Emerge (26 page)

             
I walked in the door and she was getting laundry out of the dryer. 

             
“Didn’t know
if you were coming home or not
,
”
s
he
spat.

             
“I live here
,
” I said it quietly.

             
“I didn’t give you permissi
on to stay out with a guy for
twelve
hours.”

             
It was all I could do not to give her a smart remark about it only be
ing eleven
hours.

             
“I didn’t ask
,
Mom. I didn’t ask.”

             
“If you live under this roof, you’re not going t
o whore around with a guy for eleven
hours at a time and call it a date.”

             
“Mom, I’m not a whore.  He’s my first real boyfriend.”

             
“Doesn’t have to be to fit the bill.
  I remember being a teenager.”

             
“Well, I’m not like you.”

             
I walked into my room and changed into my pajamas.  I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth and said ‘to hell’ with the rest.

             
The rest of the week went fast and by Thursday I was over-ready for the weekend to be here.  Rebecca had come over on Tuesday afternoon and wanted me at her house on Saturday afternoon to try the dress on and see what alterations needed to be done.  My schedule had been changed at work so I now had to work Fridays instead of Thursdays, which was fine because Carlos worked Friday nights anyway, so it wasn’t as if we could go anywhere.

             
I got to sixth period a little early and Carlos was already waiting for me in our spot in the corner.

             
I sat down and ran my hand down his back and said
,
“Hi.”

             
He turned towards me in his desk and said
,
“Guess what?”

             
“What?”

             
“I’m taking you to dinner tonight.”

             
“On a school night?”
I fake gasped.

             
“Yep.
  Chinese?” He knew I loved Chinese.

             
“
Yum.
I should call my Mom so she doesn’t have the excuse that I didn’t tell her.”

             
He rolled his eyes.  “Ugh…Is it graduation yet so you can get out of there?”

             
“I wish.”

             
I called my Mom and told her instead of my routine of asking her for permission.  She gave me an earful of grief over it but I reminded her that I wasn’t asking. 
She was positively livid and said
,
“Hope you have a good meal.”
Whatever that meant.

             
We went to eat and it was a nice change of pace to be out on a school night. 

             
He dropped me off at home and I went to get out and he pulled me back into the car for one more kiss before I got out.  I looked up and waved at Rebecca. She looked at me but didn’t wave back. 

             
I walked into the house and the place was a wreck.  The cabinets were open again like one of those creepy ghost movies and the dishes were dirty.  My stomach threw itself into knots at the sight and my imagination went wild
at who
m
or what awaited me when I crossed the threshold into the rest of the house.

             
I heard, “Jenna, are you
finally
home?”

             
“Yes…I’m… in the kitchen.”
I don’t think Chinese is my favorite food anymore.

             
“Did you have a good time?”
s
he
asked and not in a good way.

             
“Yes, we had fun.” My brain was scrambling to figure out where this was going so I could shuffle around it.

             
“And was the food good? Where did you eat?”

             
I reached into the refrigerator to get something to drink but there was nothing so I closed it.

             
“Yeah, we went to eat Chinese.  It was good. I’ve never been to that place before.”

             
I looked back at her.
Fake smile alert.

             
“Well, while you were traipsing around town filling up your fat gut we were
sitting
here hungry.  May went to bed hungry.”

             
“Why don’t we have any food?”  With all the shopping that’s been going on certainly they could’ve hit up the grocery store.

             
“Because we don’t have any money
,
s
tupid.”
She was getting closer to me and I stepped back, but I was against the refrigerator.

             
“Mom, y’all have been buying clothes and shoes and everything else for weeks. We have to have some kind of money.”
I wanted to say ‘Duh!’

             
“That’s none of your business.  And they ran out, I mean, we ran out of money.”

             
“Well, take back some of that stuff and get some food.”

             
I was done with this conversation and so I moved forward to get around her.

             
It happened so fast I couldn’t move or stop it.  She reached out and slammed the right side of my head against the stove top.  It hit one of the burners and I
flopped
onto my butt on the floor.
My face nearly hit the refrigerator.

             
I reached up and my hand came back with blood.
She crouched down and got into my face and I could smell her rancid breath. It was a mix of sewage and coffee and my beloved Chinese knocked at the door of my stomach wanting to be freed. 

