Easily Amused (17 page)

T
he only good thing about Hubert’s sickness was that we got out of eating kimchi over at the Chos’ house. I, quite honestly, had forgotten all about the invitation Hubert had accepted on our behalf, so when I hung up after talking to Piper and heard the doorbell ring, for one excited moment I thought it might be Ryan. When I opened the door to see Ben Cho standing there, all I could think was that he was
so
not Ryan.

“Hello,” Ben said. “Here’s something for you.” He held a large Bath & Body Works bag, which he thrust forward for me to take. If he weren’t my neighbor, I would have thought he was a door-to-door salesman. “My mother said to tell you she’s sorry you can’t join us for dinner. We all hope Hubert feels better soon.” News traveled fast on King Street. It reminded me of an ancient joke that I mentally modified to fit the situation. What are the three best ways to spread news quickly? Telegraph, telephone, and tell-a-neighbor. Ha! I smiled at my own cleverness, and Ben smiled back thinking it was for him.

I took the bag and peered in to see the shiny tops of what looked like canning jars. “What have we here?”

“My mother says since you can’t come to dinner, she’s sending the dinner to you.”

“How nice,” I said. “Tell her thank you.” We stood for a moment, and I gestured backward. “Would you like to come in?” I hoped not.

“No thanks, I still have a few more deliveries to make. Just tell Hubert to give me a call when he’s up and about.”

“Will do.” I closed the door and went into the kitchen, where I unloaded the four glass jars. Apparently the Chos hadn’t heard of Ziploc bags or GladWare. Now I’d have to return the empties, which involved more personal contact with the neighbors. I could feel myself getting sucked into their little vortex. Bit by bit, I was losing ground.

Aunt May had kept a radio on the kitchen counter, the old type with the circular dial. She’d been partial to an oldies station, mostly music from the forties and fifties, and I’d gotten in the habit of listening to it when I was emptying the dishwasher or putting away groceries. I turned it on now and smiled when I heard Frank Sinatra singing “New York, New York.” After adjusting the dial to get rid of the static, I turned back to the jars on the kitchen table. They weren’t labeled. I held one up to the light of the window and wondered about the contents. I lined them up in a row on the table as if that would help, but I came up with nothing. One I knew was kimchi, but the rest were a mystery. Unidentifiable chunks were as close as I could come to labeling them.

“What’s that?” Fresh from the shower, Hubert stood in the doorway of the kitchen in his bathrobe. Even though we were heading into the summer months, the robe was a heavier terrycloth type, with a knotted tie that looked substantial enough to be used for a mountain climbing rescue. I had a fleeting unwelcome thought that right behind that flap of fabric hung an example of what separated the men from the boys. My mind flashed back to my former roommate, the Celtic music fan, comparing the private parts of every guy she ever slept with. Andrea could be disgusting. She’d say things like, “Most women complain about the smaller ones, but the cocks I really hate are the ones that are long and skinny, like Dodger dogs.” I had huge problems with hot dogs for about three years after hearing that. Even Italian sausages and brats bothered me if I thought about it too much. And forget about condiments—that was a whole other area. Remembering Andrea’s assessments made me wonder what category Hubert’s would fit under.

Had he asked me a question? “Excuse me?”

“What’s in the jars? It looks like a science experiment.”

Did he notice my face was turning red? “Ben Cho dropped off dinner because you were too sick to come over.” When I noticed the confused look on his face, I prompted him with, “Kimchi night?”

His face flooded with recognition upon hearing the word. “Oh, of course. You were smart to cancel for us. I’m not up for that today.”

“It wasn’t me,” I said. “I mean, I didn’t call. Ben just dropped by a minute ago. They must have heard from Brother Jasper or Myra. Or else they saw you come home.” I regretted my words as soon as I saw his wince of embarrassment. Nothing like the day after to make a person fully understand the meaning of regret.

