Emotionally Compromised (Emotionally Compromised Series) (10 page)

"Yes. Your way of caring is."

"Well, I'm sorry for not being sorry!" He gets snarky again. "I'm right, aren't I? Jeremy Hunt, you have the hots for him. I mean I don't blame yo
—
"

"Would you shut up
, Derek? If you're a friend, support me. Don't go attacking me in front of the chief because you want what you can't have. Just be my friend.
Please
. I want you back as a friend, but you do nothing but make it impossible!" I get up from my seat, exasperated with the conversation. "I've got to go, Derek. I obviously have some explaining to do with Alvarado."

As if resigned
to his defeat, he slumps in his chair. Before letting me leave, he says, "Ey, Turner, do you like him?"

I freeze for a moment with my back to him, thinking long and hard about how to respond. Then
, without turning around, because I do not want to see the look in his eyes, I respond, "Yeah, I actually do." With that, I shut the door behind me, leaving him to think about it.

He has to know I wouldn't be doing this if it
weren't important to me.

Overwhelmed

ALEX TURNER

I take a deep breath as I walk toward Alvarado's office. I can't help but peer back behind me seeing (hoping) Derek might be trailing after me, but he isn't. He is still sitting in that room
, soaking in my words. Maybe this can be a good thing. Maybe this is the only way to get him to understand. We have a tough love sort of friendship, so maybe it is a test. God dammit, I hope we can ace it, because right now, I need him. I fear the wrath of Alvarado, and Derek would be a nice support system. I need my best friend.

As I approach the door, I notice the blinds to the
chief's office are closed. Obviously, he means for this meeting to be private.

I knock twice before entering. I amble inside and find Alvarado waiting for me with his arms folded on his desk, staring at me.

"Hello, sir." Man, am I nervous.

"Take a seat
, Agent Turner." He waves toward the green leather chair in front of his mahogany desk.

I take a seat and gulp down a breath, bracing for a verbal pummeling.

"So, Turner, let's cut the shit."

Without even
thinking, I say, "Of course, sir."

He chuckles at my response. "You look pale as a ghost. Take a deep breath. I am not going to go ballistic, but you have to know that I am upset at some of your decision making lately."

My brows furrow. Is he talking about what I think he is?

"I know you are seeing Jeremy Hunt."

Oh, there you are, embarrassment! I thought I was never going to see you again.

"Sir, I am sorry
—
"

"I told you we were going to cut the shit. You better be sorry, but I might be the one being sorry."

Confusion floods my face. "So, you're not mad?"

With eerie calm
, he says, "I am fucking pissed. You let your hormones compromise your assignment."

"I know
, sir, but—"

"Stop. I know this past year has been rough, and I don't want to distract you with what you have done wrong. You have your
LLAT exam tomorrow, don't you?"

My eyes go wide, curious where this is going. "Yes
, sir, I do."

"I don't want to make you feel like shit about your decisions
... well, at least not until after that exam anyway."

He has the audacity to chuckle, and oddly
enough, I laugh too.
Is this OK?

"You need to buck up and get a grip. I know what is going on. I know you and Matthews are no longer dating, obviously, and I think it is better that way, but you need to get him under control. I am making that your responsibility. You two are my best team, and if you can't fix this on your own
, I don't want to have to do something drastic."

My stomach plummets. I don't want to lose my partner.

"Do you understand, Turner? You and Matthews need to become a team again, not a divorced couple always at each other’s throats. You two care a lot about each other, and I think that is what makes you two so great for this agency. I would hate to see all that thrown away because neither of you could keep it in your pants."

I want to argue, but I bite my tongue. Alvarado's eyebrows rise as he waits for my nerves to calm.

