EMERGENCE (25 page)

Assurance had desired calming effect: Relaxed, settled back in chair, watching alertly. Never truly concerned over outcome had Rollo offered to supplement advocacy with violence, but happier knowing demonstration unnecessary.

However, still on guard. Lecture circular so far, but surely headed somewhere. Had feeling already knew punch line.

"Now, during the brief time I've known you I've come to several conclusions: One, you are the
de facto
leader of this little party, despite being a few years Adam's junior; because, I suspect, you know more about survival and life since the attack, and because you have specific goals in mind. Right?"

Adam nodded slowly, face a mask.

"Two, you're
terribly
intelligent—both of you are; you're at least as bright as I am. My advantage is limited to education and experience, and I wonder how much of an edge they really are. I'm pretty sure that you've already sized me up and you were thinking of asking me to join you in your search for the AAs—at least you were before this discussion began. Now you're having second thoughts. But you know I'm widely traveled; have a broad practical background in life in general and survival under primitive conditions. You also know I'm a doctor. You know how valuable I'd be as a member of your party.

"Now, I
would
like to join you and help. However . . ." Rollo paused, choosing words with care; "I
can
not and
will
not endure your company on a celibate basis if, after speculum examination, it is my professional opinion that you are physically capable of accepting me as a lover. If you can't, fine; if you wouldn't enjoy it, neither would I. Then I'll take care of my physical tensions as I've been doing since losing Sally, and conduct myself as a member of the party anyway—and without reservation.

"But if you can and won't, the distraction of your presence, constantly near and unattainable, will simply drive me around the bend; and I'm not going to subject myself to that kind of frustration.

"Yes, I know: If I had a decent bone in my body, I'd wait a while. The fact that you met Adam, and now me, lends credence to Soo Kim's thesis: There are people out there, somewhere, and surely there'll be women my age among them; it's just a matter of finding them. But who knows how long that might take—I could be
dead
tomorrow. You, on the other hand, are here
now
; and I've been a disciple of the 'bird-in-the-hand' school for a very long time.

"I know that's not a chivalrous attitude, and I'm not proud of it; but I am a realist, and I know myself.

"Mind you"—he grinned ironically—"there's nothing particularly personal in this. Yes, I do like you, so far as I know you, and I admire you even more. Added to which, you're cute as a button and can only get prettier. But—and I'm sure this won't do your ego any good, and I'm sorry, but I'm not going to lie to you—under these circumstances any live, functional female would have the same effect.

Rollo paused again, fixed me with those earnest blue eyes. "So if, after due deliberation, you feel that my presence as a widely traveled, all-around experienced man-of-the-world, who has considerable background in dealing with the new wildlife problems, and my training as a doctor, would be of sufficient benefit to you in your travels to justify the cost, I'm yours—with all that implies: I'll come with you, and stay as long as you want me to—for life if you choose—and fight and die for you if it comes to that, or for Adam—but only as your invited,
wanted
consort. And I'll accept any reasonable timesharing arrangement with Adam that you might dictate.

"Nor will I insist on assuming leadership of the expedition, merely because I'm oldest and, therefore, presumptively the wisest. I'm not at all certain that I
am
wiser than you. More experienced, better educated, yes. And I'll share it with you if you ask. But wiser? Insufficient data.

"Now, I would suggest to you that it is the right of every woman to establish the value of her consent. Every woman since Eve has. And I defy anyone to fault her for including practical considerations in the transaction. Down through the centuries numberless women have determined that a pledge of support, companionship, and security—which translates as 'protection' in primitive societies—for themselves, their children, and/or brothers and sisters, constituted a fair exchange. Many, if not most, assuming the man involved possessed even a vestigial sense of honor, lived happy, fulfilled lives. It was not uncommon for such women to come to love their partners in these marriages-of-convenience very much, and to find themselves ultimately quite satisfied with the bargain."

Could see Adam out of corner of eye, face expressionless. Probably mentally kicking himself—wishing
he
had thought of this approach . . . !

