End of the Line (15 page)

“Yes, Cameron.”

             
“You miss him?”

             
“More than you can believe.”

             
“I can believe,” she said. She didn’t say anything further. She leaned back into the cushions of the love seat.

             
“He should have stayed home that day.”

             
She shrugged her shoulders.
             

             
“Did you have anyone before?”

             
“Nah, just selfish me.” She looked away.

             
“Tanya, I don’t think you’re selfish.”

             
“Not as much now, before I was.”

             
I didn’t know if I should press further. She rebuffed me in the past. I didn’t think this time was going to be different.

             
“I won’t think any less if you tell me.”

             
“I’m your worst nightmare Jim, your worst. See a guy like you on the street, I’ll be jacking your iPhone.”

             
“You can have anything of mine now, if you want, except this ring.” I aimed the flashlight at the gold band on my left ring finger.

             
“I don’t want your ring or anything now. I dealt drugs, I ran with a rough crowd, didn’t pass high school. I got preggers when I was 16, didn’t know the father.”
             

             
She looked at me for shock value but I didn’t say anything.

             
“I had the kid and gave her to my loony mother to raise. Loved that little girl, but not more than myself. I mean when I was pregnant, I tried not to drink or smoke weed. Once she came, I was back doing it all. Saw her once in a while but that’s it. Thought she be better off with my mom, anyways.”

             
She paused. I didn’t say anything.

             
“I didn’t know something was going on. It’s funny I didn’t watch TV, though I had a big one I stole. I didn’t hear about the outbreak, just my friend Tyrell attacked me and I wacked him with a chain five times and he didn’t fall. I fucking broke his legs and he was still coming after me. I broke my leg once; that shit hurts. I knew something was up—“ she stopped again.

             
“I went home, got on a bus, surprised it was running. Decided to go to my mom instead of the apartment I shared with other junkies. And it was beginning to become chaos—then there was an explosion. A plane had fucking crashed, right near Roosevelt field. That’s when the bus driver went apeshit, told everyone to get the fuck off. I walked. Passed zombies killin’ people. I had to fight off some myself and I ran.”

             
She paused and sniffled a bit. This was a woman that never cried.

             
“I got to the building where my mom lived. Used to be a nice place but got sold for section 8 housing. They got security cause of the crime. No one was there. The door to the building was opening and anyone could get in or out.”

             
She stopped again. She didn’t say anything for a long time. For a moment I thought she wasn’t going to say anything more then she started.

             
“I ran up to the apartment. Elevator broke again, but it was always broke. Had to run up to the fifth floor, not an easy feat for a person who didn’t stay in shape, smoked weed and smack. When I made it up to my mother’s floor, there were bodies on the floor. Neighbors, strangers, some dead, probably of the flu, but some had been attacked something fierce—“ she stopped. She looked distressed.

             
“You don’t have to go on,” I said, taking her hand. She didn’t pull away.

             
“Already started—  I got to my mom’s apartment at the end of the hall. The door was shut but unlocked. I opened it and came face to face with my mother. She was one of them. She didn’t get it from the flu, she got bit marks. I killed her. She was a bitch and a rotten mother, but she was still mine. One of my neighbors was there, he had no bite marks— I killed him. Then I went to the bedroom.” Then she started crying real tears.

             
“There was my baby, my little girl, three years—dead—more than dead—ripped apart. My momma and the neighbor feasted on her. I don’t think she got the flu. If I was with her, she’d be alive,” She stopped when she began to cry. Thank god it didn’t wake up Dave. I tried hugging her, but she pulled away.

             
“I was a selfish momma and I couldn’t protect her. I couldn’t save my baby because I didn’t care enough for her and I’m still selfish now.”

             
“I don’t think so.”

             
“I started living because the world was dying-- cause she died.”

             
“Bet you aren’t the only one,” I said. “We all became survivors and sometimes that makes a person stronger.”

             
Tanya pulled back. “I don’t think it will ever be the same, but I’m never gonna go back to the life I had before. I owe it to her.”

Chapter 10

             
Jake woke me at 5. I had passed out on the love seat. Tanya wasn’t in the room. I felt exhausted both physically and emotionally. The good thing about CostKing was the abundance of free time, giving us ample time to nap.

             
“We’re grabbing food and heading out.”

             
I got up, yawned, and got dressed. I went to the kitchen where Annemarie had put out a bowl of three-bean salad. Dave sat at the table, silently eating. There was also a basin full of slightly dirty water with a soap bar and towel next to it. I washed my face. I put on deodorant before, because I didn’t want to be too stinky. Of course regular bathing depended on rain. So far it was clear and sunny.

             
“Tanya said she killed one last night,” Dave said.

             
I needed coffee. Annemarie must have been a mind reader because she handed me a cup. Cold instant coffee with fake creamer I swilled it down. The sweetness of the creamer took the acid and old taste away. It was better than nothing.

