Eleven (3 page)

She says that’s when she’s going to spend time with her mom.

But I never turn my phone off to go visit my mom. I’ve never even met her family. I just know she’s adopted.

She never let me stay the night at her house. She would always come to mine.

Then again, it’s none of my business. I’m not her girl so it really doesn’t matter. Besides, curiosity killed the cat. As long as she always pops back up Saturday morning, everything is cool.

Shit, I’m surprised Ashley doesn’t get in her shit about it.

Hell, I'm surprised Ashley survived four months.

"So are you going to take the morning after pill or nah?" Kai asked as she twirled my hair between her index finger and thumb.

"I don't know. I mean, technically, he did have a point. He is my man, and it’s not like him nutting in me isn’t a normal practice for us.”

Kai’s thin fingers stopped twirling and her heart beat skipped, throwing the natural rhythm off.

“You’re joking right, Erica?”

I tilted my head up to see if the discontent in her voice matched the expression on her face. Sure enough, her eyebrows hovered over her eyeballs like angry umbrellas.

“Why are you getting so upset?” I asked as I sat straight up in her bed.

She sat up with me, straightening her back against the chocolate wooden headboard.

“This nigga is trying to trap you. You told him you couldn’t find your birth control and he responds by nutting inside you? And you think that’s okay?”

Even though she had a point, Jason is still my man. This time last year, I wanted a baby so bad. I wanted everything with him. He was, is, the perfect man. It would be ungrateful of me to pass up a man that provides for me and treats me like a queen just because he gets from A to B in eleven strides.

“And he put his hands on you.”

“He grabbed me. He didn’t hit me.”

Kai exhaled sharply. She turned her head away from me, staring at the wall as her clenched jaw pulsed with the loud tic of the rose gold Marc Jacobs on her wrist.

“You waste so much time with these niggas that do stupid shit when you’re with them when you know you have someone that can appreciate you. Someone who matches perfectly with you that you won’t give the time of day.”

“I don’t have this fairytale person you’re talking about, Kai. We fit perfectly as friends. Friends works for us.”

“Why do you do me like this, Erica?” Her eyes got glossy like wet marbles.

“Like what?” I asked with wide, Bambi-like eyes.

She turned, pushed me back onto the bed and got on top of me. Her face hovered inches above mine. Her hands pressed firmly into the mattress, one on each side of my head for support. Her frame rested between my legs.

I swallowed hard. There was so much I wanted in this very moment and none of it consisted of anything heterosexual. Her mouth looked so…inviting. The peppermint scent of the Altoid she let melt in her mouth eased into my nostrils. Her sandy brown curls fell forward, lining her cheeks. Those honey colored eyes pierced deeply into my soul.

“Tell me you don’t want me,” she said as her hand crept down to the zipper of my skinnies.

My breathing got heavy and exaggerated. I was more speechless than Beyonce when she was dangerously in love on track 9.

“Stop me, Erica,”

Her hands quickly unfastened the bronze button. The sudden onset flow between my thighs drowned out the religious protest in my mind. I never wanted her more than I did in this very moment.

She wet her bottom lip as her hand slipped under the waistband of my panties. She began easing her face closer to mine. Lining our mouths up perfectly. I took in a slow, deep, shaky breath until finally, our lips met. The softness of her mouth against mine created a small river between my legs.

Her tongue invaded my mouth, and I allowed it. Her fingertips found the swell of the most sensitive part of me. The gentle sound of ecstasy floated from my mouth into hers.

My hands found the small of her tightened back and pulled her into me.

We kissed passionately, exchanging tongues while her fingers slow danced over my clit.

Pleasure washed over me like a tidal wave. I had never felt this good before. My pussy throbbed for more. I wanted to feel her inside me. I wanted to be one with her. In that very moment, she could have everything from me. Anything she wanted. Anything she needed. I wanted to be hers’.

She pulled her hand away, grabbing at the top of my jeans and working them down over my hips. I kicked each leg out, helping her bare my body from the waist down.

She slid down, brushing her smooth, warm cheek against my thigh.

She looked up at me. Her light browns pierced deeply into my soul. Like she was locking into my very being. As if at that very moment, she belonged to me…and I belonged to her.

I wanted nothing more than to feel her pretty face buried between these legs.

She slipped two fingers into my wetness.

I gasped, not expecting it to feel so good.

My head dropped back and I moaned her name. She worked her fingers back and forth, hitting my g-spot over and over and over again.

“Kai,” I called out in sheer delight.

My hips thrusted forward. It was like my clit had a mind of its’ own. Like it was trying to find it’s way to Kai’s mouth.

Her hand worked back and forth, faster and faster. I pushed towards her, longing for her tongue.

I felt a tingle, almost like I had to pee, but not quite.

“W-w-wait,” I stuttered, barely able to talk. Her hand felt amazing, but the last thing I wanted to do was pee in her face.

“Tell me you want me,” she whispered as her slick fingers fucked me harder.

Pressure began to build inside me.

“I c-c-can’t. S-s-slow dooowwwwnnnnn,” I cried out. My body started to shake. My walls gripped her fingers like a tight fist.

“Tell me you want me. Say it now!” she went deeper. It was almost like she was in my stomach.

She started to focus solely on my g-spot, wiggling her fingertips back and forth.

“I want you,” I screamed. “I neeeeeeeedddddd yoooouuuuuu!”

Suddenly the pressure released. Everything in me fired out like a water hose into Kai’s face.

"I'm s-so s-s-sorry. I'm so s-sorry," I repeated, thinking I had peed on her.

That was not part of the fantasy.

She smiled mischievously. "It's not pee. You squirted," she answered as she pulled her fingers out of me, and shoved her tongue into me.