Hubert absentmindedly tugged on the end of his bathrobe tie, then let it go slack. “I guess I owe everybody for taking care of me yesterday. Talk about doing someone a favor. I’m really indebted to you and Piper and Brother Jasper and Myra.”

“You don’t owe us anything,” I said. “That’s what friends are for. And when you feel up to picking up your car, just say the word.” I ran my index finger around the lid of the closest jar. The metal was cold to the touch. Hubert nodded but stood silent, so I turned to put the jars away in the refrigerator. I wasn’t sure what any of this stuff was or how it was supposed to be eaten, but keeping it cool was a safe bet. No need to keep the food poisoning cycle going. When I looked back, Hubert was still standing in the doorway as motionless as a palace guard. “Can I get you anything? Pepto Bismol? Water?” I held my hands out questioningly.

“No, I don’t need anything,” he said slowly. “Thank you. But I did want to say…I mean, I wanted to tell you—” He stopped and smiled wanly.

“Yes?”

He cleared his throat. “You know last night when I talked about us getting married?”

“I remember.” Who could forget?

“I know it made you really uncomfortable.” He fidgeted now with the robe belt as if
he
were the one who was really uncomfortable. “It was just, I was pretty upset and I’d been drinking, so my filters weren’t on. I’m not even sure why I said what I did, but I don’t want it to get in the way of our friendship.” He looked at me to gauge my reaction. “Just forget that I ever brought it up.”

“I pretty much have,” I said, to make him feel better. I waved a hand over my head to simulate a thought flying out of my brain. “Zoop. It’s completely gone.”

“Good, because I’d hate to have it come between us.”

“
What
would you hate to come between us?” I joked. “I don’t even remember what you’re talking about. What conversation?”

He exhaled in relief. “I’m glad that’s resolved. We’re OK then?”

“We’re more than OK—we’re best friends, and we always will be.” OK, I might have been laying it on a little thick, but the guy was trying so hard to smooth things over. To emphasize the OK-edness of the situation, I made the A-OK sign—thumb and pointer together, the remaining fingers splayed like a peacock’s feathers. It was the kind of thing my grandpa did—my dad was partial to the thumbs-up. Every generation comes up with variations of the same thing.

“Forgive me?” he said, reaching out with his arms.

“There’s nothing to forgive.” I walked into his embrace, and he wrapped his arms tightly around me. My face was chest level, so I had to turn my head to one side with my nose toward his armpit. The terrycloth fabric was softer than I would have thought, and he smelled like Ivory soap. I glanced up and noticed we were positioned under the doorframe, the safest place to be in the event of an earthquake. Not that Wisconsin had earthquakes.

After about ten seconds, the meter for a casual hug had expired, but Hubert hadn’t let go. In fact, he’d shuffled even closer, moving his feet on either side of mine so that I was pressed up against him. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but it was a little weird, especially with him being in his bathrobe and all. “Uh, Hubert?”

“Yes, Lola?” His voice was above my head and out of my line of vision, like God speaking from a cloud.

“We’re still hugging.”

“I know that. Do you mind? It’s nice.” I could hear his breathing right above my ear—he sounded relaxed.

I held on and patted his back a little bit, wondering how much longer this would go on. Hubert and I had hugged before, many times in fact, but this was a new one. After a minute passed, I found that I didn’t mind so much. I didn’t have plans for the day, and since he’d brushed his teeth and taken a shower, there was nothing objectionable aroma-wise. And he was a comfortable man.

I found myself relaxing into him, like we were partners in a dance marathon and I needed him to hold me up. I thought back to the article I’d written about the importance of human touch, and I wondered how long it had been since I’d had my share.

Hubert was definitely a good hugger. Much better than Danny, the guy I’d dated for two years in college. Danny insisted on resting his chin on the top of my head, leaving me with the sensation of a railroad spike being driven into my skull. Who could believe a chin could feel so sharp? To avoid it, I’d lower my head, causing my neck to compress in an uncomfortable way. He’d respond by shifting his head downward so that his chin was back on my head. Thinking about it even now gave me a headache.

