Edge of Love (19 page)

“
But I’m really upset with
you. I feel betrayed and hurt and—I just need space right now.
We’ve both done things we regret. I should just end this
relationship with you but I love you too much to do that. I can’t
do it.”

“
Okay,” I whispered. “I’m
so sorry.”

“
Even if you had cheated
on me, I would still be kneeled on the ground before you because I
love you so much. I know that’s pathetic but it’s how I feel. But
I’m more upset that you lied to me. You were never going to tell me
the truth. I—I don’t know how I feel about that. I can’t let it
go.”

I nodded.

He touched the ring on my finger. “I’m
still committed to you and you are to me. I don’t want you to sleep
with anyone else.”

“
I wouldn’t,
Sean.”

His eyes became sad but he didn’t say
anything. He didn’t know if he could trust me. When I ran away from
him, I slept with the first guy I met.

“
And I won’t be with
anyone either, but I need my space. You won’t be seeing me for a
while. I just can’t go back to normal and pretend that everything
is okay when it’s not.”

“
So we are broken
up?”

He shook his head. “We’re still
engaged.”

“
Will that ever
change?”

“
Yes,” he said. “I still
want to get married, but like I said, I need my space. I can’t
trust you anymore.”

“
Okay.”

He sat next to me on the bed. “I love
you.”

I started to cry. “I love you,
too.”

He kissed my forehead. “I’m still
yours.”

“
I know.”

“
Goodnight.” He rose from
the bed.

“
Please don’t go.” I
grabbed his hand and pulled him back to bed. “Please.” I cried into
his shoulder and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Stay with me.
Make love to me.”

He kissed me on the forehead again. “I
can’t.”

“
Please.”

“
No, I need to go. I can’t
comfort you when I feel like this. And I certainly can’t make love
to you when I’m this upset.” He pulled my hands from his neck then
stood up. “Goodnight.”

I wiped my tears away.
“Goodnight.”

He left my bedroom and closed the door
behind him. The darkness overcame the room and I felt myself fall.
The fact that Sean still wanted to marry me relieved my anxiety,
but I still felt broken. I had changed our relationship, ruining
the trust that we had for each other. Nothing would ever be the
same now. There may not be a relationship to go back to.

15

Scarlet

I didn’t want to get up this morning.
In fact, I wasn’t going to. Sean hadn’t called me and I knew he
wouldn’t for a long time. I knew I messed everything up. I should
have just told the truth to begin with.

Since Sean said he was still committed
to me and we were still together, I didn’t feel so grief-stricken.
I knew we would work this out together. Sean just needed space. I
didn’t blame him. What I did was pretty unforgivable.

Somehow I found the strength to climb
out of bed and walk into the living room. Ryan and Janice were
sitting at the table eating their cereal. I grabbed a bowl and
poured the milk in first then the cereal on top. Ryan watched me
but he didn’t tease me about my unusual habit. Since he remained
silent, I knew he was worried about me.

I joined them at the table and ate my
cereal quietly.

Ryan stared at me. “I’m relieved this
isn’t like last time.”

I ignored him.

Janice saw the ring on my finger. “Did
Sean give that to you?”

I nodded.

Ryan sighed. “So you worked it
out?”

“
I don’t know,” I said
honestly. “He said he needs his space from me. He can’t trust me
anymore, but he still wants to be committed to me.”

“
That sounds complicated,”
my brother said.

“
Well, that’s good,”
Janice said. “That means he still wants to be with you.”

“
Yes,” I said. “I just
hope he can trust me again. And I have no idea what he’s going to
do to Cortland when he sees him.”

Ryan shook his head. “He better leave
him out of it. Cortland didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve already
settled my beef with him.”

Janice smiled. “I’m glad you worked it
out.”

“
I don’t think it’s over,”
I said honestly.

“
What do you mean?” she
asked.

“
Well, he wants to be
alone. He doesn’t want to talk to me or see me.”

“
How long?” Ryan
asked.

“
I don’t know. A week,
maybe more. What if he realizes he can’t get past what I
did?”

“
He will, Scar,” Ryan
said. “That guy loves you more than anything. Besides, your crime
wasn’t that bad.”

“
When we were at his
parents’ house I made a big deal about him not telling me
everything. Now I’m caught doing the same thing to him. It just
makes this situation a million times worse.”

Janice looked at me. “As long as he
loves you, he’ll move past it.”

“
And what if he falls out
of love when we’re apart?” I asked.

“
I really don’t think
that’s going to happen,” Ryan said. “He wouldn’t have given you
back that ring if he thought otherwise. The guy just needs some
space, that’s all. He’ll come around, Scar. And you don’t have to
worry about him sleeping around. He said he wouldn’t.”

I nodded. “Sean wouldn’t do
that.”

Ryan shook his head. “No, he wouldn’t.
It’ll be okay.”

I sighed. “I just wish I could talk to
him.”

“
Don’t,” Janice said. “Let
him be.”

“
That’s so hard,” I said.
“Imagine not talking to Ryan for a week or more.”

She cringed. “That sounds
horrific.”

“
Or not having sex,” I
added.

“
I don’t care how pissed
Ryan is. We have sex no matter what.”

“
Really?” I
asked.

She nodded. “But we’ve never had a
huge fight like you two. We mainly argue about stupid things like
what to watch on television, where to eat dinner, and stuff like
that.”

I sighed. “That sounds
nice.”

“
You and Sean will get
back together. I promise,” Janice said.

