Emma's Secret (6 page)

Yes, to hear all three of his girls laughing together, this was heaven on earth.

As soon as she could, Megan had escaped from the house, away from her husband and her fears, and drove to the pier. She didn’t blame him, though; she wasn’t sure she understood it herself. Why
did it bother her so much that Emma wouldn’t respond to her name in the same way she responded to that
other
name? Why was she so sensitive to this?

Was Peter right? Was she just looking for a reason not to be happy? Why couldn’t she just accept life as it happened and stop trying to control it?

Megan parked by the old pier and walked along the rugged path. Once she reached the end, she dangled her legs over the water and drank in the stillness. She gazed at the lake, mesmerized by the gentle swells and the way the seagulls dipped down into the water. She breathed deeply, trying to force the calm of the scene before her into her body, but it wasn’t working.

She wished she were as free as the birds above her, without the stress she heaped upon herself. Emma was home. Her family was healing. Why couldn’t she be happy? Because she wanted more. The hope she felt from her morning dream lingered. There had to be more for her, for them.

Earlier she had confessed to Peter that the incident with Emma had scared her. Without asking why, he turned it around and accused her of doing the same thing to their daughter. But he never asked her why she was scared, and to be honest, she wasn’t sure she wanted to admit the answer.

What she needed was a fresh perspective. Someone to help her understand her doubts and worries. And she knew exactly where to go.

Megan climbed to her feet and headed back toward her vehicle. Something was wrong, but she wasn’t sure if it was with her or her daughter.

Megan pushed open the door to Dr. Kathy Graham’s office and glanced around the waiting area. The eight chairs were empty, as well as the coatrack. A small folded sign sat on top of the desk with “Please Be Seated” scrawled across it.

She placed a coffee from the drive-thru on the desk and sat down in one of the chairs, clasping her purse tightly between her fingers. She prayed that coming here was the right decision.

“I’ll be right with you,” Kathy, their family counselor, called out.

Coming here was an impulsive decision made on the pier. Peter would never know.

“Megan, come on in.” Kathy stood in the doorway, wearing a light-blue summer dress with her hair in a ponytail.

“Thanks for seeing me on such short notice.” Megan grabbed the coffee she’d set down on the desk and offered it to Kathy.

Buying Kathy a coffee for seeing her after hours was the least she could do. A tiny seed of doubt wormed its way through Megan. She should have taken the time to calm herself down instead of panicking over something as silly as Emma not responding to her name. It wasn’t a life-or-death situation. Just groundless fears.

Megan followed Kathy into her office, and they both sat down in the leather armchairs. There was something about this office and the way it was decorated, as if it were a room in a friend’s house instead of a doctor’s office. This helped ease some of the tension in Megan’s shoulders. Off to the side, by the large bay windows, were framed drawings that had been made for Kathy. Megan immediately picked out the picture Emma had drawn during the first few weeks she’d been home. It was a picture of a little girl and a dog, sitting in a field with trees all around them. She had drawn large blue swirls indicating a brisk wind that wrapped itself around the little girl. Megan hated that picture even though Emma had been
so proud of it and asked if Kathy could put it on her wall. She hated that Emma had felt so obviously alone and unsettled.

Kathy crossed her legs and sipped her coffee while Megan sat straight in her chair.

“What’s going on?” Kathy asked.

Megan bit her lip as she searched for the right words. Words that wouldn’t make her sound crazy or ungrateful. Words that would convince Kathy that she wasn’t a bad mother for doubting her child.

“I don’t think Emma is really my daughter,” Megan blurted out instead.

She waited for Kathy’s reaction, for the confusion, the worry, and then the doubt that she knew she deserved. She steeled herself, knowing that she’d been foolish to come and admit her fears. Her grip tightened around her purse strap.

“Why is that?”

Megan was surprised to hear the sincerity in Kathy’s voice. She glanced up and saw the concern in Kathy’s gaze. She relaxed a little and set her purse on the floor.

“I know it sounds odd and might not even make sense. But it’s things she says or remembers.”

“What kinds of things? It’s possible she’s confusing early memories with those from living with Jack and Dorothy.”

Megan shook her head. “Why would she respond to being called Emmie and not her real name? It’s not like the two names are completely different. Plus, I thought she would have been more settled and happier by now.” Megan sighed. Was it all her fault? Was she failing her daughter somehow?

Kathy leaned on the armrest. “She still needs time, Megan. This could be Emma’s way of keeping the memory of that life alive.”
Kathy gave a small smile. “Let’s talk about how she’s adjusting. Is she talking more?”

“A bit. She offers more to a conversation now if she’s involved in some way. But…” Megan hesitated.

“Is she talking about things from the farmhouse?”

Maybe it was the way Kathy asked, or the tone of her voice when she asked it, but tears welled up in Megan’s eyes. All she could do was nod.

“Remember, we talked about that. It’s completely normal—healthy even. She’s trying to find ways to involve herself with you. For her, sharing memories still fresh in her mind is one way of doing that. It’s good, Megan.” Kathy leaned forward. “Really, it’s a good sign. She’s engaging more.”

Megan’s brow rose. “So am I being oversensitive? Am I making the whole name thing more than it is?”

