Embrace Me At Dawn (47 page)

Shock usually didn’t want to talk at all, but Lucan decided that he could play along for a minute. “Caden, Ice! Stop punching that bloody bag and see if Felicia needs anything. Take five.”

He walked to the far side of the room, and surprisingly Shock followed. Anka watched with a frown, but he stayed her, holding up a hand. For once, she listened.

“
So you don’t absolutely loathe me anymore. Splendid. That all?”

“
Oh, I wouldn’t say that. But Anka will always be important to me, even if she loves you for some reason I can’t understand. If I have to make nice with you in order to see her, I will.”

“
But she isn’t the mate of your heart.”

“
Apparently not.” He peered around the room, looking anywhere but at Lucan, as if the whole conversation was too uncomfortable. “I’ve been sober for a few days now. New clarity and all that shit.”

“
Enlighten me, and I might be more inclined to let you see Anka now and then.”

Shock scowled. “Oh, God, you’re one of those touchy-feely types who wants a bloke to spill his guts? Oprah in a wizard’s clothes? Fuck. All right. What do you want to know?”

“
Why fixate on Anka?”

“
Brilliant. That’s a really simple question to answer, you sodding idiot.” He shook his head. “She’s beautiful. And she’s really decent. Kind. I’ve known her most of my life. She keeps secrets. She’s loyal.”

“
But you never had the mating instinct with her. You never Called to her until I was interested. When you feared you would lose her, that’s when you acted.”

“
Thank you, Dr. Freud. I’m pretty sure all that mating instinct stuff is rubbish, so I picked a witch I thought I could tolerate for the rest of my life. She’s still a female above all others in my eyes. And yeah, having a few months to rub your nose in the fact that Anka slept in my bed was fun. I especially liked reading your tormented mind.”

Lucan tensed. Just when he thought Shock wasn’t a complete wanking bastard, he said something to prove Lucan wrong.

“
Go fucking crawl back into a bottle and leave me alone.” He moved to stride past Shock and resume work. No time for this stupid chitchat anyway.

Shock grabbed his arm. “I only climbed in a bottle because I got tired of reading Anka’s mind every time we fucked. All she thought about was you. And the only time I could tune her thoughts out was when I was pissed drunk. Happy?”

Incredulity slid through Lucan. “What?”

“
If you didn’t hear it the first time, you deaf plonker, I’m not repeating myself.”

Shock had just admitted, more or less, that he’d known all along Anka wanted her former mate. That he had never really loved her as more than a friend. Was the sky falling, too?

“
No, Chicken Little.” Shock heaved an annoyed sigh. “I like her and I thought, why should the Privileged prat get the girl all the time?”

So Anka had been a prize to win. He’d meant for her to level the field between the two of them. He’d wanted to win, not because he loved the girl, but because he hated to lose. Stunned didn’t begin to cover Lucan’s reaction.

Lucan looked to Shock for confirmation. The big wizard merely shook his head. “Oh, sod off, you annoying barmpot.”

With that, Lucan knew he was right.

Shock swung away and headed back toward Felicia and the other warriors. Lucan stopped him. “You can see Anka. She cares for you. I’ll never take something away from her that makes her happy. You’ll never threaten her safety.” And Lucan knew that, once he and Anka were mated, she could never touch Shock again. “I won’t stand in your way.”

Big shoulders taut, Shock stopped in his tracks and turned. “Thank you. Now really, fuck off.”

Lucan laughed as he watched the other wizard walk away, sending Ice an obscene hand gesture just to pick a fight. And what do you know, it worked. He rolled his eyes at the two wizards rolling around on the mats like angry children, then wandered over to Felicia.

Kneeling in front of the Untouchable, he stared with concern as she rested her forehead on her knees, shoulders slumped. He looked at Caden. “Go get Duke. She’s had enough for now.”

Felicia’s head popped up. “We have to keep going. I have to make this work. It’s just that, I’d already had time with Sabelle and some of the other ladies in Swansea. And…trusting men is so much more difficult for me.”

He remembered that Duke once had a devil of a time coaxing this reluctant beauty to believe in him. “We’ll work it through. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself.”

“
Everyone’s safety is in my hands. You, your brother, Bram, Anka…the youngling. I can’t let you all down.” Her eyes filled with tears of frustration.

“
It will wait five minutes.” Lucan bent and scooped her up in his arms, despite her protests, carrying her to her concerned mate. “No need to kill yourself. Rest up a bit.”

“
But I’m putting you all in danger with every moment I delay. I don’t know why I can’t…let my guard down.” She slapped her palm to her forehead.

“
None of that,” he scolded gently. “We’ll pull through. I have faith in your ability. You should do the same. Hello, Duke.”

Felicia’s glowering mate approached them and held out his arms. Lucan slid the small blonde into them, and she curled up into Duke’s chest. “You don’t have to coddle me.”

“
I do,” Duke disagreed. “Part of the job description when I signed on to be your overprotective mate. I’m sorry, sunshine. You’re stuck with me.”

She smiled tiredly at Duke, then turned back to him. “Thank you.”

“
Take a few minutes.” Lucan slid a glance up to Duke. “I think she skipped most of her lunch.”

The wizard narrowed his dark eyes at his little mate. “Felicia?”

