End of the Alphabet

RUBY YARROW is 14 and she’s the good girl who helps her mum. She cooks, she looks after the little ones and she would rather do all the work herself than make her brother Max help as he’s meant to. That’s okay with Ruby because she knows her mum loves her and relies on her. But it’s not okay with Ruby’s best friend Tia. ‘You know what, Ruby Yarrow,’ Tia yells, ‘I’m not talking to you until you stop being a doormat.’

That gets to Ruby. But how do you stop being a doormat? How do you get some backbone and start standing up for yourself? She can’t even get her own bedroom, so why does she think she could get accepted for the school trip to Brazil?

But Tia has made her start thinking — and things will never be the same again for Ruby. Or her family.

I stood back to let Tia go first into my bedroom. She was going to yell — right about … now.

‘Ruby Yarrow! What’s going on? Why are the kids’ beds in
your
room?’ She faced me and her hands were jammed on her hips. Not a good sign. Her dark eyes were spitting sparks too.

I pushed her into the room. ‘Calm down.’ I was glad the rest of the family weren’t home to hear her. ‘It makes sense. Max has to do homework, and he can’t with them there.’ The words sounded weak, even to me.

Tia stuck her face close to mine. ‘I know exactly what happened! Max was all calm and reasonable. He pulled the homework excuse. Your mum looked worried. Then she looked at you and said,
Ruby — would you mind?
’ Tia took a huge breath and yelled, ‘And stupid you! You cave every time!’

I stepped back and rubbed my ears. I didn’t look at her because she was right. That was exactly what had happened.

Tia said, ‘Why didn’t Calvin stop him?’

Calvin was Max’s and my stepdad.

Tia held up a hand. ‘Don’t tell me! He waited till Calvin wasn’t here. Didn’t he?’

I nodded. Calvin took the little ones to visit their gran every month. We lived in Napier and she lived in Waipawa and they stayed there all day.

‘So he doesn’t even know about it yet?’ I shook my head. She stared around the room. ‘You’ve even bloody turned it into the kids’ room.’

Yeah. I had. I’d taken down my pictures and photos, put up Davey’s big rig pictures and Theo’s Wiggles posters.

Tia hadn’t finished with me. She sat down on my bed. ‘You’d better watch out. You’ll disappear if you don’t stand up for yourself.’

I sighed and plonked myself down on Davey’s bed. Theo’s roll-away was under it. They were where I used to keep my work table. ‘I know. Tia, I
know
all that. But what can I do? Max is right, he does need to study.’

‘And you don’t?’ she shot back.

‘No.’ It didn’t matter how hard I tried, nothing made any difference.

She leaned forwards. ‘Listen! You’ve got a different sort of brain. So what? Does that mean you have to take all the crap your family hands out? Stand up for yourself!’

It was all right for her. She had four older brothers and they’d left home. She got to go and stay with their families, spoil their kids and leave when she’d had enough.

When I didn’t answer, she jumped off my bed.

Uh oh! She was mad. Good and mad. ‘Tia — it’s okay! I don’t mind. Not really. The kids …’ I was going to say they were
no trouble
. But that wasn’t true. The mornings were hell. They fought. They moaned. They grizzled.

Tia shook a finger at me. ‘Doormat! You’re such an idiot. D’you know what’s going to happen? You’re going to marry the first guy who asks you out. It won’t matter what a scumbag he is. You’ll say
Oh yes, please marry me. You drink, you gamble, you chase other women and you’re butt ugly, but I don’t mind. Really.’

I laughed. ‘I won’t. Don’t be mean.’

She didn’t laugh back. She stomped to the door. ‘I’m going. And guess what, Ruby Yarrow? I’m not talking to you until you get some backbone.’ She slammed the door shut behind her.

I stared at the door. She didn’t mean it. We’d been friends forever. Since before forever because our mothers met when they were pregnant with us. Mum was only seventeen and Mrs Manu was thirty-five, but they were still friends.

I lay on my bed. I made myself think about Max. He always got what he wanted. He was clever. Tia would say cunning and sneaky. Okay, he was cunning and sneaky.

He never moaned. He never whined. He never said
It’s not fair
. What he did do was harder to fight. The room thing was a good example. On Friday night at dinner, he said, ‘I’ve got a tonne of homework this weekend.’

On Saturday, when Calvin was mowing the lawn, Max said, ‘The kids have messed up my homework. I really need …’ Then he hadn’t said anything more.

But he’d said enough. Mum got the worried look on her face. ‘We’ll try and work something out.’

Sunday morning — as soon as Calvin and the kids left the house — Max said, ‘Oh well, I guess I’d better do my homework. Again.’

That was when Mum turned to me. ‘Ruby — would you mind sharing with the little ones? Just till we can work something out?’

And I said, ‘Okay, I don’t mind.’ Lies! Total lies. I
did
mind. My work table had to go. My shelves where I kept my fashion magazines had to go. There was nowhere for my sewing gear, my magazines and poster paper. I didn’t have the wall space any more to put up the posters I made.

