East Hope (39 page)

Caroline sat by the fire with Hollis in her living room in East Hope. They had just finished eating dinner. She had prepared a recipe for a beef stew with root vegetables, a recipe she planned to include in her proposal for the cookbook. Hollis had been delighted with the invitation to test the recipe, and she had been glad for the company. She was thankful to have the work to keep her mind off Rob. The book project was all she had now, that and waiting for the baby.

“That was a fine dinner,” Hollis said.

“What did you think of the vegetables?” she asked.

“I would almost call them sweet,” he said. “I'd put it in your book for sure.” He extended his legs and drew his hands across his belly, a man content after a good meal. He wore a sweater under his sport jacket. Winter was upon them. Hollis looked older. His craggy face was drawn.

“Sounds like an endorsement to me,” she said. She too was glad to sit by the fire. The dishes could wait. Still tired from her trip, she knew that fatigue was normal at this stage in her pregnancy. Her drive from Connecticut to Maine had been long and depressing. This time, crossing the bridge at Portsmouth, New Hampshire, had felt very different. The water below had looked black and cold. The ocean had been a gray blur on her right, not at all like the sunny day last June, when, crossing into Maine, she had felt lighthearted and hopeful.

“I want to show you something,” she said to Hollis. She went to the mantel and picked up a letter that she had found caught in the back of a desk drawer earlier that afternoon. Finding the letter had made her feel sad all day, her heart heavy like the gray sky.

Hollis took the envelope, which had probably been cream-colored originally, but was now dingy with age. He removed the letter. It appeared to have been crumpled up at one time, such were the wrinkles and creases. He remained bent in concentration as he read.

“Doesn't surprise me,” he finally said.

The letter had been to Francis requesting his resignation from the East Hope Yacht Club. Caroline had imagined Lila finding it. Or had Francis read it, crumpled it into a ball, and thrown it in the trash, only to have Lila discover it and save it by hiding it in her desk?

“It makes me so sad,” Caroline said. “They wanted him out of the club because Lila was spending the summer in his house?”

“Life wasn't fair then. It's not now either.” Hollis placed the letter back into the envelope and gazed into the flames. “Lila seemed to put it behind her. She was strong.”

Hollis looked lost in thought. Maybe he was missing Millie. He too was going home to an empty house to spend the rest of the evening alone. He stirred. “I like hearing the old clock,” he said. “It's as if Lila is with us in the house.”

Caroline agreed. “Can I get you more coffee?” she asked.

“Time for me to hit the road,” he said. “Will your son be coming up for Christmas?”

Caroline told him that Rob was coming, as well as her mother. She wouldn't allow herself to think of him not coming. She promised Hollis another tasting evening soon and showed him to the door.

She filled the sink with soap and hot water. In her first house in Washington there had been no dishwasher either. Most nights after dinner she and Harry had lingered at the kitchen table and played a game of backgammon.

“What do you mean, you're doubling me?” she had shrieked, and given him an indignant shrug. Harry had a way of quietly maneuvering the board, luck often on his side.

“If you kiss me,” he'd said with a laugh, “I'll let you off the hook.”

“No sexual favors allowed.” And she would flash him what she hoped was an alluring look. The stakes were high: The loser had to do the dishes.

As she lowered the dishes into the suds this evening, she was the loser again. The sound of Harry's laughter was but a faint echo in her mind.

She went to the phone to try Rob. No answer again. She had moved her computer to the kitchen, where it was less drafty than the living room. The Internet connection was slow tonight. She composed another e-mail message, telling him first about her work on the recipes, then her dinner with Hollis, whom she hoped he would meet soon, and finally ending with a plea to give her his vacation dates so she could arrange for a plane ticket for Christmas. She pressed send, imagining her words flying off to him through the void.

Before climbing the stairs to bed she stopped in the living room. From the front window her eyes traveled across the dark sweep of lawn in the moonless night to the bay beyond. A light shone from Taunton's. Hadn't Will gone to New York to be with his wife?

The first December morning in East Hope dawned bright and clear. All the leaves had fallen from the trees, but the landscape didn't yet have the hard-edged look that came from the long months of frozen ground and the relentless beating of sharp winds. The chill air tingled in Will's nostrils when he went out to start the car, and the seat was stiff with cold against his back. He waited a moment for the engine to warm. Three large gulls screamed and dove in the sky, all brilliant white against the vivid blue. The days were growing shorter and this precious sunlight felt like a gift. It became dark now by four in the afternoon.

Will worked hard at staying busy, and now that he was the owner of Taunton's he continued to tackle the mind-numbing task of entering the stock (title, author, publisher, date, condition of book, and price) into the computer, a good way of keeping his mind from dwelling on the wreckage of his marriage. He tackled this job early in the day over his first cup of coffee, when it was still dark. He didn't like to take his run until it became light. With winter moving in, his days of running on clear roads were numbered.

Today he'd just finished entering two shelves of books into his database when Caroline called. She had asked him for a ride to the obstetrician's.

“Not an emergency, is it?” he'd asked.

“I'm sure I'm fine. I saw the doctor yesterday, but I had a little problem. It's probably nothing, but she wants to see me just in case. She didn't want me to drive on my own.”