"Aside from your personal trysts, you have gone above and beyond all your physical and written exams. I hope that, coupled with your potential success with tomorrow's test, I can help you move forward here." I let a smile spread across my face. His lips twitch upward briefly, harboring a secret, but only for a fraction of second before he returns to his stern demeanor. "Take it easy, Turner. Your success here is also going to depend on how you manage your current assignment. Let's not forget why we are here, shall we? Sometimes I think you and Matthews need to be reminded from time to time that this world has more to deal with than your personal drama, do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal, sir."

"Good. So, tell me about Jeremy Hunt."

The statement knocks the wind out of my lungs
. "Excuse me?"

"Tell me about Hunt. You have started a relationship with him, have you not?"

I chew my lip, and instead of answering, I nod, embarrassed.

"Does he know anything about us?"

This question is a test. He knows that poor decisions or not, I am not about to compromise the assignment entirely. "No. He still thinks I am a waitress, but I did give him my real name.” My gut knots as I realize how foolish I sound.

A deep laugh escapes his lips in mock approval
. "Well, I am glad you could at least stick to one element of this assignment, Turner, but your name? Really? You’re lucky this part of the assignment forgives that error."

The comment makes me wince. I try to stutter an apology, but he
cuts me off.

"You’re telling me he has no idea who you really are though? He thinks he is dating a waitress?"

My face heats, and I am beginning to fathom the trouble I am in with Jeremy. "Yes, sir."

Alvarado's demeanor shifts from mean to fatherly
. "He is not going to be too happy hearing his new girlfriend has been lying to him, is he?"

I feel nauseated. "No
, sir. Actually, I fear he is going to be quite upset with me." I can't bear to look the chief in the eye anymore. I slump and turn my attention to my fiddling hands in my lap.

"You're right, and finding out that his best friend is using his money and company to start a war isn't going to sit well with him either."

I didn't even consider the world shift that would occur for Jeremy when he learns the truth. This is much bigger than I realized.

"I hope that puts all this shit into perspective for you. I have an order for you, and you are not going to like it. I wish I didn't have to ask you to do this
."

I am confused again. "What are you saying
, sir?"

"Do you think Hunt, after being told the truth about what is going on with Sunscape and the company he keeps, will want to help us?"

I ponder the question. Jeremy seems to be the type of man who would fight for the greater good, and would want to help. On the other hand, I bet he has a spiteful side too.

I whip my head back up to look into Alvarado's waiting eyes. "Sir, I honestly don't know. I think reflexively Jeremy Hunt is good natured enough to want to be helpful and agreeable, but a part of me worries that he might lose it."

"I agree. But we have to try. Our surveillance team came across an e-mail from Gibbs's lab for an extra shipment of some highly suspicious supplies, and I worry that we are running out of time. I want to use your relationship for this case."

The last statement is deafening. I let silence hang in the air as I try to grasp what he said. "Sir, you
—what?"

"I want to use you and Jeremy, together, to get to Marcus Gibbs. Just like the plan before, I want you to be included in their inner circle
. Go to events, attend parties, whatever it is that they all do in order to get close to Gibbs. Since it doesn’t seem connecting with Gibbs directly was working for you. Using Hunt indirectly will be more unpredictable, and overall, it could potentially make it easier to get to Gibbs. You will be able observe who Gibbs is talking to. Hunt might even have some insight on who he keeps close. Who knows what details might help us. And with Jeremy on board, Agent Matthews can gain access to the lab to get the hard evidence. I don’t want to watch this case unfold. I don’t even want that disease making it to customs. I want to stop it at the source in Gibbs's lab. Stopping this before it happens is imperative. Do you understand me?”

I nod
, finding his words are crystal.

“I need someone in that inner circle to keep an eye on things. I need you to become friends with Marcus Gibbs, and I want you to use Jeremy Hunt as the connector."

Oh fuck. This is bad, really bad. Gibbs is not going to want to see my face.

"Can you manage this
, Agent Turner? I know we asked you to seduce Gibbs, but maybe friends is a better angle. I don't care what it takes; you need to get this done."

"Yes
, sir. I think I can manage this." A troubling thought hits me. "What if Jeremy does not want to be cooperative ... with me, I mean?"

