Echoes (26 page)

“Sure,” Lauren said. “You know, I was thinking maybe I’d rent a jeep tomorrow and do some exploring.”

“That sounds good to me, too,” Teri said.

“I’m with the lady in the safari hat,” Gordon said.

“I could go by myself, if you guys want to take it easy,” Lauren volunteered. “I don’t want you to feel as if you have to entertain me or keep me company.”

“Why don’t we do this,” Kyle said. “We’ll keep the morning free to do whatever we want, then at noon we’ll take a couple of jeeps and picnic over on Turtle Beach.”

“That sounds perfect,” Jessica said, leaning back in her chair. “I’m finding that mornings aren’t my best time of day.”

Their main courses arrived, and over candlelight and crisp, white linen, Lauren savored the best fish she had ever tasted. Everything seemed to be the best. The dessert was the best chocolate mousse she had ever had. The Kona coffee was the best coffee she had ever had. The night’s sleep was the best she remembered having in a long time. And the primrose blue sky that greeted her the next morning was the best sky she had ever seen. Everything was perfect; everything but the unresolved problem with KC.

Lauren dressed and ate by herself in the dining room, staring out the window at the still, pure blue lake and woods beyond. Early morning guests walked and rode bikes along the trails that zigzagged the green resort grounds. She decided to join them and took off walking after breakfast. The birds that called from the immense eucalyptus trees were like none she had ever heard before. Fragrant flowers lined the path, and at the end of one of the trails, hidden from view of the main lodge, was a white gazebo surrounded by shrubs and jungle-sized greenery. Lauren ducked under the extensive lattice-work roof, feeling as if she had found a secret hideaway.

No one came near the gazebo. No one saw her or heard her. No one but God. And she knew he was there. She didn’t know how she knew; she just did. The place brimmed with his presence. She thought of KC’s experience at the chapel in London where he knew God was with him, guiding his future and granting him peace.

Lauren didn’t have peace. She had remorse, deep pity for herself, her life, her mistakes. Uninvited, great tears welled up in her eyes and cascaded down her cheeks. She felt nearly overwhelmed. “What?” she whispered to God in the shrouded gazebo. “What do you want?”

Lauren
.

She held her breath. Had a voice just said her name? Or had she imaged it? One of Jessica’s verses came to her mind, the one about God calling us by name because we are his. Was that it? Had God just called her name? Red rover, red rover …

All she knew was that she felt wanted more than she ever had in her life. Her heart felt strangely calmed, and she believed, really, truly believed, that God wanted her. The realization was powerful. She had known since her earliest Sunday school years that God loved her. Somehow she had never coupled that truth with this new reality: God didn’t just love her; he desired her. God wanted her. He promised to never leave her or ignore her or act as if he didn’t know her.

Lauren brushed away the tears and thought how only God had done what others had failed to do in her life, and what she had failed to do in KC’s life. God never had run away.

It all seemed so clear to her: God faced the pain of sin head-on, and he broke the destructive cycle, just as Jessica had described it a few days ago. Lauren knew the destructive cycle of rejection. She needed to stop running and stop ignoring the pain of abandonment and feeling of unwantedness that she had lived with all these years. God wanted her. She needed to believe that with her whole heart.

“I do,” she whispered into the quiet gazebo. Her tiny words echoed off the ceiling. “I believe you want me,” she said raising her voice.

It had been so long since Lauren had felt any love for God. She had given her heart to Jesus when she was young and had grown the most during her high-school years. Now she actually felt her heart filling with love for God. It had been so long, and it felt so good. “I really want you, too, Father God. I want to fall in love with you. I want to believe all your promises to me. I want you.”

With her whispered prayer came the realization that she had been going through the motions of being a believer, of loving God and following Christ, for a long time. But her heart had been surrounded by protective bars of steel put there to keep out the hurt. Instead, they had only kept in the hurt, leaving little room for love to grow.

Sometime later Lauren returned to her room, feeling as if she had been on a long journey and had just returned. No one else knew how politely “cordial” she had been to God all these years. But she was back now—free to love him, herself, and others. The tears continued to stream down her cheeks. She didn’t care. They had been stored up inside her from all the hurts she had “swallowed” for too long.

She grabbed the box of tissues in the bathroom and searched every drawer in the room until she found what she wanted. A Gideon Bible. Retreating to her private front porch with her Kleenex and Bible, Lauren slipped into the padded wicker chair and began to read the Song of Solomon. It seemed like a good place to read for someone who had just returned to her first love.

A
t 12:15 the group took off in two red Jeeps and headed for the other side of the island with their picnic lunch. Lauren rode in the back of Kyle and Jessica’s Jeep with her sunglasses hiding her red and swollen eyes. She felt cleansed inside and eager to contact KC to try to make things right. Yet at the same time, she felt open and willing to accept whatever God had planned for her future.

The bumpy road and constant wind didn’t allow for much conversation below a shout. Lauren was content to take in the scenery and enjoy the experience. The dirt road took them through an open-field cattle ranch where the herd had the right of way crossing the road. The terrain grew more rough, and they came into an area that resembled a lost planet of prehistoric nomads.

“Are we in Bedrock?” Lauren asked as Kyle slowed down, driving more cautiously over the curves and bumps. “Isn’t that Fred and Wilma’s rock house over there?”

