, and the memory of the woman reminded her that friends were there to help in moments like this.

“Aldrik and I, we’re over.” Saying it aloud made it all the more real.

Thankfully Fritz spoke and saved Vhalla from being unable to. “Did he do this?” Fritz ran his fingers over her face.

“Yes.” Vhalla didn’t even try to lie,
she was done with lies
. “He was aiming for someone else,” she continued at Fritz’s frown. “But, yes.”

It was Fritz’s turn to be at a loss for words.

Vhalla shook her head. She didn’t want people to think of Aldrik as abusive. “It was really an accident, I got between fighting brothers.” She laughed weakly. “Aldrik wouldn’t have intentionally hit me.”

“If you say so.” Her friend didn’t seem convinced.

“Truly,” Vhalla assured. “I’m a Lady of the Court now.” She was eager to change the topic.

“What? Really?” In Fritz’s excitement, he spoke a little too loud and moved a little too fast. Vhalla pushed lightly on his shoulder, preventing him from sitting as another patient muttered and cursed at the noise. Fritz scooted closer. “How?”

“Aldrik, he ...” Vhalla stilled. She was tired of having revelations that made her chest ache with how hollow it was. “He traded his freedom for mine.”

Vhalla clutched the watch around her neck tightly.
How had she not seen it that way before?
The pendulum of her emotions toward the crown prince swung from all-consuming love to raw anger.

“I don’t really get it all,” Fritz sighed. “But this means you can return to the Tower, right?”

Vhalla looked up at Fritz in surprise. She hadn’t thought about it. Returning to the Tower, living a normal life; it all seemed so out of reach that Vhalla hadn’t considered it. Now, it stared her in the face, and it was positively terrifying. She couldn’t go back to the South. She couldn’t march alongside Aldrik and his new bride. She couldn’t pretend everything was normal when she didn’t even know what normal was, when she felt like she didn’t even know who she was anymore.

“Fritz ... I ...” How could she tell him?
What was she going to do?
“I can’t go back.”

“What?” Fritz’s face fell into a frown.

“I can’t—I can’t go back there. I’m not ready.”

“Vhalla, all you’ve wanted to do is go home,” Fritz pointed out.

“I know.” She sat, running her hands through her hair, angrily combing out snags. The Emperor had given her freedom, but taken away the one thing she wanted to do with it and tainted the joy of everything else. She was certain the wretched man gleaned great pleasure from what he’d done. “But I can’t be near Aldrik right now—I can’t.”

“It’s a long march back ...”

“I know. And I can’t go to the Tower and just be a student once more as though nothing happened. I don’t want to go to the Court and be their lady, their war hero, and prattle off stories. I can’t go home ... I can’t step foot in my mother’s and father’s home as I am.” Vhalla swallowed hard. Her options were running out.
How was freedom more confining than servitude?

“As you are? Vhalla, I know your father would love to see—”

“I can’t!” Vhalla pressed a palm over her mouth, being
shh’ed
by another trying to sleep. “I can’t, Fritz. I don’t want to ruin my memory of that home by returning a confused mess with so much blood on my hands.”

“What do you want, then?” Fritz changed his approach.

“I want ... I want to forget all this for a while and wander, to be lost for just a little while.” Vhalla suddenly knew where she needed to go.

“And where can you do that?” Fritz saw it on her face also.

Vhalla absorbed her friend’s condition, freezing her words in her mouth. She saw Fritz’s bandages, the blood seeping through them. He was in no position to travel, and if she told him, he would push himself to do so. As much as Vhalla wanted her friend with her, she wanted his health more.

“I’m not going to tell you,” Vhalla said honestly.

No more lies
.

“Why?” Hurt shone brightly in Fritz’s eyes.

“Because I don’t want you coming with me. Not with your injuries,” Vhalla explained hastily.

“I’m fi—”

“No, you’re not.” Vhalla shook her head. “You’re in no position to travel at the speed I will want to go. The war is over, Fritz. You survived. Don’t kill yourself now and put that burden on my shoulders.”

He sighed, a small pout overcoming his face. “Tell me anyways; when I’m well I’ll come and find you.”

Vhalla laughed softly. She leaned forward and pressed her lips to Fritz’s forehead, remembering all the times Larel had done the same to her. It was a bittersweet gesture.

“I don’t want to be found just yet,” she reminded him. “I’ll find you. I’ll come back to the Tower.”

“When?” Fritz pressed.

“When I’m ready.” Vhalla straightened. “You take care of yourself. Order Elecia to do so.”

“She’s the one who orders me!” Fritz whined.

“Gotta have a firm hand.” Vhalla smiled tiredly.

“Wait.” Fritz grabbed her wrist as Vhalla went to stand. “Vhalla, I
will
see you again, right?”

“Mother,
yes
, Fritz.” Vhalla shifted her arm to take his hand, squeezing it tightly. “You are my dear, dear friend, maybe the only one in this wide world. You will see me again—you’re quite stuck with me.”