“
I hope so,” I
said.

Ryan looked at me. “Don’t worry about
it.”

“
Well, what about
Cortland?”

Ryan raised an eyebrow. “What do you
mean?”

“
Sean isn’t going to let
me see him anymore. And I can’t cut a friend from your life, Ryan.
I would have to stop seeing you.”

“
Don’t worry about that,
Scar,” my brother said. “Sean would never do that to
you.”

I shook my head. “You obviously forgot
how pissed he was.”

Ryan took a bite of his cereal. “I
didn’t say anything about him not being pissed. I just know he
would never put you in that situation. Sean understands how
important I am to you. He might be a little possessive with you
when he’s around Cortland, but he wouldn’t ask you to stop seeing
him. He knows how important this family is to you.”

I played with the spoon and stirred my
cereal. “I hope you’re right.”

“
Let’s do something later
to get your mind off of it,” Janice said.

I took a bite of my cereal. “I don’t
want to go out.”

“
We can just go to a bar,
order some hot wings, and watch a game,” she said.

“
We can do that
here.”

Ryan laughed. “Come on, Scar. It’ll be
fun. I love watching you yell at the television when other people
are around.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m just
enthusiastic.”

“
So you’ll come?” Janice
asked.

“
I guess,” I said. “As
long as it’s at a sports bar. Not one of those places where men are
on the prowl.”

Ryan laughed. “You seem to think
you’re more attractive than you really are.”

When my brother started to tease me, I
knew he thought I was feeling better. I decided to play along.
“Excuse me? I’m a hot piece of ass. And if I’m ugly, what does that
make you, brother?”

Ryan smiled. “I didn’t say you were
ugly, but I don’t think guys are immediately on the prowl when
they’re around you.”

“
Well, I’m your sister.
That’s why you don’t notice.”

He shrugged. “Maybe, but I doubt
it.”
Janice pinched his stomach. “Don’t be mean to your baby
sister.”

“
I’m not.” He laughed.
“I’m just telling her the truth.” He rose from the table and dumped
his bowl in the sink. After kissing Janice goodbye, he left for
work.

I looked at Janice. “How are things
between you?”

“
Wonderful.” I could hear
the smile in her voice. “I’m so glad I moved here for him. I’ve
never been happier.”

“
That makes me really
happy.”

“
And I don’t think I’m
going to find my own place.”

“
I don’t see why you
should. If everything is great between you, then there’s no reason
to pay rent at two different places.”

“
He does like to have sex
all the time.”

“
What guy doesn’t?” I
laughed.

“
I’m serious. He needs it
in the morning, when he gets home from work, and then before bed.
His orgasms are like clockwork.” She paused for a moment and made
an awkward face. “Is this weird for you? It must be.”

“
It really doesn’t bother
me. My brother and I are really close.”

“
I’ve noticed.”

“
He showed me how to put
in my first tampon.”

She almost knocked over
her bowl. “
What
?”

“
He did a demonstration—he
didn’t do anything to me. There are no secrets between us. I know
it’s odd, but that’s just how we are. He knows a lot about my
personal life. I told him when I lost my virginity, the first time
I had an orgasm, and he helped me pick out my first birth
control.”

She still looked shocked. “I guess
this will take some time to get used to.”

I laughed. “Yeah. So what were you
saying?”

“
He just likes to have sex
a lot. That’s all.”

“
Is that a bad
thing?”

“
Not with him.”

“
Does he make you come
every time?”

“
Pretty much,” Janice
said. “I can tell he has a lot of experience.”

I looked down at my bowl and ate
another bite. I didn’t know how much she knew about my brother’s
sexual escapades. I wouldn’t reveal my brother’s
secrets.

“
Sometimes it bothers me
how much of a slut he is.”

“
Used to be. He isn’t like
that anymore.”

“
It still gets under my
skin every now and then.”

“
You aren’t so sweet and
innocent.”

She laughed. “No, definitely not, but
he’s pretty over the top.”

“
Sean rivals his number of
sexual transgressions.”

“
Yes, he’s very
experienced too.”

It became awkward. Sometimes I forgot
that she slept with my fiancé. I tried to forget about it because
all it did was cause me pain, but I knew I couldn’t be mad at
either of them. They did nothing wrong.

“
You know what I don’t
get?” Janice said.

“
What?”

“
Sean slept with me, your
friend, and he isn’t taking any heat for it.”

“
Those situations are
totally different. It isn’t about Cortland. My evasion of the truth
is what upset him. Sean never lied or tried to hide
his—encounter—with you. He was always honest.”

She shrugged. “I still think he’s
being too harsh.”

“
I don’t,” I said. “And we
still haven’t resolved the wedding issue. I guess it’s irrelevant
now since we are barely together as it is.” I felt my heart
convulse in pain. The idea of losing Sean was
unbearable.

She placed her hand on top of mine.
“You’ll work it out. That man loves you too much.”

“
I hope so,” I said. “Are
you ever going to tell Ryan about Sean? Maybe you should be
proactive about it. You’ve seen what’s happened to me because of
it.”

“
If I tell him he’ll be
mad at you.”

I rolled my eyes. “He’s always mad at
me.”

“
I’m being serious, Scar.
He’ll be upset that you didn’t tell him.”

I shook my head. “I don’t see why. He
didn’t even know you when you slept with Sean. How can he be
mad?”

“
Well, now he’s madly in
love with me,” she said. “Knowing that I see Sean every day might
change things.”