Elemental Fear (33 page)

I nodded into this jumper and clung tighter to him. “I’ll lift you into the car –“

“Dominic where are you going?” mum shouted.

“You aren’t taking her anywhere
.” Dad shouted coming down the driveway.

“Try and stop me and I will put you down Alan. She doesn’t need this right now...stop acting like a frigging dick.” Dominic’s chest heaved as he stood in front of his car. “I don’t want to argue with you, she needs us...Alan come on. I’m not going to hurt her. I love her, you know I do and you know how long I’ve felt like this about her.”

I stared out of the windshield as the two men I loved most in the world squared up against the other and my heart cramped. I held my breath as they glared at one another, dad’s hands twitched at his sides. Dominic remained a statue of imposing strength.

Dad’s shoulders slumped and he nodded “I’m sorry...I just. I can’t believe he did that to her. I failed her
.” He lifted his hand and pointed to me “I’m sorry okay? I didn’t mean –“

“I love her...I will never hurt her I swear. She is the one that holds all the power with me, I bloody
worship her. I hate that I didn’t know either, and I hate him so much I’m scared if I ever see him I will kill him” Dominic said with such emotion my eyes stung with fresh tears.

Dad didn’t answer but he nodded. He stepped forward and hugged Dominic and I swallowed the
huge lump in my throat. Silent understanding swept between them both and I could almost see the mental agreement to keep me safe being drawn.

I sat in Dominic’s flat, the strong smell of fresh paint made my head hurt. He had painted the kitchen a light apple green. The kitchen was set up as if someone already lived here, complete with accessories. But when you entered the lounge it was a DIY disaster zone. He had sheets thrown over his furniture, unclean paint trays and rollers left on the plastic covered floor as if he had just abandoned his task midway. I hadn’t made it through to the bedroom or bathroom, to be honest I was a little nervous as to what carnage would await.

I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the covered sofa. I felt exhausted after everything, a few days of crying, confession and purging my sins felt like a lifetime and it had completely floored me. I still couldn’t believe Dominic was still by my side after everything.

After a long hot shower, I put the large t-shirt he'd left on the bed for me, he’d left some shorts also, but I couldn't wear them because when I put them on they kept falling back down. His shirt hid enough; it buried me to the knees. I strolled into the kitchen to find him sitting at the breakfast bar sipping what I assumed was coffee. As if sensing me he turned to look at me.

"Hi.” I said shyly.

"Hi
.” I saw him swallow harshly. "Erm...I..."

I smiled at him when he just sat there with his coffee suspended near his open mouth. He shook his head and cleared his throat "sorry
.”

"What for?" I asked a little confused.

"I turned into a bit of a perv then.” He nodded at me "you look...well...you make a simple t-shirt sexy as hell.”

I felt my cheeks flush, and I fidgeted in the doorway. "Coffee?"

"Can I have a tea instead please? This late I won’t sleep if I drink coffee.”

"Sure, do you want to go sit in the lounge I've put the heating on so it should be warmer in there. I smiled and nodded my head.

I sat on the comfiest settee I've ever known; he’d removed the dust sheets. The grey fabric was so soft and comforting. I melted into it, letting it almost devour me. I tucked my legs up under my bottom and waited.

"It's just brewing, I won't be a minute
.” I heard Dominic call.

"
Okay.” I noticed the stereo on the floor in the corner flashing so grabbed the remote and pressed play. Def Leopard – Love Bites strummed through the sound system. I closed my eyes to fully absorb the music and lean my head against the back of the couch. I opened my eyes when I sensed him near me and I swear my heart stopped. Dominic had changed into blue checked lounge pants and a grey vest, his broad shoulders, tight rippled biceps on show in all their glory. I wanted to eat him! Or the very least run my tongue along....

"You
okay? You look a little...flushed.” He asked cocking his head to the side.

"Fine
.” I squeaked then cleared my throat "fine.”

He grinned at me, and I knew he knew why I was flushed. And who wouldn't be, the man couldn’t have been born of this earth, he must have been sculptured by Michael Angelo himself.

"Were you just having dirty thoughts Miss Beaumont?" Amusement clear in his voice.

"No!" I snapped shaking my head my cheeks burning.

"You sure about that?" His smile increased, along with my pulse.

"Mmmhmm
.” I nodded biting my bottom lip.

