Element, Part 1 (7 page)

“Sorry. What I’m trying to say is that I’ve got issues.”
Natalie didn’t know how else to put it. He probably thought she was an immature
girl that couldn’t even handle being kissed by a guy. She didn’t want to tell
him the real reason. She barely knew him and even though he saw how Tony acted,
he wouldn’t understand.

“We all do, Natalie. You’re not alone.” His voice, sincere
and heavy all at the same time, told her he did understand.

For a moment she sensed a closeness being formed between
them. She closed her eyes and kept silent. Her heart kept telling her to not be
scared but her mind told her the opposite.

“Despite what happened, I’d like to see you again.”

Her eyes popped opened. Her heart leaped into her throat
urging her to say yes. Her head continued to warn her otherwise. She promised
herself she would not get involved with another guy for a long time. “I don’t
think it’s a good time right now. I’m about to head home for the week.”

Ryan hesitated for a second. “Natalie, I know I will have
regrets if I don’t tell you that… I can’t stop thinking about you. I know I
felt something between us. Something I have never felt before and I think you
felt it too.”

OMG, he felt it too.
 “I… I don’t know.”

Lise motioned to her with praying hands, mouthing the words,
“Please.”

Natalie ignored her.

“Don’t deny what you’re feeling. I know you’re scared of
getting hurt again. But you know what…so am I,” Ryan said with vigor.

The more she tried to discount her emotions, the need to be
with him intensified. She took a deep breath and held it for a second. She
wanted to say yes, but was afraid.

“Please go out with me. We can do something laid-back, like
dinner and a movie. I really want to see you again. I… can’t stop thinking
about you.”

She couldn’t resist the plea in his voice and all the
emotions he stirred up in her. The words slid out of her mouth effortlessly.
“Okay. How about when I get back?”

“You will?” His voice raised about five octaves. “Alright.”
He chuckled slightly, apparently pleased with his tactics of persuading her.

Natalie smiled. “I’ll give you a call when I get back.”

“Sounds good. Be careful. Talk to ya soon.”

“Bye.” Natalie hung up the phone and let out a long and
drawn out sigh. What did she just agree to do? Why wasn’t she following her own
rules? She knew she was setting herself up for another broken heart.

“OMG, Nat. You have to be the most difficult date ever. Poor
guy. He must really like you if he’s willing to work that hard.”

Natalie rolled her eyes at Lise. “I’m not difficult.”

Lise broke out in laughter and threw her arms up in the air.
“Whatever.”

“I don’t like to jump into things without thinking through
them first.” Natalie lashed back.

“Ouch.” Lise put her hand over her heart.

“Sorry, but it’s the truth.” Natalie got up and gathered her
things.

“I really wish you would stay so we could double date. You
can always leave tomorrow. Please?” Lise begged.

“No, I already told my parents I’m coming home today. I need
to get going so I can get home by dinner time. I’m dying for a good home cooked
meal.”

“You and me both.” Lise pouted and then picked up her
laundry bag. “Come on, I’ll help you take your stuff to your car.”

***

“Mom… Dad, I’m home.” Natalie came in through the back door
from the garage. She set her bags down and walked into the kitchen area.

Her mom, Gloria, leaned over the stove cooking. “Mija. I’m
so glad you’re home. I missed you.” Her mom rushed to her side and hugged her.

“It feels good to be home.” Natalie embraced her mom and returned
a kiss on her cheek.

“So you’re doing okay? I’ve been worried about you.” Her mom
stroked her hair. “I hate that you’re over there by yourself, trying to get
over Tony. Maybe you should come home and go to school here.”

Natalie pulled back from her mom’s thin, bony arms. She didn’t
feel like hearing her mom’s persistent nagging. Growing up in a typical
middle-class Hispanic home meant close family ties. She loved her family but
she also liked not living in the same town. At first, her parents didn’t want
her to leave for college. Since her aunt lived in Austin and Tony and his dad
were moving there, they agreed to let her leave.

“I’m fine, Mom. Did you highlight your hair?” She wanted to
change the subject quickly.

“Yes. Do you like the blonde color they used? Does it make
me look younger?” Her mom ran her fingers through her shoulder length hair.

“Now you sound like Aunt Sharon.”

