Embracing Life (2 page)

Mike looks up and notices that I am headed straight for them. I see a look of concern on his face as I get closer. His eyes move to the right, guiding my direction. Then, I see why.

Jessica stands mere feet from me, looking right at me with folded arms and licking her lips. This is exactly the reason I stay in the gym. I know what she wants. She has made it very clear, and she isn’t getting it, not today, not ever. I pay no attention to her; she is not worth my time.

Mike shifts his position when I get to the table. Katie looks up and gives me a very sheepish grin, but she knows better than anyone I am not interested in girls. Well, that’s what I thought until I saw Melanie’s face.

“Hey guys,” I chirp.

Mike pats me on the shoulder and winks as I take a seat.

“Josh, where’s your lunch?” he asks, not concerned one bit. He knows why I am here.

I don’t answer him. I look at Katie, trying to get her attention so she can introduce me. She doesn’t respond to my smiles or winks.  She knows what I am doing here, too.

“Katie, who’s your friend?”

She takes a deep breath and looks right at me. Oh, this is going to be fun. She knows what I want, but she is going to make me work for it.

“Josh,” she deadpans.

Mike pats me on the shoulder. I have a feeling he is about to do something that I know he will regret later. He is not playing Katie’s little distraction game. He is going to give me the intro I so desperately want. He reaches across the table and lightly touches Melanie’s hand. What I see next surprises the hell out of me. She flinches at Mike’s touch.

Mike pays no attention to it. I can see Katie taking mental note, but no one seems as surprised as I am.

“Mel, this is Josh Danes.” It takes her a few seconds before she responds, but it’s worth the wait. Her eyes meet mine. They are the most beautiful emerald green I have ever seen. They bore right through me, every inch of me.

“Hi Melanie,” I say soft but confident

“Hi Josh… umm nice to meet you.”

I am staring at her. I know I am, but I cannot take my eyes from her captivating face. With a loud slap, I am pulled from my trance as Mike smacks me on the shoulder. I look to him. He rolls his eyes, and Katie huffs with disapproval.

“Mel, I want to finish showing around, ok? Let’s go.”

I lock eyes with Kate, silently pleading for her to stay, but she is not smiling. She is pissed, and I am pretty sure I am going to know about it soon enough.

Mel doesn’t say a word as she gathers her things and follows Katie from the cafeteria. I follow them until they are no longer in sight.

“Josh! Josh! JOSH!”

I turn to the voice yelling at me, and I am faced with Mike. He looks amused by my reaction to Melanie.

“Like her, huh?” he teases.

Is it that obvious?

“Mike, I don’t even know her. I just thought I would come by and say hi before I headed to the gym,” I reply, sounding as unaffected by Melanie as I can.

Nothing gets by him though. He knows me better than anyone.

“Right. OK. Whatever you say, Josh. So, you want to head to the gym? I am pretty sure Katie will be wrapped up with Mel for the rest of lunch, so I have some time to spare.”

I am more eager to find Mel and talk some more. Well, at least try to. We didn’t do much this time around, but I haven’t trained with Mike in a long time, and I have missed it. He quit the lacrosse team last year. His parents are as strict as mine. While my parents think sports and education are great for me, Mike’s don’t. They are all about him getting where he needs to go by hitting the books. No sports for him, other than the required hour or so we have a week.

“You going to tell me the story about Mel?”

He stands and places his hand on my shoulder.

“There’s nothing to tell, Josh, and if there is, I don’t know anything. She hasn’t even been here a full day. Now, let’s go to the gym so I can kick your ass.”

Smiling, I rise and give him a nod. My time will come. Until then, I will take in every inch of her from afar.

Melani
e
, hmm… what can I say about Melanie? Damn. She is just strange. So shy, so withdrawn, and so strange.

From the first moment she walked into the classroom, I could see she was going to be a hard nut to crack, but slowly, over the last couple of weeks, she has started to emerge from that shell of hers. With each crack, a smile appears, just as a ray of sunlight breaks through the clouds after a storm.

Mike and I kept her close for the first couple of weeks. The vultures here would have eaten her alive with the way she walked around, head down, fear flowing from her eyes. They smell weakness. Watching her though, as she laughs and Jokes with Mike, warms my heart. The warmth of a smile crosses my face as I think of how much she has changed in the last few weeks.

Scanning the crowd, my eyes fall on one who has his eyes locked on to her. Josh. I love that boy like a brother. Yeah, sure, we have our differences, but he is a good guy. He watches her like a lion stalking his prey. His eyes never leave her. His expression changes as she laughs, and I see a smile adorn his face. Josh has not been one to smile much recently. Things are getting harder for him at home. I don’t know the full story, but I bet Mike does. 

“Earth to Katie,” I hear Melanie say.

Shifting my eyes from Josh, I turn and smile at her.

“Sorry Mel.”

“
Whatcha looking at?” she squeaks, grabbing my hand and scanning the distance.

“Nothing, sweetie. Just thinking,” I reply with a smile.

“Hmm Ok,” Mike scoffs.

“What?” I snap.

“Should I be worried about some competition? You have been staring at Josh for the last five minutes,” he jokes.

Mike is the one person in my life that I can be completely myself around. We have known each other for years, and we have been inseparable since elementary school. He truly is my soul mate. He loves Melanie as much as I do; however, he seems to have this father-daughter kind of thing going on with her. He adores her, but just as I can, he sees she is weak and tormented. He sticks close, watching her and protecting her.

“Josh?” Melanie inquires.

“Yeah, Josh… you know, that good looking boy over there. The one who can’t keep his eyes off you,” Mike says.

