Edge of Desire (20 page)

A choked laugh grated against Riley’s throat, and he swallowed, trying to breathe down the shivering heat that was rising up inside him. Lowering his gaze to the floor, he could feel each heavy, hammering beat of his heart as he said, “You left.”

“Left? Left what, damn it?”

He pulled in a deep breath. Slowly let it out. “Home.”

Silence…and then Ian said, “I asked you to come with me.”

“And I couldn’t,” he rasped, rubbing his damp palms into his thighs, the wood grain of the floorboards blurring as his eyes went hot. “You knew that. And Elaina, her obsession with the Merrick never stopped. She just became more desperate to know what was coming…to see a glimpse of our futures.” Lifting his head, he held his brother’s bleak stare as he said, “And what you didn’t let them do to you, our mother begged me to let them do to me, hoping she could get her answers.”

Ian flinched, his expression pulled tight with dread. “Please tell me you told her no,” he said hoarsely.

Riley rolled his shoulder, cutting his gaze to the floor again, aware of the others staring at him…the weight of their gazes burning against his skin. “At first, yeah. But then I just got tired of fighting her on it. And I was afraid that she’d try to use Saige, who was still so young. So I finally let her hold the ‘vision’ ritual with that group of quacks she hung out with, just to shut her up.”

“What happened?” Ian asked. “Did they hurt you?”

“Naw, nothing like that. And it worked, which totally blew my mind, since I’d thought they were out of their freaking skulls. But they held their little ceremony, and I saw…”

“What?”

“I saw the future,” he said in a low voice. “I saw what I would become.”

“Christ, Riley. Just spit it out.”

“It wasn’t pretty. Hell, it was…” He took another breath, finally forced it out. “I become a killer.”

“Of things that deserve to be killed,” Ian grunted. “That’s what we’re all becoming.”

“I wish.” He laughed, the sound painful and stark. “But it’s worse than that. I can’t control it when I change. Not like you and Saige. The rage, the aggression, it gets the better of me. Takes me over. And I become as bloodthirsty as the things we’re fighting.”

Breath-filled silence, and then Ian whispered, “I don’t believe you.”

“It’s true,” he breathed out, doing his best to control the tremor in his throat. “I saw it with my own eyes. You and Saige, you’re able to handle it. But when I’m forced to face the Casus, I…Hell, I don’t know. It’s like my rage overwhelms me and I just lose it. I saw myself killing. Brutal, bloodthirsty, and they weren’t all monsters. I think…Christ, I think they were just people.” He lifted his gaze, forcing himself to hold his brother’s furious, tormented stare. “If you care about me at all, Ian, you won’t let me turn into that. You won’t let it happen. You’ll do the decent thing and kill me before you let me hurt anyone.”

He was painfully aware of Hope making a thick sound of surprise…of Kellan and Shrader cursing to themselves, but he couldn’t look their way, not wanting
to face their expressions. Not wanting to see the disgust he knew Hope must be feeling now that she knew she’d given herself to a monster…a killer.

“There’s got to be another way,” Ian argued.

“There isn’t. I had already realized it was time to suck it up and deal with it, when I learned you’d headed back to South Carolina to face Malcolm. When the Watchmen showed up and told me what was happening, I knew the time had come. I’d do the damn thing myself, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to once I’ve lost my control. And the only reason I haven’t done it before now and eaten a bullet is because I’m a stubborn bastard and want to take as many of the Casus out with me as I can, before I go. I know it’s a hell of a thing to ask of you, but I need your promise. If it…If it happens, I need you to make sure that I’m put down.”

“Nothing’s going to happen,” Ian growled. “God, Riley, you’re the most righteous man I’ve ever known. The idea of you turning…” He shook his head, his voice a gritty, graveled rasp as he said, “It’s impossible. Whatever you saw in that goddamn ritual, it
isn’t
going to be like that.”

“But if it
does
happen,” he said through clenched teeth.

