Elemental: Earth (11 page)

The gray light of morning was just beginning to spread, but Tessa and Gavin didn’t see much of it deep in the jungle. She was amazed at his night vision, and there had been plenty of times he’d to pick her up and let her ride on his back over rocky rivers and dense undergrowth that she couldn’t navigate. She had tried to stop herself from straining to see, but it was a natural tendency. It had, however, taken even more of a toll on her, and she rubbed her temples at the thought of her pounding headache. Her eyes watered with the strain, and he legs were burning after the numbness of the sitting and zip-ties followed by the intense activity. (Not to mention she wasn’t wearing the best shoes for traversing the Amazon.) She felt a bit like an invalid, especially when she thought of all of the training exercises she had not only been on but developed for her squads. Had she really gone that soft that quickly?

“Let’s stop here,” Gavin suggested. “The sun will be up soon, and we need to get some rest.” Tessa dropped to the ground not minding where. “We still have a ways to go, so we definitely need a good night’s sleep.”

Tessa began to giggle. She couldn’t stop once she got started. The entire situation was so preposterous-- she was in the jungle, traipsing around with this guy named Gavin who had just sprung her from a drug lord’s distribution center, and in doing so had caused earthquakes that separated the land so that even Hummers were swallowed into caverns below. They had left a perfectly good Jeep on the side of the road so that he could delve deep into the jungle at night and steer them through with ease as if it were the middle of the day. And now, he was saying it was time to get a good night’s sleep. Even to her, this sounded incredible, but she couldn’t imagine writing her report when she got back to Jameson.

And with that thought, she laughed aloud maniacally, losing her balance and rolling back in the moss.

“Alrighty, then,” Gavin said as he looked at her quizzically. “Obviously you’re much in need of rest.”

Tessa nodded as she tried to get her laughter under control. Her eyes were brimming with tears as part of the effect of this punch-drunk hilarity, but she conceded-- she was more tired than she had been in a long, long time.

“Well, this is as good a place as any,” Gavin said, glancing around.

Tessa was still trying to calm herself when she realized what Gavin was proposing.

“You mean here? Out in the open during the daylight? Isn’t that leaving us a bit vulnerable?”

Gavin turned, sought out some branches, vines, and leaves, and coerced them to obey under his steady gaze. They smoothly connected and wove together, creating a screen of sorts. Then, Gavin turned to the mossy carpet and blew a faint breath towards it causing the carpet to puff into a thickness almost four times its original status. He turned towards Tessa and bowed deeply as he swept a pathway to her chambers with his arms.

Tessa was still trying to convince herself that she had in fact seen all that had just happened. She crept behind the screen and lay down on the moss. Gavin nestled beside her, and she could feel him sinking beneath the surface on which she lay. The moss seemed to cradle her, and the screen of leaves shielded her from the sun. Soon, she was softly snoring within minutes.

When she awoke, Tessa had the strangest feeling of being watched, and a small panic pierced her heart. Slowly turning, she saw a pair of intent eyes staring at her.

“Hungry?” Gavin greeted her. He held out a quince to her.

“How long have you been awake?” she responded as she reached for the fruit.

“About an hour.”

“How long have you been staring at me?”

“About an hour.”

Tessa had the distinct feeling that during that hour, Gavin had somehow learned all he wanted to learn regarding her being in Argentina and her connection with Gillian, Melissa, and Dara. She both wished for and dreaded having that conversation, but she wanted it out in the open so that she could really deal with her feelings for him and decide whether he felt anything (other than hatred at betrayal) for her.

“So, what’s next?” she asked wanting to break the silence at the very least.

Gavin stared intently for the next few seconds and said, “We’re heading out. We have a long walk today, and then, once I’m certain no one is following us, we’ll talk.”

“Can’t argue with that,” Tessa replied as she stood, brushed herself off and looked at Gavin to begin leading them through the jungle.

Finally, Gavin moved, handed her another quince (“For a little down the road,” he’d said), and they set off on their trek.

