Enduring the Crisis (4 page)

Apparently finding a boat to take Ben to Anchorage was taking forever. Night had fallen and there was no word yet from Dave. Ben stood near the harbor where the few commercial boats were lined up along the dock. He hadn’t paid much attention to the coming and going of boats unless they were taking a majority of his crew that were also commercial fishermen when it was salmon spawning season. That wasn’t all that long ago and he lost many of his crew permanently after that. He was willing to pay one of them from his own pocket to help him get out of the village if it meant he could leave as soon as possible.

Ben would have started cooking dinner but he couldn’t focus long enough to make food. A knock on the door pulled him out of his desperate thoughts.

“Oh, hello there, Johnny.” Ben really didn’t want to be social.

“Do you know when you’re leaving yet?”

“Actually no, I don’t. I wish I knew.”

“Come to the dance. We want to give you a send off you won’t forget.”

Ben looked over at his all too quiet phone sitting on the table and clenched his jaw. Watching it obviously wasn’t going to make it ring any sooner. There wasn’t anything for him to do by himself but stew about his own inability to make something happen. “All right. I’ll change out of these work clothes and meet you there.”

He wasn’t prepared for the greeting he received at the community building. Everyone in the village must have been there. Several of the children ran through the door to head outside. He turned out of their way as each new friend he made since he arrived that spring had something to say and shook his hand. It was a little overwhelming, as was the sympathy. Soon he was guided to a place to sit and the older women from the village gathered in the center of the room visiting while they decided what dance they would do and the men prepared their handheld drums. Some of them warmed up and soon the men drummed a steady beat in unison. The women found their places as some stood and others sat on their knees and they finally started.

Ben’s eyes were on the performance even though it was a rather relaxed atmosphere with children coming and going, much visiting was taking place on the benches while they attentively watched. It was similar to the ones he’d seen over the course of the many weeks he had been there. He had always enjoyed their dances even though he didn’t understand much of the symbolism of each motion. They all seemed to enjoy having him there. His work buddy, Nate, said that he wasn’t nearly as welcome when he showed up at his assigned village, at least not the way that Ben was. Unfortunately, even though all their kindness and generosity was overflowing and they were providing him a much-needed distraction, he couldn’t stop his mind from racing.

He hoped Tammy would remember to prime the generator and that she would be sure to keep track of how long it was running. Hopefully she’d really ration the gasoline they had in the storage tank he kept hidden on their property and that she’d only plug in the fridge and freezer. Those girls would try their hardest to charge their devices or use hairdryers or curling irons during black out weekends. She had been reassuring him that they had almost replenished the food storage they’d used over the winter. He hoped that was true. It was as if he was trying to think of ways she’d fail him or reasons to not have faith in her and his daughters’ capabilities. That wasn’t going to help if he kept dwelling on those kinds of thoughts. The fact was, Tammy could do anything when she decided she could and got over her perfectionism and over-thinking everything. She was likely the most capable woman he had ever met and yet suddenly he was thinking she was the most fragile snowflake because he wasn’t there.

The vibration from Ben’s phone made him jump. He grabbed it and stepped out the door. It wasn’t any quieter out there with all the kids squealing as they played tag.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Ben. We have a boat lined up. Depending on weather, it should be there sometime in the afternoon tomorrow.”

Relief flooded over him from his head to his toes. “Wonderful. That is the best news.”

“It’s kind of tricky. No one really wants to give up the fish money at the moment with the crisis down south about to cause an exploding market for fish here. And the trip is not the usual one. Usually barges take things around. But they’re slower. They are another option if these guys do bail on you. I wouldn’t put it past them if they catch wind fish prices are skyrocketing and decide they have better things to do than follow through on a low paying gig to shuttle a couple of  men to Anchorage.”

“Oh.” Ben didn’t like the sound of that.

“Keep your phone charged the best you can and keep it on you when you aren’t sleeping just in case.”

“Will do.”

“At least you have about a half a day to close up shop.”

“Good thing.” Ben didn’t feel any enthusiasm though for taking care of business before he left. His mind was only on one thing.

“I’ll let you go. It sounds like you are at some big social event.”

“Yeah. Watching one last dance and everyone is already saying their goodbyes.”

“I’ll let you have at it then. Also, better pack all the food you can especially if you aren’t a fan of seafood all the time.”

