Endless Magic (45 page)

“I guess,” I sighed, not thinking things through. I didn’t want to go back to the castle, but the hunting lodge? I tried to convince myself that I wasn’t worried about staying alone with Kiran in a remote lodge and that I would spend the night heartbroken and mourning Jericho. I
tried
to convince myself….

Kiran pulled the sports car up to a gorgeous log-cabin-style house deep in the wilderness, far away from any kind civilization. The road we drove to get here had wound around, through the thick trees and pretty green brush for more than two hours. Kiran parked the sports car and we stepped out, facing a wraparound porch and polished oak beams constructing the two-story hunting lodge.

A carved bench, made from the same wood as the house sat next to the front door and a locked gun case hung on the other side of the entryway. The door itself, intricately carved in the royal seal, welcomed our visit. We walked up the tall porch steps and I paused at the door to run my fingers over the indented lines of a vine of lilies intertwining with two snakes wrapped around eating their own tails.

“I made that myself,” Kiran admitted proudly, stopping next to me to admire his craftsmanship.

“Huh,” I grunted, trying to hide my awe.

Inside the spacious house a large living area greeted us with long leather couches built out of the wood that seemed to be part of every piece of furniture in this house. A long coffee table sat in the middle, but no TV or other electronics ruined the rustic ambiance.

Off the living room was a large table, hand-carved with matching chairs, no doubt Kiran’s handiwork. Parallel to the table sat a kitchen, the only room in the house with modern appliances, all state of the art and shiny. I mean, the only room hopefully except for the bathrooms, but I had yet to see those.

The upstairs was just one giant loft with a balcony overlooking the rest of the house. A wide, wooden staircase led upstairs and I couldn’t stop myself from admiring the hand detailing that seemed to mark the entire house. Along the walls were all kinds of heads of animals, lions, bears, wolves, tigers, and deer. I shivered from the feeling of being watched by the dead.

“They won’t bite,” Kiran teased, noticing my reaction.

“So you say,” I grumbled. “They’re not all from Romania are they?” I shivered again, picturing lions stalking about just beyond the castle wall.

“Obviously not,” Kiran smiled. “Only the big ones.”

I whirled on him, catching his amusement.

“Is this the Nebraska wilderness all over again?” Kiran joked. “Almighty Eden, not afraid of death, but terrified of an animal bite.”

“I never said I wasn’t afraid of death,” I reminded him.

“Fair, but can I also remind you that your dearest friend has the ability to turn into a very dangerous tiger,” he plopped down on one of the couches, stretching out his arms across the back of it.

“And when her head is mounted on your wall, we’ll be having a very different conversation,” I turned in circles, braving the glassy eyes of the dead animals again.

“I doubt Talbott will ever let that happen,” he laughed, amused at my accusation.

“What will he be able to do? His loyalty lies to the crown, remember?” My tone turned biting, more frustrated than ever at the unfairness of Lucan’s laws.

“One day, things will be different,” Kiran sighed. I mulled his words over for a moment, trying to make sense of his casual tone but before I could question him, he continued, “I’m sorry, I don’t have any clothes for you to change into. I hoped once we got to the safe house, you would be able to borrow something of Roxie’s, but we left before I even got a chance to say hello to her. But, I think I might have some of my old things upstairs, if you don’t mind-“

“What did you just say?” I whirled around, facing him. My heart started to pound wildly in my chest, drowning out every other sound. My blood rushed through my veins violently, my magic heating to a fast boil and the electricity popping at my fingertips.

“I wanted you to borrow Roxie’s clothes,” Kiran repeated, eyeing me suspiciously.

“Roxie is in prison,” I stated slowly, in a voice that sounded more like a threat than a piece of information.

Kiran’s eyes flashed panic for only a second before the cool mask of confusion replaced it. “Is she? I must mean one of Avalon’s other Resistance members,” he covered his tracks too late.

“Roxie….” I mumbled, putting the pieces together mentally, a puzzle I had been working on for a while, but afraid of the outcome. “How is it that you know Roxie; or that Lilly’s father was at the safe house? Sebastian joined the Resistance and you don’t care at all? The magic in the door…. The little boy that adored you…. My brother’s forgiveness…. Kiran what the hell is going on?” I demanded, crossing my arms.

“I don’t know what you’re getting at,” Kiran sighed exasperatedly and shifted his eyes away from me. “But speaking of Avalon, I’m glad you noticed that he forgave me. Maybe there’s a lesson in it for you.” He turned defensive, adjusting his position on the couch.

“Don’t start with me,” I threatened, “you may have betrayed us both, but you didn’t make promises to Avalon concerning his eternal future!”

“Oh, right,” Kiran stood up to face me. “I’d like to remind you that I was not the only one that made promises!”

I flinched, taking a step back and going red in the face. How dare he accuse
me
of breaking promises! I stared at him, seething with anger and brokenness. He was the reason I had to live my life locked up in a castle, a prisoner against my will. He was the reason behind everything, if he would have just left me alone at Kingsley, none of this would have happened! Kiran was the reason Jericho left me; he broke me, shattered me and now I wasn’t even a complete enough person to keep the love of someone as wonderful as Jericho.

Kiran watched the anger flash across my face and my eyes turn to hateful slits, but he pushed his luck further, “Don’t you look at me like that! You did make promises. You did feel the way I felt about you. And I may have betrayed you, but I betrayed everybody! Don’t think I don’t know that. Only they’ve all forgiven me; everybody except you! Avalon, Lilly, even your parents have forgiven me, but not you. And what I have done to you is my least offense-“

“Because I asked them to!” His turquoise eyes shifted to deep blue. He raked his hand through his hair and turned his face to the side so that I could only see his profile. I stared at him, at his audacity, but then my eyes found the place where his earlobe met his neck and I stumbled backward. It wasn’t possible.