The sun was just coming up as Tessa and Gavin came within view of a small, shabbily-built cabin. Her heart leapt at the thought of having some shelter in which to feel safer, but then Tessa checked herself, reminding herself that the likelihood of their being able to use this was slim.

Gavin walked up to the three steps leading to the precarious porch, reached under the third stair, felt around, and produced a key.

Tessa looked at him questioningly as he unlocked the lock and turned to welcome her in.

“Safe house. We have a few in different spots when we feel the Hatch is closing in. We’d been staying her for a few months before we decided to make Argentina ‘home’ for a while. Hadn’t had any issues for seven years. . . until now.” Gavin left the statement hanging in the air and walked inside, leaving the door open like an invitation as Tessa stood at the steps looking sheepish and guilty.

As Gavin rifled through a cabinet for cans of food, Tessa slowly made her way up the steps, onto the porch, and into the cabin. She closed the door quietly behind her, never taking her eyes off of Gavin.

“Afraid I can’t offer you many choices,” Gavin said, presenting a can of beans and a can of hominy, “but at least there is some protein here.”

“I’m an agent,” Tessa found herself blurting out. “For the government. I’ve worked in Special Forces for all of my adult life, and I was sent here along with the others to find you and your brothers.”

Gavin gently put the cans on the small wooden table in front of him. He was looking down at the table the entire time. Then he began to shake his head.

“No,” he said softly, still looking at the cans on the table. “No, not quite.”

Tessa didn’t understand. She was telling him the truth. She was fairly certain he already knew it, but she was coming clean, clearing the air. But what he was saying wasn’t making any sense.

“What?” she asked innocently.

“No. That is not entirely true,” Gavin said. “You’re not an agent. You’re a whore. A whore for the government. You allowed them to use you, pimp you out, to entice me, convince me I could trust you, and then, the moment you were certain it had happened, I was to be taken back to the life I have fought NEVER to live again. You, my dear, are a whore. Nothing else. But you’re probably used to it, right? I mean, I’m sure you’ve been a whore for the government before. Hell, you’ve probably even whored for the Hatch. You’re too good to be a rookie.”

Tessa felt her face aflame with anger and shame, not to mention the incredible pain she was feeling at the sound of Gavin’s voice uttering these words about her.

“Gavin, I swear, I didn’t understand everything that was involved before I got all the way to Argentina and met with my handler. And I had not one iota of an idea that I would fall in love with you in the process. You have to understand. And the way you and your brothers were presented to us made you sound like maniacal villains from some comic strip who was fighting against Superman or Spiderman and destroying the world and innocent citizens in the process. I was wrong. They were wrong. If you only knew how many times I almost went AWOL and took you with me, how many times I cursed Zinsser (aloud and in my heart) for threatening me with a court martial if I didn’t carry out my orders, how many times I tried to concoct some plan that would save us both.”

“Strip!” Gavin ordered her. He was finally looking directly into her eyes. “Strip. NOW!”

Tessa was taken aback. Did this mean they were making up? I don’t get it. He’s not this assertive. Why would he act like this? She was confused and turned on and hopeful and scared all at once. She realized she was just standing, mouth open, starring at him.

“Take your clothes off, and don’t say anything else!” Gavin ordered.

Slowly, she began removing clothing and putting it on the table. Gavin would hungrily grab the article of clothing and begin inspecting every inch sometimes ripping into hems and looking inside pockets. Tessa had stripped down to her bra and stopped. She just looked at Gavin with big eyes. It had finally dawned on her that this wasn’t foreplay. This was safety.

She couldn’t tell how angry he was with her, so her former level of comfort with him was gone. She stood unwilling to completely expose herself to him, so Gavin pulled his own shirt over his head and tossed it to her.

