Endlessly (7 page)

The dog let out a yelp. Ash glanced up
in my direction. Terror crossed her face, then she let out a
blood-curdling scream. She turned to run, tripped over a tree root,
and fell into leaves and mud. I jumped from the tree and reached
out to help her.

The dog jumped on me. I thought he
would bite, but instead he hopped up on his hind legs and pawed at
me—all bark, no bite.

“Ash, please,” I cried. “I’m sorry. I
didn’t mean to scare you or spy on you. I’m not really a creep…”
The dog lost interest in me and my ramble. He ran about in the
leaves.

She looked up at me.
”Verloren!?”

I felt the pulse—saw the flash of
pictures—then back to reality.

Ash looked at me from a confusion of
leaves and twigs.

“Please don’t freak out,” I said. “I’m
not a perv or peeping tom…I uh”

“Oh my God, you scared the shit out of
me! I thought you…” She stopped herself.

The dog ran up to her and began licking
her face. She pushed him back down. Then he began jumping up to
greet me again.

I knew what she thought. It’s bad
enough to find a stalker in your tree, even worse if he looks like
me. I felt sure she would call the police, or, at the very least,
tell me to leave. I would go, and never know what it was about
her.

My hand was still hanging, extended
toward her. She grabbed it. Contact. Pulse. The ground trembled.
She froze. Our eyes met. My whole body jerked as my mind flooded
with pictures. Though the images didn’t seem related, they created
a sense of motion. They ended with her, yet this vision was
different from the girl in front of me.

My mind cleared, and I suddenly
realized her hand was like ice. I helped her to her feet, and
plucked a leaf from her hair. I had to fight off the urge to sniff
it. I held it by the stem.

“I’m sorry,” I blurted. “I know this
must be the last thing that you wanted: a guy who looks like me
hanging out in your tree in the dark.” I couldn’t meet her eyes. “I
will go now. Don’t worry, I won’t bother you again.”

Turning away took all of my will. It
was like trying to deny the pull of gravity. I had to escape her
orbit, and all that went with it: the flashes, images, and strange
episodes. It would be better for Jessica to help her. My presence
was doing her no good at all. Or so I thought.

“Wait!” she called to me.

I stopped walking. I did not turn back,
and I knew that I was invisible in the darkness. I lifted the leaf
and inhaled, catching her scent again. My chest felt close to
bursting.

“I’m not saying you have to leave,” she
called through the shadows. “I thought you were my ex. He’s kinda
crazy. I’ve been hiding ever since I left him. If he ever finds out
that I live out here, he’ll hurt me or… worse.”

I dropped the leaf, then turned to look
at her.

She had her hands inside her sleeves
with her fists under her chin, as if she were the one apologizing.
Then her face grew perplexed. “What are you doing out here? Was
that you on the bike that drove by?” There was no fear in her
questions.

Just tell her the
truth
, my brain screamed.

“Um, well…I’m not real good at this
stuff…I’m…” I paused, trying to find the right words. “I’m really
fascinated by you. I mean…”

She looked down. Only because I could
see the light from her aura could I detect the fact that she was
blushing. What the hell was I doing? Confessing? Declaring my
feelings? Or had I been lured into something? In my ignorance I
tried to blunder on, but I couldn’t get anywhere. “Uh…there is some
stuff that you might find out…”

Her arms closed tightly around her
chest. Her aura flickered with her shivering.

I had already revealed more than I
meant to about myself. Now I found myself breathing: “Your
aura…”

Her head shot up. When she looked at me
I couldn’t breathe. Her eyelids fluttered. “What do you know about
all of that stuff? All those books I’ve been reading…you know more
don’t you?”

I turned away from her stare, and saw
her dog sniffing here and there. I let that distract me as I
collected my thoughts. Finally I admitted it. “Yes,” I said. “I
know too much.”