He shakes his head as if I am crazy. "I think you can be quite persuasive. How about we cross that bridge when we come to it?"

I take in a deep breath.
OK, I guess
. "Yes, sir."

"Bring Hunt in tomorrow. I will brief him, and then you can tell him the details. It seems you might have more explaining to do than the rest of us. I trust you will make the right decisions from now on. I will brief Matthews, and inform Hunt Sr. He’ll need
notification, being the current authorization with Sunscape. All you have to do is get Hunt here tomorrow, and we will work from there."

I feel like my eyes are going to bug out of my head as the looming future becomes far too real for words. "Yes
, sir."

"You are dismissed
, Turner."

"Yes
, sir." I climb out of my seat and head to the door.

"And Agent Turner?"

I turn around only slightly. "Chief?"

"Off the record
... try not to break any hearts—or your own."

I can't help but smile, and I almost want to say
, "Thanks, Dad," seeing as I never really had one, but instead, I say, "Of course, sir." I exit his office with mixed feelings.

Happy: because this might actually work out.

Sad: because I fear Jeremy will run away and leave me.

Excited:
for this case, and its potential.

Worried:
about Jeremy because this case is more serious than he may realize—it's dangerous.

Overwhelmed: I have to somehow manage my flawed relationship, save the world, and pass my
LLAT exam.

Fuck.

Physical Delegations

ALEX TURNER

I stumble into the sparring room. Grace is not something the federal government focused on in my training
, but I have a lot on my mind.

Earlier, I sat in the locker room for twenty minutes in a daze after receiving a text from Jeremy:

I hope your
studying is going well. I want to tell you I can't stop thinking about you, but I am worried it's too soon. ;)

Did I really receive a wink face from Jeremy? I blush just thinking about it. Oh, man. And no, Jeremy, it is not too soon. I can't stop thinking about you either.

I don't have the guts to send him a text back
, and it pains me to know why. All I want to do is run back to his apartment to see him.

I sigh, putting those thoughts aside, and realize I have to confront a lot of
emotions about my current predicament with life, love, and work.

Both meetings this morning went better than I could have hoped.
The negative person inside me wanted Alvarado to tell me to drop the relationship, work the case, and not to get emotionally involved because it might save some people a whole lot of heartache. Instead, he found it useful to the investigation. Why does that frustrate me?

Isn't that what you wanted all along
, Agent Turner? There is no pleasing you.

It's weird to be happy with the situation yet be angry that I even got into it in the first place. I tried so hard to run
, and Jeremy wouldn't let me. The thought makes me smile. He makes me smile. I miss him. I should call him. I want to see him.
Ergh.
I shake my head to clear my thoughts and focus..

I wander up to a vacant punching bag and begin my assault.
I have been craving this release since before those meetings. Maybe even since Jeremy wouldn't take no for an answer Saturday afternoon.

I plunge my fist into the firm punching bag.
Relief washes over me as I continue to pummel. This is who I am. Not that fluffy, lust-filled adolescent. This is the Agent Turner I know. Maybe there is more than toughness? I am not sure yet. I am still trying to figure that part out.

What am I supposed to do?
Continue this relationship with Jeremy? I don't want to have these doubts, I really don't,
but he is going to be mad when these floodgates open and he realizes that I lied. I know it’s early to feel frantic, but I’d prefer not lose him. And now we want to use him in the case.

When I bring him in tomorrow to explain everything, how will he react? Will he leave me? Will he even want to help? The information will be overwhelming for him
; I know it. He has no idea what is coming. This ticking time bomb is killing me. I am scared that after all this, after I gave in and made myself vulnerable, that he will leave me to deal with the pain.

"Care to let your aggression out on the person you're really mad at?" someone whispers in my ear.

I fling myself around, and Derek's flirty eyes greet me. He is dressed in his tight work out tank and low-hanging basketball shorts.

"Excuse me?" is the only thing I can muster.

