Emergence (Awakening Series Book 2) (19 page)

Chapter 36

1 year ago

Lou

"Good morning Lou, how've you been?" Dr. Roland asked me, walking into the exam room.

Doctor Roland had been my gynecologist since I moved to Virginia. I hated my yearly check-ups. They were so invasive, but yet necessary to ensure I was healthy.

"Good morning Doctor."

"Any questions or concerns today?" she asked, looking up from my file.

"Nothing I can think of," I said, smiling at her.

"Okay. So, when was your last period?"

"I remember one in March, but I've been so stressed out. I can't remember one since then."

"Hmm," she said, picking up my urine sample and putting a couple of sticks in it. "I'll just make sure you're not pregnant."

"I can't get pregnant. Dr. Winters ran a bunch of tests that showed I have some issues."

Doctor Roland had written the referral to Doctor Winters when I had told her that Derek and I were having problems. I had always meant to call the office and find out exactly what my problems were, but with Derek acting like a maniac, it had really been the last thing on my mind, and it certainly wouldn't make anything better to know the extent of my fertility issues.

"That's not what's in my file," she said, picking it up from the desk where she'd laid it. "Ah, yes, here it is right here. Looks like everything is in working order for you, but your husband has a negligible sperm count."

"What?"

I was shocked. I couldn't believe that Derek would let me think that I was the problem when it was really him. All that time I spent feeling like I was half of a woman because I couldn't carry a child, and that was never the case. Derek let me mourn the fact that I would never be a mother. He watched me cry day after day until I finally accepted my fate. How could he ever say he loved me when he allowed me to live through that, knowing all the while that it was his lies that were the cause of my grief?

"I'm happy to report that you're perfectly fertile. In fact," she said, spinning around on her stool to face me after checking the stick in my urine, "according to this, you're pregnant. Congratulations!"

"How can that be if Derek...."

My voice trailed off as I realized exactly what had happened. I'd stop taking my birth control pills because I was trying to get pregnant, and then after we got the results of the tests I'd never bothered taking them again. I'd slept with Carson without even thinking about it. I was going to have Carson's baby.

I called Liz as soon as I was in the car, already making plans to pack all my belongings and leave my house that night. Liz agreed to let me stay with them until the baby was born, and that was a huge weight off my shoulders.

The very next day I Googled some lawyers and started the process of getting a divorce from Derek.

As the months passed, I started to get really nervous about my future. I knew Liz would let me stay on as a nanny for as long as I was in Virginia, but I didn't think I could support myself and my baby girl on the money I made there, and I certainly couldn't live with Liz forever.

I had just gotten back to Liz's house with a carload of groceries when my cell phone rang, bringing me the news I'd desperately been waiting for.

"Hello?"

"Ms. Evans? This is Dave Almeida calling from Foster & Company. I'm pleased to be offering you the position you interviewed for in March of this year."

My heart skipped a beat as his words sank in, and I realized I was going to be okay. I would find a place to rent in Savannah and move there after the baby was born.

I finished up my call with Mr. Almeida and was daydreaming about my new life when a tapping on my window snapped me back to reality and I looked up to see Derek standing next to my car. I tossed my phone back in my purse as he opened the door for me to climb out.

"What do you want Derek?" I asked, stepping around him to get some grocery bags out of the back seat.

"I just came to talk," he said. "Here, let me help you with some of these bags."

Derek picked up two armloads of bags and followed me into Liz's house. As soon as I set my bags down in the kitchen I turned to him.

"Thanks for your help Derek. What did you want to talk about?" I asked as I started to put the groceries away.

He reached behind himself and brought out a thick packet of folded papers.

"It's the divorce papers. I wanted to go over a couple of things with you regarding our investments and joint accounts."

I sighed, really having hoped that he would just accept the terms I laid out in the initial filing. Unwinding my scarf from my neck, I pulled off my winter coat, tossing it onto one of the chairs.

"Okay, let's talk," I said.

Derek was staring at me, not saying anything.

"Derek?"

He slowly lifted his hand and gestured to my obvious belly.

"Are you...?"

"Yes, I'm pregnant."

He took a step back from me, his eyes widening with shock.

"You... that's not..." he ran his hands through his hair a couple times, his eyes wide as he started to pace the floor. "Cheating bitch," he said quietly, almost quiet enough that I didn't hear him. Then he said it again, louder, and I watched as his eyes changed from soft brown to black with fury. "You're nothing but a slut! I knew you were running around on me. All those late nights you said you were watching the kids for Liz, sometimes overnight even. You said you were taking trips with their family while instead you were fucking someone behind my back the whole time!"