             
“You filthy fat bitch.  You go out with your little bastard boyfriend and eat and
be
happy while the rest of us stay here and you have the gall to come home and tell me what to do. Don’t you know the only reason he’s treating you good now is so that he can make your life hell later? You think you’ll have it any better than me?”

             
I wanted to scream at her. I wanted to push her backwards and watch her fall on her ass.  But my vision was blurry and I was getting dizzy.  I couldn’t do anything but sit there like a loser. 

             
And then it hit me as I looked into her face.  It hit me harder than she ever had and summoned up feelings that I didn’t want to feel for her.  I felt sorry for her.  I pitied her.  All of this hatred and resentment towards me was jealousy, in the pur
e
st and simplest form. 

             
She finally got out of my face
and it took me 10 minutes to come to my senses.  She was sitting at the kitchen table doing…something. 

             
I reached into my bag and got my phone out.  I called Carlos and he answered on the first ring. 

             
“Are you ok?
”

             
She
saw me on the phone but didn’t even flinch.  She probably already knew I had it. 

             
“
No, can you come and get me
?”

             
“
What happened
,
Jenna?
” his voice was virtually a roar. “I’
m getting into my car now.
”

             
“Ok, I’m gonna get some ice.  Just come to the side door.”

             
“
Ice?
  Jesus,
OK, I’m coming.”

             
I put down the phone.  I scooted, still on the floor over to the floor and pulled a dishrag down from the side of the sink.  She got up then and begrudgingly grabbed the rag from me and opened the freezer and filled it with ice and jabbed it towards me. 

             
I put it on my head.  I leaned up against the cabinets now behind me
for I don’t know how long. 

             
I heard the screeching of tires and the side door flew open.  He didn’t even bother to knock. 

             
He rushed to me and removed the dishtowel from my head and looked at it.

             
He got into a different position and lifted me up to standing and then reached under my legs and carried me out.

             
He turned around before he reached the threshold of the kitchen and was talking to my mother. 

             
“
What in the
f-
is wrong with you? She’s your daughter.”

             
She shot him the middle finger and I don’t even know if he saw it. 

Chapter 19

             
He brought me home begrudgingly as he really wanted to take me to the hospital. 
But the cut was superficial and I hated the smell of hospitals. 

             
We went in and his brother was not there. I didn’t know if it was me or if he just never stayed here.  I walked straight to the couch and Carlos went to the kitchen for something.  I just sat there.  This, apparently, was a great couch for thinking. 

             
He came back into the room with a new dishtowel with new ice in it and swapped mine out for the new one.  He handed me 3 little oval shaped blue pills and a glass of water.  I took them without saying anything. 

             
I didn’t deserve this guy that was running around rescuing me from my life.  I wondered what he saw in me that made him think that it was all worth it.  I looked at him and said,

             
“I need to wash the blood off.  Can I use your bathroom?”

             
“Yeah.
  Leave the door unlocked in case you need me.”

             
He was being distant.  My heart told me it was because he was angry with my Mom.  My brain told me he was realizing how ‘not worth it’ this whole thing really was.

             
“OK
.
” I made my way to the bathroom and I looked like the ending scene of Carrie. There was blood down my face, down my shirt and even some on my shoes.

             
I must’ve gasped because he was in the bathroom next to me within seconds. 

             
“What happened?” He looked alarmed

             
“Nothing.
  I scared the crap out of myself. Look at me.”

             
Then I looked at him and he had blood on his clothes too.

             
I tried to joke and pointed to his shirt.

             
“Oh, I leaked on you too.”

             
“You
should
be at the hospital but damned if I can make you do anything.”

             
He was pissed. He got into the cabinet under the sink and pulled out hydrogen peroxide and cotton balls and some kind of ointment.

             
He motioned for me to sit on the counter and I did.  He prepped the cotton balls with hydrogen peroxide and went to work. 

             
“There’s blood in your hair. You’re gonna have to take a shower and wash it out.”

             
“I don’t have any clothes.”

             
“You can wear something of mine.”

             
I nodded and felt just awful for putting this burden on his life.
             

             
He finished up and came to stand in front of me between my legs, but I couldn’t look him in the face yet.

             
I leaned forward and put my forehead in his chest and let his rising and falling chest calm me down.

             
“How mad are you?” I asked.