Empathy (8 page)

I WALK UP THE STAIRS and take my seat in creative writing, waiting for Sean to make his appearance. He’s the guy I got partnered with when Melody didn’t show for the assignment. She’s been AWOL for over two weeks and hasn’t replied to any of my texts. I wonder if she dropped out.

“Hey, man,” Sean says as he sits next to me in Melody’s seat. I tilt my head in acknowledgment. “You want to hit a bar with me tonight?”

I look over at him. His wavy blond hair sits neatly against his forehead and his pale green eyes have a look of innocence. I know he’s gay, even if he tries hard not to show it. I caught him checking me out when I had him over to work on our project.

“Will there be willing women at this bar?” I ask and he flinches slightly.

“Isn’t there always? We are in college,” he replies, his voice losing enthusiasm.

The door swings open and Melody saunters in. Her brown hair shields her face from view but her presence is unmistakable. She walks over to our T.A who has been running this class. He smiles softly at her while speaking in a hushed tone and places a hand on her shoulder in a comforting gesture. She nods and turns towards the stairs. Tucking her hair behind her ear she looks up at me. There’s something different about her. She’s lost weight and her eyes hold… grief. She makes her way up the stairs, her jean skirt giving me a wonderful view of her toned legs. Reaching my seat she looks at Sean who doesn’t hesitate to shift over, leaving the seat next to me empty for her.

“Thank you,” she says, and slides into the seat he vacated. “I’m so sorry I missed our assignment arrangement.”

“I texted you.”

“My phone got misplaced. I haven’t caught up with messages and things yet.” I search her eyes for the truth and that’s what I see. Truth and sorrow. “I’ve had a really shitty couple of weeks, Ryan. I could use a friend right now so can you just accept that I wouldn’t deliberately ignore you and let me make it up to you?”

I raise an eyebrow. “Make it up to me how?”

I half smile and she relaxes. “Get your mind out of the gutter. I’ll buy you lunch and drinks if you agree to come out with me to get trashed tonight.”

“Find a way to reply to me in future.” I narrow my eyes at her, watching her shocked expression for a second before I relax my features. “My mind likes the gutter, and you’re on. Sean and I were just talking about hitting a club tonight.”

She turns to Sean. “Do you mind me tagging along?”

He studies her for a few minutes then looks at me. “Of course not. The more the merrier.”

She turns and nods at me. “Thank you.”

I want to ask her why her week was so bad but I don’t. We all like to keep secrets and have dark corners in our minds that don’t need anyone shining light on. I can see her eyes have darkened; maybe hers are even darker than mine. She’s troubled, haunted and I want to delve into her darkness and swim in her hurt, but I’ll wait.

The rest of the class passes quickly, Melody never once touching pen to paper. “Where are we going for lunch?” I ask as we leave the class.

“Melody!” Clive calls out her name and she turns. “What happened to you last night? I went back for you.”

She shrugs. “I went home. I got tired.”

His narrowed eyes in my direction cause a curve in my lip, my smile taunting him. Taking her wrist he gently coaxes her away from me but she pulls free.

“Listen, Clive. I thought I made myself clear last night when your hands groped my ass and I told you I’m not interested.”

He glares at her. “Then why did you come to the party with me?”

“Because it was a party and I wanted to have fun. Just because I went to a party with you two,” she gestures to Clive and his wannabe boyfriend, “doesn’t mean it was an invitation to grope me.”

She turns and leaves him heaving with anger. I follow her and sling my arm over her shoulder, just to wind him up further. She notices the cast peeking out of my shirt and wrapping around my thumb. “Shit. What happened?”

I smirk and point behind her. “He happened. He tripped me on some stairs.”

She turns to glare at the shrinking figure of Clive. “That son of a bitch!” Sean has fallen in step next to me and he chuckles.

“So, just so we’re clear on this, just because you’re coming out with us that doesn’t mean we can freely grope your ass?” I ask with a straight face, earning a slap to my chest and a giggle. It’s a pretty sound but a thunder storm rolls into her eyes, making her laugh falter and stop abruptly. She is probably the only female I’ve ever been around for longer than five minutes and not got bored of. I don’t like the company of women… or men really. It’s hard to find someone on my intellectual level. People enrage me but there are a rare few who intrigue.

She looks between Sean and me and lifts a shoulder. “Depends how many drinks you buy me.”

We both laugh, only mine is for show. “Didn’t you agree you’re buying the drinks?”

She smiles. “Does that mean I get to grope your asses?”

Sean pushes the door to the exit and gives her a wink. “Hey I’m cheap. If you’re buying, grope away. Oh, and I heard Clive got arrested last night for drunk driving.”

I look at Sean. “How is he out so fast?”

He shrugs. “His dad is a lawyer, a good one.” Of course he is. “Frankie’s diner?” Sean asks as we exit the building. I look at Melody and she nods.

“Sure,” I say. I don’t care where I eat. I eat to fuel my body, not for the pleasure of the taste.

We slide into a booth and order burgers, fries and shakes.

“So how was your trip? You went home, right?” I ask.

Melody’s eyes shine like polished glass, the color drains from her face and she fidgets, twisting her hands together. Her eyes flick to the front door as the bell chimes, her breathing increases.
Panic attack
. I turn and watch a couple of officers enter. I know them as Ryes and Mills, they’re friends of Blake. I nod my head towards them. They walk to our table and I look back at Melody. Her eyes are trained on them as they come closer, her head subtly shakes. I reach out for her as a hand lands on my shoulder.

“Hey, Ry. How’s school?” Ryes asks. Melody shifts in her seat and her breathing becomes more controlled.