My anger overwhelmed me listening to him go on about something he knew nothing about. I had been faithful to him our entire marriage until it fell apart right in front of me. In my mind our marriage was over well before I met Carson, and Derek had already stepped out on me by then.

"You're not going to get a dime from me. Do you hear me? I'm calling my lawyer and we're going to renegotiate the terms of the divorce so you get nothing. That's what cheaters get," he growled.

"How do you know it's not yours Derek?" I asked, pointing a finger at his chest.

"It can't be," he admitted, confirming what I already knew. My anger skyrocketed at his obvious disregard for the lies he told me.

"Finally, the truth comes out," I snarled.

"Yeah, I'm a liar and you're a cheating bitch who's knocked up with some bastard kid."

I reeled at Derek's words, my hands clenching into tight fists.

"Leave my baby out of this! Your lies were the catalyst that created the life inside me, Derek, you're no innocent in all this. And just remember, you cheated first, and more often," I reminded him.

"Prove it," he said, snatching the papers off the table and stalking out the door.

Several days later my lawyer called saying that Derek was willing to give me half of the furniture and all my personal belongings, along with ten thousand dollars from our joint savings account. It was much less than what I asked for, but in order to get it over with, and with the advice of my lawyer, I signed the papers and closed the door on that chapter of my life, finally feeling the weight of the world lifted from my shoulders and excited about what the future held.

Chapter 37

Lou

"Carson, Derek is sterile. Carly's not his."

He pulled back from me to search my eyes. My heart was in my throat as I waited for him to react.

"But how can that be if..."

"Carly isn't Derek's daughter," I interrupted and then paused for a breath. "She's yours."

Carson's mouth dropped open and his eyes searched the room before he looked back at me.

"What did you say?" he asked.

I tried to remember all the things I wanted to tell him, how I was going to explain what had happened and why it'd taken me so long to tell him, but I couldn't recall one single thing.

"Carly is your daughter." His arms dropped from my waist as he stepped back and I knew I was losing him. Tears welled up in my eyes as I rushed to calm him. "I know it's a shock but if you'll just listen I can explain."

"Explain?" he growled. "You're going to explain how you've kept this from me? How you've let me think that Derek was her father when this whole time she's been mine? How could you do this? You preach honesty, yet you don't practice it."

My tears overflowed. I knew what I'd done was wrong. In the beginning I'd just wanted to make sure he was safe to bring into her life, then I hadn't wanted to ruin us by telling him about her, then the fire, and now... I just wasn't prepared. I'd done this to myself and I had no one else to blame. I could only hope he'd understand.

"Carson, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean..."

"No!" he screamed. "Just stop, I don't want to hear it."

I heard Carly crying, possibly woken by the loud voices. I looked down and took a deep breath not sure if I should continue trying to talk to him or go to our daughter. Carson made the decision for me when he picked up his keys and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" I asked, tears flowing freely down my cheeks.

"I need space. Just give me some time," he said, and I knew at that moment that I'd just lost the only man I ever truly loved.

**

"Shhh baby girl, it's alright," I said, picking Carly up from the porta-crib I'd set up in Caroline's room. "We're going to have to go stay somewhere else for a while. Carson is mad at Mommy, and he asked me to give him some space okay?"

I sat Carly on the floor while I gathered up some outfits for her and stuffed them in a bag. Then I folded up the porta-crib and packed the diaper bag.

I felt desperate, but I didn't know what I could do to fix the mess I'd made. The pain was so acute that I could barely breathe through my sobs. My mind was going ninety miles an hour thinking of all the things I should have said and should have done. I was broken, desolate, and alone. Again.

Just thinking about leaving Carson broke my heart and left a sharp ache in my chest but I knew he needed time to wrap his mind around the fact that he was a father and that I'd misled him. I could only hope that he'd find a way to forgive me, and if he couldn't I prayed that he'd still want Carly in his life if nothing else.

Once I was done packing Carly's things, I went to the master bedroom to pack mine. The moment I stepped into the closet his scent hit me full force and tears welled up in my eyes. I had done irreparable damage to my relationship with Carson. When we'd first gotten together I made him promise me complete honesty in all things, and then I'd been less than forthcoming myself.

The worst part was that as much as I knew what I was doing, I also felt that I was playing it right. I had to protect Carly at all costs. She was my number one, and I needed to feel comfortable with Carson being a part of her life before I could tell him the truth. I only wished I had done it sooner, before we fell in love, before we talked about the future we'd have together. I deserved exactly what I had gotten.