"Why don't I believe you
?” He asked as he placed the cups on the table in front of us and sat next to me.

I swallowed the huge lump in my throat threatening to choke me.

"Because you’re overly suspicious of everything.” I realised my voice was weak and had risen an octave higher than normal.

"Or is it..." his voice lowered to an incredibly sexy rasp as he leaned towards me whispering in my ear "that you look turned on. That the little flush in your cheeks and glint in your eye makes me think that right now you want me
.” He nipped my earlobe with his teeth "just as much as I want you. Am I right?" His tongue sneaked out and lapped along the sensitive flesh under my ear. "I want to kiss you, I want to touch you and discover whether your nipples hold the same sexy pink blush, I want them in my mouth and I want to watch you come for me baby and this song isn’t helping."

“What’s wrong with the song? I like this song.” I panted and leaned into his mouth as it pressed soft
kisses behind my ear.

“Listen to the lyrics...it reminds me of you. The entire playlist is made with you in mind
.”

“But this is kind of a sad song. Do I drive you crazy?” I asked thinking of the chorus.

“Yes,” he said simply licking then nipping my neck with his teeth.

"Oh God!" I whispered letting my head fall back and giving him better access to my throat.

"Tell me.” He whispered against my skin. "Do you want me Eve? Will you drive me insane when I touch you?"

"Yes! Oh God yes I want you, I need you
.” I pleaded, his hand wrapped around my waist pulling me onto his lap so I was straddling him. His hand fisted in my hair pulling me to him.

"Say it again
.”

"I need you, so much it hurts
."

His mouth crushed against mine, his tongue searching hungrily for entry which I happily allowed. I couldn’t wait to taste him again.

"I've wanted to do this, to touch you for hours. And that’s what I’m going to spend hours doing.” He muttered against my mouth.

"Can I...I just..
.” I pulled away slightly looking at his magnificent chest.

"What's wrong
?” He cupped my face.

"Will you take your top off?" I whispered shyly.

A huge grin brightened his face. "You want me naked Miss Beaumont?"

I smiled and nodded.

"Do you want me to or do you want..."

I didn't allow him to finish, the offer was partly made so I took the initiative and peeled his shirt off to reveal the sexily toned, muscled body. He fisted his hands in the fabric of the sofa; I smiled at his show of relinquishing control to me. He had started it in Paris and he stayed true to his word, he wouldn’t touch me unless I asked. I leaned forward and trace my tongue against his hard chest, circling his nipple with the flat of my tongue. I heard him take in a loud breath, his chest rising with the force of it. I sat back and looked at his exposed torso, his nipple glistening.

"You are beautiful.” I whispered.

His neck still held faint marks from our first time; I leaned forward and kissed a trail up his chest
to his neck and suckled softly against his beating pulse. I feathered my fingers up his arms, feeling them bulge and tense. When I felt a shiver run through him my fingers tensed and dug into his hard muscles and I sucked harder on his clean skin. Licking and sucking I couldn’t get enough of his taste. I felt him harden under me, the insistent tip prodding at the apex of my thighs. I pulled away slightly to look down between us, his lounge pants were tented in the most glorious way. I looked up at him through my lashes and smiled.

“Oh God
.” He sighed throwing his head back on the sofa “you are going to make me crazy,” he said to the ceiling.

I sat staring at him, watching his throat work as he swallowed. I looked down at his twitching bulge then back at his sexy throat. I pushed up on my knees and pressed my lips back to his neck. I traced from the hollow at the base of his throat over the bobbing Adam’s apple, under his chin and bit softly into his stubble chin before completing my mission to claim his lips.

He groaned loudly as I pushed my tongue through his lips, his immediately tangled with mine, I pressed against his mouth desperate for the contact. His muscles tensed as he fisted his hands into the sofa. His hips rocked against me, I pressed myself down onto him, grinding gently against his hardened dick. He moaned into my mouth pressing forwards into me.

I swallowed my nerves but I knew what I wanted to do, I needed to feel him. I slid one hand from his shoulder down his chest and stomach, his abdomen rippled as I stroked further down. I felt his happy little trail leading me to my
prize. I pulled my mouth away from his and stared at my hand. My fingers shook as they lay at the precipice of his waistband. I looked up into deep blue eyes, Dominic swallowed and nodded. His body shook with his restraint; I knew not touching me was taking all he had.

