Ella Finds Love Again (5 page)

A
s Susanna opened the door, the dim light of the kerosene lamp fell on her father, standing at the door to his bedroom. His mouth was working silently, his hand motioning for them to come.

“Daett, what’s wrong?” Susanna called. “Is it Mamm?”

“She’s not been well now…for over an hour,” he whispered.

Susanna rushed past him.

As the elderly man tottered in the doorway, Ella took his arm, steadying his frail body.

“Joanna’s been moanin’ ever since we went to bed,” the old man said. “I couldn’t wake her. Now she can’t talk. She can’t even seem to move. She hasn’t been well all week.”

“Susanna will know what to do.” Ella gently pulled on his arm, guiding him into the bedroom. Whatever the problem was, he might best be at his wife’s side.

Susanna was bent over the slight form on the bed, her hand on her mamm’s forehead. A low moan filled the eerie darkness.

Ella felt the fingers of Susanna’s daett grip her arm.

“She’s not doin’ well,” the old man whispered.

Susanna turned to Ella. “You’d best get Ivan…and quick.”

“Of course,” Ella said. “I think he was going to the barn, not the house.”

“Maybe there’s still a path he left you can follow. I’d go, but I’d better be stayin’ with Mamm and Daett.”

Ella nodded, gently loosening the old man’s fingers from her arm. “I have to go for help,” she whispered.

“She’s really bad,” he moaned.

“Perhaps we can get her some help.” Ella glanced at the dark outside the windows. The storm outside would hardly allow any of them to reach the local clinic for help.

He seemed to realize the same thing and with a moan, moved slowly toward the bed.

“You had best go…quick,” Susanna said, her voice raised just enough to carry across the room. “Her breathin’ seems to be slowin’ down.”

Ella left the bedroom, her warm clothing still on, and searched quickly for some form of light. A trip all the way to the barn would be even more serious than the crossing had been from the main house. If she lost Ivan’s trail…The thought sent a pang of fear through her.

A lower cupboard looked promising, but it contained only kettles and dishes. Ella tried a drawer, with the same result. She then glanced on top of the upper cabinets and saw the end of a flashlight. Grabbing the light, she made a fast exit out the door.

The storm had, if anything, increased. Great gusts of snow blew across the narrow path already half filled with snow. She was frightened at the thought the track might be completely filled in before she had time to return. With the wind in her face, Ella jumped down the last two steps. She rushed up the path, the flashlight of little help, her eyes open for any signs of a fresh path toward the barn.

Her hopes sank when she neared the house and found not a shoveled path but only footprints headed toward the barn. Here and there she found an occasional scuff off the side, made by Ivan’s shovel as he propelled himself along. With no shovel herself, Ella forged ahead, occasionally taking a leap launching her to the next footprint.

Her light made meager stabs in the darkness as she maneuvered from hole to hole, the snow overflowing her boots. At last she saw the outline of the barn and, from inside, a dim light.

Ella struggled with the door, and nearly fell over backward when it opened from the inside.

“What are you doin’ here?” Ivan asked, his lantern held high.

“Your mamm’s in a bad way!” Ella gasped. “You’d best come right away.”

Ivan didn’t hesitate. Shielding the lantern with his coat, he started out the door. Ella, feeling the sting of pain in her boots, held up her hand to hold him back.

“I have to dump the snow out of my boots,” she said.

He bent over to help her loosen the boot ties, bringing a three legged stool over for her to sit on. Ella hurriedly removed the boots, turned them upside down, and shook out the offending snow.

Ivan waited till she was ready before wrestling the barn door open again and holding it from slamming shut until she was outside. He took her hand and helped her through the footprints, almost lifting her at times with the vigor of his pulls.

At the path by the house, he released her hand, and Ella walked in front of him.

Minutes later they arrived at the shelter of the
dawdy haus
porch, the wind less severe there. Ivan stepped around her to open the front door. Ella followed him inside, his lantern now out of his coat, the living room flooded by its golden light.

Ella waited as Ivan set the lantern on the floor, threw his coat aside, and rushed toward the bedroom. Susanna appeared in the doorway as he got there, distress written all over her face.

