Endgame Act Without Words I (8 page)

Feels like a ray of sunshine.

[
Pause.
]

No?

CLOV
No.

HAMM
It isn’t a ray of sunshine I feel on my face?

CLOV
No.

[
Pause.
]

HAMM
Am I very white?

[
Pause. Angrily.
]

I’m asking you am I very white!

CLOV
Not more so than usual.

[
Pause.
]

HAMM
Open the window.

CLOV
What for?

HAMM
I want to hear the sea.

CLOV
You wouldn’t hear it.

HAMM
Even if you opened the window?

CLOV
No.

HAMM
Then it’s not worth while opening it?

CLOV
No.

HAMM
[
violently
] Then open it!

[
Clov gets up on the ladder, opens the window. Pause.
]

Have you opened it?

CLOV
Yes.

[
Pause.
]

HAMM
You swear you’ve opened it?

CLOV
Yes.

[
Pause.
]

HAMM
Well . . . !

[
Pause.
]

It must be very calm.

[
Pause. Violently.
]

I’m asking you is it very calm!

CLOV
Yes.

HAMM
It’s because there are no more navigators.

[
Pause.
]

You haven’t much conversation all of a sudden. Do you not feel well?

CLOV
I’m cold.

HAMM
What month are we?

[
Pause.
]

Close the window, we’re going back.

[
Clov closes the window, gets down, pushes the chair back to its place, remains standing behind it, head bowed.
]

Don’t stay there, you give me the shivers!

[
Clov returns to his place beside the chair.
]

Father!

[
Pause. Louder.
]

Father!

[
Pause.
]

Go and see did he hear me.

[
Clov goes to Nagg’s bin, raises the lid, stoops. Unintelligible words. Clov straightens up.
]

CLOV
Yes.

HAMM
Both times?

[
Clov stoops. As before.
]

CLOV
Once only.

HAMM
The first time or the second?

[
Clov stoops. As before.
]

CLOV
He doesn’t know.

HAMM
It must have been the second.

CLOV
We’ll never know.

[
He closes lid.
]

HAMM
Is he still crying?

CLOV
No.

HAMM
The dead go fast.

[
Pause.
]

What’s he doing?

CLOV
Sucking his biscuit.

HAMM
Life goes on.

[
Clov returns to his place beside the chair.
]

Give me a rug, I’m freezing.

CLOV
There are no more rugs.

[
Pause.
]

HAMM
Kiss me.

[
Pause.
]

Will you not kiss me?

CLOV
No.

HAMM
On the forehead.

CLOV
I won’t kiss you anywhere.

[
Pause.
]

HAMM
[
holding out his hand
] Give me your hand at least.

[
Pause.
]

Will you not give me your hand?

CLOV
I won’t touch you.

[
Pause.
]

HAMM
Give me the dog.

[
Clov looks round
for
the dog.
]

No!

CLOV
Do you not want your dog?

HAMM
No.

CLOV
Then I’ll leave you.

HAMM
[
head bowed, absently
] That’s right.

[
Clov goes to door, turns.
]

CLOV
If I don’t kill that rat he’ll die.

HAMM
[
as before
] That’s right.

[
Exit Clov. Pause.
]

Me to play.

[
He takes out his handkerchief, unfolds it, holds it spread out before him.
]

We’re getting on.

[
Pause.
]

You weep, and weep, for nothing, so as not to laugh, and little by little . . . you begin to grieve.

[
He folds the handkerchief, puts it back in his pocket, raises his head.
]

All those I might have helped.

[
Pause.
]

Helped!

[
Pause.
]

Saved.

[
Pause.
]

Saved!

[
Pause.
]

The place was crawling with them!

[
Pause. Violently.
]

Use your head, can’t you, use your head, you’re on earth, there’s no cure for that!

[
Pause.
]

Get out of here and love one another! Lick your neighbor as yourself!

[
Pause. Calmer.
]

When it wasn’t bread they wanted it was crumpets.

[
Pause. Violently.
]

Out of my sight and back to your petting parties!

[
Pause.
]

All that, all that!

[
Pause.
]

Not even a real dog!

[
Calmer.
]

The end is in the beginning and yet you go on.

[
Pause.
]

Perhaps I could go on with my story, end it and begin another.

[
Pause.
]

Perhaps I could throw myself out on the floor.

[
He pushes himself painfully off his seat, falls back again.
]

Dig my nails into the cracks and drag myself forward with my fingers.

[
Pause.
]

It will be the end and there I’ll be, wondering what can have brought it on and wondering what can have . . .