“Verloren, could you come inside and
tell me about some of that stuff? Because right now I’m freezing my
butt off.” She laughed through chattering teeth.

“I wouldn’t mind, if you don’t mind,” I
said.

I felt as if I was starting a long
journey with no turning back. I hadn’t wanted to get too close to
her. Yet I’d come here. And now I would cross the threshold into
her home. If I got too close to her could I stop myself? Stop
myself from doing what? I didn’t know.

As she opened the door to the mobile
home she asked: “You’re not a murderer or a rapist, are you?” Her
dog dodged past her, almost knocking her over.

“That would be a good excuse for
turning me away,” I said. “After all, it’s not like you know me
that well.”

“I’ve been through enough shit in my
life that nothing scares me anymore,” she said. “You won’t do
anything worse that the stuff my ex threatens to do to me.” She
laughed and shook her head.

“I promise no harm will come to you.”
As she turned to see me in the light I pulled my sunglasses down
over my eyes.

I was still on the steps, and there in
the doorway she was higher than me. It made me feel small, and it
dawned on me that I must be chasing her because she was something
important. I felt as if she were my superior.

She looked at me confused. “Do you
always wear your sunglasses at night?” Something occurred to her,
making her laugh. “You know the song?”

“Ah yes, I’ve heard it. Jason sings it
all the time.” I smiled, then looked to my feet. “My eyes are very
sensitive to light.”

“Is it because of...um…your…condition?”
she asked. “I mean, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t
want. I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable. You talk like you
think…that I might think…you’re a monster. I don’t think that at
all. I think you look…um…handsome.” She looked down at her feet and
bit her lip.

I was shocked. She hardly seemed like
the type to lay out her feelings for just anyone. That made it
harder on me now. Now I knew that the attraction was mutual. I was
the one who should have put a stop to it. I should have walked
away. But I couldn’t. It was her aura that drew me there, like a
moth to a flame.

“No it doesn’t make me uncomfortable. I
just can’t tell you everything about it yet.” I wanted so much to
tell her every detail.

She looked at me. “Ok, let’s go inside
where it’s warmer. I want to hear more about this reincarnation
stuff.” She led me in.

I tried to stay close so I could catch
her scent again. I needed to snap out of it. I was going to get one
of us killed. I needed control. My chest, ached from want, and that
scared the shit out of me. How could I satisfy it? Did I want to
hold her? Kiss her? Fuck her? Bite her? I shuddered at the last
thought.

It was a typical mobile home, not
fancy, and lacking some of the niceties that made a place a home.
Through the back door we entered a small kitchen. It looked lonely
with its little table and four chairs. An old microwave had the
counters all to itself. Her living room had a tiny television, a
stereo on the floor, stacks of CDs, and a lone couch. A couple of
pillows lay on the floor by the couch. There were no pictures or
any decorations at all.

The dog bounced over to one of the
pillows and flopped down.

Past the living room was a hallway.
There were two doors along the side, then an open doorway at the
end, revealing an old desk, a computer, and a secretary’s
chair.

The hallway walls were as bare as those
in the living room. I saw no trinkets and the few shelves were
empty—as if a bachelor lived there.

“Sorry it’s kind of empty. When I left
my ex I kinda just grabbed what I needed—what little was mine. I
got a couple of pieces of furniture from friends. This couch folds
out. It’s where I sleep. I’ve been working overtime to get some
money for furniture.” Her tone was sad and apologetic.

“Its home,” I said. “That’s all that
matters.”

“Would you like some hot chocolate?”
She nodded toward the kitchen table.

“Uh sure,” I said.

In the kitchen she got two mugs from a
cupboard, then stood on tiptoes to reach a box of hot chocolate
mix. When she noticed me still standing in the living room, she
said, “Make yourself at home.”

I sorted through the piles of CDs. She
had many of the same ones I had, even Marilyn Manson. I found a
Death Cab for Cutie CD, slipped it in and pressed “play.” I kept
the volume low.

