Emmalee (24 page)

           
Right then Claire decided to join us.  “What?  Emma
are you all right?  Cass and I were walking by and we heard—are
you sure you’re okay?  I think Hannah is right.  I
think you need something.  Don’t you think she needs
something, Ethan?  You look awful, Emma.  Just awful.”

  “Gee, thanks.”

           
“Hey, why’s the party over here?” asked Taylor. 

           
I glanced up and saw Chloe, Madison and Carson with him. 
Everyone was unconsciously blocking the stupid door. 
For
crying out loud.  Can this get any worse? 

           
Of course Claire would be the first one to speak.

           
“It’s not a party.  We’re worried about Emma. 
She looks like she’s sick or something—or maybe you’ve
been dancing too much.  Is that it?  Have you been dancing
too much?  I did see you over in the corner with Chase—Oh! 
You two looked like you were—did his dad say something to you? 
My dad sure would’ve, especially if I was acting like that—I
mean is that even appropriate behavior?  Who knows what—”

           
I lost it.  “Just shut up Claire!  Seriously. 
We are all sick to death of hearing you talk anyway.  I mean, is
it possible for you to be quiet for ten minutes?  Is it? 
Because as far as I can tell you’re always saying something. 
And it’s always something that
shouldn’t
be
said!  So just keep your thoughts to yourself for once, and shut
it!  Okay?”  With that I pushed through the silent
crowd and out the door.  But I didn’t get far.  Of
course not.  This is my luck we’re talking about here. 
In fact I had made it just to the outer door of the lobby before I
heard Chase’s voice behind me,

           
“Emma!”

           
Shocked, I pushed the door opened and spun around.  Chase was
jogging toward me.  He wasn’t happy.  With a maneuver
just short of a shove he propelled me through the door into the
frigid night air.  And then whirled on me.

           
“What was that about?!”

           
“What?”

           
“That-that outburst to Claire!” 

           
He was there?
  I had never seen him look so mad
before. 
Well, you know what?  I’m mad too!
 
“Oh, come on!” I snorted.  “As if you haven’t
wished a hundred times to say the exact same thing to her! 
Don’t give me that look!  She’s annoying—she
needed to be told.  Honestly, I’ve done you a favor. 
You can thank me sometime later, I’m outta here.”  I
turned to flounce away, but Chase grabbed my elbow and jerked me
back.

           
“Yes, you’re out of here.  I don’t know what
has come over you, but believe me; whatever I felt earlier is gone. 
You are just like what I always thought you were; a spoiled selfish
brat, who couldn’t care less about anyone other than herself.”

           
“What?  As if!  You know what—?”

           
“What do I know, Emma?  Huh?  What do I really know
of you?  Just that you’re more worried about what people
are saying and what they’re thinking and what they’re
doing—so much so, that you don’t even know yourself!”

           
Of all the
—“Just drop it Chase.  I’ve
heard enough!”  I tried to yank my arm away, but he held
fast.

“Do you have any idea why I’m
mad?  Why I would dare to contradict the great Emmalee
Bradford?”

           
I glared at him and tried to break free again.

           
“No?”  He dragged me until we were just inches
apart—until I could feel the warmth of his body shooting out to
me.  With cool crisp words he explained, “You know, had
she been Elton’s girlfriend, or any of your cheerleader
friends, or someone who was your age—then fine—throw a
fit.  It would make you look stupid—but hey, if you want
to be stupid then that’s your prerogative.  But, when it
involves younger girls—people like Claire—then yeah,
you’re gonna see me get involved.” 

           
He closed his eyes and heaved a sigh.  “Emma, Claire Hart
is fifteen years old.  She worships you.  She thinks you’re
the most amazing girl on the planet.  Everyone knows it too. 
Everyone.
  It’s all she talks about.  Just
ask them.  ‘Emma is so pretty.  Emma is so cool. 
Emma is so nice.’  Yes, Emma, she loves you. 
You!
 