"I'll add one more thing; then I'll shut up and abide by your decision," said Rollo finally. "I'm good husband material: I'm gentle, understanding, and thoughtful; and nothing makes me as happy as making my woman happy, in or out of bed. As a single husband, I made Sally happy; as Number Two of two, I'll do my best to make you happy.

"As far as sex is concerned, if you come to me in good faith, you'll enjoy yourself. That sounds conceited, I know, but it's an honest opinion based on long experience—and if you
don't
like it, after a fair trial, I won't insist that you continue: That would eliminate half your attraction for me. And I'll stay with you anyway, as long as you want me to. But I'm confident that you will enjoy it: My specialty was gynecology and sexual counseling—there's very little that I don't know about evoking and satisfying the female sexual response."

Well!—how's
that
for subtle . . . ? Most outrageous proposition ever heard about, read, let alone encountered.

And how about "nothing personal" angle! Or "any live, functional" etc.!

(Though
is
better than being lied to. I suppose. Probably. Maybe. Hmm. . . .)

Well, consider matter logically: Was gentleman about it, under what must be profoundly trying conditions (could have hit Adam over head, had me all to self [surely thought so anyway]). But fact
did
think so made genteel approach all the more commendable. Yes, Rollo basically good person; possessed most qualities prefer in friend. Plus versed in survival skills; knew way around life-in-wilderness; bumped heads in past with immigrant carnivores. And
doctor
—presence invaluable, if not downright critical, in situations all too easy to envision.

But
hate logic
. . . ! What right had logic to butt in at time like this . . . ?
None
—that's what! Yes/no decision supposed to be matter of emotion alone, uninfluenced by crass realities. Logistics supposed to work themselves out afterward, as part of Happily-Ever-After scenario—
every
body knows that. . . .

However, "everybody" not faced with my problems, responsibilities. Nor this choice. Oh, dear, such
difficult
choice, too. If alone, would decline with thanks, without hesitation. But Adam to think of, with whom share Chinese obligation—mutual, true; but mutuality doesn't discharge debt; if anything, reinforces.

Debated question from every angle. Weighed pros, cons. Reviewed argument in detail. Had to admit was tidy, matter-of-fact, economical, pragmatic—and eminently correct, however offensive correctness might be in this setting! Looked for out—looked
hard.
But while couldn't quite bring self to agree with pat reasoning, neither could find anything to get teeth into to disagree, at least not legitimately.

Presently realized question not really debatable; not for conscientious, responsible partner. Benefits potentially accruing to Adam of having intelligent, experienced adult (and
doctor
)
join expedition placed personal reluctance in perspective: a bargain; no other conclusion possible. After all, no big deal—
every
girl does it.

Just a question of when.

And with whom. . . .

Well, having made decision, resolved to give it best shot. Simple question of equity: Rollo's commitment total; pledged time, efforts, plus contributing wealth of knowledge, experience. Doubtless find life in jeopardy before events reach dénouement. Entitled to fair return on investment.

(Harbored no genuine doubt as to physical ability to deliver own side of transaction.)

And never once considered possible out offered by suggestion would lose interest if I didn't enjoy. Cheap-shot evasion. Fair is fair; promise is promise. Would try to be as merrily enthusiastic a partner as fondly remembered Sally.

Maybe
better. . . .

(Oh-oh . . . ! Occurred to me then [speaking of fair]: Could hardly accept Rollo's attentions, continue to exclude Adam, whom had known longer, and of whom, by this time, was very fond.)

Took deep breath, released slowly to establish control over emotions, voice. Stood, took another deep breath, opened mouth . . .

And before could announce decision, became suddenly, shockingly, horribly moot. Rollo, bustling about kitchen, cleaning up after dinner, got too close to Terry's stand. Twin's head shot out, huge bill halves closed, chopping golf-ball-sized gobbet from left tricep, shirt sleeve and all. Bobbed head gleefully, eyes glinting in malicious triumph, as flung bloody mess across kitchen; then crouched, wings half-spread, red-splattered bill gaping wide, poised to strike again.

Rollo gasped, eyes widening in shock. Spun, roaring with pain, rage. Drew back fist—containing heavy iron frying pan . . . ! Would crush fragile avian skeleton like eggshell—
Rollo about to murder my baby brother!