“She’s gone, Ivan,” she said. “Mamm’s gone.”

“Is Daett with her?” Ivan asked, taking his sister gently in his arms.

Susanna mumbled a reply Ella understood as “Yes.”

Ella took off her coat and slipped past the two. She sat by the old man, who was still perched on the edge of the bed, his wife’s hands in his.

“She’s gone,” he whispered as Ella touched his shoulder in compassion. “Now she is with
Da Hah
…where the angels sing their songs. There never was a better woman in all the world.”

Ella squeezed his shoulder tenderly, noticing how thin he was.

“If I could go with her tonight, I would gladly do so. We have been together so long…just the two of us. Do you think
Da Hah
would grant such a thing? I have no more use for this world with Joanna gone.”

He turned his head toward the ceiling, and Ella could see his sunken eyes in the dim flicker of the kerosene lamp. They were brimming with tears.

“
Da Hah
has His reasons,” she whispered, surprised at herself. “Reasons we cannot see.”

His eyes blinked and fixed on her face. He pondered her for a long moment, and then recognition slowly came.

“You are Ella Yoder,” he said, his voice rasping in the still room.

Behind her Ella heard movement at the bedroom door and then silence. Apparently Ivan and Susanna had noticed the conversation and decided to leave them alone for a moment.

“Yah,” she whispered.

“You lost that Aden awhile back, didn’t you? Before you could marry him?”

She nodded, afraid to trust her voice.

“Then you have also suffered—and so young,” he said, nodding slowly, his eyes returning to the face on the bed. “My heart can never be comforted though…not in this world. It is for you young people that life goes on. Do you think I will see her again soon?”

“Yes,” Ella said, her voice trembling.

“I loved her,” he whispered, barely able to say the words, struggling to gather himself. There followed moments of silence. No words were necessary. Then the old man spoke. “We must prepare her for the ground—as
Da Hah
has now taken her. I am too weak for such a thing, but Susanna will help you. And the people must be told.”

“There’s quite a storm outside,” Ella said. “But Ivan will notify people in the morning. It may be that long before anyone can get out anyway.”

“Yah,” he said with a slow nod. “So it is. But
Da Hah
knows what He’s doing.”

Ella took her hand from his shoulder, ready to go.

He spoke again. “The clock must be stopped. Can you do that?”

“I can,” Ella said. “Susanna will also know the time.”

He nodded, his eyes steady on his wife’s face.

Ella left him, stepping back into the bright glow of the living room and finding Ivan gone.

“He’s gone back to check on the girls,” Susanna said, answering the question in Ella’s eyes.

“Perhaps I should stay with them, and Ivan should remain here,” Ella said. “Oh, and your daett wants the clock stopped.”

Susanna raised her eyes toward the tall old clock in the corner.

Ella looked. The big pendulum was no longer swinging.

“I stopped it while you were with him. Thank you for being there for him.”

“He needed someone to talk to.”

“And it was good that it was you, Ella. It’s hard to talk with your children at times like these. He loved Mamm a lot.”

“I could see that,” Ella said. She noticed that Susanna had started a fire in the woodstove. A tub of water sat on the stove, steam already rising from it.

“I don’t think I need help,” Susanna said, following Ella’s glance. “But perhaps you could stay with Daett. I don’t want him alone or being in there when I clean Mamm.”

Ella nodded and returned to the bedroom. She took the old man’s arm gently.

“Why don’t you come out to the living room with me while Susanna tends to the washing?”

He nodded and followed her without resistance.

Ella held on to his arm, wondering at the frailness of his body. She didn’t remember him looking like this at last Sunday’s preaching service. But perhaps she hadn’t noticed. Did one grow older suddenly, in one night, when the loss was so great to bear? Ella paused, helping him into a rocker. She pulled out a chair from the kitchen table and sat down beside him.

He glanced at Susanna once as she went past with a bowl of water, a towel, and a washcloth draped over her arm. Then his eyes found the clock in the corner, and he seemed satisfied. His body sagged in the rocker.