Just till we can work something out
, Mum had said. I knew exactly when that would be — never.

I stood up and pulled the roll-away out. I had to get back on my bed. With the roll-away out, there wasn’t room to stand between it and my bed.

I shoved it back. I tried to shut out the thought in my head. I couldn’t. It was as if I could hear Tia’s voice yelling at me
How come Max kept the big room?

Yes. Well. That hadn’t even been discussed. Mum didn’t suggest I move into it, and Max sure didn’t. I didn’t like to ask.

I thought about that. I thought hard. I should have asked. I should have said, ‘I don’t want to do it. But I will do it if we can have the big room.’

Why did I never say how I felt?

I shrugged. Max would have found some way to keep the big room. It was too late now.

But part of my brain — the part that Tia had prodded into action — kept on firing thoughts at me.
It’s not too late
.

I flopped back down. Max deserved the big room. He was brainy. We were both in Year 10 even though he was a whole eleven months younger than me. He needed space to do his study and keep all his stuff.

I could hear Tia’s voice yelling,
Doormat!

My phone went. I was glad. I didn’t like all those thoughts. It was Mum. ‘Ruby, darling — can you put the dinner on? I’m going to be another hour at least.’ She was talking with people from her work about what to say at the next union meeting. ‘I took a chicken out of the freezer. Is Max back?’

Tia would have pointed out that she didn’t even wait for me to say, yes, I would put the dinner on, but she sounded tired. I just said, ‘Not yet. Don’t worry, I’ll do it.’

‘Thanks, Ruby. I don’t know what I’d do without you.’

‘S’okay, Mum.’

I started dinner. Mum says I’m a good cook and that I could be a chef one day. She says lots of chefs have learning problems but they’re good chefs anyway. But I don’t want to be a chef.

Max came home ten minutes before the rest of the family. ‘Smells good. I’m starving.’ He grinned at me and vanished into his bedroom. The big bedroom.

I felt a bit of backbone forming. ‘Max!’ I yelled. ‘Come and give me a hand.’

‘Be right there, Ruby.’

Yeah, right. I tried again. ‘Set the table, will you?’

‘I said I’d be there. Don’t stress.’

That’s when I always gave up and did things myself. It was easier. I did them better too. But not today; not ever again. He could do something in return for having the big room to himself.

It felt like I was making one of those important promises people in movies make.

It was Sunday afternoon. Mum, Calvin and the kids all got home together. Davey raced in first, trailed by Theo. ‘I droved the train!’ Davey yelled. ‘I made it go toooot toooot!’

Theo jumped around shouting, ‘Train! Train!’

Calvin picked him up and tucked him under his arm. ‘Come along, lads! Wash your hands and then we’ll eat that delicious meal your wonderful sister has cooked for us.’

Mum hugged me. ‘Thank you, darling. I’m dead on my feet. What a day!’

I smiled at her. ‘It’s almost ready. Sit down. Max is going to set the table.’ And pigs would fly. But damn it! My charming brother could do what he promised for once in his life. I made the gravy and tossed the salad then began carving the chicken.

Calvin came back with the kids. He said to Mum, ‘You’ve changed the kids’ bedrooms, Tessie.’ He spoke in the calm, even voice he used when he didn’t like something. ‘Why?’

She flapped a hand at him. ‘Later, Calvin. We’ll talk about it later.’

He kept looking at her until she looked away. He sighed and turned to me. ‘Mmmm! That smells heavenly! You’re a jewel of a girl, Ruby.’ It was a joke with us because his last name was Diamond. ‘When do we eat?’

I shrugged. ‘As soon as Max sets the table. He said he’d do it.’

Calvin strode to the door and called, ‘Max! We’re waiting for you.’

‘Be right there, Calvin.’

Now, if Tia hadn’t yelled at me, I’d have set the table myself. But I didn’t. I sat down beside Mum on the sofa. ‘The dinner will be cold if he doesn’t hurry up.’

‘Drat the boy,’ Calvin said — he looked at Mum. She just shrugged and spread out her hands in a
What can I do?
sort of way. Calvin set the table himself. His mouth was clamped shut.

Max arrived at the exact same moment Calvin finished. ‘I was going to do that. You shouldn’t have done it.’

I gave him the
yeah, right
look. He glanced at me with his big blue eyes, sat down and stuffed food into his mouth.

He got off the dishes too. ‘I have to read this article for science. Jasper printed it off for me.’ A not-so-gentle hint that we didn’t have a computer.

Calvin went out to the garage: ‘I didn’t like the noise the car was making.’

Mum read to the little ones while I did the dishes. This was how our evenings always went. The only difference was me. I was thinking. I was looking at my life through Tia’s eyes. Tia’s eyes didn’t like what they saw.

I shook my head. This was
my
life. I couldn’t change it. I tried to listen to Mum instead of the thoughts in my head.

I wished I could read to the little ones. I used to, when I could make up the stories to go with the pictures, but Davey had just started school and was old enough now to remember the right words. He didn’t like it when I said different ones.

