Read Emotional Intelligence 2.0 Online
Authors: Travis Bradberry,Jean Greaves,Patrick Lencioni
Emotional Intelligence 2.0 (7 page)
What people who work with him say:
“If Dave doesn’t see eye-to-eye with someone, he makes it apparent that it’s not worth developing the relationship. I wish that he would still dedicate the time and resources necessary to make a win for the territory. When he feels that a certain person he is working with may not be an ‘ally’ but someone not to be trusted, he will be very clear about his opinion about that person. This has a ripple effect on the people he tells, and it erodes camaraderie. Dave is usually effective when he gets to know people better, and trusts that they are not a threat, but he’ll have to get over this if he wants to keep climbing the ladder.”
“Dave can get over-excited when meeting new people and this can be a good trait, but some people don’t respond to his enthusiasm, and they pull back from him. It makes it hard for them to connect with him. I would like to see Dave work on unifying his team, and dispel the feeling that some decisions are made based on his personal opinion or bias. Too often, people feel as if they’ve had their professional opinion ignored in spite of providing a solid foundation for that opinion.”
“Dave always reacts to people rather than responding to them. To have a strong opinion is fine, but to dismiss others’ thoughts is not. He also needs to tailor his communication style to the person. His approach is nearly always very direct, which can be difficult for some people to handle.”
What people who work with her say:
“Natalie often minimizes a person’s point of view or experience. She justifies bad situations by stating that it could always be worse, you just don’t understand, or you should just get over it. She comes across as blunt and not empathetic, particularly with her subordinates. I want her to be more genuine in her interactions with them, and show a general appreciation for others.”
“Natalie needs to stop finding faults in every situation. It is tiring and de-motivating. She needs to start recognizing people’s achievements. There is a stigma that exists that Natalie is tough, difficult to work for, and unapproachable. She may achieve results, but at the expense of others.”
“I would like to see Natalie avoid making judgmental or negative statements to her team, or others, when her statements add no value. Helping people see what could be done different helps them develop, but her continued negative feedback comes across as her feeling the need to belittle people. People no longer value her input, and at times view it as her need to be seen as superior.”
4
DIGGING IN: MY EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE ACTION PLAN
I
nformation travels between the rational and emotional centers of your brain much as cars do on a city street. When you practice EQ skills, the traffic flows smoothly in both directions. Increases in the traffic strengthen the connection between the rational and emotional centers of your brain. Your EQ is greatly affected by your ability to keep this road well traveled. The more you think about what you are feeling—and do something productive with that feeling—the more developed this pathway becomes. Some of us struggle along a two-lane country road, while others have built a five-lane superhighway. Whether the former or the latter best describes you, there’s always room to add lanes.
nformation travels between the rational and emotional centers of your brain much as cars do on a city street. When you practice EQ skills, the traffic flows smoothly in both directions. Increases in the traffic strengthen the connection between the rational and emotional centers of your brain. Your EQ is greatly affected by your ability to keep this road well traveled. The more you think about what you are feeling—and do something productive with that feeling—the more developed this pathway becomes. Some of us struggle along a two-lane country road, while others have built a five-lane superhighway. Whether the former or the latter best describes you, there’s always room to add lanes.
“Plasticity” is the term neurologists use to describe the brain’s ability to change. Your brain grows new connections much as your biceps might swell if you started curling heavy weights several times a week. The change is gradual, and the weight becomes easier and easier to lift the longer you stick to your routine. Your brain can’t swell like your biceps since it’s confined by your skull, so instead the brain cells develop new connections to speed the efficiency of thought without increasing its size.
As you apply the strategies from the remaining chapters to increase your EQ skills, the billions of microscopic neurons lining the road between the rational and emotional centers of your brain will branch off small “arms” (much like a tree branch) to reach out to the other cells. A single cell can grow 15,000 connections with its neighbors. This chain reaction of growth ensures the pathway of thought responsible for the behavior grows strong, making it easier to kick this new resource into action in the future.