[
he hesitates
]

. . . why it was so long coming.

[
Pause.
]

There I’ll be, in the old shelter, alone against the silence and . . .

[
he hesitates
]

. . . the stillness. If I can hold my peace, and sit quiet, it will be all over with sound, and motion, all over and done with.

[
Pause.
]

I’ll have called my father and I’ll have called my . . .

[
he hesitates
]

. . . my son. And even twice, or three times, in case they shouldn’t have heard me, the first time, or the second.

[
Pause.
]

I’ll say to myself, He’ll come back.

[
Pause.
]

And then?

[
Pause.
]

And then?

[
Pause.
]

He couldn’t, he has gone too far.

[
Pause.
]

And then?

[
Pause. Very agitated.
]

All kinds of fantasies! That I’m being watched! A rat! Steps!

Breath held and then . . .

[
He breathes out.
]

Then babble, babble, words, like the solitary child who turns himself into children, two, three, so as to be together, and whisper together, in the dark.

[
Pause.
]

Moment upon moment, pattering down, like the millet grains of . . .

[
he hesitates
]

. . . that old Greek, and all life long you wait for that to mount up to a life.

[
Pause. He opens his mouth to continue, renounces.
]

Ah let’s get it over!

[
He whistles. Enter Clov with alarm-clock. He halts beside the chair.
]

What? Neither gone nor dead?

CLOV
In spirit only.

HAMM
Which?

CLOV
Both.

HAMM
Gone from me you’d be dead.

CLOV
And vice versa.

HAMM
Outside of here it’s death!

[
Pause.
]

And the rat?

CLOV
He’s got away.

HAMM
He can’t go far.

[
Pause. Anxious.
]

Eh?

CLOV
He doesn’t need to go far.

[
Pause.
]

HAMM
Is it not time for my pain-killer?

CLOV
Yes.

HAMM
Ah! At last! Give it to me! Quick!

[
Pause.
]

CLOV
There’s no more pain-killer.

[
Pause.
]

HAMM
[
appalled
] Good . . . !

[
Pause.
]

No more pain-killer!

CLOV
No more pain-killer. You’ll never get any more pain-killer.

[
Pause.
]

HAMM
But the little round box. It was full!

CLOV
Yes. But now it’s empty.

[
Pause. Clov starts to move about the room. He is looking for a place to put down the alarm-clock.
]

HAMM
[
soft
] What’ll I do?

[
Pause. In a scream.
]

What’ll I do?

[
Clov sees the picture, takes it down, stands it on the floor with its face to the wall, hangs up the alarm-clock in its place.
]

What are you doing?

CLOV
Winding up.

HAMM
Look at the earth.

CLOV
Again!

HAMM
Since it’s calling to you.

CLOV
Is your throat sore?

[
Pause.
]

Would you like a lozenge?

[
Pause.
]

No.

[
Pause.
]

Pity.

[
Clov goes, humming, towards window right, halts before it, looks up at it.
]

HAMM
Don’t sing.

CLOV
[
turning towards Hamm
] One hasn’t the right to sing any more?

HAMM
No.

CLOV
Then how can it end?

HAMM
You want it to end?

CLOV
I want to sing.

HAMM
I can’t prevent you.

[
Pause. Clov turns towards window right.
]

CLOV
What did I do with that steps?

[
He looks around for ladder.
]

You didn’t see that steps?

[
He sees it.
]

Ah, about time.

[
He goes towards window left.
]

Sometimes I wonder if I’m in my right mind. Then it passes over and I’m as lucid as before.

[
He gets up on ladder, looks out of window.
]

Christ, she’s under water!

[
He looks.
]

How can that be?

[
He pokes forward his head, his hand above his eyes.
]

It hasn’t rained.

[
He wipes the pane, looks. Pause.
]

Ah what a fool I am! I’m on the wrong side!

[
He gets down, takes a few steps towards window right.
]

Under water!

[
He goes back for ladder.
]

What a fool I am!

[
He carries ladder towards window right.
]

Sometimes I wonder if I’m in my right senses. Then it passes off and I’m as intelligent as ever.

[
He sets down ladder under window right, gets up on it, looks out of window. He turns towards Hamm.
]

Any particular sector you fancy? Or merely the whole thing?

HAMM
Whole thing.

CLOV
The general effect? Just a moment.

[
He looks out of window. Pause.
]

HAMM
Clov.

CLOV
[
absorbed
] Mmm.

HAMM
Do you know what it is?

CLOV
[
as before
] Mmm.

HAMM
I was never there.

[
Pause.
]