Eclipse (39 page)

"None at all?"

"None."

"And everybody will be fine?"

"Everyone," he promised.

"So there's no way at all that I need to be in the clearing?"

"Of course not. Alice just told me that they're down to nineteen. We'll be able to handle it easily."

"That's right - you said it was so easy that someone could sit out," I repeated his words from last night. "Did you really mean that?"

"Yes."

It felt too simple - he had to see it coming.

"So easy that
you
could sit out?"

After a long moment of silence, I finally looked up at his expression.

The poker face was back.

I took a deep breath. "So it's one way or the other. Either there is more danger than you want me to know about, in which case it would be right for me to be there, to do what I can to help. Or . . . it's going to be so easy that they'll get by without you. Which way is it?" He didn't speak.

I knew what he was thinking of - the same thing I was thinking of. Carlisle. Esme. Emmett. Rosalie. Jasper. And . . . I forced myself to think the last name. And Alice. I wondered if I was a monster. Not the kind that he thought he was, but the real kind. The kind that hurt people. The kind that had no limits when it came to what they wanted. What I wanted was to keep him safe, safe with me. Did I have a limit to what I would do, what I would sacrifice for that? I wasn't sure.

"You ask me to let them fight without my help?" he said in a quiet voice.

"Yes." I was surprised I could keep my voice even, I felt so wretched inside. "Or to let me be there. Either way, so long as we're together."

He took a deep breath, and then exhaled slowly. He moved his hands to place them on either side of my face, forcing me to meet his gaze. He looked into my eyes for a long time. I wondered what he was looking for, and what it was that he found. Was the guilt as thick on my face as it was in my stomach - sickening me?

His eyes tightened against some emotion I couldn't read, and he dropped one hand to pull out his phone again.

"Alice," he sighed. "Could you come babysit Bella for a bit?" He raised one eyebrow, daring me to object to the word. "I need to speak with Jasper."

She evidently agreed. He put the phone away and went back to staring at my face.

"What are you going to say to Jasper?" I whispered.

"I'm going to discuss . . . me sitting out."

It was easy to read in his face how difficult the words were for him.

"I'm sorry."

I
was
sorry. I hated to make him do this. Not enough that I could fake a smile and tell him to go on ahead without me. Definitely not that much.

"Don't apologize," he said, smiling just a little. "Never be afraid to tell me how you feel, Bella. If this is what you need . . ." He shrugged. "You are my first priority."

"I didn't mean it that way - like you have to choose me over your family."

"I know that. Besides, that's not what you asked. You gave me two alternatives that you could live with, and I chose the one that
I
could live with. That's how compromise is supposed to work."

I leaned forward and rested my forehead against his chest. "Thank you," I whispered.

"Anytime," he answered, kissing my hair. "Anything." We didn't move for a long moment. I kept my face hidden, pressed against his shirt. Two voices struggled inside me. One that wanted to be good and brave, and one that told the good one to keep her mouth shut.

"Who's the third wife?" he asked me suddenly.

"Huh?" I said, stalling. I didn't remember having had that dream again.

"You were mumbling something about 'the third wife' last night. The rest made a little sense, but you lost me there."

"Oh. Um, yeah. That was just one of the stories that I heard at the bonfire the other night." I shrugged. "I guess it stuck with me."

Edward leaned away from me and cocked his head to the side, probably confused by the uncomfortable edge to my voice.

Before he could ask, Alice appeared in the kitchen doorway with a sour expression.

"You're going to miss all the fun," she grumbled.

"Hello, Alice," he greeted her. He put one finger under my chin and tilted my face up to kiss me goodbye.

"I'll be back later tonight," he promised me. "I'll go work this out with the others, rearrange things."

"Okay."

"There's not much to arrange," Alice said. "I already told them. Emmett is pleased." Edward sighed. "Of course he is."

He walked out the door, leaving me to face Alice.

She glared at me.

"I'm sorry," I apologized again. "Do you think this will make it more dangerous for you?" She snorted. "You worry too much, Bella. You're going to go prematurely gray."

"Why are you upset, then?"

