East of Ashes (3 page)

He had no idea why, but just being close to her fed his thirst with drops of soothing water. It was never enough to quench it completely, leaving him craving for more of what he didn't even know.

Rounding a corner in the pathway, he came to a halt as he was met by a breathtaking sight. Trees lined the sides of the path with the sun casting its light through them, intersecting the shadows to form a series of beams that fell on the mossy ground.

On the right hand side of the pathway, Leala was standing in one of the beams of light with her back slightly towards him, and her head bent downward at a slight angle to the left. The sun shone through her auburn hair, setting it alight.

But what caught his breath was the way she had her eyes closed, with a slight smile curling at the corners of her mouth. She radiated peace, which made her beautiful to the point where it was painful to look at her.

For Lamech, the sight was enough to bring his mind to a complete standstill, unable to form a coherent thought. Gazing upon such peace, he could feel his shoulders relaxing and the storm inside him begin to subside, the crashing waves slowly losing
their
frenzy.

Turning around, Leala cried out in shock when she saw him.

"Oh, Lamech!" she said and raised her hand to her neck as she caught her breath.

"I'm sorry
,
" Lamech exclaimed, his brain trying to catch up, "I didn't mean to startle you!".

"That's alright. Unless you did it on purpose," she said with laughter in her eyes.

"Not... exactly," Lamech stammered, feverishly trying to push dashing and charming words past his swollen tongue.
The girl enjoys having me at a disadvantage
, he thought in frustration.

"I'm only joking!" she responded, noticing his discomfort.

His silence made her smile falter slightly.

"What brings you out here?" she asked.

Lamech hesitated, but then plodded onwards: "I heard that you were here in the woods alone and I thought I might come and keep you company."

He had hoped to come across even slightly charming, but when she raised her eyebrows, he cursed himself.

"The woods are not safe," he added quickly, his anger rising. He hated feeling like a fool.

"That's very sweet of you," she smiled, "But I was not alone."

"Oh?" Lamech asked, looking around him.

"Yes," she said, trying not to laugh at his bewildered look, "I was spending time with the Lord. And I'm sure that He's quite capable of taking care of me."

"Yes... Him..." Lamech said uncomfortably, "Someday you'll have to explain that to me."

"Anytime, Lamech," she said.

He knew she meant it and the thought that she cared in even a slight way should have bolstered him, but thinking about God made him even more on edge. He fought to control his rising anger. It wouldn't do to lash out with cutting words.

"There is another reason I wanted to walk with you," Lamech said quickly to change the topic. They fell into step together and continued down the forest path.

"I was told that you'll be visiting your cousin in Arles soon?"

"Have you been spying on me?" Leala smiled.

"No," Lamech answered. He considered calling the whole thing off and just walking away, but her cheekiness actually made him begin to relax.

"But I must say
,
you make for interesting conversation," he added.

"Is that so?" Leala asked, as a shadow flickered across her eyes.

She's uncomfortable
, Lamech thought. Maybe he was being too forward. But he was rolling now and couldn't stop.

"It's just that... you radiate light wherever you go and really care about people," he rambled on, desperately hoping that she'd be flattered by his words. "I've yet to find one person that's not touched by it"

Leala dropped her gaze, clearly embarrassed. But he could see that his words were not exactly unwelcome.

"Thank you Lamech, you're very kind," she said, looking up at him again.

His brief confidence suddenly gone, he tried to think of something to fill the awkward silence as they began walking back towards the village. He was completely unprepared to deal with the flurry of emotions awakened inside him. Part of him wanted to be angry at her for lifting the lid, but he also wanted her to like him.

He decided to just stumble on.

"Anyway, I'd like to accompany you on your trip if it would not inconvenience you?"

The questioning look on her face twisted his insides and he tried to blot them out with words: "Yes, I know, you said the Lord will take care of you, but I'd feel a lot better if I knew you weren't going to travel alone."

"Thank you Lamech, that's very kind of you," she said. "But Joash has already offered to accompany me."

Ah, yes
, Lamech thought bitterly.
Joash
. He'd forgotten all about him.
Now there was a man not confused about his feelings for Leala. He kept it well hidden from her though.