My back arched. I had reached a pleasure point I never knew existed.

She licked hungrily. Cleaning up the mess she made me make. She sucked my clit, pushing me further off the edge of the cliff. I couldn’t stop cumming. She wouldn’t stop licking.

My mouth opened, and I couldn’t control what I said next, “Kai, I love you!” I shouted at the top of my lungs.

She slid her tongue into me one last time and pulled her wet, glistening face away from her feast. “I love you too.”

I took a deep breath, trying to come down from the cum.

She rested her head on my thigh. The sheets were all wet and ruined around my lower body.

“I love you so much,” she whispered.

It felt beyond good to hear those words from her. It felt even better to say them to her. All these years of suppressing and ignoring. It was like a weight had been lifted off my heart.

I caressed her cheek.

But there was one thing that bothered me. Not Ashley. Not Jason. But Friday.

I can’t give myself to her if she has secrets.

She can’t give herself to me if she has secrets.

“Erica,” she called.

I looked down at her.

“Erica,” she said again as if I weren’t staring straight into her face. “What, baby?” I responded, trying not to ruin the amazing moment we both shared.

“Erica!!” she called again.

Suddenly my eyes popped open.

“You were twitching in your sleep and this is the sixth time Jason has called.”

“Dammit,” I mumbled, trying to gather myself back into reality.

I can’t believe I just laid on Kai and dreamt of cumin in her face. What’s wrong with me?

I jumped out of the bed and quickly slid my flip flops on.

“Erica, where you going?” Kai rushed behind me. “You don’t have to go running every time he calls.”

I wanted to stay, but I didn’t trust myself. I played with myself to a scenario of her fucking me, I pictured her eating me to orgasm and making me squirt in my sleep. I just can’t with her right now.

I felt her hands grip my waist as she aggressively turned me around and pushed me into the closed front door. “Stop pretending like you only want my friendship. I know you feel for me. I can take you away from here.”

I bit my bottom lip. “I wanted her more than anything. I felt a connection with Kai that I had never felt with anyone else. But she was a girl.

I just can’t allow myself to fall into that trap. To call some girl my girlfriend. To be with a female.

She stood so close to me it was almost impossible to refuse her beautiful, still face and almond shaped eyes. Her minty breath tickled my nose.

I wanted to pull her to me, to see what her lips felt like against mine.

I was wearing my thoughts on  my face. I closed my eyes.

I could feel her body pressing deeper into mine. Her fingertips relaxed around my waste as her arms wrapped around me.

Just as her mouth was about to touch mine, I pulled away. “I gotta go,” I said as I turned and pulled the front door open and left.

I can’t give myself to a girl. I can’t give myself to Kai.

I just need some time to get my shit together.

Chapter 5

Definitely not Sure

I had rehearsed my lines over and over in the car on the way home. "Jason, it's not working out. As much as I love you, I just can't see forever with you," I said one last time as I sat in the dark driveway of his seven hundred thousand dollar estate. The automatic lights popped on, shining in my face as I walked up to the door.

"I can do this. I can do this."

I unlocked the heavy, mahogany door and pushed it open.

I swallowed hard, immediately seeing that this was going to be much harder than I thought.

A trail of candles and red rose petals created a pathway from the front door to the bedroom.

“Jason,” I called out to him.

“Follow the trail, baby,” his baritone called back.

Flame shadows danced along the floor and walls. I walked slowly, debating if I should listen to what he obviously has to say, or just hop straight into my opening line. I dropped my purse onto the couch and continued into the bedroom. I wasn't prepared for what I saw.

The words "will u marry me" flickered in tiny flames on the dark floor. Jason, knelt still on one knee just two feet behind the threshold of the bedroom door. In his hand was a tiny closed box. It didn't have to be open for me to know what was inside.

I remember how bad I wanted him to marry me this time last year. I can even remember running the idea of me proposing to him by Kai. I can't say that I've ever been called crazy in so many different ways before. She has never seemed to really like Jason. I remember the first time I introduced her to him. She avoided eye contact with both of us as if she were hiding something. It was similar to the way I avoided my mother's stare right after I lost my virginity. I acted as if she had some strange way of knowing even though I hadn't told her.

Even
he
seemed to be a little fidgety around her.

That was the only time she was timid and weird in front of him. I just chalked it up to her meeting possible competition. She's never kept her feelings for me a secret. Well, not a secret from me. But we always pretend in front of my boyfriends or her girlfriends. It's almost like a game. "How long can we go without being caught catching the other's stare or how touchy-feely can we be with one another before the other's S.O. gets pissed off?" I know I feel for her. Hell, I know I love her in a way that's more than friendly and not quite hetero, but I can't tell her that.

She's my baby. And I can get away with calling her that because that's just the nature of our friendship.

"Erica?" Jason demanded my attention. I guess I had gotten so caught up in my thoughts that I really didn’t hear anything he’s said.  “Did you hear me? I said I want to share my last name with you. I want to make you Mrs. Jackson.”

He opened the little, black box, revealing what had to be at least a 3 karat, princess cut diamond in a beautiful, plain white gold setting. It was stunning.

I swallowed hard. I know I should be jumping for joy, screaming ‘yes’ at the top of my lungs, but it just doesn’t feel right. How can I fully commit to Jason, knowing how I feel about Kai. Then again, he can give me children. Our marriage would be recognized in every state. He can give me normalcy with money. He’s a strong, black man that loves and takes care of me. He’s loyal beyond belief. His sex is great…it just doesn’t last long. Maybe I’m being selfish in even thinking about Kai right now. Regardless of that, I can’t give him a definite answer until I get my shit straight with Kai.