The dog looked up at me, his little
head cocked to one side. Ash came in holding two mugs. She handed
one to me. I took it with both hands. She cupped her hands around
her mug and sipped. I did the same. Human food didn’t bother me. I
could eat and drink like any human, but it didn’t nurture me. For
that I needed human blood. Without it I would starve. I usually
stayed away from human food and drink, if only to avoid having to
use the toilet so often. It was a waste of time. But this was a
case where I accepted what was offered because it was Ash who was
doing the offering.

“So, about old souls and
reincarnation…” Ash said, alighting on the couch, as she motioned
for me to sit with her.

We sat on opposite ends of her couch,
facing each other.

“Yeah,” I muttered. “Uh,
usually I would have you attend one of the workshops. One of the
girls would go through all this stuff with you. But I can do
it.”
Stupid,
I
thought.
What am I even doing here? I
should finish the hot chocolate and go. Let Jessica work with
her.
Instead I started to talk. It was as
if I couldn’t help myself. “There’s a theory that souls are kind
of…recycled. That, like human bodies, souls are born and souls die.
According to the theory there are young souls, middle-aged souls,
and old souls. A soul won’t necessarily be at the same stage as a
body, but eventually both will die. You can tell how old a person’s
soul is by their personality traits. Haven’t you read about this?”
I cocked one questioning eyebrow.

“Yes. This has to do with
reincarnation, doesn’t it?” Her eyes met mine.

“It’s deeper than that,” I said,
licking my lips. My mouth felt dry, as if my words were
evaporating. “This is what you would learn at the workshops. It’s
not just reincarnation of human souls. Some souls are from other
planets, other realms, places almost like…parallel universes. The
belief is, if a person seeks out this information, that person is
probably an incarnate, and is likely to be an old soul. It’s as
though they carry a subconscious wisdom, maybe from their former
lives, that tells them their end is coming.” As I lifted my eyes to
hers, my chest tightened. It was hard to breathe.

“Really?” She looked down into her mug.
“I read a book about that. When I read the chapter about old souls
I thought I was going crazy. It was as if every description was
written about me. But I thought if I told anyone they would think I
was crazy. So…I’m an old soul that is about to die off?” She looked
confused. “And my soul might not be human?”

I wasn’t supposed to tell her but who
would know? It wasn’t as if she were shifting right now. “No,” I
said, “your soul isn’t human. Most likely your soul is that of a
creature of some totally different species. You could be anything.
From anywhere.”

She stared at me. “A creature? How do
you know all of this? Are you an old soul too?”

“Let’s just say that I am here to help
you find out what you are. I can’t tell you much about myself. It
wouldn’t help, and you probably wouldn’t believe me anyway.” Too
bad I couldn’t produce real fangs; they might make her believe. All
I had was normal-looking teeth that could easily cut through human
flesh. Fangs were just another myth. The only things I could show
her were my strength and speed–far greater than those of any
human.

“So what am I then?” Her voice pulled
me out of my thoughts.

“I don’t know. But I think I can help
you find out. I’ve seen them do it in the workshops. I could come
out here Saturday and help you with it.”

“What’s ‘it’?” she asked.

“It’s kind of like a process of guided
meditation. It works best in a comfortable environment where you
feel safe.”

I watched as she ran her finger across
the edge of her mug. Jessica was going to be pissed at me for going
this far. I noticed Ash’s aura had shrunk into a concentrated
rainbow with red outlining her body.

As if reading my mind, she said:
“Earlier you mentioned my aura. Are you a psychic? I’ve read about
that stuff…”

I cut her off. “I’ll make a
deal with you. I’ll come out Saturday and help you find out what
your soul is. If we do figure it out, I will tell you everything
about me—what I am, what I know…” I smiled at her, while
thinking:
Why not just put a bullet in
your head before the Quatre does, Verloren.
For an instant I saw Sara’s child-like face. I
shivered.