Quietly she took off her bra and handed it to him. Gavin ripped into the demi-cup and pulled out the underwiring. There it was, as small as a fingernail, a locator. He motioned for her shoes, pulled out the inserts, and found two more devices. He took all three, threw them in the cast iron skillet on the little stove, grabbed a box of matches, and threw one in. The smell of electricity filled the air, and one of the devices popped. The plastic melted and then disintegrated as the metal drew into itself until it was one microscopic little snail, curled into a black smoldering mark.

“I honestly had no idea,” Tessa said. “None. I swear to God, Gavin, I had no clue they were there.”

Gavin doesn’t say a word. He calmly gathers her clothing, opens the front of the wood-burning stove, shoves them in, and lights them up.

“HEY!” Tessa yelled, and lunged toward Gavin. “Those clothes aren’t cheap, you know. And they just happen to be all I have to wear!”

Gavin leaves the room for a few seconds, returns with a pair of basketball shorts, tosses them to her.

“Look,” Tessa begins. “You’re being a complete asshole. I had no clue that those devices were there. I just told you how often I had wanted to get out of this—get us out of this. Didn’t you hear any of what I said? Doesn’t it count for something that I told you the truth?”

“Truth? Do you even know the definition of the word?” Gavin rumbled at her. “You’ve told me so many stories that I don’t even know if you know what’s true anymore. And why would I believe
anything
you say when
everything
you’ve said has been a lie?”

“I know the truth,” Tessa countered. “And I haven’t told you ‘so many stories’. I had one, and half the time you didn’t even get that. You got honesty. Everything I said has
not
been a lie.
None
of my feelings for you have been a lie. That has been completely genuine. . . but of course, you’re just going to think I’m lying now, so why am I wasting my breath?” she yelled.

“Yes, why are you wasting your breath?” Gavin came back. “Why don’t you stop and give both of us some peace and quiet?”

“You’re so stupid!” Tessa yelled with a new realization. “If I were really worth anything to those bastards, don’t you think they would have come to get me back in the jungle? They’ve known where I am this whole time—Zinsser and his crew. No one came to get me. I’m dispensable, and they don’t need me and they sure as hell don’t give a rat’s ass about me. Does that sound like I have a great ‘working relationship’ with them? Does that sound like you need to be worried about anything?”

“They’re probably on our trail,” Gavin responded. Her argument made sense, but he was not completely certain. He’d trusted her once, against what his head was trying to say. He’d let his guard down. He wouldn’t do it again. “You,” he poked Tessa in her chest, “need to stay away from me for a while. Go into that bedroom. Lie down. Get some rest. I’m going to keep an eye on our surroundings. You’d better say your prayers before you rest that we make it through the next twenty four hours. I promised my brothers that I’d never,
ever
see them go back to that place, and if that means I have to kill you and half of Argentina to keep it from happening, then I will.”

He turned from her, went back to the cabinet, removed a few cans and then removed the shelf. He reached to the wall of the cabinet and pried open a hidden door revealing a safe. He punched a number in, listened for the beeps in succession, and opened the safe, pulling out a pistol and a key. Then he left the cabin.

Tessa heard his steps on the ground outside towards the back of the cabin, and then she heard some rattling and a long creak. His boots were stepping on what seemed to be wood—perhaps wooden steps leading down. She couldn’t hear anything for a while, and then she heard an ascent.

Gavin came back into the cabin with a shotgun in one hand and a Tommy gun in the other. He stopped and stared at her.

“Gavin,” Tessa whispered. “Honestly, please, just. . .I know. . .I mean. . .”

He said nothing, just stared. She turned quietly and left the room, softly shutting the door behind her.

The sound of muffled sobs left a foul, tinny taste in Gavin’s mouth, and the vines on his arms faded brown.

Tessa had finally slept. She exhausted herself crying and pacing for most of the morning into the afternoon. Spent, she finally dozed off in the early evening. When he heard no movement and no sound behind the door, Gavin had gone and listened. He could hear her breathing. He eased the door open, saw her flung across the bed, and closed her back into the quiet.