“Isn’t this place eerie?” Jessica asked, holding her stomach. “They call it the Garden of the Gods.”

As far as the eye could see, they were surrounded by nothing but dirt and thousands of boulders, which were all shapes, sizes, and configurations. All along the road were piles of stones stacked three or more high. The colors in this volcanic junkyard were all the same: burnt sienna. The road went on and on. All they could see was what appeared to be the ruins of a lost civilization.

“What do all these stacked rocks mean?” Lauren asked.

“That this area is
‘kapu.’
Off limits. No trespassing. Sacred places are on all the islands where the piled rocks indicate sacred ground.”

“Why would this be sacred?”

“I think this was an ancient battleground, wasn’t it Kyle?”

“I don’t remember. I also don’t remember the road being this long before,” Kyle said.

“Or this bumpy,” Jessica chimed in.

“Of course, you weren’t pregnant last time. How are you doing?”

“Okay. Not great. Lauren, can you reach the drinks back there? If you can, I’d like one of the bottles of water.”

Lauren found the drinks and joined Jessica in quenching her thirst.

Trees and a clearing were up ahead. For the last mile or so they had been traveling downhill. Now the ocean was in view, with a beach loaded with sugar-white sand between them and the churning blue waves. It was a welcome sight and a vivid contrast to the desolation.

Gordo was the first one in the water. With a warrior’s whoop he threw himself into the salty playground and rode the first wave that came to him like a carefree dolphin. Lauren felt that free inside. She gave into her childlike joy and joined Teri,
running hand in hand into the water, laughing and splashing. As far as they could see up and down the beach, no one was in view for miles. The warm water, the warm sun, the warm friendships, and the warm Cokes all added up to Lauren knowing she would never forget this day. It couldn’t get any better.

Several fishermen showed up in the late afternoon, casting their lines into the water and anchoring their long poles in the packed sand. Lauren filled her shorts pockets with exquisite shells of all shapes and colors. She walked along the beach with Teri and Jessica and told them about her intimate encounter with God in the gazebo that morning. Both women smiled their affirmation.

They drove back in the early evening. This time Lauren rode with Gordon and Teri. They were nearly to the hotel, tired, sunburned, wind-blown, and content, when Lauren decided to ask Teri something that had been driving her in loony little circles ever since she had arrived in Hawaii.

“May I ask one question?” she said. “Who’s paying for all this?”

“Kyle and Jessica,” Teri answered.

“I don’t understand. Where did the money come from to vacation like this? And their home is incredible. Did they win the Oregon lottery or something?”

Teri and Gordon exchanged glances.

“Just tell her,” Teri said. “It makes it easier.”

“I’m not sure that’s what Jessica wants,” Gordon said. They had arrived back at the lodge, and Gordon pulled up behind Kyle and Jessica’s Jeep and cut the motor.

“I’ll tell her,” Teri spouted. “Jessica is a multimillionaire. There.”

Lauren glanced over Teri’s head and caught Jessica’s gaze. She had heard what Teri said, and her cheeks were turning
deep red. Before Kyle or Jessica could respond, the attendant opened Teri’s door, and she climbed out with Lauren right behind her.

What should I say?
Lauren thought.
This is so awkward
.

Before she could think of a reasonable response, her eyes caught sight of a green backpack with a leather base. It was slung over the arm of a man who stood at the lodge’s front entrance. He emerged from the shadow of the grand veranda and came down the steps. “Hey!” he called out. “It took you long enough, you big hairy gorilla!”

The world seemed to stop for Lauren. It was KC. Her hand flew to her mouth. Her eyes stopped blinking.

“Kenton!” Jessica called out. “I thought you weren’t coming.”

Kenton? Kenton is KC? KC is Kenton?

With no warning, all the blood in Lauren’s body seemed to flush through a hole in the bottom of her feet, and she passed out, dead cold, in front of the five-star hotel.

T
he next thing Lauren remembered were dozens—or was it hundreds—of people standing over her saying, “Are you okay?” “Somebody get her some water.” “Stand back. Let me have a look at her.” She recognized one of the voices as Kyle’s.

“I’m okay,” she tried to say. But her lips had turned to Jell-O, and her statement sounded like, “Ahmahke.”

“What’s she saying? It sounded Hawaiian. Does she speak Hawaiian?”

“Lauren, try to look at me,” Kyle said. “That’s good. No, don’t move. Lie still.”

“Here’s some water,” the bellman said, handing a glass to Kyle.

“Nice and slow,” Kyle said, lifting the glass to her lips. She sipped some and felt her head beginning to clear. His fingers were on the pulse points on her neck.

“I’m so sorry,” she managed to say as the feeling returned to her lips.

“No problem,” Kyle said. “You’re probably dehydrated. It could happen to anyone. Would you like to try to sit up?”

Lauren still felt wobbly, although her intense embarrassment overrode any and all other feelings. All she wanted to do was run and hide from KC, or Kenton, or whatever his name was. No, she didn’t want to hide; she wanted to run into his arms and feel his embrace surrounding her as she had dreamed so many times.

“Okay,” Kyle said. “Let’s take it nice and slow and get you standing up.”

Lauren felt another pair of hands take hold of her left arm. It was KC. She was so close to being in his arms. However, all he knew about her was that she was the woman who’d called him arrogant and rude on the phone before hanging up on him.