Emergency: Parents Needed (11 page)

He shook his head. “No, so don’t waste your breath.”

“Did anyone ever tell you how single-minded you are?”

“Goal-oriented,” he corrected her. “And, yes, I’ve heard that before.”

And so, resigned to that particular task on their to-do list, Maggie helped Joe sort through Dee’s possessions. They created three piles—one for keepsakes, one for donations to the local thrift store and crisis center, and one for items destined for the dumpster.

Sorting and packing turned out to be easy. Choosing what Breanna would treasure as she grew older was simply a matter of using her own mother’s keepsakes as a guide. The few pieces of jewelry, a few trinkets and figurines, the obviously hand-made sofa throws were a few of the items she carefully boxed for storage while the rest was segregated for their respective destinations.

However, what
was
difficult was watching Breanna crawling from room to room, looking puzzled and occasionally calling “Mama?” as if she expected her mother to appear at any moment.

Eventually, Breanna crawled onto Dee’s bed, clutched a handful of the green silk ladies’ pajamas lying neatly against the pillows, popped a thumb into her mouth and fell asleep on the patchwork quilt.

The sight broke Maggie’s heart again. “Whatever you do,” she warned Joe, “keep that nightgown and quilt for her.”

Gazing at the little girl curled protectively around the fabric, his eyes grew suspiciously vacant and his voice sounded hollow, as if he, too, recognized its importance. “I will,” he promised.

Later, while Hannah watched over Breanna, Maggie accompanied Joe to the various apartments in Dee’s building, as well as the restaurant where she’d worked.

Only one person remembered seeing her with the fellow Hannah had described but, like Dee’s neighbor, she didn’t know his name or what he’d had in common with Dee.

As Joe drove away from the Prairie Pines Apartment complex, he seemed overly quiet.

“Are you disappointed we didn’t dig up any leads?” she asked.

“Yes.” He paused. “And no. Yes, because I can’t help wondering if he’s in a better position to take care of Breanna than I am.”

“If he was, don’t you think Dee would have made him Breanna’s legal guardian?” she said practically. “Give her some credit, will you?”

“You’re right. I have to trust she knew what she was doing and had method in her madness.”

“Exactly. Besides, this guy could have been anyone from an insurance salesman to a bill collector.”

He turned a sheepish face to her. “I never thought of that.”

“You should,” she declared. “So tell me about the half of you that’s
not
disappointed we hit a dead end.”

He exhaled a long sigh as he glanced at the child between them. “The little one is starting to grow on me.”

She understood precisely what he was talking about, but Breanna wasn’t the only person who’d grown on her. Breanna’s father had, too.

“That’s the way it works, Joe,” she said quietly. “The more time you spend with an individual, the easier it is to love them.”

A thoughtful expression crossed his face, but he didn’t say a word and Maggie didn’t belabor the point. She might recognize how maintaining emotional distance was his way to protect himself from loving and losing the people who’d become important to him, but he had to experience his own epiphany.

Idly, Maggie wondered if Dee had tried to teach Joe that concept but in the end had been forced to settle for friendship. Could it be that Fate was giving her the opportunity to continue the lesson? And if she took up the challenge, would she be more successful than Dee had been or would she, too, have to settle for crumbs?

As risky as the idea was, as high as the odds were against her, she wanted to try. She wanted to mean more and be more than his safety net. She wanted to prove to him that caring for someone didn’t have to be painful, that loving someone would finally fill those empty spaces inside him.

She wanted to make him whole because then he just might be willing to consider how good the two of them were together.

After Joe had put Breanna to bed, he settled in front of the television to watch a rerun of an old favorite on TV. But instead of paying attention to the plot, he pondered Maggie’s comment in the context of his own relationships. He’d never dated the same woman more than a few times because none had ever held his interest for longer than that. If Dee hadn’t become more friend than lover, she would have fallen into that category, too.

The only real exception to his unconscious habit was Maggie. He couldn’t explain it, but she made him feel as if he could do everything and fail at nothing. She made him
wonder what it would be like to create a family with someone who loved him. A month ago he would have labeled the idea impossible and instantly dismissed it, but not now. Now she made him
wish
for the impossible.