"Want to spar with me? Like old times? I know it's me who you'd really like to punch anyway ... though I'd like to see you try."

"You're right, getting the chance to knock you one would be a better form of therapy
."

He backs away, hands in the air defensively as he leads me onto the mat in the center of the room
. "I'm glad to see you are still the spitfire that you were this morning. Come on; don't forget that I'm the one who taught you everything you know."

An unfortunate truth.

I walk up to him, hands raised to block a potential blow. I sigh, unsure of what this is all about. "What are we doing, Derek?" Sometimes I think we have too much history.

Predictably, he jabs with his right fist, signaling the start of the fight. "We are settling our differences right here, right now."

I smile and fake left, jabbing his shoulder. My first hit. "You really want to settle this like old times? Do you think that's such a good idea?" I goad.

He catches me off guard and jabs me in the gut, causing me to gasp. "I think it's a great idea
.” He smirks. It makes me angry.

I swing toward his face, and miss as he backs out of the way.

"Ugh!" I shout.

"Don't fight angry, Turner
. How many times do I have to tell you that? Have you learned nothing?" He is teasing me.

"But you like to make me angry, like everybody else."

"Well you look so damn cute when you're mad."

The patronizing statement frustrates me, and I swing again, surprising him. My hand playfully grazes his chin. I smile, appreciating the look of shock on his face. "See what happens when you make me mad though?"

He bites his lip to show his frustration. "This is how we are playing, then?" I nod, confirming that the game is on.

We circle each other on the mat, arms raised. I don't like to play defensive
so I propel myself forward, but my fist goes rushing past his abdomen as he steps out of the way.
Argh!

"Patience
, Turner, have I taught you nothing?" he repeats, and punches me hard in the shoulder. I gasp, getting angrier by the second.

"Are we going to talk about our issues? Or are we just going to beat the shit out of each other?" I fling myself forward and punch him in the gut. He stumbles, but for some reason
, he still smiles. "You sound like you have something you want to say, Derek. I thought we had said it all?"

Derek laughs but lunges at me, wrapping his arm around my neck, putting me in a headlock
. "With you I always have tons to say, but you never let me get a word in edgewise." He playfully knocks me across my face to show how easy it would be to punch me. I yelp in surprise, and he releases me.

"Well shoot, Matthews, I'm all ears."

I block a quick left hook as he says, "How do you expect your relationship with Hunt to work? He can never protect you. What about your job? It can't be the money with what Alvarado has us salaried on, so what is it?"

His remarks sting. "My relationship is not
open for your judgmental, high-handed questions," I hiss. I swing, nailing him in the lower abdomen and knocking the wind out of him again.

"Obviously
, this isn't the best topic." He grips his stomach as he leans over his legs, while his lips curve wryly. He is enjoying this, the sicko. "Can't we just be friends? This is me being your friend."

I huff with laughter
. "I would believe you, but you are the one going back and forth. You can't tell me you want me, and then stroll in here all jokes and jabs, expecting us to be best friends again. It is your fault we are in this predicament. I am the one who wants us to be OK. I need you there as a friend right now, don't you get that?"

His eyebrows furrow with frustration
, and he swings, nailing me right in the boob.
Ow
. "How many fucking times do I have to say I'm sorry, Turner? I fucked up; I get it. I regret it every day. I'm fumbling here, Alex. I'm just doing what I know."

Confused, I raise an eyebrow
. "And what's that?"

"Beating the shit out of you
." He laughs and kicks my feet from under me. I slam onto the floor, the wind rushing out of my lungs. "It's the only way we know, Alex," he finishes.

Ain't that the
truth?

Lying flat on my
back, I try to get up but Derek straddles me, pinning my arms above my head. I thrash my legs, trying to move his iron body off me. My muscles tense as I growl. "Derek, stop it!"

"I win!"
He smirks.

"No
," I shout. I still my body for a moment, looking up at him.