I slid my hand into his joggers, finding no obstruction from boxers. Soft hair teased my fingers as I slid lower. I wrapped my hand around his length and gasped at the sheer
size of him. Dominic groaned and threw his head back closing his eyes tightly. His jaw tensed and hands shook. He exuded absolute power and strength but holding him like this I realised I had all the control.

“Dominic
.” I whispered watching as he shook his head as if delirious. “Dominic...touch me. Please.”

His eyes snapped open and his head lifted. “You sure?”

I smiled and nodded. “I want...no I need you to touch me.”

He held my gaze, I felt his hands gently cup my face; he brought my face to his and kissed me
slowly, tilting my head to fit perfectly with his. His tongue teased and tasted my lips, my eyes fluttered closed as he gently coaxed my mouth open. A whimper escaped me when his tongue stroked deep into my mouth, his hands flexed and pulled me firmer against him. Slowly he relinquished his hold on my face. His fingertips trailed a ghostly path down my neck, across my shoulders and down to cup my breasts.

When he squeezed I threw my head back on a gasp and squeezed his cock, my fist tensing around him. His reply was a loud groan and latched his mouth over my t-shirt covered nipples

His hands slid down my ribs to the hem of my shirt and he paused waiting for my permission. I couldn’t speak so I simply pulled my shirt over my head revealing myself to him. He deftly lifted his hands to my back and undid my bra releasing them from their confines.

“Fucking perfect
,” he said before leaning forward and sucking a hardened tip into his mouth. I was lost to sensation, a slave to desire and I loved every second of it.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Hmm?" I mumbled, not really paying attention to him as we curled up on the sofa. One of his large hands traced random patterns across my stomach as his other arm curled around my shoulders. I nestled between his legs reading texts from Louise and mum.

mum:

Hi luv, just wanted to check u r doing
okay.

Luv u x

I laughed at Lou’s message:

Lou:

Please come home soon. GI Johan is doing my head in.

It is not possible to be that fucking cheerful EVERY morning!!!

Miss ya x

“What’s funny?” He asked looking over my shoulder reading the text. He snorted a laugh “Think your sister is wise.”

“So what did you want to ask?” I put my phone on the floor beside the sofa.

"Why are you stalling on pressing charges against Elliot?” He asked letting out a slow breath as if it took a lot of courage to ask.

My body instinctively froze at the thought "I'm...not"

"He needs locking away eve. You can't let him get away with this, he needs punishing. We should have called the police by now and had him arrested."

I inhaled a deep breath and sat up "no amount of punishment will make up for what he did
Dominic. He terrifies me, I can’t cope with a court case, I cannot sit in a room full of people staring and judging me. I am not a whore, I didn't lead him on. I didn’t ask, beg or plead for it rough. I never..."

"Baby I know –"

"No you don't. You have no idea. You cannot understand the fear I felt, and still feel. He’s out there and for years he’s threatened my sisters. What if I say something and he hurts one of them? I cannot let that happen.”

“You have to go to the police Eve
.” his tone brooked for no argument.

“I can’t” I replied quietly dipping my head.

“Yes you can. He can’t hurt you anymore, there is nothing to be scared of –“

“Nothing to be scared of?” I asked incredulously turning slightly to look at him. “He’s terrifying. Have you any idea what it’s like to have someone bigger and stronger than you beating you until you throw up, thrashing you until you beg for him to just kill you..."

"Jesus"

“See even you can’t stomach it, how do I tell other people how disgusting I am?” Tears blurred my vision.

“I hate hearing he did that to you. He makes me sick not you”

"I wanted to die, I wanted to go into the dark place and never wake up. But I couldn’t give up; I had to fight to keep him away from them, from Ellie and Lou." I stood and turned away from him and lowered my voice to a whisper "you can never understand the fear and disgust I have within myself after he forced himself...into me. He has ripped my body apart, scared it in ways I could never admit aloud. Do you want me to tell a room full of strangers how I trained my body to soil itself to stop him doing that? I knew once I did that he'd be so sickened he'd beat me more but he wouldn't..." I sucked in a breath and choked through uncontrollable sobs.