But as an hour drifted past and Breanna woke up cranky and inconsolable, Joe changed his wish to something more within reach…like getting her to go back to sleep.

Unfortunately, nothing he tried worked. At 11:00 p.m. he speed-dialed Maggie on his cellphone. “I need you,” he said without preamble.

“Wh-what?”

From the tone of her voice she’d obviously been asleep. He might have felt guilty, but desperation overruled.

“I’m sorry to wake you, but it’s Breanna.”

Instantly, she sounded alert. “What’s wrong?”

“She won’t quit crying.”

“Did you change her? Feed her?”

He fought the urge to snap. Yelling at Maggie wouldn’t solve his problems. “I did all those things,” he said as patiently as possible, holding an unhappy baby in one arm. “I’ve walked her, sung until I’m hoarse, but nothing I do makes a difference.”

“What about her temperature? Does she seem sick?”

“She’s warm, but I think it’s because she’s been crying for so long. Please, Maggie, I’m begging you. Can you come?”

“I’ll be right over.”

Relieved that help was on the way, he bounced Breanna against his shoulder. “Did you hear that?” he crooned as he paced the floor, “Maggie’s coming. You should feel better now.” He certainly did.

Unfortunately, Breanna didn’t appear impressed or consoled with his news. She simply rubbed her eyes, screwed up her mouth and, with her lower lip trembling, let loose another wail.

“Maggie will fix whatever’s wrong,” he murmured. “You’ll see.”

For the next fifteen minutes he walked a circle through his house, starting with his living room, down the hall to the bedrooms, back around to the kitchen, before finally returning to the living room. When the doorbell rang, he’d never heard a nicer sound.

“She won’t stop crying,” he told Maggie as she discarded her lightweight windbreaker over a chair.

“Maybe she’s teething.”

Why hadn’t he considered that? He should have. Some father he was, he thought in disgust. He moved his hand to her mouth, then reconsidered. “She’ll bite.”

“If that’s the problem, rubbing will soothe the pain.”

Joe watched her run an index finger along Breanna’s gum line as the little girl squirmed in his arms. “I can’t feel anything,” she said before she peered into her mouth, “and her gums don’t look red or swollen. Have you noticed her pulling at her ears like they hurt?”

He shook his head. “No, but before I take her to the emergency room, let’s see if she’ll be happier with you.”

As he held the little girl toward Maggie, the baby dove into her arms with enthusiasm. While she snuffled softly against Maggie’s neck, the tension in Joe’s shoulders eased. “I should have phoned you sooner,” he said wryly.

“We’ll see how long this lull lasts.”

To Joe’s disappointment, Breanna soon tired of Maggie and the scene repeated itself.

“I’d been hoping we wouldn’t go through this again.” He rubbed at the ridge between his eyebrows. “It’s been nearly a week since we had a night like this. I hate feeling so helpless.”

“Well, we have to do something,” Maggie declared. “Let’s try a warm bath and a fresh nightgown.”

Grateful to be doing something,
anything,
Joe did as in
structed, but in the end, as he held her on his lap with her bunny, Breanna still wouldn’t be appeased. She fussed and wiggled until he felt as if holding her was like trying to hold a restless tiger cub.

Maggie’s eyes suddenly gleamed with an idea. “Joe,” she began, “where’s the quilt and silk nightie we brought back with us today?”

“Still in the box in the garage with the rest of the things I’m keeping.” As he recalled Breanna’s attachment to the fabric earlier today, he caught on to Maggie’s idea. “Do you think that’s what she wants?”

“It’s worth a try. I’ll be right back.”

As soon as she returned and handed the silky garment to Breanna, the change was instantaneous. The little girl sat up, reached out and clutched the material against her before she settled against Joe’s chest, one fist buried in the silk and the other hand clutching her bunny. “Mama,” she mumbled as she closed her eyes and became boneless in Joe’s lap.

Joe glanced at Maggie, hardly able to believe the sudden transformation. “I can’t believe it,” he whispered.

“Neither can I. I wish I’d thought of it sooner, the poor baby. It’s probably the one thing that reminds her of her mother.”

Joe scooted to the edge of the sofa and rose. “I’ll try putting her to bed.”