"Edward is such a grouch when he doesn't get his way. I'm just anticipating living with him for the next few months." She made a face. "I suppose, if it keeps you sane, it's worth it. But I wish you could control the pessimism, Bella. It's so unnecessary."

"Would you let Jasper go without you?" I demanded.

Alice grimaced. "That's different."

"Sure it is."

"Go clean yourself up," she ordered me. "Charlie will be home in fifteen minutes, and if you look this ragged he's not going to want to let you out again."

Wow, I'd really lost the whole day. It felt like such a waste. I was glad I wouldn't always have to squander my time with sleeping.

I was entirely presentable when Charlie got home - fully dressed, hair decent, and in the kitchen putting his dinner on the table. Alice sat in Edward's usual place, and this seemed to make Charlie's day.

"Howdy, Alice! How are you, hon?"

"I'm fine, Charlie, thanks."

"I see you finally made it out of bed, sleepyhead," he said to me as I sat beside him, before turning back to Alice. "Everyone's talking about that party your parents threw last night. I'll bet you've got one heck of a clean-up job ahead of you."

Alice shrugged. Knowing her, it was already done.

"It was worth it," she said. "It was a great party."

"Where's Edward?" Charlie asked, a little grudgingly. "Is he helping clean up?" Alice sighed and her face turned tragic. It was probably an act, but it was too perfect for me to be positive. "No. He's off planning the weekend with Emmett and Carlisle."

"Hiking again?"

Alice nodded, her face suddenly forlorn. "Yes. They're
all
going, except me. We always go backpacking at the end of the school year, sort of a celebration, but this year I decided I'd rather shop than hike, and not one of them will stay behind with me. I'm abandoned." Her face puckered, the expression so devastated that Charlie leaned toward her automatically, one hand reaching out, looking for some way to help. I glared at her suspiciously. What was she doing?

"Alice, honey, why don't you come stay with us," Charlie offered. "I hate to think of you all alone in that big house."

She sighed. Something squashed my foot under the table.

"Ow!" I protested.

Charlie turned to me. "What?"

Alice shot me a frustrated look. I could tell she thought that I was very slow tonight.

"Stubbed my toe," I muttered.

"Oh." He looked back at Alice. "So, how 'bout it?"

She stepped on my foot again, not quite so hard this time.

"Er, Dad, you know, we don't really have the best accommodations here. I bet Alice doesn't want to sleep on my floor. . . ."

Charlie pursed his lips. Alice pulled out the devastated expression again.

"Maybe Bella should stay up there with you," he suggested. "Just until your folks get back."

"Oh, would you, Bella?" Alice smiled at me radiantly. "You don't mind shopping with me, right?"

"Sure," I agreed. "Shopping. Okay."

"When are they leaving?" Charlie asked.

Alice made another face. "Tomorrow."

"When do you want me?" I asked.

"After dinner, I guess," she said, and then put one finger to her chin, thoughtful. "You don't have anything going on Saturday, do you? I want to get out of town to shop, and it will be an all-day thing."

"Not Seattle," Charlie interjected, his eyebrows pulling together.

"Of course not," Alice agreed at once, though we both knew Seattle would be plenty safe on Saturday. "I was thinking Olympia, maybe. . . ."

"You'll like that, Bella." Charlie was cheerful with relief. "Go get your fill of the city."

"Yeah, Dad. It'll be great."

With one easy conversation, Alice had cleared my schedule for the battle. Edward returned not much later. He accepted Charlie's wishes for a nice trip without surprise. He claimed they were leaving early in the morning, and said goodnight before the usual time. Alice left with him.

I excused myself soon after they left.

"You can't be tired," Charlie protested.

"A little," I lied.

"No wonder you like to skip the parties," he muttered. "It takes you so long to recover." Upstairs, Edward was lying across my bed.

"What time are we meeting with the wolves?" I murmured as I went to join him.

"In an hour."

"That's good. Jake and his friends need to get some sleep."

"They don't need as much as you do," he pointed out.

I moved to another topic, assuming he was about to try to talk me into staying home. "Did Alice tell you that she's kidnapping me again?"