“Usual.”

He looks at my hand grasping Melody’s and grins. “We’re having a barbeque a week on Saturday. Your brother will be there. You should come. Bring your girl.”

“Excuse me, I need the bathroom,” Sean murmurs.

I scoot out to let him pass and watch as he walks to the bathroom running his hands through his hair. Melody follows my eyes and smiles.

“We’ll see,” I reply.

The waitress appears, setting our drinks down.

“Well, good to see you. Stay out of trouble.” Ryes laughs, pats my shoulder and leaves us.

“You okay?” I ask Melody.

She smiles nervously. “How do you know police officers?”

“My brother is one.”

She nods but she’s gone somewhere in her mind. I want to pry. I want to be in there seeing what she’s seeing, thinking. I want to question her but I don’t. I live in my head a lot and hate people knocking at the door I never want to open in front of witnesses.

“Hey, can I get in?” Sean asks, coming back to the table.

Ha! Good timing. I move over and let him slide in.

WHEN RYAN ASKED IF I went home, flashes of my parents filled my mind. Then the police officers entered the diner, my mind connected the two and I thought I was going to pass out. Darkness closed in around me as they came closer. Ryan’s hands grounded me. I was grateful he didn’t pry into my total freak out. Everything reminds me of them, waking up and not receiving my dad’s daily inspirational texts. Something as simple as pulling my clothes on reminds me of the shopping trip Mom took me on to buy them. Making breakfast reminds me I will never taste her home cooking again. My car reminds me of Dad. The smell of the warm air as the sun graces the surface, heating the concrete, reminds me of summer vacations. I can’t escape them and I need to because with every good memory of them comes the memory of their ugly deaths, their pain, their fear. My pain, my fear. I can’t believe their killer touched me. The hands that stole the lives of the only two people I loved held my life in his palm and didn’t take it. Unless he did, and this is what hell is.

I swipe the stray tear that leaks down my cheek. I need to numb it out. My phone chimes to alert me to missed calls and texts from Markus. I can’t believe he uploaded his number before finally giving me back my phone.

“I need you here.”

“You’re being a brat.”

“I need the codes to the safe.”

“The lawyers won’t speak to me. They say Dad’s lawyer is on vacation”

He makes me want to scream and tear at his flesh until he feels some kind of pain. How can he be so cold and selfish?

I throw my phone on the desk. My dorm room offers no comfort. My dad paid for me to have my own room so I would be alone, and God, I really am alone. Empty space like my ever-growing empty life. I haven’t made any friends except for Ryan, and my friends at home have all flown the nest and are out living their lives. I haven’t even heard from Zane.
Home.
I guess it isn’t home anymore, it’s a crime scene. A grave, a nightmare that has imprinted itself onto every memory I have of that house.

The guy from the party, the one who knocked me on my ass that day, is the one thing I grab onto. When my thoughts stray, I think of him and how shocked I was at how rude someone could be. I memorized every detail so I can focus only on bumping into him that day. His earthy scent, the baritone of his voice, the structure of his stance; that’s how I knew it was him at the party, and then he turned out to be an even bigger asshole then I first thought. I can’t believe I lost my inhibitions and kissed him. He’s beautiful up close but his eyes are guarded. Urgh! Why does he have to be a contradiction?

I grab my wash kit to take a shower. I let the tears fall, hoping they will take the emptiness with them. I feel so lost, willing myself to melt into the water and let it carry me away as it runs down the drain and out to sea. Lonely is more than a feeling, it’s a manifestation weighing heavily on my heart, a burden crushing, suffocating me, consuming my thoughts.
You’re all alone, you have no one. You are no one’s
. It’s on my skin, coating me in a cold, clammy mist, taking my warmth. Why would someone do this? Why them? Why me? Why?
I need to shut my brain off.

I towel myself dry and slip into skinny jeans, a black tank top and biker boots. I dry and straighten my hair, leaving my face free of makeup. My feet carry me in a haze to the bar, my mind functioning on auto pilot, commanding myself to stop thinking, to just exist.

By the time Ryan and Sean arrive I’m drinking my fourth shot. I wave them over to the bar and signal for the bartender to refill.

“Hey, you started without us?” Sean asks.

I grin, the warmth of the alcohol taking the chill from my haunted spirit.

“Yep, so you better catch up.” I slap the bar and throw another shot back. The bartender raises an eyebrow and cocks his head to Ryan.

“Yeah, fill her up,” Ryan tells him.

I scowl at the bartender; he’s cute with messy blond hair, defined arms, and blue eyes. “I don’t need permission,” I warn him with a glare and hand my credit card to him. “Keep them coming.”

He smiles and takes my card, wrapping his hand over mine, keeping my attention on him. “I was just looking out for you, sweetheart. You’ve had quite a few, you’ll be numb soon if you keep this up.”

I pull my hand back. “That’s the plan.”

The humid air sticks to me, thick with sweat and the essence of sexual tension and alcohol. The thumping baseline from the DJ, Sean and Ryan’s hands encompassing my hips, one in front one behind, veils out all other thoughts. I’m floating on a cloud of intoxication.

“Let’s go back to my place,” Ryan shouts in my ear.

He grabs my hand, and my feet follow as he pulls me through the club. The fresh air hits my face and fills my lungs. My head swims, my vision blurs, and my legs feel like they are made of jello. A giggle erupts from my chest and then turns into chest-shaking sobs. “Hey, shh. What’s wrong?” I know its Ryan cooing in my ear and I let the comfort of his closeness engulf me. My eyelids flutter closed.