His brother vibrated with a gripping tension, then finally gave a jerky nod, relenting for the moment, and Riley leaned back against the door, feeling as if a weight had been lifted off his chest. Ian might not be happy about it, but he trusted him to make sure that the right choices were made.

“So if we end up not having to off ya,” Shrader drawled with his typical pain-in-the-ass sarcasm, “are you gonna bring Hope here back to Ravenswing?”

The leaden weight that had begun lifting from Riley’s shoulders suddenly crashed back down, nearly bringing him to his knees. His gaze gravitated to Hope against his will, the expression on her beautiful face making him feel like the biggest bastard alive. A stark, wrenching blend of fear and anger and betrayal. Her mouth trembled, her skin too pale, as if everything had just drained right out of her. Already, she was closing down. Locking up.

Swallowing against the knot of emotion in his throat, he said, “She isn’t coming back.”

Ian took a step forward, demanding his attention, and he dragged his gaze away from Hope to refocus on his brother. “Once the Marker is found, you need to come home, Riley. Until the war is over, it’s too dangerous for you to stay here with Hope. The Casus will just keep coming for you, one after another. You guys need to be somewhere safe. Somewhere you’re not having to look over your shoulder every hour of the day and night.”

“I won’t be going anywhere,” he rasped, holding up his hand when Ian started to argue. “And even if I was, Hope still wouldn’t be going with me.” Not that he wouldn’t have wanted her to. He just knew what his future held, and didn’t want her anywhere near it. If a miracle happened, and he faced the Casus that night without losing control…that didn’t mean he was in the clear. Didn’t mean that it wouldn’t happen the next
time…or the next. Sooner or later, that damn vision was going to be a reality, and Riley had no doubt it would be that night. Somehow, he just…knew.

His brother glanced at Hope for a moment, a dark expression of disbelief carved into his features as he looked back toward Riley. “What the fuck were you thinking?” he muttered. “How could you involve her in this—
feeding from her
—if the thing you two have got going isn’t permanent?”

He opened his mouth, ready to tell his brother to mind his own business, when Hope suddenly headed for the stairs, saying, “I think…I think I should go now.”

With his heart all but pounding its way out of his chest, Riley watched her quickly climb the stairs, feeling as if she was taking a part of him with her. The good part. The worthy one. Throughout the night, he’d kept waiting for the moment when she was going to open her eyes and come to her senses. Tell him to get lost. That she wanted nothing more to do with him. He’d tried to brace himself for it—only, the wrenching moment never came. Instead, she just kept giving of herself, so freely, so sweetly, accepting every part of him, no matter how dark or hard or aggressive.

He wanted to go after her so badly, the need was like a physical thing raging inside his body, but knew there was nothing he could say to make things right. No rosy spin that was going to erase that gutted, devastated look on her face. Instead, he just stood there, leaning against the door with his gaze glued to the empty stairs.

The silence was eventually broken when Kellan cleared his throat, saying, “So I’d be willing to bet my right arm that we’ll be facing those bastards tonight. When the Casus get a whiff of you, they’re going to rain down on this place like a swarm of locusts. And having Ian here is only going to sweeten the temptation. So we need to be prepared.”

“Yeah.” Raking one hand back through his hair, Riley finally pulled his gaze away from the stairs and looked back at his brother. “And just so you know, I don’t plan on leaving her here to fend for herself. If something happens to me, I expect you guys to see that she has protection until that damn Marker is found and off her property. Then there won’t be any reason for those bastards to hang around Purity, and Hope will be able to get on with her life.”

Ian nodded, and Riley went on to say, “What exactly did Shrader mean earlier, when he said I wouldn’t be needing the Marker you’ve got back at Ravenswing?”

His brother shoved his hands in his pockets. “In the dream I had, you were wearing the cross you’d found here in Purity.”

“Then in that case,” Riley grunted, pushing away from the door, “I guess we’d better get off our asses and go and find the damn thing.”