“Oh. Umm, right. Ok” she mumbles.

I watch as my friend visibly tightens her body. What was that all about?

“Don’t worry, Mel. He’s a good guy. Honest.” 

Locking her hand in mine, I look up at Mike. His face is tight. He is not happy with my statement.

“What?” I mouth to him. He just shakes his head and looks in Josh’s direction. I follow his gaze. Josh is no longer looking at Melanie. In fact, Josh is nowhere to be seen as the mass of bodies surrounds him.

Typical.

Week
s
have passed since Melanie arrived. With each day that passes, I see her change. She is smiling, laughing, and even going along with Mike’s corny behavior. As another day of classes comes to an end, I head to the gym to get ready for my lacrosse game tonight. I haven’t spent as much time as I would have liked practicing this week, so I want to get an hour or so of warm-ups in before the game.

Rounding the corner to the gym, I freeze. She is there, leaning against the wall and talking to Katie. Her back is towards me. I watch as she twirls a strand of hair around her finger, something I have noticed she does when she is nervous. What is she nervous about? Katie notices me and smiles. “Play it cool Josh,” I recite to myself. “Walk. Play it cool,” I silently repeat, over and over again.

Turning up the volume on my iPod, I keep my head down whilst walking. I try to find a song to get me in the zone for practice. Trying to block out the thoughts running through my head, I narrow my focus to the upcoming game. But, as always, my plans crash and burn. The struggle in my head continues. I am trying not let her affect me. I don’t know her. She doesn’t know me. Fiddling with my iPod and reciting my plan in my head, I fail to notice how close I am to the gym door.

THUMP!

“Shit!” I curse out loud. I was so fucking distracted, and I have the egg on my skull to prove it. What an Idiot. So much for playing it cool. Damn it!

I grab my head with my hand and yank the ear buds from my ears. Pulling them so hard did nothing to dull the pain that is now radiating through my head. Giggles fill the air as I turn to see Katie and Melanie with their hands covering their mouths, trying to stifle their laughter. Their eyes give them away.

Katie is the first to approach me. Straightening herself as she nears, she says, “Josh, there you are,” obviously faking her surprise. Her voice is shadowed with humor, and it is fucking annoying.

I cross my arms in annoyance. I am not mad at them. I am furious at myself.

“What do you want Katie?” Could I sound like more of a jerk?  Hell yes. I just smashed my head, embarrassed myself in front of Melanie and Katie, and now I have to deal with her snide comments.

“Whatever, Josh.  Stop being an ass,” she replies, rolling her eyes at me. My curt reply didn’t help matters. “Melanie and I wanted to let you know that we were going to come by and watch the game tonight.”

“Cool,” I mumble, risking a glance at Melanie. She is looking right at me, but once our eyes lock, she lowers her head. ”Look Katie, I have got to get in some practice time, ok? I will see you tonight.” I look between her and Melanie, and I catch Melanie shyly peering at me. Damn it. I hope Katie is not forcing her to come tonight.

“OK, Josh. Don’t knock yourself out though, ok? We need our star player tonight,” Katie chirps as she walks backwards towards Melanie, who is still head down and paying no attention to what is going on around her. All I can do is look and smile. Katie notices and smiles right back, giving me a wink.

Wh
y
does he look at me like that?  What am I to him? If he knew the real me, he wouldn’t even give me a glance, much less look at me like that.

I don’t want to be here, but I am stuck in this small piece of hell. My past is behind me, but it still keeps me on my toes. Watching him watch me creeps me out. Chills shiver down my spine as I think of what he must be thinking whilst looking at me.

Starting a new life in a new state and a new school is not as easy as it sounds. There are so many obstacles that I never thought I would have to overcome. Making new friends, however, has been a little easier than I thought. Katie and her boyfriend Mike have made the transition much smoother. Katie is everything I wish I could be. She is outgoing and everyone’s friend. But damn, don’t ever get on the wrong side of that girl.

I instantly think the worst of people. It’s a habit that I find hard to break, so yeah, I wondered why Katie and Mike were so persistent about being around me. For the first week or so, it was as annoying as hell. I thought maybe I could kill them with kindness and stone silence, but that didn’t work. In fact, it crashed and burned. I can still smell the smoke from the flaming wreckage of my behavior.

Succumbing to her avid personality and as Katie would say her “addictive personality,” I embraced all that she had to offer. I watch her and Mike, sometimes allowing my thoughts to run away with them. I deserve that! I want to believe I do, but deep down, I don’t know how I would handle those feelings. How could anyone love someone as damaged and tarnished as me? I find it hard enough to like myself and look in the mirror every morning. For now, I will sit on the sidelines and watch the closet things I have to family fall deeper and deeper in love.

Their love for me became apparent about three weeks ago when a call from my mother, which is rare to say the least, knocked me for six. Her demands, her words of hatred, tore me apart once more. Had it been three months back, I would not have had anyone to turn to. I would have absorbed it all and taken her evil words to heart. Now, I have friends, people who care about me. People who want to know me.

Calling Katie was not as hard as I thought it would be. She listened, she answered, we hugged, and she cried. She called Mike, and well, he did the same. I was an open book. I told them everything. We sat for hours. I don’t think I have ever spoken so much in my life. I watched them both with scrutiny, but neither showed any reaction other than shock. I expected and waited for pity or disbelief, but it never came.

“I will protect you, Mel. You are safe with me,” Mike whispered into my hair as we hugged and I allowed months of tears to fall.

Within a matter of hours, these two people, who had literally thrown themselves into my life, became everything. They are only people who know the real me.