“Good idea.”

Maggie followed him into Breanna’s room and watched him tenderly lay the youngster in her crib, tuck the silk gown against her, then cover her with her comforter. With a soft touch that seemed incongruous with his large hands, he smoothed her hair away from her small face, then moved toward the door. “Are you coming?” he whispered.

“In a minute. I want to make sure she doesn’t wake up.”

“OK.”

Alone, Maggie brushed a kiss on the little girl’s forehead,
wishing she could magically take away all the pain and hurt and frustration the youngster felt. It was possible, she decided, but the only magical thing that would work was the love and security she and Joe could provide.

“Sweet dreams,” she murmured, then slipped out and left the door slightly ajar. Searching for Joe, she found him in the kitchen, standing in front of the refrigerator, removing a bottle of beer.

“Whoever coined the words ‘Silence is golden’ knew what they were talking about,” she said fervently.

“I’ll say.” He raised the brown bottle into the air. “Want one?”

“Please.”

He handed it to her, then got his own.

“You’ve had quite a night,” she remarked.

“No kidding.”

His tone was clipped, his expression halfway between grim and impassive. “Joe?” she asked, carefully. “You do realize you should be happy she’s asleep.”

“I am.” He took a long swig from his bottle.

“You don’t seem too happy to me.”

He headed into the living room and dropped onto the sofa. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know. You just seem…upset.”

“I’m fine. Just go home, Maggie.” He sounded weary as he leaned back against the cushion and closed his eyes, loosely cradling his drink in his hands.

Something was wrong. She’d expected him to beg her to stay, like he had the first night Breanna had been so distraught. Now he was practically booting her out the door.

“I will, after I know why you’re acting so strangely.”

He opened his eyes and met her gaze. “Strange? What makes you say that?”

She shook her head. “Deny it all you want, but I know you well enough to know you have something on your mind.”

He took another swallow as if to bide his time, but Maggie refused to budge. “I’ll sit here all night if I have to,” she threatened.

For several long, painful seconds she waited, until finally he spoke. “It’s my fault she had a rough evening.”

“Your fault?” she echoed. “How?”

“I never should have taken her with us today,” he said. “I should have known seeing her home would bring back memories, open up old wounds of missing her mother, but I didn’t stop to consider how it might affect her. Instead, I was selfish and wanted her with me.”

“You weren’t selfish.” She moved to sit on the coffee table in front of him. “I can understand why you’d hesitate to leave her with a sitter again, even one as great as Nancy. As for not thinking about how she’d be affected by going back to a familiar place, I’m guilty, too.”

He didn’t seem convinced. “Maybe, but you figured out what would calm her. I didn’t.”

“It was a lucky guess.”

He shook his head. “It was more than luck.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You would have eventually gotten the idea.”

“When? Her fifth birthday?”

“Sarcasm doesn’t become you, Joe. OK, so I thought of something to try. You would have, too, if you hadn’t been so exhausted. I was fresher and less frustrated than you were. That’s all.”

He finished his beer, his gaze distant and speculative, as if he was on the verge of making a decision. A life-changing decision for all of them. A decision that probably wouldn’t bode well for anyone, including Joe.

Maggie narrowed her gaze. “Don’t you dare tell me you’re giving up,” she warned.

“It would be for the best,” he began.

“What? Best for who?” She paused. “If you do this, I’ll…”

He studied her with curiosity. “You’ll what?”

What could she say? She’d never speak to him again? As threats went, it was weak, but if he had to be threatened to keep Breanna, did she want him to?

On the other hand, maybe he simply needed someone to shut down his pity party…

“You’re right,” she said coolly. “Go ahead and break your promise to me and to Dee. Wave your white flag of surrender. You’ve wanted an escape clause since the first day you got her. Far be it from me to convince you to do the right thing.”

She rose and leaned over him. “You’re so quick to tell me how you’re afraid of being like your father who ran when the going got tough. Maybe you two
are
more alike than you thought or I imagined.”

Warming to her subject, she added, “In fact, I don’t think you should wait until morning. Do it now. While she’s asleep. She can wake up in her new home.” She stormed into the garage for an empty box, then returned to find him standing in the middle of his living room.