Her mom gave her one of those stares.

“Sorry.” She had to think of how to take back what she said.
“It does make you look younger and the blonde makes your brown eyes lighter
too.” She knew her mom hated being compared to her sister. Even though her mom
was only a few years younger than Sharon, she felt like Sharon was always
competing with her.

“How is your Aunt Sharon? I haven’t talked to her in a few
weeks.”

“She’s doing fine. In fact, she’s headed to Europe for the
summer and asked me to stay at her place when I can.”

“Oh really, that will be good. It gives you a chance to get
out of that small dorm room. Do you think she’s staying with one of her
boyfriends?”

Natalie shrugged her shoulders. “When it comes to her, no
telling.”

“Please be careful and take care of her place. She has
really expensive furniture. So that means no parties!”

“I know, Mom. Besides, when have you known me to throw a
party?”
Her mom smiled. “Never.”

“Exactly. So where’s everyone at?”

“Your dad isn’t home from work yet and your grandmother’s
taking a nap—”

“Nat, you’re home.” Laura, Natalie’s little sister, came up from
behind, hugging her. Natalie turned around and greeted her with open arms.

“Hi Laura. Wow, you’ve really grown.” She placed her hand on
top of her sister’s head, measuring her height against her chest.

“Yep, I’m wearing a size eight now.”

“Before long, you’ll be wearing my clothes.” Natalie sang
out.  “Which reminds me, I’ve got something for you.” She pointed to her bag.

Laura scurried over to one of Natalie’s bags and pulled out
a package of gummy bears. “Oh, my favorite. Thanks, Nat.”

“You’re welcome.”

A door slammed shut and a tall and lean guy walked into the
kitchen. “Man, I can smell the food all the way outside. I’m starving.”

“Ummm… a hello would be nice.” Natalie watched her brother
lean over the stove, stealing a piece of chicken out of the pan.

Gabriel popped the chicken in his mouth and turned around.
“Hey sis,” he said with a mouth full, “I didn’t even see you.”

“I see you haven’t forgotten how to ignore me.” Natalie put
her hands on her hips.

He walked over to her and picked her up in a tight bear hug.
He spun her around a few times.

Natalie squealed. “Put me down.”

“Dang, girl. What are you eating or should I say lifting?”
He let her go and she took a step back to gain her balance. She gave him a
brotherly punch on the forearm. “I’m not fat.”

He rubbed his arm. “Owww. I don’t mean you’re fat. I’m
talkin’ about your muscles. How much are you lifting? You’ve got some power
behind that fist of yours.”

Natalie snickered. “I don’t know. Maybe five to ten pounds
more than I used to. I think it’s the vitamins and protein I’ve been taking.”

He reached over and squeezed her right bicep. “Just keep it
up and you’ll have arms like mine.” He flexed his arms, showing off his lean
muscles. “I’ve been working out too, ya know.”

Natalie rolled her eyes and shook her head. Although only
fifteen, he was maturing fast and would pass her up before long.

“What vitamins are you taking?” Her mom turned around and
looked her up and down thoroughly.

“The ones I volunteered to test out. They are from the pharmaceutical
company I’m going to be interning at.”

“Oh. You didn’t tell me you volunteered to test out
anything. When did you start taking them?”

“Back in January. I told you and you even asked me when we
were in Chicago during spring break for Alicia’s wedding. Remember?”

Her mom’s brow furrowed. “I barely remember. I don’t know if
I like you being a test patient for any drugs. There’s always some sort of side
effects. You’ve heard the commercials that list all the possible dangers.”

“Mom, I’m not testing out any drugs. It’s only vitamins and
protein drinks. You know me… I’m very cautious and I do my homework. I checked
them out and they are perfectly safe. Not only do I get them for free but I get
paid to take them too, which makes it even better.”

“Oh, all right. Just be careful. And your brother’s right. You
will start looking like him if you keep lifting so much weight. Your shoulders
are already getting broad. It can ruin your figure and you don’t want to look
like those weightlifting women, do you?”

Natalie sighed. “Oh mom, please. Lifting weights is good for
the body. You should try it.”

Her mom shook her head. “No thank you. I’ll just stick to
power walking.”