Dominic reached out and pulled me onto his lap, wrapping me in his arms. "None of this was ever your fault, what he did was never your fault. Even if...and I'm not saying you are...but baby if you  had been a whore or the easiest tart around no one and I mean no one deserves that. When a woman says no, or stop it means NO! Do you hear me?”

“I never said no...the first time...I didn’t say stop”

“Eve you were unconscious that is still...he still raped you. Pissed or not you didn’t consent. I can’t imagine what it has felt like all these years, or how scared you have been. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. Because I think you’re fucking amazing. You have held onto this secret for a fucking lifetime. You’ve protected your sisters, but by staying quiet the only person you are protecting now is the sick fucker who did this to you.” He let out a weary sigh “I love you, I will support you regardless”

I snuggled into his warm body, wrapping my arms around him.

"He used to say that it was part of my game. That I enjoyed it rough, I swear I never did. I...when he took me the first time, I mean the second time, when I was awake and not passed out it hurt so bad, I bled quite a bit and it scared me. He said that girls always bleed during their first few times. I’d heard it hurt your first time but..."

"But what?” Dominic asked stroking my hair soothingly.

“Why does it feel so different when I’m with you? I don’t understand how I feel. It scares me Dominic...I want you to touch me and I feel all...tingly. But then I think of how it actually feels with him, it terrifies me I’m not normal.”

“Eve –“

“What if I can’t ever be normal? What if we get that far and I can’t –“

“Baby look at me
.” He lifted my head from his chest and cupped my face “You are normal, he abused you. What you feel now is normal, you’ve been hurt and scared. But with time you will learn to trust again. There is no time limit on us Eve, when you are ready, be it tomorrow, next month, next year or ten years from now it won’t change how I feel about you. Sex is only a fraction of what I feel for you. I can show you in different ways how I love you, and when you’re ready to share your body you can lead the way.” He kissed my lips softly. “Don’t pressure yourself; I will wait for however long it takes until you feel safe again. All I care about right now is helping you feel safe”.

I nodded.

“Have you enjoyed what’s happened between us so far?” He asked quietly. I nodded and gripped at his shirt “It’s been amazing” I whispered.

“Did you feel safe? And loved?” Again I nodded.

“That’s the difference baby.” He pulled me into a hug, wrapping his strong arms around me “I love touching you, but if ever you don’t want me to I swear I won’t, but not because you disgust me, but because you have that choice”

A tear slid down my cheek as his soft words penetrated through and a tiny piece of my confidence was restored.  "Why do you always know the perfect things to say?" I asked curling myself into his chest.

"I feel totally out of my depth here if I'm honest and I'm terrified I'm saying the wrong things. I'm saying what's in my heart, what Alan taught me as a boy. I'd never want to hurt you, or see you in pain. I love your smile and your laugh far too much. But I'll be honest I'm angry baby, so fucking angry at Elliott for hurting you and casting this shadow over you. I want you to feel free and enjoy your life not feel crippled by fear. It really is killing me inside that I can't do anything to take it all away for you...I...I feel useless to you. I want to be strong like you, I want to stand tall and follow your lead but I'm failing rapidly" his heartfelt words penetrated through and warmed my heart.

“You’ve been amazing and I couldn’t have gotten through it without you” I kissed him softly.

"Can I ask you something else?” He asked against my mouth.

I smiled and nodded

"When we...in Paris, when we...” He paused; I could hear the nervous quiver in his voice.

"Touched each other?"

"I made love to you Eve, I didn't just touch you, it may not have involved intercourse but I assure you I made love to you that night in our own way,” he said.

He lifted his face away from mine and scrunched his brow in deep thought. Then he looked back at me “that sounded stupid didn’t it...sorry. But when we did those things, when you allowed me to touch you and hold you like that, I felt like I was making love to you
.” He scrubbed a hand over his face.

“It was...I agree. And I like it being put that way. We made our love real that night” I said touching his bottom lip with my fingertips.

“I didn't hurt you did I? You didn’t feel pressured or anything, and just now –"

"It was amazingly beautiful, you were beautiful" I interrupted, I lifted my head to smile at him "you made me feel things I never thought or imagined possible. It’s a little confusing for me, but I like how it feels.”

“Confusing how?”

