Embassy War (12 page)

* * * * *

It was a pleasant ride to the top, if you don’t mind hitching a ride with compacted garbage. The higher altitude brought immediate relief from the heat, and a nice breeze. At the summit, the view was spectacular. A lake of bright orange lava swirled through the sulfur gas. Like clouds in the sky, I could almost see distorted images in the lava. For a moment I thought I saw the Grim Reaper, laughing and smiling his toothy grin.

“Come closer to the edge,” I suggested. “That’s the Empire on the other side. Can you see their construction site?”

Dawn teetered on the edge to get a better look. She seemed entranced by the enormity of the colorful pyrotechnics. Dawn screamed as I reached out to shove her into the molten lake below.

“Look!” cried Dawn, jumping excitedly, almost causing me to fall in. “I see gold!” “What?” asked Major Lopez, crowding to the edge. “Did you say gold?” “Yes! Can’t you see it? Directly across the crater, half way down.” “I can’t see anything through the sulfur steam,” answered Major Lopez, straining for a better view. “Are you sure?” “Oh, I forgot,” replied Dawn. “You human pestilence are almost blind as bats. Plain as day, I can see a huge vein of gold in the crater across the lake.”

“I can’t see anything,” I said.

“It’s right there!” insisted Dawn, pointing.

I grabbed Dawn and pulled her away from her precarious perch. “Don’t you know better than to jump around like that by a cliff? Especially in your condition?”

“Tough guy,” flirted Dawn. “Don’t let Willie catch you holding me like that.”

I immediately let loose of Dawn. “Lopez! Escort Dawn down the mountain where she will be safe. I should have never let you talk me into allowing Dawn and her precious cargo up here.”

“What about General Daly’s orders?” “Daly can find his own damn gold!” I snapped. “Find some pizza and ice cream for poor Dawn before she starves to death.” “I am not your errand boy,” replied Major Lopez, giving us the one-fingered salute. “I don’t know what Lopez was thinking, offering you MREs,” I commented, comforting Dawn. “Bad Lopez! No biscuit!” “Lopez is a brute,” hissed Dawn, sticking out her tongue.
“Bendaho!”

“Bad
bendaho
,” I added, placing my arm around Dawn’s shoulders. “Let’s keep this gold business a secret. We don’t want rumors to start a gold rush before our claims are staked. You must not tell anyone. Understand?”

“Not even Willie?” asked Dawn, pouting.

“Especially not Willie,” I advised, conspiratorially. “You know how Willie gets when he’s been drinking. He’ll brag to everyone at the bar about my gold.”

“
Our
gold,” corrected Major Lopez.

“Yes, our gold,” I agreed. “All three of us. We are all partners, if there is really any gold in the crater.” “Our gold is on the Arthropodan side,” commented Lopez. “What do we do about that?” “All the more reason to keep this discovery quiet,” I insisted. “There may be legal issues.” “Okay,” relented Dawn. “I will lead you to the mother lode after I hatch my babies. Ka-ching! We are all going to be rich!”
 

* * * * *

Private Krueger was waiting for us at the love shack, holding two frozen pizza pockets and a dry powder ice cream MRE –
yum-yum
. Willie gave Dawn a frantic hug.

“Sir, we want you to be our babies’ godfather.” I lost it, crying uncontrollably. I rushed to hug Dawn too. We had an emotional group moment. “I am so sorry Dawn, I don’t know what I was thinking,” I cried. “I would never do anything to hurt you or your babies!” Legionnaires passing by stopped and stared. Helmet cameras zoomed in. Major Lopez pulled me away from the group hug. “Get a grip!” he shouted, slapping me soundly across the face. “Legionnaires don’t hug, and they certainly don’t cry. People will see. You need to set a proper example for your men!”

Too late. Several legionnaires cried too. No hugs, though. I don’t ask or tell. However, my emotional slip was quickly broadcast on the database across the galaxy.

“It was temporary insanity,” I said, crying on Lopez’s shoulder. He immediately pushed me away. “Get a grip!” he repeated, about to bitch-slap me again. “No one touches Dawn’s babies,” I warned, grabbing the front of Lopez’s shirt and pulling him near. “Understand that? You better.” “No problem,” answered Lopez. “You’re the psycho Butcher of New Colorado, not me.” “I’m their godfather.”
 

* * * * *

My breakdown was posted all over the database, right next to my porn videos. The news services immediately ran with the story about Dawn’s inter-species pregnancy. Already news crews were bound for Quenaudenville, along with a shrink sent by General Daly.

My communications pad filled with text messages from females of all species lauding my sexy male sensitivity and wanting to have my babies.

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Chapter 15

Arthropodan Intelligentsia officers arrived by submarine at Quenaudenville, shortly after seeing the database news stories about Dawn and her babies. The black garbed Nazi spiders were not happy.

“Now we know why Colonel Czerinski is here,” commented the ranking Intelligentsia officer. “The human pestilence mad scientists hoped to keep their breeding experiment secret. Mutant hybrids must not be allowed to survive. Not on my watch!”

“You are exaggerating the seriousness of the problem,” advised the spider commander. “This is just two youth making poor decisions.”

“You are na
ď
ve. Database research shows precedent. The human pestilence intend to fornicate our species into extinction, the same as they did to the Neanderthal, the original owners of Old Earth.”

“What do you propose?” asked the spider commander, still annoyed at the Intelligentsia meddling in marine territory. “I command this island, and you will not do anything stupid, like start another war. Your shell-rattling conspiracy theories are ridiculous.”

“I have the governor’s blessing on this issue,” advised the Intelligentsia officer. “At night my commandos will slip across the border and torch their nest, killing the whole brood before it hatches.”

“Are you nuts?”

