Eleanor & Park (24 page)

‘I’m sorry I look so stupid

today,’ she said.

‘You look like you always do,’

he said. Her bag was hanging at

the end of her arm. He tried to

take it, but she pulled away.

‘I always look stupid?’

‘That’s not what I meant …’

‘It’s what you said,’ she

muttered.

He wanted to ask her not to be

mad right now. Like, anytime but

now. She could be mad at him for

no reason all day tomorrow, if she

wanted to.

‘You really know how to

make a girl feel special,’ Eleanor

said.

‘I’ve never pretended to know

anything

about

girls,’

he

answered.

‘That’s not what I heard,’ she

said. ‘I heard you were allowed to

have girl-
zzz
in your room …’

‘They were there,’ he said,

‘but I didn’t learn anything.’

They both stopped on his

porch. He took her bag from her

and tried not to look nervous.

Eleanor was looking down the

walk, like she might bolt.

‘I meant that you don’t look

any different than you usually

look,’ he said softly, just in case

his mom was standing on the

other side of the door. ‘And you

always look nice.’

‘I never look nice,’ she said.

Like he was an idiot.

‘I like the way you look,’ he

said. It came out more like an

argument than a compliment.

‘That doesn’t mean it’s nice.’

She was whispering, too.

‘Fine then, you look like a

hobo.’

‘A hobo?’ Her eyes lit.

‘Yeah, a gypsy hobo,’ he said.

‘You look like you just joined the

cast of
Godspell
.’

‘I don’t even know what that

is.’

‘It’s terrible.’

She stepped closer to him. ‘I

look like a hobo?’

‘Worse,’ he said. ‘Like a sad

hobo clown.’

‘And you like it?’

‘I love it.’

As soon as he said it, she

broke into a smile. And when

Eleanor smiled, something broke

inside of him.

Something always did.

Eleanor

It was probably a good thing that

Park’s mom opened the door

when she did because Eleanor was

thinking about kissing him, and

no way was that a good idea –

Eleanor didn’t know the first thing

about kissing.

Of course, she’d watched a

million kisses on TV (thank you,

Fonzie), but TV never showed

you the mechanics of it. If Eleanor

tried to kiss Park, it would be like

a real-life version of some little

girl making her Barbie kiss Ken.

Just smashing their faces together.

Besides, if Park’s mom had

opened the door right in the

middle of a big, awkward kiss,

she’d hate Eleanor even more.

Park’s mom
did
hate her, you

could tell. Or maybe she just hated

t h e
idea
of Eleanor, of a girl

seducing her firstborn son right in

her own living room.

Eleanor followed Park in and

sat down. She tried to look extra

polite. When his mom offered

them a snack, Eleanor said, ‘That

would be great, thank you.’ His

mom was looking at Eleanor like

she was something somebody had

spilled on the baby-blue couch.

She brought out cookies, then left

them alone.

Park

seemed

so

happy.

Eleanor tried to concentrate on

how nice it was to be with him –

but it was taking too much of her

concentration, just keeping herself

together.

It was the little things about

Park’s house that really freaked

her out. Like all the glass grapes

hanging from everything. And the

curtains that matched the sofa that

matched the little doily-napkins

under the lamps.

You’d think that nobody

interesting could grow up in a

house as nice and boring as this

one – but Park was the smartest,

funniest guy she’d ever met, and

this was his home planet.

Eleanor

wanted

to

feel

superior to Park’s mom and her

Avon-lady house. But, instead,

she kept thinking about how nice

it must be to live in a house like

this one. With your own room.

And your own parents. And six

different kinds of cookies in the

cupboard.

Park

Eleanor was right. She never

looked nice. She looked like art,

and art wasn’t supposed to look

nice; it was supposed to make you

feel something.

Eleanor sitting next to him on

the couch made Park feel like

someone had opened a window in

the middle of the room. Like

someone had replaced all the air in

the room with brand new,

improved air (now with twice the

freshness).

Eleanor made him feel like

something was happening. Even

when they were just sitting on the

couch.

She wouldn’t let him hold her

hand, not in his house, and she

wouldn’t stay for dinner. But she

agreed to come back tomorrow –

if his parents said it was okay,

which they did.

His mom was being perfectly

nice so far. She wasn’t turning on

the charm, like she did for her

clients and the neighbors, but she

wasn’t being rude either. And if

she wanted to hide in the kitchen

every time Eleanor came over,

Park thought, that was her

prerogative.

Eleanor came over again on

Thursday afternoon and Friday.

And on Saturday, while they were

playing Nintendo with Josh, his

dad asked her to stay for dinner.

Park couldn’t believe it when

she said yes. His dad put the leaf

into the dining room table, and

Eleanor sat right next to Park. She

was nervous, he could tell. She

barely touched her sloppy joe, and

after a while her smile started to

go all grimacey around the edges.