A single cell can grow 15,000 connections with its neighbors. This chain reaction of growth ensures the pathway of thought responsible for the behavior grows strong, making it easier to kick this new resource into action in the future.
You’ll have to practice the strategies repeatedly before they’ll become your own. It can require tremendous effort to get a new behavior going, but once you train your brain it becomes a habit. If you typically yell when you are feeling angry, for example, you have to learn to choose an alternative reaction. You must practice this new reaction many times before it will replace the urge to yell. In the beginning, doing something other than yelling when you are angry will be extremely difficult. But each time you succeed, the new pathway is strengthened. Eventually the urge to yell is so small that it’s easy to ignore. Studies have demonstrated a lasting change in EQ more than six years after new skills were first adopted.
The Emotional Intelligence Action Plan that follows will help you to focus your efforts more effectively as you explore and apply the EQ strategies in the remaining chapters. Follow these steps to complete your Emotional Intelligence Action Plan:
1.
Transfer your
Emotional Intelligence Appraisal
®
scores onto part one (My Journey Begins) of your Emotional Intelligence Action Plan on page 56.
Go ahead and write right on the pages of this book.
2.
Pick an EQ skill to work on.
The human mind can focus effectively on one EQ skill at a time. Even the most ambitious people should trust that working diligently on a single skill will take you far—your ability in other EQ skills will piggyback on your efforts. Your feedback report from the
Emotional Intelligence Appraisal
® test recommends a skill for you to start with. You may choose a skill on your own instead, but we recommend you don’t start with relationship management if you scored lower than 75 in all four EQ skills.
3.
Pick three strategies to begin using for your chosen skill.
Your feedback report from the
Emotional Intelligence Appraisal
® recommends specific strategies from this book based on an analysis of your score profile. Feel free to choose from these recommendations, or choose different strategies from the strategies chapter for your chosen skill.
4.
Choose an EQ mentor.
Find someone who is gifted in your chosen EQ skill, and ask this person if he or she is willing to offer you feedback and guidance at regular intervals during your journey. Be certain to set up a regular meeting time, and write this person’s name in your action plan.
5.
Keep the following in mind as you apply your chosen strategies:a.
Expect success, not perfection.
When it comes to developing new EQ skills, perfection means you aren’t pushing yourself hard enough. You’ll need to continue to catch yourself when your emotions get the best of you, if you want to keep improving.b.
Practice, practice, practice.
Sheer quantity of practice is the real secret to increasing your EQ skills. Practice your EQ strategies as often as you can, in a variety of situations, and with all types of people.c.
Be patient.
When you work to improve your EQ, it will take a few months to realize a lasting change. Most people see measurable, enduring changes three to six months after they begin working on a skill.
6.
Measure your progress.
Once you’ve made sufficient progress in the EQ skill you selected for part one of your action plan, go online and take the
Emotional Intelligence Appraisal
®
a second time. Complete part two of the action plan.
List your scores from the
Emotional Intelligence Appraisal
®
test below.
Emotional Intelligence Appraisal
®
test below.
| Score | |
| Overall EQ: | ________ |
| Self-awareness: | ________ |
| Self-management: | ________ |
| Social Awareness: | ________ |
| Relationship Management: | ________ |
Which of the four core emotional intelligence skills will you work on first? Circle your chosen skill in the image below.
Review the strategies for the EQ skill you selected, and list up to three that you will practice below.
1.
2.
3.
Who do you know who is gifted in your chosen EQ skill and willing to provide feedback and advice throughout your journey?
My EQ mentor is: ______________________________
After you take the
Emotional Intelligence Appraisal
® test a second time, list your new and old scores below.
Emotional Intelligence Appraisal
® test a second time, list your new and old scores below.
Based on the results explained in your
Emotional Intelligence Appraisal
® feedback report, where will you focus your skill development efforts going forward? Pick a new EQ skill and circle it in the image below.
Emotional Intelligence Appraisal
® feedback report, where will you focus your skill development efforts going forward? Pick a new EQ skill and circle it in the image below.
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