“That abomination must not spawn,” insisted the Intelligentsia officer. “I understand your concern. The extermination must not look like we did it, and it won’t.”

“How is burning down their house with a flamethrower not going to look like we did it?”

“We hacked into the human pestilence computer networks,” explained the Intelligentsia officer, playing a video on his pad. “Look what we discovered from the human pestilence’s own weather surveillance camera atop the volcano. Czerinski and Major Lopez escorted the renegade Dawn to the edge of Quenaudenville’s lava crater. Watch closely. Czerinski attempts to push Dawn into the lava lake. Dawn jumps away at the last moment, unaware of Czerinski’s murderous plot.”

The spider commander replayed the recording. Sure enough, Dawn just narrowly avoided being shoved to her death. “That butcher bastard!”

“We will blame Czerinski for our attack, using this recording to prove intent,” explained the Intelligentsia officer.

“Your plan is sound,” conceded the spider commander, grudgingly. He replayed the video a third time. “We may get rid of two problems at once by framing Czerinski. Look. Dawn is pointing at something. What attracts their interest?”

“Your construction project, I suppose,” replied the Intelligentsia officer, not caring. “Is there a problem?”

“There is something lower, deep in the crater. It is important. I can read their facial expressions. I do not like surprises. I will know their secret.”

“Whatever. We strike tonight. The funeral pyre will be glorious.”

“We?” scoffed the spider commander. “I am not a part of your treacherous scheme. I wash my claws of you, and only allow you to operate in my military zone of control under extreme protest. You are a fool if you think you can stop babies from happening.”

“Do you think the governor is a fool, too?” “Yes, if he really approves of your folly.” “You will assist in all aspects of this Intelligentsia operation, or else.” “Threaten me at your peril. I do not like any of you Intelligentsia idiots and do not need much of an excuse to throw the lot of you into the volcano for the good of the Empire.”

* * * * *

Four Intelligentsia commandos crept silently single file through the high grass. Unseen, Corporal Tonelli’s dragon Spot, lay sleeping in their path. The last commando stepped on the dragon’s tail. He disappeared in the high grass, torn apart by the dragon. Startled spiders fired in all directions, losing their night vision to the flashes. Another commando went down.

A Legion flare drifted overhead, lighting the field. A shot rang out, hitting an Intelligentsia team leader. He fell wounded.

“Drop your weapons and surrender!” called out Corporal Tonelli.

The last spider tossed his flamethrower aside, raising his claws. Spot sniffed the spider’s leg, then lunged, taking the hapless spider in the throat. Tonelli quickly leashed his sentry dragon, pulling Spot back to protect the lone wounded spider. Legionnaires took the spider into custody.

* * * * *

I chained the prisoner to a coconut tree in front of my office because we still had no jail. Medic Ceausescu duct-taped the spider’s wounds as best she could.

“What was your mission?” I demanded.

The prisoner refused to say anything. I punched him a couple times. Still nothing. Tired, I went inside my hut and sent the spider commander a text, advising I held a wounded Intelligentsia commando on terrorism charges and would be filing a formal protest with his superiors.

The spider commander, after receiving my text, called to discuss the matter. “Our soldiers strayed across the border on a training mission,” he insisted. “Per treaty, you are responsible for the prisoner’s well being and are to return him as soon as possible.”

“After I find out their mission, and what they intended to do with a flamethrower.” “If you abuse prisoners again, I will hold you personally responsible,” threatened the spider commander. I hung up to take another call. “The Emperor himself called the President,” complained General Daly. “I put you on an island in the middle of nowhere, and you still cause an intergalactic incident?”

“It’s not my fault. Would you rather those terrorists carried out their mission?” “Release your prisoner,” ordered General Daly. “An exchange for some lost hikers has already been negotiated.” “Yes, sir.” I went back outside, but the prisoner was gone. Only his chains, and a blood trail leading to the tree line remained. Guido’s dragon howled in the distance from the jungle.

“Why was no one watching the prisoner?” Guido emerged from the jungle. “Sorry sir, but Spot got loose and snacked on the prisoner.” “Is he dead?” “Yes, sir.” I sent the spider commander a text. ‘Our prisoner escaped, last seen in the jungle headed for the border.’ He sent me a text back. ‘You will a face war crimes trial for killing yet another prisoner!’ General Daly got involved, too. ‘Because of complaints, I am sending a federal judge to Quenaudenville to establish the rule of law.’

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Chapter 16

“Here comes the Judge!” announced Sergeant Williams, following with a rebel yell.

A Legion band struck up a catchy scorpion tune as Judge ‘Hang ’em High’ Black-Sting and his scorpion family came down the red carpet from their chartered shuttle. I was first in line to shake claws.

“Czerinski, old pal, old buddy of mine, how’s the fishing in these parts?” asked Judge Black-Sting. “I hear those sharks are the devil to blast out of the water.”

“Congratulations on your appointment to the Federal Bench, Your Honor,” I replied. “I have a 50-cal machine gun you can borrow that can take care of any shark.”

“Outstanding, Czerinski!” exclaimed Judge Black-Sting, slapping me on the back. “There is a rumor going about you got back together with Lydia. My niece is going to be jealous. By the way, besides establishing law on the Frontier, I am authorized to perform marriages. It’s about time you made Lydia an honest female, and took responsibility for Joey Junior.”

“Whatever.”

“Do not back-talk me, Czerinski. General Daly sent me here to straighten you out once and for all, and I aim to, if I have to find you in contempt of court to do it!”

“Yes, Your Honor. But Lydia is not talking to me right now.”

“I hate the silent treatment,” lamented Judge Black-Sting. “It’s not fair when they do that. But not to worry. If necessary, I’ll find you both in contempt of court and throw you both in the same jail cell until you work things out.”