His
strong arms pin mine, showing his power and skill. "You are still just a
girl.
"

The statement pierces my body. I fume.

I am not just a girl, and I can kick this guy's ass.

The adrenaline in my veins
spikes, and I catch him off guard by swinging my legs behind him. He loses his grip on my arms, and I fling him backward. He lands on his back. I swing over, landing on top of him. The air leaves his lungs.
Nice.

I am the one smiling this time
. "And you are obviously still just a
boy.
"

I lightly slap his face, toying with him. He
grins, and for some reason, so do I. He's not even close to being a man, and this boy needs to mature. He may look the part, but he sure as hell doesn't act it.

"I want you
." That was the last thing I expected to hear. He says it like an errant child. As if he doesn't get his way, he might throw a tantrum. What is it with men thinking they can demand things?

"Ugh!" I shout and get
off him. "Derek, please stop this! I meant it. Grow the fuck up." I turn on my heels and make my way out of the gym, feeling defeated and unproductive.

How am I supposed to fix
my friendship with Derek if he won't even try? I don't want Alvarado to do anything drastic. I need Derek.

I won the physical battle
, but it feels like I lost the overall war. Nothing resolved, of course.

On the other hand, how am I supposed to look up to him as my leader if he's going to act like this? He is right, he has taught me or at least had a hand in everything I know, but you fuck the boss and it all goes to hell.

I stop halfway to the locker room, lean against the wall, and sigh. He was my friend first, and that's what I miss more. The relationship was good when things were good, but I miss having someone to call for no apparent reason. Someone who would understand my silly ramblings—a best friend. Life with this job is lonely, and good friends are hard to find. I know he is struggling with it as much as I am, but ...

"How do we fix this?" I lift my head
. Derek is standing there, and I am pleased we can at least count on being on the same mental wavelength, exhausting as it is.

I shrug
. "I don't know. You make it difficult."

"Back at you
, babe."

I shut my eyes
, because the word babe is too endearing. It makes me think of Jeremy, and I am flooded with all my doubts and unknown emotions. I don't like Derek using that word with me.

I open my eyes
, and Derek has taken two steps closer to me, his arm outstretched in a handshake. "Truce, Agent Turner?"

"Huh?"

"I need to make myself clear, and then maybe we can move on. We always get caught up in the miscellaneous details."

Are we really about to finally have a serious conversation about this?

He continues. "Maybe you're right. I am just a boy. It hurts to admit it, but, like you, I don't know how to deal with emotions. I see you struggling with them too, especially with Jeremy. It's all over your face. You like him, and I have to get it ... and I will. I just miss everything. Of course, a part of me regrets every day making that dumb mistake with Ashley—my fault! I know, doesn't mean I don't wish I couldn't change it."

"Derek, please
." I want to stop him but I don't know why.

"Let me finish
. … I miss
us
. It was fun. And when I say I miss us, I mean I miss us pre-everything
.
I miss beating you to a playful pulp in the gym, I miss calling you when Alvarado is at my throat for shit you did, and I miss thinking clearly around you. The sex was good." He pauses, grinning like a dumb teenager, reflecting on it. "Well, it was great actually." I roll my eyes at his statement, and he smiles but continues, "But I wish we could be how we were before all that. I don't like complicated. I don't want us to be complicated. It's exhausting."

His words are a relief
, and I knock his outstretched hand out of the way and leap into a hug.

"Since when do you hug?" he sputters, as he wraps his arms around me.

Maybe I've changed due to my touchy-feely weekend.

I pull away
, smiling. "Thank you."

He snorts
. "For what?"

"For telling me that. It's what I want too. If you mean it
, then we can start now ... fresh."

He thinks for a moment, and it's almost as if he is deciding to say something but chooses not to, and instead goes with, "Fresh sounds perfect."

I nod and I am happy again. My frustration over this morning's encounter is slipping away. Kind of.

A smirk plays on my lips.

"What are you thinking?" he asks.