A
FTER HOURS OF
digging throughout the long day, the Dark Marker still hadn’t been found. There’d been some decent weather that morning, but then the rain had started again in the afternoon, the predicted storm front finally starting to roll its way toward shore. Their efforts had been a waste of time at that point, but they’d kept going, until finally calling it quits a half hour ago. The rain was coming down so hard now that visibility was nil, which had made the search impossible. Riley had been positive they would find it that day, after what Ian had seen in his dream, and yet they were still no closer to having possession of the ancient cross. Disappointment sat heavily in his gut, his hands blistered and sore from the hours he’d spent slamming that damn shovel into the ground, but the pain in his body didn’t come close to the one in his head…and his chest.

He hadn’t spoken to Hope since that morning. Before he could get upstairs, she’d already come back down, ignoring him as she headed past everyone on her way into the kitchen. Thinking she’d finally call when she was
ready to talk, Riley had gone up to finish dressing, then joined up with the others, and hadn’t been back to the house since. And though he’d tried to stop himself, he kept remembering the look that had been on her face after she’d learned the truth about him, about his future, and couldn’t help but feel that she’d been avoiding him on purpose. It was no less than he expected, but it still sucked.

Leaving the others to get showered and changed back at the cabin, he’d made his way up to the house with his bag, determined to make her talk to him before he sent her away. Everyone agreed that the Casus would make their move that night, which meant that Hope couldn’t stay there. Riley fully expected her to argue, but even if he had to drag her out of there kicking and screaming, she was going to go.

Letting himself into her room, he pulled off his rain-soaked jacket and tossed it on the floor, along with his holster, not wanting to ruin any of her antiques with water damage. Standing before the window, he stared out at the violent fury of the storm as it raged over the ocean, the dark clouds streaked with crackling bolts of lightning, the deafening waves of thunder rolling in hard and fast. It was almost as if nature knew what was coming…and had felt the need to provide the appropriate imagery.

He’d just pulled off his T-shirt, thinking he’d try to warm himself in a hot shower before heading down to the café to find Hope, when she came into the room,
shutting the door behind her. Bracing himself, Riley stood with his back to the window as he waited to hear what she would say.

She crossed her arms over her chest, staying near the door, her eyes somber and shadowed as she stared at him across the room. “I just ran into the others down in the café,” she said in a quiet voice. “They told me about your day. If all of you really believe that they’re coming tonight, why can’t you just run? It’s madness to face the Casus without a Marker, Riley.”

Shoving his hands deep in his pockets, he shook his head. “If they still believe the Marker is buried here on your land, we can’t just take off. No way in hell would I do that to you and Millie. And now that I’ve awakened, they’re going to come on strong. It’s best to go ahead and face it. I’m tired of wondering what they’re up to, worrying about what they have planned. It’s better just to get it over with.” Lifting one hand to rub the tense muscles in the back of his neck, he stared at her from beneath his lashes as he asked, “Did Kellan tell you the plan?”

She nodded, a fine tremor visible in the hold of her arms…in her shoulders. “He isn’t happy about it. And neither am I. But I’ve already called Millie and told her to wait at the hospital until she hears from us that it’s okay to come back home.”

“Kellan might not be happy about missing the battle,” he rasped, “but he’ll protect you with his life, Hope. He won’t let anything happen to you.”

“I
KNOW
,” H
OPE WHISPERED
unsteadily. She paused, a deep breath lifting her chest, before she managed to say, “When you said that you would leave…I thought you meant here. Purity.
Me.
I never could have imagined that you were talking about the end of your life.”

His expression revealed raw, tormented agony. “I should have told you, but I…I couldn’t. I didn’t want you to know. God, Hope. I’d have given anything to keep you out of this.” He shook his head again, a bitter laugh falling from his sensual lips. “Damn it, I
did
give. I sacrificed and sucked it up, just to keep you out of it, and for what? Here you are, stuck right in the middle.”