The kids were asleep when I went to bed. They were cute, my little brothers — when they were asleep. I lay listening to their breathing. I thought about Tia and how mad she was with me. I sighed. I didn’t have any choice. We couldn’t put them out in the garage.

Max had to have a place to do his school work. He was going to be a professor, or a scientist, or a lawyer, or all three at once. He never moaned, but I knew he felt he should have been born into a family that had pots of money, a huge house and a servant just for him.

Tia’s voice snapped into my head:
He’s got a servant. Her name is Ruby Yarrow.

I sat up and thumped my hands on my knees. ‘All right! I get the message!’

The boys muttered and moved. I held my breath. I could do without having to settle them down again. How long would it take to get used to sharing my room with them?

I’d have to. I’d scored low in the brains department so Mum was determined Max would go to uni. Nobody in her family ever had. She reckoned she would have. Instead, when she was sixteen, she got pregnant with me. I was born two months after she turned seventeen.

It took me ages to get to sleep that night; I kept thinking about my family. Max would go to uni and get a job he liked. I didn’t want to think about Max. Calvin: we were so lucky, Max and me, to have Calvin for our stepdad. And Mum — she was great, just pretty stressed about work right now.

I turned over, trying to shut out the rest of my thoughts. It didn’t work. I just wished Mum and Calvin would do more with their lives. They could both read properly and they could both write properly. If I could do that, there was no way I’d stick with a job I hated. But Calvin kept on driving a truck for a company that delivered stuff to supermarkets. Mum kept on being a cleaner at the hospital.

I wanted to throw my pillow across the room. If I did, I’d wake Davey. I bit it instead. Hard.

Mornings in our house were a mess. Calvin had to leave for work at seven. Mum had to leave at eight. She took Theo to day care on her way. I took Davey to school before I met up with Tia. Every morning, the kids yelled and fought. They wouldn’t get dressed. Mum shouted. They cried.

I helped, but once they were wound up, you couldn’t turn them off.

When Mum and Theo left, I was the one who cleaned up the kitchen, made sure Davey had his lunch and walked him to school. Max was meant to help, but he never did.

Tia was right. I was a doormat.

How did you stop being a doormat? Did you say:
By the way, family — I’m not a doormat any more?
Like that would work.

Mum yelled from the kitchen. ‘Rise and shine everybody. Time to get up!’

This was where the kids always started to yell and fight. They didn’t want to get out of bed. They refused to get dressed. They fought over who got to use the bathroom first.

Time for a change.

I sat up. ‘I’m going to be first out of bed.’ I stretched my arms up. ‘I’ll just have a good stretch, then I’ll be the first one to have my feet on the floor.’

They fell out of bed. ‘Me!’ Theo shouted.

‘We raced you!’ Davey yelled.

I looked at them. I crawled to the end of my bed so that I could put my own feet on the floor. ‘How did that happen? Have you two got magic buttons?’

They giggled. I grinned back. So far, so good. ‘Davey, this morning, you get to go to the toilet first.’ I pretended to think hard. ‘And what do you do after that? I wish I could remember.’

‘Wash my hands!’

When he came back, Theo had decided what clothes he wanted to wear. I said, ‘Davey — let’s see those awesome clean hands. Wow! Fantastic. Now, I know you can’t dress yourself, so you wait for Theo and me to come back.’

I took Theo to the toilet and when we came back, what do you know! Davey was dressed. I looked around. ‘Who dressed Davey, Theo? Can you see the magic dressing man?’

I got them to make their beds too, then sent them off to breakfast.

When I came into the kitchen, they were eating. The kitchen was peaceful. Mum hugged me. She had tears in her eyes. ‘Ruby, darling — you are such a
good
person. Thank you. You don’t know what this means to me.’

‘It’s okay, Mum.’

‘I’m so stressed at work right now. It’s a huge help not to be stressed this morning too.’ She gave me a wobbly smile.

‘Union stuff?’ I asked. This sounded bad.

‘I think we’re going to have to go on strike. They just won’t listen. And that’ll mean we lose pay — but we can’t live on what we get now.’ She rubbed her face. ‘Sorry. We’ll get there. But you can see why this morning …’ she waved at the boys, ‘… is so fabulous.’

I sat down, thinking hard. I’d just done what Max was supposed to do every morning but never did. I’d done it by using things I’d learned from all those TV nanny shows. I was surprised how well they worked.

I ate my breakfast. When would there be a programme about how to cope with a charming, clever brother who was only eleven months younger than you?

I’d like one that would tell me what to say when my teachers gave me the look that meant:
Max Yarrow is
your
brother? He must have got all your brains too.

It took about a month for teachers to find out that I was Max’s sister. Then the looks would start. We were only three weeks into the year.

Max wandered in. Sat down. He put a book on the table in front of him and ate his breakfast. Mum said, ‘Max. Make your bed and clean the kitchen before you go.’

‘Mmm, what?’ He looked up and smiled at her. ‘Oh, right. Sure, Mum. Don’t stress.’

The normal morning conversation.