Soon, it was midnight. He’d been keeping watch and nothing had transpired. He wasn’t completely convinced that Zinsser’s extra crew wasn’t playing it safe, keeping a distance until they were sure, waiting for the cover of nightfall in the jungle.

But still, in the deep darkness, nothing was happening. He heard movement behind him and turned. Tessa stood in the doorway to the bedroom. Her hair was disheveled. The shorts hung past her knees. Her nipples were erect under the thin cotton t-shirt. She was the most beautiful sight Gavin had ever seen, and he felt himself harden at the sight of her, but he chastised himself. She was with the enemy. She was with the Hatch.

He started towards the door of the bedroom. Tessa didn’t move. She hoped, she yearned, for him to take her in his arms and tell her that it was all forgiven, that he understood. As he approached, she stepped towards him, looking eagerly into his eyes. She reached for his hand, and he stopped, looking down at her. She smiled and stepped closer, accidentally brushing her breast against his arm, and he could feel it through the thin t-shirt.

“I’m going to get some sleep,” he mumbled. “There’s coffee in the pantry if you want.” Then, he stepped decidedly into the bedroom and shut the door with the sound of finality.

Tessa simply stared at the closed door as if she were trying to see through it to Gavin on the other side. She was at a loss, had no idea what to do. He was not bending. I completely understand his feelings, she thought. In fact, he’s fully justified in feeling this way. I would too. But I would like to think that I would believe him and trust him when the truth came out. . . wouldn’t I?

She hated the way this was messing with every facet of her being. She felt as if she were becoming a different person, and sometimes she felt good about that person, but other times she was embarrassed by that person. She no longer felt the sense of control she’d always had. She no longer felt like anyone else was as important as this man. She was having ideas and visualizing a future she’d never even considered before. . . and she barely knew this Gavin guy, obviously! And why is it that when we’re apart, I can’t seem to feel comfortable? Can’t seem to stop thinking about him? Feel this weird anxiety and fidgetiness? But all that is gone when he’s near.

A chill ran through her body, and she decided that she would make that coffee, something to occupy her mind besides these ludicrous thoughts. She just needed to give him some time to get over his anger and realize that she has told him the truth and her feelings are real. Give him some space. And if that didn’t work, she had to win him back somehow.

On the other side of the bedroom door, Gavin sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the door. He could hear the faint sounds of the coffee bean grinder whirring and Tessa opening and closing cabinets. His heart was broken. How could I have been so stupid, he thought? We’ve all been had—every single one of us, and I have no way of getting through to anyone until we meet up in Rio. . . IF we meet up in Rio. For all I know, they could be drugged and on a plane back to the Hatch right this second. He rose from the bed and punched the mirror on the opposite wall. Pieces shattered and fell to the floor as his knuckles bled a bit and then healed over.

“Are you okay?” He heard Tessa’s voice, a little panicked, on the other side of the wall.

“Yeah. Mirror fell,” he answered.

“Do you want me to bring you a broom?” Tessa asked.

“I’ll get it later,” he mumbled.

“Are you sure? I don’t mind. . .”

“I’ll get it,” he asserted. The last thing he could take was looking at her right now. All he could think about was throwing her on the bed and kissing every inch of her body, taking her back to wherever it was they had been on their first night together. He knew from a discussion with Dallas that Gavin and Tessa were not the only couple who had experienced the same situation. Dallas had asked his elder brother if anything like that had ever happened to him before, and Gavin had pensively told him no, and he wasn’t sure what it meant.

“It means she’s ‘the one,’ right?” Dallas had questioned.

In his heart, Gavin had quickly agreed, but his head was not ready to give control over.

“I don’t know, little bro,” Gavin said, clapping him on the shoulder. “It’d be nice to think, huh?”

“I don’t know for sure either,” Dallas had commented, “but there is something about Gillian that just. . .I don’t know. . . feels right? I can’t explain it.”

“You’re just a pup, you know?” Gavin countered. “You have a lot of life left to explore and a lot of women left to meet. You’ve never experienced any of this before. Don’t get blinded by falling in love with falling in love.”