She swallowed, understanding exactly what he meant. “So that ceremony that Elaina begged you to take part in. That’s why you broke up with me, isn’t it? Why you twisted a knife through my heart when you slept with Amee, who’d always hated me? Did you pick her specifically, Riley? Just so it would hurt me more?”

“Yes,” he admitted, the single word painfully gruff…hoarse, as if it’d been ripped out of him. “I needed to destroy the connection between us. If there’d been any chance of getting back with you—if you’d have still wanted to have anything to do with me—I wouldn’t have been able to resist. I had to make you hate me, Hope. I had…I had to make it stick.”

“To protect me?” she whispered, torn between wanting to slap him for hurting her so badly, and throwing herself at him because of the heartbreaking reasons he’d done it.

He nodded in answer to her question, his throat
working, every hard, beautiful muscle in his broad chest and powerful arms rigid with a brutal, gripping strain.

“And look what happened.” She snuffled her own burst of bitter, jagged laughter under her breath, the heat in her chest climbing, spreading into her throat, her face, tingling beneath her skin. “God, sometimes life is so screwed up. It amazes me we all don’t just say to hell with it when things get like this.”

“You don’t mean that,” he challenged in a low, hard voice. “You’re too bloody brave to mean that, Hope. Too strong. No matter what life has thrown at you, you somehow find the strength to keep going.”

“Don’t I? Look at you, Riley. You’re the bravest man I’ve ever known, and yet you’re going to give up. Run.”

“From myself,” he argued, the words biting and grim. “From what I’ll become.”

“Says who?” she snapped, lowering her arms as she took an angry step toward him, her hands fisting at her sides. The future could be theirs, damn it, if he was only willing to fight for it. To find the faith in himself that would bring him back to her after he faced his demons. But instead of fighting, he was willing to just throw it away. To leave her, when she’d only just found him again. Only just remembered what it was like to be alive. “God, Riley, the future is never set in stone. Never a given!”

“Mine
is,
” he shot back, his jaw clenched so hard that it looked painful. “And because of that, my entire life has been a joke. Some kind of stupid bid to keep this
from happening, always doing the right thing, and look where it’s gotten me. I’m still standing here, with this shit bearing down on me, same as I’ve always known I would be. It
is
going to happen, Hope. No matter what I do, I saw what’s coming.”

“Life is all interpretation,” she whispered. “Point of view. Perspective. Maybe…maybe you misunderstood.”

He snorted, rolling his tattooed shoulder in an angry gesture. “There’s only so many ways you can
interpret
ripping someone’s body apart with your bare hands.”

“Damn it,” she cursed, the sound brittle with impatience. “You don’t know it will happen!”

He pressed his right hand against his chest. “But I
feel
it. In here.” His hand moved lower, pressing against his stomach. “And here. No matter how much I wish it could be different, I know that it can’t.”

“Because that’s what you were shown?” she practically shouted, wanting to scream. To pick something up and hurl it against the wall in a childish outburst of temper. “Because it’s what you were told? God, Riley, you can’t let that control you! You have to fight for what you want. It all comes down to will, and I’ve never known a man with a stronger force of will than you. Look at what you were willing to give up when we were young, because you were afraid of hurting me. You’re strong enough to fight this. I know you are.”

“It’s not that simple,” he growled, his blue eyes glowing with a wild, unearthly light, as if his Merrick
was rising within him, climbing toward the surface. But she wasn’t afraid. No matter what Riley believed, Hope knew in her heart that he wasn’t a killer. She only wished she could find some way to make him believe in himself the way she did. She was going to lose him if he didn’t, and it was going to kill her. Smash her down into tiny pieces, until there was nothing but a pile of broken fragments that could never be put back together again.

Struggling to control her quivering jaw, she said, “I never should have let you take my blood, but I was greedy. Selfish. I wanted to be the one who gave you what you needed, and now…now I’m going to lose you because of it.”