After dinner, they all watched

Back to the Future
on HBO, and

his mom made popcorn. Eleanor

sat with Park on the floor, leaning

against the couch, and when he

surreptitiously took her hand, she

didn’t pull away. He rubbed the

inside of her palm because he

knew she liked it. It made her

eyelids dip like she was going to

fall asleep.

When the movie was over,

Park’s dad insisted that Park walk

Eleanor home.

‘Thanks for having me, Mr

Sheridan,’ she said. ‘And thank

you for dinner, Mrs Sheridan. It

was delicious, I had a great time.’

She didn’t even sound like she

was being sarcastic.

When they got to the door, she

called back, ‘Good night!’

Park closed the door behind

them. You could almost see all the

nervous niceness draining out of

Eleanor. He wanted to hug her, to

help wring it out.

‘You can’t walk me home,’

she said with her usual edge, ‘you

know that, right?’

‘I know. But I can walk you

partway.’

‘I don’t know …’

‘Come on,’ he said, ‘it’s dark.

No one will see us.’

‘Okay,’ she said, but she put

her hands in her pockets. They

both walked slowly.

‘Your family is really great,’

she said after a minute. ‘Really.’

He took her arm. ‘Hey, I want

to show you something.’ He

pulled her into the next driveway,

between a pine tree and an RV.

‘Park, this is trespassing.’

‘It’s not. My grandparents live

here.’

‘What do you want to show

me?’

‘Nothing, really, I just want to

be alone with you for a minute.’

He pulled her to the back of

the driveway, where they were

almost completely hidden by a line

of trees and the RV and the

garage.

‘Seriously?’ she said. ‘That

was so lame.’

‘I know,’ he said, turning to

her. ‘Next time, I’ll just say,

“Eleanor, follow me down this

dark alley, I want to kiss you.”’

She didn’t roll her eyes. She

took a breath, then closed her

mouth. He was learning how to

catch her off guard.

She pushed her hands deeper

in her pockets, so he put his hands

on her elbows instead. ‘Next

time,’ he said, ‘I’ll just say,

“Eleanor, duck behind these

bushes with me, I’m going to lose

my mind if I don’t kiss you.”’

She didn’t move, so he

thought it was probably okay to

touch her face. Her skin was as

soft as it looked, white and

smooth as freckled porcelain.

‘I’ll just say, “Eleanor, follow

me down this rabbit hole …”’

He laid his thumb on her lips

to see if she’d pull away. She

didn’t. He leaned closer. He

wanted to close his eyes, but he

didn’t trust her not to leave him

standing there.

When his lips were almost

touching hers, she shook her

head. Her nose rubbed against his.

‘I’ve never done this before,’

she said.

‘S’okay,’ he said.

‘It’s not, it’s going to be

terrible.’

He shook his head. ‘It’s not.’

She shook her head a little

more. Just a little. ‘You’re going

to regret this,’ she said.

That made him laugh, so he

had to wait a second before he

kissed her.

It wasn’t terrible. Eleanor’s

lips were soft and warm, and he

could feel her pulse in her cheek.

It was good that she was so

nervous – because it forced him

not to be. It steadied him to feel

her trembling.

He pulled away before he

wanted to. He hadn’t done this

enough to know how to breathe.

When he pulled away, her eyes

were

mostly

closed.

His

grandparents had a light on, on

their front porch, and Eleanor’s

face caught every bit of it. She

looked like she should be married

to the man in the moon.

Her face dropped after a

second, and he let his hand fall to

her shoulder.

‘Okay?’ he whispered.

She nodded. He pulled her

closer and kissed the top her head.

He tried to find her ear under all

that hair.

‘Come here,’ he said, ‘I want

to show you something.’

She laughed. He lifted her

chin.

The second time was even less

terrible.

Eleanor

They walked together from his

grandparents’ driveway to the

alley, then Park waited there in the

shadows and watched Eleanor

walk home alone.

She told herself not to look

back.

Richie was home, and everybody

except her mom was watching TV.

It wasn’t
that
late; Eleanor tried to

act like there was nothing strange

about her coming home in the

dark.

‘Where have you been?’

Richie said.

‘At a friend’s house.’

‘What friend?’

‘I told you, honey,’ her mom

said, stepping into the room,

drying a pan. ‘Eleanor has a

girlfriend in the neighborhood.

Lisa.’

‘Tina,’ Eleanor said.

‘Girlfriend, huh?’ Richie said.

‘Giving up on men already?’ He

thought that was pretty funny.

Eleanor went into the bedroom

and closed the door. She didn’t

turn on the light. She climbed into

bed in her street clothes, opened

the curtains and wiped the

condensation off the window. She

couldn’t see the alley or anything

moving outside.

The window fogged over

again. Eleanor closed her eyes and

laid her forehead against the glass.

CHAPTER 29

Eleanor

When she saw Park standing at the

bus stop on Monday morning, she

started

giggling.

Seriously,

giggling like a cartoon character

… when their cheeks get all red,

and little hearts start popping out

of their ears …

It was ridiculous.

Park

When he saw Eleanor walking

toward him on Monday morning,

Park wanted to run to her and