Lamech wasn't sure how they had become such good friends, but from what he had heard he knew that Leala's father, a respected soldier, had taken a liking to Joash a few years back. At the time Joash and Leala saw very little of each other, even though her father had taken Joash under his wing and taught him the finer details of soldiery.

When Leala's father died a few winters ago, however, Joash had taken it upon himself to watch over Leala. He was only a few years older than her, so for a time she had stayed with her cousin in Arles until she was of age. Then, a year ago she had moved to Avignon where she had found work as a shopkeeper's assistant.

While she had still lived in Arles, Joash would go and visit her at regular intervals and so their friendship had begun. When she moved to Avignon, they had begun to spend more and more time together until they were now almost inseparable.

Joash was quite likeable and as noble a man as they come. He was younger than Lamech, but he somehow had an understanding of the world and people that belied his age.

And he shared Leala's unique version of faith.

Lamech and Joash were as different as could be, a fact that unleashed a longing in him that he didn't quite understand. It threatened to bring out the worst in him.

Jealousy lifted its head and Lamech bristled inwardly at the thought of Joash and Leala travelling alone.

"Well, unless you and Joash object, I'd still like to accompany you," he said, and then threw in a lie: "I'm getting a bit boxed in here at the village and a trip to Arles might just be what I need."

Leala looked at Lamech, the lie not escaping her.
I will have to tread carefully with this one
, she thought. He was strong, intelligent and very handsome. But he made her uneasy.

She had heard of his duals, not to mention tales of his exploits in battle, but the comments were not always good. He was definitely brave and very capable, but his deep-set anger was unnerving.

But she decided to give Lamech the benefit of the doubt. For now.

"It's a very kind offer and I can understand why you would like to get out of the village. As beautiful and peaceful as Avignon is, I sometimes long for adventure. Visiting my cousin is a good excuse to get out," she said with a smile. "I'll speak to Joash when we get back and tell him about your offer. If he is fine with it, then you are welcome to accompany us."

"Thank you," he said and decided to leave it there, barely able to keep his jealousy in check.

Startled by the emotions bristling inside him, Lamech bid Leala good
-
day with a barely coherent excuse of further business to attend to
,
and turned back towards the city. It unnerved him to feel this way. Normally time with Leala soothed the thunderclouds brewing in his soul.

But, at the mention of Joash, his dark thoughts erupted with renewed force. The idea of waiting for Joash's permission before he could accompany Leala was galling and made him clench the hilt of his sword.

There's no need to worry
, he told himself. Joash and Leala might have
had
a lot in common, but he knew Leala enjoyed his company.
Surely the sparkle in her laughter and her playful banter hinted at a more than friendly affection
? And after seeing her basking in that beam of light in the forest, he realised that he wanted to be near her more than anything.

If anyone get
s
in
my
way they'd better be prepared for a fight
, he thought bitterly.
Because things would get very serious, very quickly.

Strolling through the forest, Lamech's breathing deepened and his pulse quietened. He allowed the silent, damp beauty to seep through his skin. His thoughts had never left Leala as he walked quietly, not wanting to disturb the peace so alike her presence.

Softly, Lamech whispered to the silent shadows: "I may want to be near the girl, but I couldn't love her, could I?"

The question made him pause involuntarily as it seemingly came out of nowhere. The temptation to push it aside and ignore it was overwhelming, but he willed himself to face it. It was like scaling a mental wall, pulling
him
self up with tired arms in the hope that what lies beyond
wa
s worth a peek.

What is it that he hoped to gain? Did he hope that by spending time with her - even winning her heart - would lead him to redemption? To purpose and meaning?

The truth was he craved these things - even as he was fighting them.

The blood on his hands, although not innocent, stained him and marked him as one who
should
wander the world in banishment for the rest of his mortal life.

And if, at the end of it, he
wa
s not met by blissful oblivion but instead cast into the darkest abyss, then so be it. It might not
have
be
en
what he wanted, but it would be right. It would be just.

He resumed walking, still deep in thought as he tried to reconcile what he longed for with what he knew he deserved. And in the middle stood Leala, drawing him ever closer.