“We fit well together,” Hubert said, stroking my hair.

His fingers running through my hair set off my inner alarm system. Was he having a momentary lapse and thinking I was Kelly? Or just being extra friendly? Either way, it was awkward and suggestive. I tried to think of a way to break the seal and get things back on the right track. I looked up at him. “Hubert, I have to—” But before I could finish my statement about the necessity of emptying the dishwasher, he took the hand that had been caressing my hair and moved it under my chin to tilt my head back. It was a pretty slick move, and if I were being completely honest, I’d have to admit that the suddenness of it made me a little breathless. He lowered his face toward mine, and I saw it coming. I knew he was going to kiss me. It occurred to me to pull back, but part of me was curious to see how it all turned out. I felt like I was watching a play that had taken an unexpected turn during act two.

At first his lips just brushed against mine, and I thought he might be giving me the kind of quick hello kiss my Uncle Stu used to give me and Mindy—smack dab on the lips—until my mother asked him to stop doing it. But this kiss lasted longer than a hello kiss. When I didn’t pull back, he pressed harder. All I could think was,
Oh my God, Hubert’s kissing me.
He was so smooth—who knew? I considered stopping it before we went any further, but the hedonistic, just-one-more-drink side of my brain wanted to see it through.

I lifted my hands to cradle the back of his head.
Oh my God, I’m kissing Hubert.
My mouth parted to let him in.
Hubert.
What an unbelievably good feeling.

“Oh, Lola,” he murmured, pulling me close.

We stood there making out for a few minutes, the radio playing Nat King Cole’s “For All We Know” like a soundtrack to our own personal movie. It crossed my mind to insist we quit, but that would have required stopping, and I wasn’t ready to do that yet.
Just one more minute, just one more minute.

My brain raced with alternating viewpoints. My internal sensible advisor was all,
You shouldn’t be kissing Hubert. Once that line is crossed, you can’t be just friends anymore.
My free-spirited hippie side, whom I almost never heard from, said,
Don’t over-analyze it. Live a little. If it feels good, do it.
And then Piper’s voice chimed in:
I always thought you two would make a good couple.

The inner conference was interrupted by a rapping noise coming from behind me. A noise like a bird hitting the window. I tried to pull away, but Hubert didn’t see the need. “Ignore it,” he whispered, holding me tight. “They’ll go away.”

He had me in such a firm squeeze I couldn’t have made a complete turn even if I wanted to. But I didn’t particularly want to. If it were a neighbor kid or the meter man at the window, let them see. We weren’t doing anything illegal. I did wonder though. “Who is it?”

He whispered, “Just Mindy and that Ryan guy.”

“What?!” I pushed Hubert back with a force that caused him to rock back on his heels. I caught the look of shock on his face right before I whirled around and saw Mindy and Ryan’s faces peering through my kitchen window. Ryan had a hand held up to his forehead like a visor. Mindy gave me her trademark wave—her fingers fluttering one by one. She had a smug look on her cute little face.

Score one for Mindy.

“G
o get dressed,” I hissed at Hubert. “I’ll think of some explanation.”

“What’s to explain?” He glanced over at the window. “It’s not their business, is it?” He waited for me to agree, but instead I gave him a pleading look. For a second I thought he might stand his ground, but he must have realized the enormity of the situation, because he left the room with a sigh.

I motioned for Ryan and Mindy to go to the back door and went to let them in. “What a surprise,” I said, leading them into the kitchen.

“We could tell.” Mindy smirked. “Did we interrupt something special, or is this how things always are around here?” She tossed her head, and her curls glistened, reminding me of the posters hanging on the wall of my hair salon. Further proof that life was unfair. “You and Hubert—who would have thought?”

I ignored her questions and smacked back a few of my own. “So what are you two doing together? And why did you go around to the back? Most people use the front door.”