And what do you do?  The first time she is finally invited to
come to your mother’s ball—the first time she’s
allowed to dress up and feel as pretty as you—you humiliate her
in front of everyone—
Everyone.
  You’ve
completely shattered and ruined that girl in one stupid weak moment. 
And the worst thing is you won’t even remember what you’ve
said in ten minutes from now.”

           
Chase raked his free hand through his hair.  “Look. 
I’m sorry, okay?”  He loosened his grip from my arm,
but his eyes continued to pierce mine.  “I-I know this is
probably going to make you hate me forever.  And if that’s
the case, then fine.  It needs to be said.  I just—I
can’t believe you did it.  Why would you do something like
that?  Why, Emma?”

           
His anger I could take.  How many times have I matched him in
verbal battles?  How many times have I held my own?  But
his disappointment, his hurt—I couldn’t take. 
Breathless and unmovable, I watched his eyes accuse me of every
horrible deed I deserved.  He was right.  I was selfish and
cruel and honestly no better than Ashley Templeton was. 

           
With a weary sigh, Chase lowered his eyes to the frost covered
pavement.  “Em, I can see now—I just want you to be
someone you’re not.”  His pain-filled eyes met mine
briefly.  “I wish you were someone I could really love. 
I needed that—needed her—but that girl isn’t here. 
I’m sorry.”  With that, he turned slowly on his heel
and made his way back up to the lobby door. 

           
In remorseful horror, my breath coming out in rapid white clouds, I
watched him kick a small pebble off the mat and then enter into the
building—the door swinging closed behind him.  He never
looked back.

           
I don’t consider myself a very dramatic person.  But such
a night as this one definitely called for dramatics.  With a
scoop of my long gown I ran to my car.  Thankfully I made it
before the first tear fell.  It was all I could do to get the
door open and lunge into the driver’s seat.  In the cold
confines of the car, I realized my purse was still inside the
building.  There was no way to turn it on, or heat the thing
up. 
I was going to freeze to death in my own car! 

           
That did it.  The dam broke.  Miserable tears sprung
to my eyes and trailed down my cheeks.  I had never felt more
alone than I did right then. 
And all I had to blame was
myself!  My own stupid, horrible self! 

He hates me.  The only guy
I have ever loved hates me!  How could life be so cruel? 
How could I have been so cruel? 

           
I don’t know how long I’d been in the car before I heard
the knock on the glass next to me.   I do know that the
windows were embarrassingly steamed up and my head hurt from crying
until I couldn’t cry anymore.

           
It was a faint knock that grew louder with insistence. 

           
Reluctantly, I pulled myself out of my frozen cocoon and opened the
door.  Chase was there with my purse.  One look at his face
and I could tell he felt as wretched as I did. 

           
“Em, why didn’t you tell me your purse was in there? 
Do you know how sick I’ve been thinking of you out here in the
cold?  Have you been out here all along?”

           
I blinked.  I was grateful I was even able to do that much.

           
With a muttered curse, Chase pulled me out of the car.  His warm
fingers tingled on my bare arms.  “You’re freezing!”
he exclaimed. 

           
As if I didn’t already know that. 

           
“How could you be so stup—stubborn?”

           
I tried to smile when I realized he had just caught himself from
calling me stupid. 

           
Chase muttered something else under his breath and hurried out of his
tuxedo jacket. 

           
The warm smooth satin of the lining as it slid over my stiff arms was
insanely decadent.  In fact it was the most amazing sensation I
had ever felt. 

           
He pulled me toward him and wrapped his arms around me—giving
me as much body heat as he could.

           
No wait!  This is the most amazing sensation I have ever
felt!  

           
I don’t know if it was the shock of the sudden warmth to my
system, or the chill air outside brushing against my ears and
cheeks--but whatever it was—I began to shiver.  And shiver
bad.  Like, teeth chattering, shivers. 

           
Had I been more aware of myself, I would’ve probably died of
embarrassment—again—but the only thing I could think of
right then was to get warm.