“She was so beautiful,” his hoarse voice whispered. “She came up for cousin Fred’s wedding as one of the table waiters with some other boy I don’t even remember anymore. Now she’s crossed over before I have. It’s because she was so much better than me.”

After a few minutes of silence, save for the gentle creak of the rocker, the front door opened, mounds of snow spilling onto the hardwood floor. Ivan entered, bending over to brush the snow with his gloved hands, throwing it outside before carefully shutting the door.

“The storm’s worse,” he said, taking his heavy coat off. “The girls are all asleep, but, Ella, do you think you could stay with them for the night while I stay here with Daett?”

“Of course.” Ella rose from her chair and pulled on her coat and shawl.

“You want me to walk over with you?” Ivan asked, his eyes searching her face.

Ella shook her head and offered a weary smile.

“I’m sure you can make it,” Ivan said, his hand on the doorknob. “The path is still there.”

Ella slipped her boots back on, and Ivan held the door open for her. With a quick glance at his face, she stepped out onto the porch. The wildness of the storm nearly overwhelmed her as Ivan pushed the door shut.

With a burst of energy she launched out, finding remnants of the path still clear enough to make her way, just as Ivan had said. Her breath almost gone, she reached the house and jerked the front door open. Light flickered across the floor from the kerosene lamp Ivan had left on the desk.

Ella shook off her coat at the front door, took her boots off, and then grabbed the lamp. She opened the bedroom door on the main floor and checked on baby Barbara. Then she took the lamp upstairs to check on the girls. Seeing they were okay, she glanced into another doorway—a guest room. She moved inside, took off her outer garments, and wearily crawled into the bed.

The night had been so much more than Ella had expected. But it was good and right that she was here. She drifted to sleep with the thought that surely
Da Hah
had known she would be needed here tonight.

Six

W
hen Ella awoke, the darkness was hanging heavily outside the bedroom window. Only the morning chill spoke of the soon breaking dawn. For a long moment she lay there, not remembering where she was. As the memory of the previous night returned, panic surged through her.
The girls! What will my early-morning presence in the house mean to the girls?
Always before she’d told them an overnight stay wasn’t possible. Now, through no fault of her own, it suddenly had become possible. What would she tell them when they asked why she was there? And what would she say when they asked if she could stay another night…perhaps even tonight if the storm didn’t let up?

What good would it do to think of that now? No good at all, she decided. She wearily got out of bed and searched in the unfamiliar dresser drawer, finding matches where she expected them. She lit the kerosene lamp. With the wick turned as low as possible, she dressed. There was no choice but to wear the clothes from yesterday. With the storm apparently ended outside, she could surely go home. She would come back tomorrow for the funeral. Another night here was out of the question.

Ella left the lamp in the bedroom, keeping the door ajar to light the hall. She opened the girls’ bedroom door. They slept as she had left them, tight under the covers with only their heads sticking out. She wanted to kiss them and take them into her arms, but she held back. They would awaken soon anyway.

Was it possible she could yet escape without them knowing she was still here? Desperation filled her—a desire to drive off in her buggy before the girls knew. That would prevent the questions over why she was there and why it couldn’t happen again.

Maybe someday she would stay. Yes, she could marry Ivan, regardless of how she felt, and it would help the girls’ situation. Ella sucked in her breath so loudly at the thought that she glanced at the girls. Thankfully they still breathed deeply, lost in slumber. She knew Ivan would be agreeable to marriage, whatever her terms. There was little question there.

But she needed more time. She must allow her heart to follow with its feelings. She could still have the girls during the week, and Ivan could continue to wait a few more months for a wife. They would soon enough have the rest of their lives to spend together. And her love for the girls would continue to grow. There would be no more suppers here at Ivan’s house before then, of that she was determined.

Ella retrieved the kerosene lamp from across the hall and made her way downstairs. A quick glance through the window seemed to show a light in the barn. She continued to Ivan’s room and quickly checked on baby Barbara. Then she moved back into the kitchen, left the lamp on the table, and returned to the living room window.