“This isn’t your fault!” he burst out, the graveled words biting and sharp with frustration. “It’s mine.
I’m
the bastard. The one who should have stayed away from you, but couldn’t. The one who’s been risking your life every time I’ve touched you. God, Hope, look at what happened last night. I took you, here, alone, with this…this evil inside me. It scares the shit out of me, knowing what I’m capable of…what I can be pushed to. Who knows what it’s really going to take to unleash what’s buried somewhere in here?” he seethed, jerking his thumb toward his dark chest. “That’s why I can’t touch your scars. Even though Capshaw’s gone, the hatred I feel for that son of a bitch is so powerful, I don’t trust myself. Don’t trust where it might take me. What might take me over if I give it so much as an inch. If
that happened and I…If I hurt you…” His throat worked, and he shook his head. “I
never
should have touched you, but I wanted it bad enough to take the risk. You should hate me for that.”

“To use your favorite line, Ri,
I can’t.
I can’t hate someone who I—”

“D
ON’T
,” R
ILEY BARKED
, knowing it was going to kill him if he heard her say it. “Christ, whatever you do, don’t say that, Hope.” But the words were in her eyes, written all over her beautiful, precious face, and he couldn’t take it. Knowing that he had to get the hell out of there, Riley turned and headed for the door that connected to her private bath. “I’m cold,” he muttered, painfully aware of her gaze tracking him across the room. “I’m going to take a shower.”

Moving in a daze, he closed the door behind him, stripped off his boots and the rest of his clothes, set the water on hot and climbed into the shower. He’d been standing with his head under the scalding stream for a few minutes, waiting for the heat to finally seep beneath his skin, melting the cold knots of fear twisting him up inside, when he heard the bathroom door open. A moment later, Hope pulled back the curtain and stepped into the back of the tub, the heavy weight of her lashes making it difficult to read the expression in her eyes. She wore only a thin tank top, the erotic sight of her nipples pressing against the soft cotton and the dark, glossy curls nestled at the juncture of her thighs
sending his blood rushing south. His cock went granite hard…thickening with need, his heart hammering in his chest so hard that it hurt.

“What are you doing?” he rasped, feeling as if he’d slipped into a fantasy…a dream.

“You said you were cold,” she murmured, slipping to her knees in front of him. Flicking him a smoldering look from beneath her lashes, she reached up and curled both of her soft, sweet hands around his throbbing shaft, squeezing…testing his size…his broad width. “I thought I’d do my best to warm you up.”

“You don’t have to do this,” he somehow managed to say as he stared down at her, thinking she was the sexiest, most beautiful woman he’d ever set eyes on.

“I know I don’t,” she whispered, brushing her lush, velvety lips against the taut, slick head of his cock, the provocative touch of her mouth making his goddamn legs almost give out beneath him. “But I want to, Riley. I’ve
always
wanted to.”

“Damn it,” he groaned, threading his shaking fingers into the soft, heavy silk of her hair. “I don’t know if I can take it.”

Hope smiled as she ran her tongue across the swollen, plum-size tip, loving the way it made his breath hiss through his teeth, a violent shudder rolling through his long, powerful frame. “Just remember to breathe,” she whispered, giving him back the seductive words that he’d said to her the night before, while her fingers milked his incredible length, marveling at his
raw power and strength, like sensuous satin over thick, rigid steel.

Unable to wait any longer, she opened her mouth over him, her hands wrapped around the wide base, holding him…stroking, his low growl filling the air, visceral and deep and wonderfully male. He was heavy against her tongue, swollen to bursting. Throbbing and hot and impossibly hard. His taste was mouthwatering…delicious, like something sweet and ripe that she wanted to savor for hours on end. Hope lost herself in the intimate, intoxicating details, the primal burn of pleasure magnified by the way he gripped her head, staring down into her eyes, with no secrets between them, no lies, as if she could finally see beneath his anger and shields, to the truths that lay within. She could feel his fear, his desperation, and it made her want to scream. To fight for him. But she knew he’d never allow her to be involved in the battle. He would give her this moment, and then shove her away, like he did all those years ago. Not to be cruel or to hurt her, but because he would do everything that he could to protect her.