I had enough of him. An entire year of frustration washed over me and suddenly I couldn’t take it anymore. I released my magic on him, determined to get what I wanted.
Complete-mind-manipulation
, that was what Amory called it. I only accomplished it once before and that was with my grandfather, almost a year ago. It had taken a while to get into Amory’s mind because he was prepared for me, standing defensively ready for my attack. Kiran had no idea what hit him and fell back into the couch as if I dealt him a physical blow.

It took me just a half second to infiltrate his mind. Instantly I was in his consciousness, feeling his emotions, sifting through his thoughts, remembering with him. I pushed forward, passed the road blocks he threw in my way and toward the root of what I wanted to know. Only, inside Kiran’s mind I got a lot more than I bargained for.

I sucked in a sharp breath, stumbling upon the memory of when he asked Amory for my hand in marriage. They stood together in Amory’s office, both happy and excited for the future the two of them talked about. Amory practically raised Kiran, I could feel the way Kiran looked up to him, admired him, thought of him like a father. It meant everything to Kiran to have Amory’s blessing, and Amory had trained Kiran for just this moment. He gave Kiran his approval with the firm belief that Kiran and I would change everything, that together we would destroy Lucan. I felt Kiran keep his secret from Amory, leaving out the details about Avalon’s part in everything, but there was the determination in his heart to save Avalon once we were married, once we were united and in Kiran’s mind, invincible.

I moved on, away from the painful moments with my grandfather to even worse moments as, in hopeless agony, Kiran watched Amory die and with the death of his mentor came the loss of the only thing in his life that made this battle worth it: me. I felt his anguish, and guilt, I became consumed with the devastating grief of the next month and felt his health decline with the absence of my magic as ours had become so intertwined, so dependent on each other. I felt him give up on life and welcome death, but then I was there, next to him, saving his life and he knew that all was not lost. He knew there was still hope for us.

My heart stopped beating and my chest tightened in a vice-grip against my lungs, still I pressed forward through his mind. He began to form his own plans of how to dethrone his father and how to end the tyranny through our interactions in India and Morocco. He tried desperately to get me back, suffered every moment we were apart, or together, and didn’t have my love. Morocco gave him hope, until the Dream Walk, when I sat on the hill not even acknowledging him.

Through it all, he began to develop a relationship with Avalon. Slowly they became friends; trust blossomed between them and then the plans to save the kingdom developed naturally. If Kiran couldn’t have me, he would end his life in sacrifice so that I could have freedom. I turned my head into my shoulder with the feeling flooding my body that everything Kiran did, he did it for me. His love for me, his undying resolve to live his life dedicated to me nearly swept me away with his intensity.

The plan he and Avalon concocted was simple but ingenious. Kiran had somehow talked Seraphina and Sebastian into helping and the three of them decided that in order to get Avalon out of the Citadel, someone would need to go up against Lucan. That person would, of course, be Kiran. Kiran would fight his father, knowing without my magic he would die. Seraphina and Sebastian, in the confusion that would accompany a fight between father and son, was tasked with helping Avalon escape. Kiran’s ultimate sacrifice, his death to save my brother.

But then I showed up and ruined their plan, made Kiran’s life invariably longer and now he was faced with me. He would have to live his life, daily being reminded that he lost my love, that he ruined my life. The heartache alone was more than he could bear. And in his head, it was more than I could cope with.

Heartache. That indescribable look. The one that had started to make me feel guilty…. He was heartbroken. He looked at me with longing, desperate desire and knowing that I still didn’t want him. I shook my head and focused on his memories.

He told me he didn’t love me to help me, to help make my days easier. And a small part of him hoped that he would move on, too. But then I lost my magic and became so fragile, so mortal that he knew it was impossible. His love for me would never die. He would live his life in penance to me, working every day for my forgiveness, knowing he could never have it.

I gasped at his journey to find Avalon, to seek out the Resistance and become a part of it. I lay at the castle, magic-less and in constant threat of death and he joined the Rebellion. I felt every bit of agony as the tattoo was administered under his earlobe and his fight against Avalon to come back to me before Avalon thought he was ready. In his heart he had joined the rebellion months earlier, but after I came to the Citadel there hadn’t been time for him to get away. He made time, and suffered through the after effects without help just to stay near to me. He finally made his decision real, but not before he made every single person, including my parents and Avalon promise not to tell me. He demanded that it remain a secret. In his mind, he didn’t deserve being thought of kindly. If he was going to earn back my forgiveness, it would be as before he lost it. It would be as the same man I fell in love with.

Only he wasn’t the same man. He had evolved into someone even better than that man. A selfless man, willing to sacrifice himself not just for me, but for the kingdom that he believed deserved independence.

Back in his mind, I felt him watch me daily, trying to be the person he thought deserved me, struggling to keep me safe and in the dark about who he really was. I flipped through the rest of our history; his lust at the pond when we went swimming, his consuming affection when we danced at the Summer Solstice Celebration, the way he fell impossibly more in love with me that night in the gardens, his jealousy with Sebastian every moment until Sebastian admitted his feelings for Seraphina, the way he hoped he still had a chance with me when we spent time in Paris, his anger every time he watched me with Jericho, but his determination to let me be happy no matter which path I chose, his fury while I was kidnapped, his devastating resolve to get me back, to avenge Amory’s death and the future in his mind, after his father was dead, the excitement he had in the way he knew I would rule the kingdom. And through it all, his missions underneath the castle, freeing prisoners, meeting Avalon in the late hours of the night, plotting with us against his father, fighting for freedom…. And through it all, it was me that spurred him forward.