“I know, I know. I hear what you’re saying, but, honestly, I can’t shake this feeling, and I can’t even think about anything without her being in that picture. And it’s not like I’m trying to. It can be anything—what I’m having for dinner, where I’m thinking of going next, thinking of going to sleep. It’s inescapable.”

Gavin shook his head at this memory. He loved his little brother and had so often wished he could possess that optimism and sanguinity, but at the same time, that could be the very reason Dallas ends up back at the Hatch. The more he thought about it, the angrier he got. He flung the door open, saw Tessa sitting on the sofa with a cup of coffee and an old magazine, and he grabbed her by her shoulders and pulled her up to face him. The hot coffee spilled out on both of them, and Tessa flinched, but he’d the feeling that she didn’t feel the burn of the coffee.

“You,” Gavin said through clenched teeth, “will not get me back there, and you will not get my brothers back there. However you’re supposed to do it, and whomever you need to contact, you do it NOW. I want to know the plan. I want to know every detail. And you’re going to start talking NOW!”

“Gavin, I won’t talk to you like this. Let me go. You’re hurting me, and you need to remember that I’ve been in worse situations with more guys than just one. I can fight my way out if I want to.” Tessa’s voice was so calm and soothing that Gavin didn’t realize he was already releasing her as she spoke, allowing her the opportunity to just barely pull away. She place her had tenderly on his chest, and he could feel the heat. I promise-- there is no plan. There are no details. I have no way of contacting anyone. Those transmitters were unknown to me. Don’t you get it?” She was almost whispering as she looking deeply into his eyes, hers edged with tears. “I would never, ever take you back to anywhere, especially to a place you detest so much and are willing to die before going back. I want you safe. I want you whole.”

She had taken a small step towards him, and her arm was slowly moving from his chest to the back of his neck. She smoothed his hair as she spoke.

“You have no idea just how important you’re to me. You really have no idea how much I care about you. It’s true. A mission is what got me here and got me to you, but that mission changed once I knew you for who you’re, and my mission now is to be with you.” She brushed his cheek with the back of her hand. His eyes were searching. She could see him softening. She longed to see his heart in his eyes like it used to be, like she envisioned in her memory.

“Please,” she whispered. “Forgive me.”

Suddenly, Gavin’s hands were on her shoulders again, and he was pushing her across the rest of the room until she hit the opposite wall. His hand moved from her shoulder to her throat, and she thought for two seconds that he might just let his anger take him to that horribly dark place, but then he pulled his hand from her throat, grabbed a handful of her hair, and brought her mouth to his forcefully.

His other hand wasted no time in pulling her waist to him, trailing his fingers below to her butt cheek. He released her hair and grabbed the other side of her butt with his hand, pulling her in closer, almost as if they couldn’t get close enough.

Tessa kissed him as he kissed her, sure she was bruising her lips but feeling that it wasn’t enough. Her hand sought the zipper of his jeans, and she began to unzip the fly, feeling the strength of him through the denim. Her breath caught at the thought of him inside her.

And then he pulled away, stopped abruptly. Gavin nudged her back against the wall and separated himself from her. Breathing hard, he looked into her eyes, wiped the taste of her off his mouth with the back of his hand, turned around, and walked out the door into the blackness.

The slamming of the door brought Tessa back to her senses.

“Bastard!” she spat. What the hell was that? She couldn’t move. His kiss alone had weakened her knees. Had they gotten any further, she would have been a puddle on the floor. But to leave her high and dry? Amusement flickered through her in spite of everything because she certainly wasn’t dry! Well, at least high, she thought.

“What an asshole!” she said aloud angrily, and she picked up a pillow and beat it on the back of the sofa. But, it’s not just that, she figured. It’s that here I thought he was finally going to bury the hatchet, get over this thing. I thought we were moving forward and he was beginning to understand. What is so fucking hard to understand? “How do I make him understand?” she moaned out loud. It was now she really wished Melissa was around. This is when it paid to have a best friend, especially one who was so much like you and could see through your eyes.