“We tried the front,” Ryan said apologetically. I noticed for the first time that he held a carafe of what looked like fresh blood. “No one answered. And then your sister thought you might be sitting out in the backyard since it’s such a lovely day.” He flashed me that soul-melting smile. Today he wore a dark blue polo shirt. My father had one just like it, but on Ryan it looked anything but paternal.

“And you came together?” It was half question, half statement.

Mindy was grinning deviously. Catching me in a compromising position with Hubert was like something she’d have orchestrated in her dreams.

“I was going to come over anyway.” Ryan held out the carafe. “I overheard some ladies chatting on the sidewalk in front of my house. They were talking about Hubert’s adventures at the bar last night, and I thought this might help him feel better.”

I took it from him and gave it the once-over. “Is he supposed to drink this?”

“It’s my own hangover cure,” he explained. “Tomato juice and Tabasco sauce and a few other ingredients I can’t reveal. Some things just have to remain secret.”

“Well, thank you.” I went and put the carafe in the fridge alongside all of the other indescribable neighborhood offerings. Food, food everywhere, but nothing much to eat. “That’s very thoughtful of you.” I turned back to face both of them, pleased with myself for being so cool.

“Mindy pulled up as I was crossing the street to your house,” he said, as if anticipating my next question. “We just ran into each other.”

“You were coming to see me?” I asked her. That would be a first. Mindy dropping by to visit and doing it
alone.
My sister never went places by herself if she could help it. In high school, she was one of those girls who traveled in packs. As she got older, the number of hangers-on dwindled, but she was rarely seen without either Jessica or Chad at her side.

“No, I didn’t come to see
you
,” she said, kind of meanly I thought. “I was going to Ryan’s. I thought I might have left my sunglasses in his car. I haven’t been able to find them since last night, and I’ve been squinting all day. I don’t want to wind up being one of those thirty-year-olds with the little wrinkles next to their eyes.”

She left her sunglasses in his car? What? Something definitely smelled bad, and I was picking up an uncomfortable vibe from Ryan. It was subtle, just a shifting of posture while he studied my face for a reaction, but it was unmistakable. I kept my tone steady, less accusatory than curious. To Ryan, I said, “Why would her sunglasses be in your car?”

Ryan waved a hand—
oh that
. “Lola, I didn’t get a chance to tell you how last night turned out after you left us. We had a very nice time talking over dessert. You were greatly missed, of course, but Mindy told me some stories from your growing up years, so you were with us in spirit.”

Oh God, I could only imagine which stories she chose. No doubt the one about the time I was in my grandparents’ bathroom and couldn’t get out, no matter how many times I jiggled the temperamental door lock. My dad had to get a ladder and come in through the second-story window to free me. He himself had a heck of a time getting the lock to unlatch, so it was hardly my fault. Still, Mindy loved that story, especially since she’d been in the bathroom five minutes earlier and had no problem with the lock. And she was five years old at the time, compared to my ten, as she liked to remind me.

“And then,” Ryan continued, “Brad had to leave.”

“Chad,” Mindy corrected.

“Right,
Chad
.” Ryan nodded. “Chad had to leave. Something about a TV show he had to see. We had just gotten our after-dinner drinks, so instead of rushing, Mindy suggested I just drive her home.”

There were so many holes in this story I didn’t know where to begin. First off, what was Mindy,
my engaged-to-be-married sister
, doing out with my pseudo-fiancé? What nerve—had she no sense of decency? OK, she didn’t know Ryan and I were engaged yet, but she thought we’d been dating since I first moved to King Street, which was going on five months. Five months I had in this relationship, and she felt entitled to mack on my guy?

Not to mention the old sunglasses trick. If she was going to make up a lie, it should at least make sense. “So you thought you left your sunglasses in his car. And you were wearing them at night, why? To cut the glare of the pitch black?”

My questions caught her off guard, but she recovered quickly. “Of course I wasn’t wearing them. I thought they might have fallen out of my purse.”