My tears continued to fall as I recalled the look on his face when I told him he was a father. It was definitely shock and anger, but what got to me the most was the look of disgust and betrayal. I had done the worst thing imaginable to him. I kept his child from him, in a sense, and I deliberately and continually deceived him.

I just had to keep faith. Carson had been nothing but amazing with Carly. He'd accepted her from day one, and I hoped more than anything that finding out she was actually his daughter would strengthen their bond, even if it shredded the love we had for each other.

"Liz, I need to come stay for a while, okay?" I sobbed into the phone while tossing things into a bag.

"What's going on?" she asked, concern evident in her voice.

"It's Carson. I'll tell you about it when we get there," I said, grabbing the bag and Carly and running down the stairs into the kitchen.

"Well, come on then. Are you sure you're okay to drive? It's a long way. You could always go to Raleigh and stay with Charlie."

"Yes, I'm sure. But, Charlie wouldn't understand. I just need a minute to calm down and I have a couple of stops to make before I get on the road anyway, so I should be fine by the time I'm on the interstate."

I walked out to the car and unlocked the front door, tossing my bag onto the seat.

"Okay, see you tonight."

I tossed the phone into the front seat as I strapped Carly into her car seat, and wiped away my tears just as she started to cry.

"I know sweet girl, I don't want to leave him either, but I think it's best if we get out of here. He needs some time to decide what he wants and Mama has a little time off from work. I think we could use a visit to Aunt Liz, don't you?"

I leaned down and kissed her curls before setting the diaper bag on the seat next to her and then climbing into the driver's seat.

Pulling out of the driveway I headed downtown. I needed to go see Derek.

**

"Lou, what a surprise," Derek said, opening the door just wide enough to see me.

I shifted Carly from one hip to the other while I waited impatiently for him to invite me into his room.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?"

His eyes were shifty as he said, "Give me five minutes and I'll meet you in the lobby."

I narrowed my eyes at him a moment before I heard a female voice call out to him.

"Well, some things never change," I said, shaking my head at him.

"Five minutes," he said.

I rolled my eyes and headed to the lobby to wait. When he showed up a few minutes later his clothes were a mess. His pants were all wrinkled and his shirt was only half tucked in. I couldn't believe I used to find him attractive.

"Hey Lou, sorry about that," he said, sitting down on the chair opposite me.

His eyes locked on Carly. "Wow, she's gorgeous. I mean, I knew she would be since she's yours. Can I hold her?"

"Derek, no," I said exasperated. "How could you come here and beg for me to come home with you and then pick up some woman and bring her back to your hotel?"

"Lou, I promise, if you want to come back there will never be another woman."

"Derek, that isn't the point. You say you love me and you want a life with me but you still can't keep it in your pants."

"But we're not even together yet. You can't blame me."

The fact that he said he loved me and was still able to go have sex with another woman was unfathomable to me. He still didn't get it.

"You know what Derek? That's a funny choice of words, because blame is one thing you're really good at laying on other people. You blamed me and your mother for our marriage falling apart but you've never taken responsibility for your part in it. And here you are blaming me for the fact that we're not together yet to somehow make it okay that you hooked up with someone. You can't take responsibility for anything."

"Lou, I love you" he started.

"And the day I found out I was pregnant with Carly... Doctor Roland showed me Doctor Winters' report that said you were the infertile one. How could you lie to me like that? I cried for weeks thinking that I'd never be able to have a child and you let me keep thinking it was my fault when the entire time it was you with the problem. You don't love me. You can't. That's not what love is."

"Lou, I..."

"I'm done Derek. I'm sorry for whatever Charlie told you that made you think you had a shot at getting me back, but it's been over for a very long time, and there is no chance that I would ever get back together with you," I said, standing. "Please go back home, and stop talking about me with Charlie. Move on with your life, find something or someone that makes you happy, but leave me alone. Please."

"Lou, wait," Derek called to my retreating back.

"Goodbye Derek," I said, not looking back and feeling as if I'd closed the door firmly and put a deadbolt on that chapter of my life.

Once I was on the highway I called Kelly to let her know where I was going and that I wouldn't need her for a few days and then I called my manager to say I'd be out of the office for a little while.

Several hours later when I finally made it to Liz's house I was exhausted and my eyes were practically swollen shut from crying. It had been a really long and emotionally draining day, to say the least. I picked up my phone, checking my texts and hoping to have one from Carson.

Kelly had sent through the picture she'd taken of Carson, Carly, and me before the company party. We were all smiling and happy. Carson's bright green eyes sparkled back at me as I stared at him. I would miss the angle of his nose, the sculpted jaw with the 5 o'clock shadow, the warmth of his voice, and the feeling of his hard body moving against mine.

Nothing would ever be the same again.