Will agreed to come right over. He thought about her going into labor. Certainly she would have sounded more alarmed if there were a chance of that.

Now, in his car, the heat slowly began to eke out the vents. Will slipped off his gloves and blew on his hands to warm them before placing them on the cold steering wheel. He put the car in gear and started along the edge of the bay through the village and out toward the point to Caroline's house. He thought about the night of her dinner party. This morning it had felt so good to hear her voice. He was glad she felt she could turn to him. Maybe those awkward moments at the end of that evening could be forgotten.

Will glanced at the water from the car window. The surface rippled in a steady chop. He liked this colder weather. There were fewer people in the village, and the town seemed to be stripped bare to its essence. The few fishing boats moored in the harbor now were the big trawlers that could weather the rougher winter seas. The pleasure boats and sailing craft used during the summer had been pulled out of the water. He had discovered a yard filled with them a few miles away, sitting clumsily on the land, all wrapped in tarps and tied securely, looking like bears hibernating for the winter.

When Will pulled into her driveway Caroline came out the back door promptly, ready to go. By the time he opened his door to help her she was already getting into the front seat. Her hair was pulled severely into a ponytail low on her neck, and though she was bundled into a voluminous wool coat, he could see that she was now a very pregnant woman. In spite of her serious expression, there was a loveliness about her, almost a gravitas, like a woman in her prime.

“Sorry to keep pulling the damsel-in-distress routine,” she said, referring to the time she had needed to follow his car home in the fog.

Will restarted the engine and turned the car around to get back on the road. “I'm glad you called,” he said.

“I didn't want to bother you. I tried Hollis,” she explained, “but I think he went down to Portland to visit his daughter. Vern's truck is in the shop, and Dottie is babysitting for her grandchildren in Port Clyde.”

Will looked over at her. Caroline's face was tense; a frown line that he hadn't seen before pinched the pale skin above her nose. The summer freckles that made her look younger had faded. He could feel that protective urge rising in him again. All she'd been through. Will remembered her telling him how her last baby had died, and that was why she'd decided to have this child. What if she were to lose this one? What if it were premature? Would the hospital in Ellsworth be able to manage? At least she had her son.

“How was your Thanksgiving?” he asked, feeling the need to make conversation. He had seen her lights. Maybe he should have called her before now.

Caroline's face was colorless, like the landscape. Even her red hair looked faded. They had reached the main highway and Will made the turn. No other cars in sight.

She finally broke the silence. “The worst of my life.” She kept her gaze fixed straight ahead.

“You were with your mother?” he asked gently. “In Connecticut?”

“Yes. My sister and her husband were there too. They live nearby. Their children didn't come home this year. My nephew is in London for the year, and my niece stayed in California.”

“What about your son?” He remembered how she had wept when she told him that she hadn't had the courage to tell her son about her pregnancy.

“He never came. I told him about the baby when I went to Washington to close on the house. It was worse than I expected.” Her lower lip quivered. She let out a sigh, as if she had been holding her breath for a while. “I never thought he'd take it so hard. He was so angry, and he went back to school before I had enough time to explain.”

“I'm sorry.” Will accelerated, wanting to get her to the doctor's office as quickly as possible. The road climbed and across the open fields lay the ocean, stunningly beautiful, a vast expanse that sparkled a sapphire blue. “Boys are tough at that age.” Will couldn't think what to tell her, what sort of anecdote from his own youth would compare to this.

“I keep going over and over it. I made all these excuses as to why I didn't tell him sooner. I suppose at the heart of it I didn't want him to think badly of me. I was so afraid of losing his love.” At this her voice broke. “He hasn't talked to me since.”

Will reached across the seat and touched her arm. “He'll come around. I'm sure he'll understand once he thinks about it.”

Caroline wiped at her tears. She opened her handbag and took out a tissue, then turned to him. “I thought you had planned to stay in New York. I was glad to see your lights the other night.” She smiled, a forced smile, the determined smile of someone who didn't want to allow herself to fall apart.

“I left Mary Beth. Our marriage is over,” he said.

“Oh, Will.” Her face softened with concern. “I'm so sorry. I had no idea. . . .”

“It's okay. We're both better off now.”

“Your wife was lovely. When I met her this fall you seemed so happy.”

Will looked at her briefly, seeing one blue eye and the other, so green, still wet with tears. He returned his attention to the road. “I think we were both hopeful then,” he said. “We wanted to make it work. Ten years is a long time. I mean, it's a long time to just give up on.”

Caroline nodded. Will found himself wanting to tell her more. His sorrow had lessened, as if telling her about Mary Beth had helped to reduce a burden that he still carried. They came into Ellsworth and she directed him to the doctor's office.

They arrived at a rambling clapboard Victorian house that had been converted into medical offices. Several clumps of rhododendron bushes skirted the foundation, and the leaves, though green, were curled against the cold. Will helped Caroline out of the car and went with her into the waiting room on the first floor. The nurse, after checking her appointment book, directed Caroline back immediately. Will picked up a tattered magazine, ready to wait. Two very pregnant women sat opposite him, deep in conversation about the foods that were upsetting their stomachs.