“They weren’t in my car.” Ryan held his hands up—
search me
. “I don’t remember seeing them at all.”

I had one more inquiry. “What TV show did Chad want to see?” Nothing was on Friday nights. Everyone knew that.

“Aren’t you just full of questions today?” Mindy said. She tucked an errant curl behind her ear and tilted her head to one side. She probably thought it was a cute look, but it just made her head look lopsided.

Ryan’s gaze ping-ponged between us. “I really have to get going,” he said, looking uneasy. “I just wanted to drop off my cure for your friend.”

“You’re leaving so soon?” Mindy said. “I was just thinking we should round up Hubert and the four of us could do something.”

Ryan smiled in my direction, and I felt my irritation drift away. “I have some contracts and work e-mails to get through, but I should be free by tomorrow, Lola, if that works for you. I’ll give you a call.” He gave Mindy a cursory nod. “Nice meeting you again. I’ll see you at your wedding.”

I took his arm and guided him toward the living room. “You can use the front door like a real guest. Mindy can go out the back.” I gave her a glare that I hoped conveyed, “Stay here,” but she followed us through the house. After twenty-five years of avoiding me, suddenly she craved sisterly closeness. “Mindy,” I said, “if you’ll just wait here, I want to talk to Ryan.” She didn’t say anything, just made her famous Mindy pout. If she didn’t watch it, she was going to need Botox for those little lines around her mouth. Any day now she was going to wake up and find them permanently etched.

I pulled my front door shut. “I’ll walk you home, if you don’t mind.”

Ryan looked amused. “But what if the neighbors see?”

“Trust me, they’ll see,” I said. “There are eyes everywhere on this street. Nothing gets past them.” I pointed to Myra’s house next door. “Those garden gnomes are actually secret agents in disguise.” I waved to the end of the block. “And Belinda’s dogs are equipped with special smelling capabilities.”

“Aren’t most dogs?”

“Not like these dogs. They can smell farther, faster, and more accurately than any canines on the planet.”

Ryan leaned over so his face was close to mine. “This is fascinating. I’ve lived here for years and thought it was just a nice neighborhood on a quiet street. In only a few months, you’ve figured out what it’s really all about.” He rested his hand against my back. “Please tell me more.”

“Over at the Chos’,” I said, with a gesture to my left, “every member of their large clan is capable of doing tae kwon do with such ferocity—”

“Is ferocity a word?”

“I do believe so, yes, but I can say fierceness if that works better for you.”

“Either way.”

“Anyway, every man, woman, and child Cho can bring a healthy man to his knees in a matter of seconds, so we never have to worry about criminals on this street.”

“Even the Cho children?”

“Even little Cindy Lou, who is not more than two.”

“You’re making this up.”

“No, it’s all true.”

“We shall proceed very carefully then.” He slid his hand around my waist. I thought guiltily of the last time I experienced the same feeling—ten minutes before with Hubert. I put the thought out of my mind. That was a fluke. A girl would have to be completely incompetent to spend ten years looking for her soul mate only to wind up with her best friend from seventh grade. “Better hold tight. I’ll protect you in case of a speeding ice cream truck or sudden tornado.” As we crossed, Ryan looked up and down the length of the block like a preschooler following directions. “I think we’re safe.”

“That’s what they want you to think.”

When we reached his front steps, he said, “Now are we out of harm’s way?”

“I think so.” Oddly enough, none of the neighbors were outdoors at the moment, and there wasn’t a car in sight. But that didn’t mean we weren’t being watched. For once I hoped we were. I leaned against the railing of his covered porch. Crazy Myra’s house was directly opposite, and my place was to the right. My house looked stately and impressive. The lawn needed mowing, but that was a minor point. “This is kind of interesting, seeing my house from this angle.”

“Welcome to my view of the world.” Ryan half sat on the railing next to me. “The two of us, alone at last.”

“I really wanted to talk to you without Mindy around,” I said. “First off, I have to apologize for her. She’s always been a flirt, but considering she’s getting married in three weeks, she was way out of bounds.”