"Time slowed" ancient cliché. But happens—and happened then: Suddenly everything happening in slow motion. Had ample time to study every tiny detail as situation developed. Enough time to notice sequential tensioning of Rollo's muscles, starting with abdominal, then chest, neck, shoulder, upper arm, forearm, as lethal swing began, pan accelerated in arc toward helpless sibling. Time to notice Adam's expression of growing horror; mouth slowly opening to shout warning, protest: "
No-o—
"

Enough time to realize own body suddenly in motion. But without conscious volition; moving of own accord: Combat computer, conditioned-reflex matrix, engaged, in control. Mere passenger now in own body; relatively sluggish conscious mind powerless to interfere, alter outcome during next few milliseconds.

Felt, then heard own
kiai
rip from throat; watched self cross nearly ten feet separating us midair, spinning counterclockwise. Left heel intercepted Rollo's forearm; limb folded in unnatural place, direction. Pan ripped from fingers, continued tangentially, well clear of intended victim.

Rollo's neck corded, beginning motion that would turn rage-contorted features toward me. Muscles governing still functional right arm twitched; hand slowly formed claw, started my direction.

Already wasn't there. Landed in stable cat stance, still passenger. Stepped under, past reaching limb; side-kicked spot just below hip. Femur broke with sound like snapping ax handle. Impact drove Rollo against wall, position from which could not fall away from blows.

Which continued as blocked still-reaching claw with forearm, ducked back under to front, unleashed hail of alternating lunge and reverse punches to clavicles, sternum, larynx, each powered to break bricks, driving through frail body tissues as if so much Jell-O.

Rollo began sideways motion to right, falling along wall toward damaged leg; but combat computer interpreted as flanking attempt. Clockwise spin-kick swept legs from under, sundering left knee at point of impact. Back-fist lashed out from continuing rotation, catching alongside jaw. Maxilla, mandible disintegrated with grinding sound.

Rollo hit perhaps another dozen times before conscious mind overtook events. Regained control as combat computer finished triphammer series of right-handed front-fist blows to upper thorax. Braced against rebounding from impacts by wall down which was sliding, Rollo absorbed blows' total force internally: Ribs snapped like balsa; underlying structures turned to pulp.

Time resumed normal pace. Tail end of Adam's cry echoed through kitchen: "
—o-o-o . . . !
" Rollo arrived on floor with mushy squish. Pan clattered against far wall, fell to floor.

Terry bobbed head, said, "How
'bout
that."

I uncoiled shakily, staring at ruin at feet. Looked up to meet Adam's gaze. Stunned expression mirrored my own.

Essayed speech: "I didn't mean . . . he would have killed . . ."

Tora-chan approached. Sat, surveyed body for long moment. Then stood, inspected mashed face; sniffed along broken length, head to foot. Moved off-side front paw along floor toward body, flipped upward: Same motion employed when covering mess in litter pan.

Tora-chan finished, glanced up with unmistakable cat smile. Purred. Performed luxurious head-dive on my ankle.

Next thing I remember is waking fully dressed following morning in own bed in trailer. Hugely depressed, but several minutes before remembered why. Adam supplied intervening details:

Went into shock, catatonia—whatever: nonresponding, physically inert, eyes-open stupor. Adam concluded immediate elimination of evidence, separation from scene best therapy.

Wiped Terry's bill, placed bird on shoulder. Picked up stand, called Tora-chan.

Then, moving cautiously, watching closely lest Weapon still armed, took me by hand, led to trailer. Stripped me, pushed into shower, washed off blood, adhering meat scraps. Dressed me in clean clothes. Debated old outfit briefly; judged icky beyond salvage, plus now probably haunted. Pitched
in toto
.

Placed me in van. Then drove as if demons pursued. Continued far into night, until accumulated shock, nervous exhaustion, fatigue called halt—nearly conked out at wheel.

Put me to bed; started to get into own. But delayed reaction arrived then: Pitched such hysterical fit that Adam (hasn't said, but probably at considerable personal risk) sedated me. Finally climbed in with me, held me until asleep before adjourning to own bed.