He grinned. "Actually, she's not."

I stared at him, confused, and he laughed quietly at my expression.

"I'm the only one who has permission to hold you hostage, remember?" he said. "Alice is going hunting with the rest of them." He sighed. "I guess I don't need to do that now."

"
You're
kidnapping me?"

He nodded.

I thought about that briefly. No Charlie listening downstairs, checking on me every so often. And no houseful of wide-awake vampires with their intrusively sensitive hearing. . . . Just him and me - really alone.

"Is that all right?" he asked, concerned by my silence.

"Well . . . sure, except for one thing."

"What thing?" His eyes were anxious. It was mind-boggling, but, somehow, he still seemed unsure of his hold on me. Maybe I needed to make myself more clear.

"Why didn't Alice tell Charlie you were leaving
tonight
?" I asked. He laughed, relieved.

I enjoyed the trip to the clearing more than I had last night. I still felt guilty, still afraid, but I wasn't terrified anymore. I could function. I could see past what was coming, and almost believe that maybe it
would
be okay. Edward was apparently fine with the idea of missing the fight . . . and that made it very hard not to believe him when he said this would be easy. He wouldn't leave his family if he didn't believe it himself. Maybe Alice was right, and I did worry too much.

We got to the clearing last.

Jasper and Emmett were already wrestling - just warming up from the sounds of their laughter. Alice and Rosalie lounged on the hard ground, watching. Esme and Carlisle were talking a few yards away, heads close together, fingers linked, not paying attention. It was much brighter tonight, the moon shining through the thin clouds, and I could easily see the three wolves that sat around the edge of the practice ring, spaced far apart to watch from different angles.

It was also easy to recognize Jacob; I would have known him at once, even if he hadn't looked up and stared at the sound of our approach.

"Where are the rest of the wolves?" I wondered.

"They don't all need to be here. One would do the job, but Sam didn't trust us enough to just send Jacob, though Jacob was willing. Quil and Embry are his usual . . . I guess you could call them his wingmen."

"Jacob trusts you."

Edward nodded. "He trusts us not to try to kill him. That's about it, though."

"Are you participating tonight?" I asked, hesitant. I knew this was going to be almost as hard for him as being left behind would have been for me. Maybe harder.

"I'll help Jasper when he needs it. He wants to try some unequal groupings, teach them how to deal with multiple attackers."

He shrugged.

And a fresh wave of panic shattered my brief sense of confidence.

They were still outnumbered. I was making that worse.

I stared at the field, trying to hide my reaction.

It was the wrong place to look, struggling as I was to lie to myself, to convince myself that everything would work out as I needed it to. Because when I forced my eyes away from the Cullens - away from the image of their play fighting that would be real and deadly in just a few days - Jacob caught my eyes and smiled.

It was the same wolfy grin as before, his eyes scrunching the way they did when he was human.

It was hard to believe that, not so long ago, I'd found the werewolves frightening - lost sleep to nightmares about them.

I knew, without asking, which of the others was Embry and which was Quil. Because Embry was clearly the thinner gray wolf with the dark spots on his back, who sat so patiently watching, while Quil - deep chocolate brown, lighter over his face - twitched constantly, looking like he was dying to join in the mock fight. They weren't monsters, even like this. They were friends.

Friends who didn't look nearly as indestructible as Emmett and Jasper did, moving faster than cobra strikes while the moonlight glinted off their granite-hard skin. Friends who didn't seem to understand the danger involved here. Friends who were still somewhat mortal, friends who could bleed, friends who could die. . . .

Edward's confidence was reassuring, because it was plain that he wasn't truly worried about his family. But would it hurt him if something happened to the wolves? Was there any reason for him to be anxious, if that possibility didn't bother him? Edward's confidence only applied to one set of my fears.

I tried to smile back at Jacob, swallowing against the lump in my throat. I didn't seem to get it right.

Jacob sprang lightly to his feet, his agility at odds with his sheer mass, and trotted over to where Edward and I stood on the fringe of things.

"Jacob," Edward greeted him politely.