“Well for years I’ve associated intimacy on that level with pain and loathing. I’ve never had an orgasm or felt remotely turned on. It’s possible that before...the first time, I may have had those feelings but it’s been so long that I can’t remember. Kissing him, or being touched by him terrifies me, my body locks down and my muscles literally ache because I hold myself so rigid. But what confuses me is that when you touch me, or kiss me I feel...erm...well I suppose I feel like I’m melting, that my bones no longer exist. I kind of lose my mind when you kiss me. When you kissed me in Paris, against the door...” I blushed furiously remembering the kiss against the door “I stopped breathing, I...initially I was scared but then it was as if my body knew you, knew your smell, taste, touch – everything.  And it’s easy being with you, as if I was meant to be with you. When I analyse it in my head I think I’m broken because, why am I frigid and broken when Elliott wants that, but with you I offer it freely? It conflicts in my head that I can feel anything with you and enjoy it, but him I’m
–“

“He brutalised you baby, that isn’t the same as what we have. See this is how I struggle because I can’t understand how you cannot differentiate the two.”

“Because he was my boyfriend and claimed to love me, and I’ve not known anything else. My rational mind tells me it’s wrong...but my emotional side knows I am somehow to blame” I lowered my gaze and played with the string of Dominic’s lounge pants.

“Baby you are not to blame, at all. I swear to you none of the blame lies with you.” I nodded but didn’t truly believe him.

“I’m sorry to keep going over it, I know it’s annoying” I whispered twirling the cord tight around my finger.

“You are not annoying Eve, I’m here to listen to you anytime you feel these thoughts need to
come out okay? Is it better to talk and say it aloud rather than hide it away?”

“Sometimes” I nodded.

“Then that’s what we do, even if you think I can’t handle it. I want to be strong for you, I want to be your rock and hold you when you need me to
.” He pulled me against his chest, wrapping his arms around me. “Gives me the perfect opportunity to have my girlfriend in my arms”

“Your girlfriend” I repeated loving the sound.

“Yep. For now...until you’re my wife anyway”

“You keep saying that Dominic, we’ve been together less than...” I lifted my head and stared at the clock illuminated on the stereo “forty eight hours”

“I’ve been in love with you for ten, fucking, long year’s Eve, I’m pretty sure of my feelings for you.” He chuckled.

“Yeah?”

“If I could do it all again, that night I picked you up from that party pissed and you sat in my mum’s kitchen and kissed me...which by the way was the most erotic experience of my life! If I could go back I would have kissed you senseless and told you then and there you were mine, I’d have held you that night and bollocks to the consequences.”

“Did you really ask
dad if you could ask me out?”

“Oh aye’ and he gave me the ‘she’s my daughter Dom, tek care o’ her and remember I will rip y’er nads off if ya take advantage of her’
.” He mimicked dad’s tone, but he sounded more like Granddad.

I couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of my mouth. “He didn’t”

“Oh he fucking did. Alan is bloody terrifying when he wants to be. That’s why I’m surprised Darren is still walking, especially without a limp.” He chuckled.

“Urgh...he’s been an utter dick to Lou” I moaned.

Dominic pulled away from me abruptly holding me at arm’s length “Evelyn, did you just swear?” He mocked.

“Shut up” I waved his arms away and put my head back on his chest, listening to the deep rumbling of laughter in his chest.

“So do you think the little shit has survived staying with her?” Dominic asked.

“Stop calling him that. Yes, although I worry he may have driven Lou up the wall. They seem to clash, but I felt happier
with him staying there with her whilst we were gone.”

“Hmm. I think he likes her, which makes me happy because it stops him making gooey eyes at my woman. Besides I owe him some cash now we are back”

“What for?” I asked lifting my face to look up at him.

“Whilst we were in Paris after you told me...everything. I phoned Johan seeing as you told me he knew a little of what had been happening, and asked him to have the locks changed and have an alarm system installed for you both. I said to tell Lou it was a surprise for you. I also said that he wasn’t to leave Lou alone with Elliott if he turned up”

“Really?” I asked shocked and overwhelmed. He nodded watching my face. “You’re amazing” I sat up and wrapped my arms around his neck hugging him tightly and if possible fell even more in love with him.

“Thank you, for being perfect to me and not thinking I’m dirty and spoiled for you”

"Baby the only thing that spoils you is that you are wearing clothes. Maybe we could have a house rule Eve to be naked when I’m home' what do you think?"