             
“Just one.”

             
“Glad you killed that fucker.”

             
We were interrupted by Aisha and Tanya. Aisha was dressed in different clothes, jeans, a t-shirt that said
Poker Face
, and had a backpack with her. Tanya was holding a carrier that contained Chinakitty who occasionally let out an annoyed meow.

             
“I kept it light,” she said, “only my journal, a picture of my family, my two favorite books and some clothes.”

             
I knew she packed light for me.
             

             
She looked at the basement door. I could smell the cigarette smoke. “My mom would never let anyone smoke in the house.”

             
“I don’t think your mom would care, I think that all that matters now is you.”

             
“Do you think they made it to my aunt’s house? I love my mom and all but she wasn’t really a person who could survive without modern conveniences.”

             
“I was that same person, Aisha,” I said.  “Couldn’t live without my phone and laptop. Now I don’t even miss it.” A lie, but I hoped it made her feel better.

             
“Bet your mom’s fine,” this came from Dave of all people.

             
“You think so?”

             
“Yeah. I mean the message is old, but she and your sis obviously survived the flu and the fire.”

             
The room smelled like cigarettes and I knew Dot had arrived.

             
“Morning bitches, little girl and Dave. What’s going on?”

             
“Grab food,” I said. “Get a move on.”

             
“Will do, Mr. Hitler,” she said and gave me a salute. I don’t bother responding.

             
“Where’s Ashley?” Dave asked.

             
“She’s gettin’ ready,” Tanya said.

             
“She needs to come down now,” Dave said, getting up. “We should all leave together. You killed one last night.”

             
“Just one and that motherfucker was blind.”

             
“We all leave together,” he said. I didn’t want to agree with Dave because he was being a dick this morning, but he was right.

             
“I’ll get Ashley,” I said. I headed up the stairs. The door for the bedroom was opened. Ashley was brushing her hair and using Aisha’s mother’s eye shadow and lipstick. 

             
“Ashley, we have to go.”

             
“I know. Aisha said I could use her mother’s make up. I don’t know why I felt a need to put it on. I never did in the CostKing and there was tons of it.”

             
“You look beautiful.”

             
“You’re a good liar, Jim. I think I want to look pretty for my girl.”

             
“Sounds like a good idea.”
             

             
“I found some unopened lipsticks. You should take some for Princess.”

             
“I didn’t know you cared.”

             
“I don’t. I think it will make it easier for you to deal with her.”

             
“You okay, Ashley?”

             
She took a long pause. “What if I find her dead?”

             
“I can’t tell you that. We can only hope for the best.”

             
“That’s easy for you to say.”

             
“Why? Because I’m gay?”

             
“Well, I meant—“ she paused. “I figured you were single.”

             
“No, I had—have someone,” I wasn’t upset with her.
             
             

             
“I’m sorry, Jim—I mean you’re young.”

             
“Just because I’m young—“ I said and smiled to let Ashley off the hook. “And besides, I’m 31, hardly young.”

             
Ashley laughed. Her face lit up, I’m glad I got her my mind off her daughter.

             
“I’m sorry,” she said. “Old habits die hard. This new world, we got to put our differences aside don’t we?”

             
“We should try.”

             
Ashley smiled. She got up and swung her bag over her back. “Let’s hit the road.”

             
I don’t know how long I slept. I pretty much got into the truck and passed out on the air mattress. I woke to a hard bump. Ashley, Jake, Dot and Aisha were playing cards in front of a light and Tanya was passed out next to me. “What time is it?” I asked.

             
“Nearly 9.”

             
“What’s going on?” I said. I looked at Jake, who was supposed to be upfront with Annemarie. We should have been at the next house by now.
             

             
“We hit some treacherous road,” he explained. He must have seen my confusion.  “I asked Dave to take over. There was like a twenty car pile up on the Meadowbrook.”

             
The truck went slow, lots of bumps.

             
“Wow,” I said. “I must have been tired.”

             
“Both you and Tanya. She passed out right after you did.”

             
I looked over to her. She seemed to be sleeping peacefully. I hope that meant our talk helped.

             
“We thought about stopping at the mall,” Jake said, “but it was piled with cars and zombies and dude a fucking plane crashed into it. I guess too many people saw Dawn of the Dead and thought a mall would be a safe place.”

             
“Not much canned food in a mall,” I said.

             
Ashley seemed nervous, probably because we were approaching her daughter’s apartment.
             
I got up and stretched my legs and took a long drink from the plastic bottle. I was thirsty and I had to pee. I went to the back of the truck where we kept the bucket to pee in. I tried to be discrete and no one said anything embarrassing even Dot who was nervously chewing on a cigarette. I was happy I didn’t need to take a crap. I placed the lid back on the pot. Although it still smelled, we were used to it. Even with the CostKing being big. It still stank of piss, shit and body odor.