“You’re lucky that you’re naturally thin.” Natalie saw her
grandmother making her way slowly into the kitchen with her walker. For the
past five years, her grandmother had been living with her family. Her father
refused to put his mother in a nursing home when her health started to
deteriorate and her memory began to fade.

“Abuelita, it’s so good to see you. Como estas?” Natalie
spoke in half English and Spanish. Carefully, she embraced her grandmother’s
frail body.

Her grandmother’s bony hands embraced Natalie’s face. Her
lower lip quivered when she tried to speak. “Bien mija.
S
aliste de la escuela?”

“Si abuelita. I’m home for a week. I have to go back for
summer school and work.”

Her grandmother smiled. “
Asi es mi ni
ñ
a
.
Nunca cese con sus ambiciones.” Her
grandmother had been an inspiration and a role model for her since she was
little. She taught Natalie to not be satisfied with the ordinary things in life.
She encouraged her to reach for the stars and keep on reaching until you were
living and watching your dreams unfold right in front of you.

Natalie smiled back. “Don’t worry Grandma, I won’t let you
down.”

“Adonde esta su novio, Tony?”

Natalie’s heart dropped to her stomach. Why did she have to
bring him up? Didn’t her mother tell her that they broke up? Her head dropped
down to her chest. A lump formed in the back of her throat and tears filled her
eyes.

Natalie’s mom quickly interjected. “Don’t you remember,
Rosa? I told you they weren’t together anymore?”

Her grandmother squinted through her heavy lensed glasses as
though trying to remember that conversation. “Ay, si. Lo siento mija.” She
leaned forward and kissed the tears rolling down her cheek.  “You will find
love again. Don’t let your heart go cold.”

Natalie wiped the tears away. “I know Grandma, but it
hurts.”

Her grandmother nodded. “Yo sè.”  She reached up and tucked
the strands of hair that hung in front of Natalie’s face behind her ear. “Have
faith. God will send you the right boy.”

Natalie smiled. “I hope so.”

***

Later that week, Natalie sat in her bedroom browsing through
all of her high school yearbooks. They brought back so many memories, some good
and some bad, thanks to Tony. She opened up her yearbook from her sophomore
year and turned to the seniors. Her hand wavered for a second and then she
thumbed through the pages until she found Ryan’s picture.

He looked almost the same except his face had matured. When
she came across a full length picture of him she saw how his body had
definitely filled out even more. She figured he had to be at least twenty or
twenty-one; maybe twenty since he wasn’t drinking that night at the bar. However,
they didn’t card anyone that night so she couldn’t be certain. She continued to
flip through the pages until she came to Jennifer Shaw.

Jen, or that’s what everyone called her, was voted the
‘most’ everything. She was a gorgeous blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl with curves
in all the right places. Natalie couldn’t compete with Jen. How was Ryan even
interested in her?

Skimming through the book, she saw Ryan and Jen were in most
of the pictures. Natalie wondered what she did to him that caused him so much
pain. Besides leaving him when he got hurt, there had to be something more to
the story. Natalie remembered seeing Jen constantly flirt with all the guys at
school so her guess was easy. Jen had cheated on him. Just like Tony had cheated
on her. It gave her a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach.

Natalie got up and walked to the mirror hanging on her
closet door. She stared at herself, combing through her long dark hair with her
fingers. Her straight and limp hair clung to her head. She twirled the ends
around her fingers. She liked the way Lise fixed her hair the other day and
thought that maybe she should start curling her hair more often.

She removed her glasses and stared at herself. She liked the
way she looked without them and Ryan had even made a comment too. Maybe she
would wear her contacts instead of her glasses. She leaned forward to study her
face. She was grateful she had a good complexion, hence the reason why she
never bothered to wear much makeup. She didn’t need to. However, she also liked
the way Lise did her makeup. It made her pale blue eyes stand out and it did
make her feel pretty.

She straightened out her old UT t-shirt and cotton shorts.
She couldn’t remember the last time she bought something new. Maybe she would
go shopping and buy some new clothes, a curling iron, and new makeup. She had
some money saved up and her mom did ask her earlier if she wanted to go
shopping tomorrow. Shopping with her mom would be fun since her mom loved to
buy clothes and accessorize. She didn’t take after her mom or her Aunt Sharon
and her mom’s opinion would be helpful.