           
“Dang!”  Chase quickly swooped me up in his arms and
slammed my car door shut.  With quick strides he made it to his
truck in seconds.  Before I had even known what hit me, I was in
the passenger side of the cab—still within his arms.  I
was jolted slightly as Chase double-checked the emergency brake,
threw the truck out of gear and started it up.  In moments the
cold air that blasted through the vents and onto us became warm and
comforting. 

           
After a few minutes my shivering slowed down to a faint twitch and I
began to thaw. 

           
“What is it about you?” murmured Chase in my hair after a
long silent pause.

           
“Hmm?” I lazily asked.

           
“I can’t figure out how anyone can be so independent, yet
so needy at the same time.”

Another shudder escaped and I
snuggled closer.  “What would I do without you?” I
asked relishing in the strong, confident heartbeat I felt beneath his
white shirt.

           
“I don’t know.”  He chuckled softy to himself
before he inhaled sharply.  “I’m almost afraid of
leaving again.  I’m not sure you’d be here when I
got back.”

           
Yeah, most likely I’d have killed myself somehow without my
knight to rescue me
.  “What do you care anyway,”
my fingers fiddled with the creased folds in his shirt.

           
“Em, I’m going toPhoenix for awhile, right after
Christmas.”

           
My fingers stilled.  “What?”

           
“I’ve thought about it long and hard the past hour
and—and I need to get away.  There’s just too
much—too much tension here.”

           
Oh my gosh.  I blew it.  He’s leaving because of
me.
  My eyes began to prick with tears I didn’t think
was possible to still have.  “Chase?” I asked before
I knew it would be too difficult to speak.  “Don’t
go.”

           
I felt him inhale against the top of my head again—a deep
ragged breath. “I have to.”

           
One tear fell and I shook my head slightly into his chest.  “No
you don’t.  You don’t.  You promised six
months—you promised—it’s only been three.”

           
“I’ll come back before I head back out to Spain next year
to say goodbye, okay?”

           
The silent tears fell.  I couldn’t help it.  I was
such a wreck.  If I could take back anything—anything it
would be this day. 
Why did I have to find out this day of
all days—the day I was going to ruin everything—that I
loved him? 
I would’ve much rather had him here with
me everyday, not knowing that I loved him, than gone away because I
did and he hated himself for it.  I could see he regretted ever
getting as close to me as he did. 
Why shouldn’t he
hate himself?  I was an immature little baby.  I didn’t
deserve anyone like Chase in my life.  He’s better than
anything I could ever amount to.
 
 
 

           
All at once I wanted him gone—a thousand miles away—but
still here holding me at the same time. 

           
His hands started to trail lightly over my back as he rocked gently
back and forth.  I knew Chase was trying to make me feel better
over the wet tears he could feel beneath his shirt.  I knew it. 
And I tried to be brave, but it didn’t work.  Fresh—heart
wrenching muffled sobs wracked my body.  I struggled to hide
them, but you can’t bawl in someone’s arms and they not
know you for the mess that you are. 

           
“Shh…” was his answering reply.  “Come
on, Ems, don’t do this.  It’s hard enough for me to
leave as it is.”

           
Then don’t go!
  I wanted to scream at him, but
couldn’t.  It would take too much out of me to hear his
rejection again.

           
After awhile—long after my sobs had died down, Chase whispered,
“Come on, buck up.”  I felt his lips rub across my
hair.  “Em?”  He pulled back a little and
kissed my forehead. 

           
Hmm… I liked that.

           
“Emma?”  Tenderly he tugged my shoulders away from
him and found my nose with a kiss.  I held my face up for more
and he was only happy to oblige.  One cheek and then another. 
“You are so beautiful.”

I grinned up at him and opened my
eyes.  “Liar.”  With my tear-stained face I
couldn’t have been uglier if I tried.

           
Cautiously his darkened eyes searched mine.  At first I thought
he was going to change his mind, but then I realized all too soon he
was checking to see if I was okay.  He couldn’t
consciously leave me knowing I was like this. 
Have I always
been able to read him this well? 

           
Bravely I fought back another onslaught of tears as I memorized
his handsome face. 
I love him.  I love him so much!