She wondered where they were and if they were safe. She had faith in Melissa and knew she could survive almost anything, but what if she had confessed and Reed had gone crazy with anger? Dara would probably be a match for Giles if they found themselves in that situation. She was almost as fiery as he was. But she couldn’t imagine that sweet Dallas doing anything to harm anyone, much less Gillian, whom he totally and completely adored quite obviously.

She wished they could contact each other—somehow. And she wondered if the locators or transmitters had given Zinsser and his men enough information before Gavin destroyed them.

“Why am I worried? They don’t know that I’m with Gavin, and they didn’t come get me when Gustavo had me, so why would they bother now? They’re probably still trying to find the Fuerzas, too concerned with that over the cute little girls playing soldier.” Tessa was disgusted once again. “Bastards!”

It was well into the morning when Tessa heard Gavin’s footsteps on the porch. He stopped just short of the door, and she watched it with anticipation. She knew he was angry because he was hurt. She got it. She would be, too, but there had to be something she could do to convince him of her honest feelings and make it up to him too. If only she could get him into the bedroom. If they could get back to that place, then he’d know. Then he’d listen. . .wouldn’t he?

The door opened, and Tessa stood quickly.

“I’m so glad you’re back. I was beginning to get worried,” she managed. “I have fresh coffee. Can I pour you a cup?”

Gavin seemed to have softened a bit, but he looked tired. She wondered if he’d slept at all. Her eyes searched his trying to connect, trying to read him.

“Coffee’d be good,” he said finally.

Happy to have something to do and feeling hopeful with a baby step of progress, Tessa poured them both a cup of coffee. The door still opened, she nodded towards the outdoors, asking if he’d like to join her on the porch.

“Sure,” Gavin answered. They sat on the floor of the porch, legs hanging off onto the ground and silently sipped as they looked into the forest. Tessa was too afraid to break the spell with words. She thought, perhaps if I don’t say anything, we’ll go back to the way we were. If I stay quiet, maybe he will forgive me.

On the other side, Gavin was still wrestling with his heart. He could feel that the cold cage surrounding his heart was weakening, melting, and he was fighting to keep it together, but he was finding it harder and harder to rationalize.

“We’ll leave in the morning,” Gavin said after clearing his throat. “It’s too risky to stay put too long. Besides, I’m hoping to rendezvous with my brothers, if. . .” He didn’t finish the thought aloud. He was too afraid to give it voice, and he wasn’t entirely sure how Tessa would react, either. The peace of the moment was too soothing to resurrect a war.

“That makes sense,” Tessa agreed. “I’m glad to know there is a plan. I’m anxious to see Melissa and know that she and the others are okay. I’ve been worried about them all.” She hoped that Gavin heard the emphasis on the last word and got her meaning. She knew that if, IF anything happened to any of his brothers, he would never forgive her, but perhaps even scarier was the fact that she’d never forgive herself.

The silence was revived around them, and neither one of them wanted to risk compromising the compromise they’d seemed to reach. They passed the day looking through old magazines, exchanging with each other when they’d finished. Tessa found some paper and began doodling. She’d always enjoyed sketching, and she’d even toyed with the idea of pursuing art, but the logical, methodical side of her brain enjoyed problem-solving and the thrill of finding a solution, so she eventually found herself giving less and less time to her art and more and more time to Jameson and her training. The next thing she knew, she was in Officer’s Training School, receiving the highest honors.

Funny, she thought. If I’d tried to pursue art and make a life as an artist, I would have still given my logical brain many problems to solve, like-- what am I going to eat? How will I pay the bills? Can I go without water or electricity this month? She snorted softly and realized that, within mere minutes, she had captured her memory of the place Gavin had taken her on their first night together. The lush, secret garden they found themselves in, transported somehow from the reality of her bedroom.

Her eyes filled with tears, and she pushed her chair away from the table, went into the bedroom, and shut the door.