“Good.” Fritz squeezed her hand back.

“And when I do return to the Tower, I expect a full report on you and Grahm.” The shade of red Fritz’s face turned, even in the near-darkness of the tent, was touching enough to ease some of the hurt in Vhalla’s own heart. “Until then.”

“Until then.” Fritz nodded.

Vhalla didn’t look back at her friend. She wouldn’t say goodbye, she wouldn’t give it that permanence. This, what she was doing, was a temporary retreat. She couldn’t run forever. But for now, she’d go as fast as the wind could carry her.

There was just one more loose end for her to tie up. Vhalla was surprised to find the Golden Guard’s shacks mostly deserted. She’d expected to find them partying, but the revelries must be occurring somewhere else as no guards were to be found.

It was far easier this way
. With a shifty glance, Vhalla slipped into Daniel’s shack. She couldn’t leave the axe behind. Vhalla started with the small pile of his clothes in the corner, fishing through them for a bundle that could hold the crystal weapon.

“Where is it?” she muttered when she reached bare ground at the bottom of the stack.

“Where is what, exactly?” Daniel leaned in the doorframe.

Vhalla was like startled game, frozen and wide-eyed, caught by a hunter. She stood, swallowing the awkwardness. “The axe.”

“Hidden, like you asked.” Daniel regarded her thoughtfully. It was a look that she hadn’t received from him, and Vhalla wasn’t sure if it was a look she should like or not.

“I need it.”

“Why?” He took a step closer to her.

“I don’t need to tell you that,” she said cautiously.

“You don’t.” He could’ve fought her, but he didn’t. After the events of the evening, Vhalla had a whole new appreciation for the fact. “But will you at least tell me that you aren’t planning on hurting yourself or someone else with it?”

“
What?
” the word was half a gasp. “No. Why would you think that?”

“Many wouldn’t blame you.” Daniel put his palm over her cheek. It wasn’t chance his thumb ran over her bruise. “Not after how he is.”

“It’s not like that.” Vhalla was still defensive from Fritz, but once that immediate reaction wore off, she was stilled by a realization. “Wait, how do you know?”

“Where do you think we all were—are?” Daniel frowned. Vhalla didn’t understand, and that much he picked up on, continuing, “It takes a bit of strength to subdue one of the fiercest warriors and greatest sorcerers in the world.”

“What?” Vhalla whispered in horror.

“Baldair called for help. The guard answered,” Daniel began.

“Aldrik, is Aldrik all right?” Vhalla was asking before she could stop herself.

Daniel sighed; the noise was disappointment incarnate. Vhalla didn’t know if the sound made her feel worse than her own realization of what her immediate reaction had been. It reaffirmed everything for her.
She had to go
. The longer she stayed, the sooner she’d fall back into Aldrik’s gravity.

“The prince is subdued. He’ll be fine—if Baldair doesn’t decide kill him. He doesn’t take kindly to people who mistreat women.”

Vhalla stared at her feet as if daring them to move. They didn’t. They managed to keep her in one place, resisting running to Aldrik. Not taking a step was the first step.

“They’ll be fine.” She tried to shrug it off, to put it behind her. “The axe.”

Daniel squinted, assessing her actions. “Why do you want it?”

“I just do.”

“Tell me,” he pressed.

“I’m leaving.”

Daniel paused, absorbing this news. His hazel eyes seemed to almost glow with interest. “Where are you going?”

Vhalla noticed he didn’t ask why she was leaving. “You don’t need to know that.”

“Can I go with you?”

That was a question she hadn’t been expecting, and Vhalla didn’t know how to answer it. “Why?”

“Because it’s safer to not travel alone. Because I want to leave, too.” Daniel paused. “Because I want to leave
with you
.”

“Daniel.” Vhalla shook her head firmly. “Don’t you know how it is? Didn’t you see it? I love-loved-love him. I’m not someone you want to be with. I’m not healthy right now.”

Daniel snorted with easy laughter. “And who is?” He gave her a smile that Vhalla had to fixate on, otherwise she wouldn’t have believed it was real. “I thought I tried to explain it. My feelings aren’t dictated by yours.”

Vhalla opened and closed her mouth, unable to come up with a retort.

“When I returned from my last tour, I returned to a letter, a letter from the woman whom I loved, who I thought loved me, saying that she was gone.” Vhalla remembered the history Daniel had told her before, but he’d never continued. “Then I met someone new. I met someone curious, charming, strong,
magical
. I watched her persevere when the world had written her off—and I thought that if she could do that, I could keep waking up each morning and summoning the strength to get out of bed.”

She felt tears burning behind her eyes, her throat gummy. Vhalla wasn’t overcome with emotion at his words. She felt the tears burning with the knowledge of what she needed to say to him despite his well-intended kindness.

“Daniel—”

“Hear me out,” he said, hastily scooping up her hands. “We don’t have to be alone, don’t you see? And I don’t need your love to help you.”