“
I wasn’t hungry.”

Duke sighed. “You need your strength.”

Felicia rolled her eyes, then turned her glare Lucan’s way. “Tattletale.”

Lucan smiled. “Guilty. Now eat.”

“
Indeed. Lucan only has your best interests at heart.” Duke scolded. “I daresay he’s more concerned about your wellbeing than you are.”

Watching the two walk away, Lucan smiled wistfully. Would he and Anka fall into such a closely bonded relationship in the future? Could he recover from her perfidy and simply believe her again? Staying angry with her would be easy—and pointless. She’d been afraid and insecure. Neither of them had communicated well. Now they had to move forward, and he only had two choices: either be mad and walk away, miserable for an eternity, or try to understand her fears and help her, then see what the future brought them.

No contest. He wasn’t about to let her go. But one worry nagged at him. Would she ever open up to him fully and let him inside her head and heart?

Everyone around them had taken a break, it seemed. Caden sought Sydney, pulling her onto his lap to ask about her self-defense training. Sabelle stood between Ice and Shock, zapping them both until they broke apart with a curse. The twins were still fist-bumping and roughhousing in the corner, Kari looking on with a laugh. Bram sat with his back propped against the wall, eyes closed, stealing a quick nap.

A presence brushed behind him. A familiar scent. His heart raced.

“
Sneaking up on me, Anka?”

“
No, I…” She shook her head. “What did you say to Shock to rile him? He’s been trying to beat Ice to a bloody pulp, and Ice was having none of it.”

Of course not
. “I made him admit that his love for you is one of friendship. Then I told him that I wouldn’t stand in the middle of that.”

“
Oh, you tried to be the bigger man.” She smiled softly. “No doubt that truly annoyed him.”

“
Precisely.”

He wrapped his arm around Anka, and she slid into his embrace, wishing desperately that they were alone. He ached to talk with her, reestablish some of their old intimacy. No way he’d turn down an opportunity to share pleasure and energy with her. He moaned, barely resisting the urge to rub up against her, his jog pants tighter than they had been a few minutes ago.

“
Anka, I know this is terrible timing, but the past few months have taught me that there may never been a good time again. I won’t put off important discussions with you. Why haven’t you spoken the Binding to me?” Lucan wasn’t sure he wanted the answer. But he needed it.

Her smile fell. “We’ve had so little time to work everything out.”

“
You could speak the words now, and we would have the rest of our centuries to do that.”

She swallowed. “You only Called to me again because you thought I was dying.”

“
Is that what you think?” He shook his head. “I would have spoken those words anyway.”

“
Even after everything? I wasn’t sure you still wanted me. I’ve been less than perfect—”

“
I don’t need perfection, just honesty.”

“
All right. Honestly, I’m concerned for two reasons: Having the mate bond blasting from both our signatures makes us a target again. Mathias and Morganna both will know where you’re vulnerable again. They may use it against you.”

Lucan shrugged. “It’s possible, but they already see my Call in my signature and my youngling in yours. Even without the complete circle of the mate bond, Mathias already knows that you’re my weakness. I don’t think keeping the words to yourself will make a bit of difference. What’s your other reservation? I know your heart has chosen me.”

Anka hesitated, obviously mulling over his question. Lucan felt as if he’d been holding his breath for hours, waiting for her to speak those precious words to him. And still, she remained mute. He sensed there was more to her reluctance.

“
Anka, the truth. All of it.”

She sighed. “I can’t help but feel as if I’ll always be a disappointment. I’m a scarred banshee from a barely respectable family. You could do so much better.”

Hell, she still felt unworthy. They would work on that little by little, day by day. He could kick his own arse for correcting her through the century of their past mating, when he should have been telling her every day that she was wonderful exactly as she was.

Lucan cupped her face in his hands. “But I can’t. You are my mate, Anka. Always. I was falling apart without you. Your gentle spirit, your unexpected sense of humor, your kindness, and the way you think of others. Love, I’m brought back to you again and again because you’re
you
. You’re the woman I fell in love with. No time or distance or event is ever going to change that.”

She nodded, her amber eyes filling with tears as she flung herself into his arms. “You’re not angry anymore?”

“
What good does being angry do me? Hanging onto it doesn’t get me what I want, which is you. But I expect absolute honesty in the future or there will be hell to pay. Am I clear?”

A sob escaped her. “Thank you. I will always try to be what you need. I’ll never keep secrets again, I swear.” She pulled back to caress his cheek, looking into his eyes. Love shined from her face. He’d seen this expression once before, radiant and hopeful. She wanted to speak the Binding.

“
I’ve got it!” Bram leapt to his feet and shouted across the room suddenly, so loudly his words echoed around the big ballroom. “I’ve had a dream…a vision of the future. I see now. I know precisely where to find the potion. Everyone gather ‘round. Quickly! We haven’t much time.”

Chapter Seventeen

Within a few hours, every member of the Doomsday Brethren and their mates sat at Bram’s enormous dining room table. They’d all gone their separate ways to charge their energy, and Anka blushed remembering the thorough, toe-curling loving Lucan had given her. Every touch had been eager, grateful…and desperate. They both knew that if things went badly, this could be their last time.