“Actually, considering I’m dating her sister, she was way out of bounds.”

His words made my heart soar with relief. I looked at his beautiful face, so calm and concerned, and wondered,
What would it be like to kiss this man?
Which led me to the second thing I needed to mention. “I’m glad you understand about Mindy. I also wanted to bring up Hubert. I know you saw us kissing, and—”

“You don’t owe me an explanation. We’ve only gone out a few times.”

Actually it was two times, but I liked that he said a few—it felt like he’d given me a promotion. I flexed my fingers nervously, preparing for what to say. “I still would like to get this out in the open. Yes, we were kissing, but I still consider Hubert to be just a friend.” A really good friend, who just happened to be a great kisser. “He’s gone through a lot lately, and one thing led to another. We were having a moment. I know how it looked, and I can’t really explain it myself, but I know it won’t happen again.” I looked up to see him grinning broadly.

“You’re so cute when you’re worried,” he said. “Everything’s fine, Lola. Don’t sweat it.”

“Really?”

“Absolutely. Nothing is a problem. Not your flaky sister or your needy friend. Everybody has people baggage in their life. Trust me, yours is not a big deal. I’ve seen far worse.”

“Whew. I’m so relieved.”

“I understand how it goes. I have my share too.”

“There’s another thing,” I said. I’d gone this far—I might as well take it all the way home. “I’ve been thinking about my sister’s wedding and your generous offer to be my stand-in fiancé.”

“Yes?” His eyes crinkled at the corners in an adorable way.

“I know I said I didn’t want to go through with it, but I’ve changed my mind. Are you still willing to come to the wedding and play along?”

“Lola, are you asking me to marry you?”

I grinned. “Yes, I am.”

He pressed his hands to his cheeks in mock surprise and spoke in a high-pitched voice like a Southern belle. “Oh, this is so unexpected. I mean, I hoped you’d ask, but I never dreamed you actually would.” He fanned a hand over his face. “I just can’t believe I’m going to be Mr. Lola Watson. Wait until I tell my friends.”

“OK already.” I laughed. “Will you do it?”

“It would be my pleasure.”

“You’ll have to talk to my relatives. And some of them are annoying. Really annoying.”

“That won’t be a problem. Relatives love me.”

At that moment,
I
loved him. What a good sport and all-around great guy. “This makes me so happy, I can’t even tell you. I’m glad it’s all set and everything’s fine.”

He stood up straight and pulled me away from the railing so I was facing him. “Of course everything’s fine.
We’re
fine. We’re more than fine.”

“Good. I’m glad you feel that way.”

“You know, Lola.” I loved the way he said my name—so melodic. “I’ve been thinking a lot about how we met. I was lying in bed last night wondering—what are the chances I’d be in that financial advisor’s office at the same time as your friend? And what are the chances Piper would approach me, of all people, with your dilemma? And then, even more unbelievable, what are the odds we’d hit it off so well
and
wind up living on the same street? It’s all so incredible. I’m thinking it’s more than coincidence.” He ran his finger along the edge of my cheek. “I’m thinking it’s fate.”

My heart sped up as he smiled down on me. I was vaguely aware of the yapping of a dog across the street and the roar of a weed whacker down the block, but the sounds were way outside my circle of interest. The only people in the world who mattered were standing on Ryan’s porch.

He leaned over and whispered in my ear, “Lola, destiny has brought us together,” and then he kissed my neck right below my ear.

I felt a shiver of pleasure until it registered that he’d used the word “destiny.” The reference always reminded me of George McFly’s botched line in
Back to the Future
: “Lorraine, my density has brought you to me.” It was one of the movie lines Hubert and I sometimes quoted to each other. Between that and the fact that his lips tickled my throat, I found myself wanting to laugh. I tried to hold it in, but despite my efforts I began to make a sound that could only be described as a stifled chortle. Not good.