The way Kathy crossed her legs and took another sip of her coffee angered Megan. She wasn’t sure what it was—maybe it was how relaxed she appeared or the look in her eye, like she was only appeasing Megan.

“Why would she respond to Emmie and not Emma?” she blurted out. That was the real question, the one that bothered her the most.

Kathy cocked her head and reached for the pad of paper on the small table beside her. “Maybe she was responding to the first few letters of her name, the Em part. It’s possible that’s all she heard.”

Megan shook her head. She leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees. She knotted her fingers together. “No. I called her name repeatedly, but she didn’t hear me. The moment I called her that other name, she did.”

Kathy scribbled some notes down on her sheet, and Megan couldn’t help but wonder whether she was going to suggest that
Megan go on some type of drug again. Just like before. She was not crazy. She knew something was wrong.

“What was she doing before all this happened?”

“Excuse me?”

Kathy set her pad back down on the table and folded her hands together. “Was Emma in the middle of something when you called her name?”

Megan recalled the quiet conversation she’d overheard between Emma and Daisy.

“She was talking about how much she missed
them
. The others.”

She didn’t tell Karen about the fairy lights. She didn’t need to. The way Emma’s eyes lit up when Megan said she could have some in her room confirmed that had been the right thing to say.

“Kathy, she’s been with us now long enough that she should remember what it was like to be part of our family. How much we loved her. I’ve done everything you suggested, and I’m very aware of when Emma’s had enough. I don’t force her to interact with us; I give her as much time as she needs while still accepting her feelings. But…” She hesitated, unwilling to say what she’d feared all along.

Kathy waited.

“It was as if she had been waiting all this time to be called Emmie again.”

P
eter stood at the back door and whistled. Where was that dog? He was ready to relax, maybe start a new book or watch a movie that didn’t contain animated creatures, but he couldn’t do that until everyone was tucked into bed, including Daisy. He had no idea what Megan was doing. How long did she need to take? He wasn’t upset—but a text or phone call would be nice.

He’d already said good night to Hannah and Alexis, but Emma refused to sleep without Daisy, and that was a battle Peter wasn’t willing to fight. Megan was the one who did the kids’ night routine, so he wasn’t sure about Megan’s habits with Emma. But if having the dog by her side meant less hassle for him, he considered that a win-win situation.

His phone vibrated in his pants pocket as Daisy scampered up onto the deck and sat, waiting for Peter to let her in. He pulled out the phone and absentmindedly opened the door for the dog.

He expected it to be a text from Megan letting him know she was on her way home, so he was a bit surprised when he saw it was from Sam.

Still up?

His fingers danced over the keyboard on his phone as he followed Daisy through the house and up the stairs.

Just putting kids to bed. What’s up?

He stood at the top of the stairs and waited for Sam to respond. Something must be wrong for her to text him this late.

Emma’s door was directly on his left. Peter glanced in and saw her lying on the floor beside her bed, coloring. On the other side of the hall was Alex’s room. She was sitting in her bed, earphones on, swaying to a song. She glanced up and waved at him. He held his hand up, fingers splayed.
Five minutes
, he mouthed to her. She nodded before blowing him a kiss. He reached out his hand, pretending to capture the kiss in his hand and holding it to his heart.

“Hey, Dad?” Alexis unplugged her earphones. “When can we go golfing?”

“Soon, hon. I promise.”

“You said that last time I asked.” A pout formed on her face. “You’re never going to take me, are you?”

Peter shook his head. “What? Of course I am.”

“When?”

He wasn’t sure he liked her tone or the defiant look in her eyes.

“You promised once school was over. You even said you’d take some afternoons off and we could go out, just you and me.”

She was right. He did promise that.

“Let me see what I can do to rearrange some meetings, okay?”

She must have been trying to read the honesty in his eyes, because she didn’t say anything for a moment. Then she nodded and put the earphones back in before giving him the thumbs-up.

Okay, then. He returned the gesture and blew her another kiss good night before walking to Hannah’s door. He knocked softly, and when she called out to him, he peeked inside.

“Hey, I love you,” he said as he watched her fluff her pillows behind her head. The beaming smile on her face lit his heart.

“I love you, too, Dad. It was nice to have you home tonight.”

The honesty in her gaze hit him hard. He stepped into the room and sat on the edge of her bed. He reached for her hand and raised it to his lips for a kiss. She giggled, and it brought him back to when she was only a little girl, maybe three years old, who loved pretending she was a princess.

“You’ll always be my little princess, you know.” She was growing up so fast.

Her head tilted to the side as she gazed at him.

“What are you thinking?” He gently squeezed her hand.

She fiddled with her blanket. “Just wondering if you’re happy.” She dropped her gaze.

Peter rubbed his chin as he thought about her remark. Was he happy?

“Right here, right now, I’m more than happy, love. Do you know why?”

Hannah shook her head.

Peter leaned forward. “Because I’m with you.”

He wasn’t prepared for her leap as she threw her arms around his neck and held on tight.

“I love you, Daddy,” Hannah whispered in his ear. Peter stroked her hair and tried to speak through the lump in his throat. His phone vibrated in his pocket, but he ignored it.

“I love you more, princess. I love you more.”