“Thanks.” Ben hung up and slid his phone back in his pocket. Dave gave him a lot to think about. Fortunately, he brought his bug out bag because he never left home without it. But it really wasn’t packed with all the things he would need if he was abandoned in the wilderness in Alaska. He really hoped the boat was managed by some honest men.

After the dance was over, many of the families he had grown close to over the past few months were offering him food to take with him. He knew he wouldn’t be a fan of the dry fish at all but he welcomed it and it would be worth having in a pinch. He eagerly accepted the moose jerky even though they didn’t season it with anything. He had grown accustomed to the gamey taste since he had been there. Maybe he could try flavoring it with something before he left.

Martha Fancyboy was the last one to say goodbye. “We really do appreciate you and I hope you can get home to your family safely.” She placed a bag of jerky on his palm and held it there with both hands. “This is muskox. We don’t have this meat often but we wanted to share some of what we have with you.” She smiled warmly. She had always been so welcoming every time she had him over to dinner. He enjoyed his evenings when he sat at her table with her children and the little ones she had taken in to foster. He struggled with guilt accepting her gift knowing how hard they both worked to care for their large family and that things could become even more desperate for them in the days to come.

His eyes filled with tears that he had to blink away and he struggled to speak, “Thank you.” If only he had something he could share with them. All the things he had that could benefit her sweet family was back at home.

When Tammy had wanted to dig out the crawl space under the main floor of their tri-level house to create a safe room, Ben had been resistant. It wasn’t until he met a few friends that were convinced there was going to be a crisis during Y2K that he finally saw the potential for a real disaster and took prepping far more serious than Tammy. Even though they knew there wasn’t going to be a great event when the clock struck midnight on the first day of the year 2000, Ben and Tammy
did
know that it was only a matter of time when they would need it.

What had been built under the house was a reinforced basement with a secret door on their bottom floor, that was only a half-basement. It was the most structurally sound room in the house when they finished.

The thing about Idaho was they didn’t need to prepare for tornados or crazy weather. The windowless room was practically a small apartment where they could hide away and be safe. Half of the space was where they stored their food storage when they were in Boise. They spent their summers at a small cabin working on a bigger underground shelter underneath it in the mountains. When in the privacy of their home, Ben called the cabin their bug out shelter. However, no one was to call it that to anyone else.

There were a few times when Ben was gone that Tammy would feel anxious about being home alone with the kids and those times she would tell the kids they were pretending when they’d go camp in the safe room.

Fortunately, that night as the girls packed everything they wanted for their shut-in, it wasn’t as nerve-wracking because of all the “practice”. The tension in the house was thick with worry, though. It wasn’t just Tammy worrying about Amanda. The later it got, each one of the girls had a meltdown in their own way.

Zoe was the silent crier, sitting in her bed turned away from everyone and would sniff now and then.

Charlie aggravated everyone with her nit-pickiness about everything they were doing wrong according to her but made sure that Amanda’s favorite pillows and blankets were arranged neatly on her bunk bed in the safe room. Charlie also folded her missing sister’s pajamas neatly and placed them on her pillow while barking orders to her younger sisters.

Holly worried incessantly and vocalized it constantly and muttered to herself after all her sisters took turns telling her to shut up.

Little Mae would burst into tears over wanting her sister and her father home. Once she calmed down for a few minutes, she was at it all over again.

Tammy surveyed the room where all her girls were to sleep. The way Charlie kept glancing at her absent sister’s bed made her heart ache all the more.

She sighed knowing she had no reassuring words of comfort to share. “You all settle in. There’s a gallon of water sitting in the bathroom already so you can brush your teeth.”

She went into the small living room and kitchen and shut off the battery powered LED lights. They were the best investment she had made along with the nice stockpile of batteries. However, she was already worried she didn’t have enough.

After she had prayer with her girls, she headed for the door. “I’m not locking this. I’ll just cover the doorway with the swinging bookshelf.”

Mae jumped out of bed and wrapped her arms around her mother’s waist. “No, you need to stay with us so you’re safe too.”

“I’m sleeping upstairs so I can hear if Amanda makes it home. We can’t hear her knock if we’re all down here.” She gave her daughter a squeeze. “I’ll be safe and you all will be even safer. Everything is fine.”

“You should take Buddy with you.” Mae’s eyes were extra large as if she was looking through a magnifying glass because of the tears. “He protected all of us today.”

“You’re right. I’ll bring him with me.”

Tammy kissed the top of her daughter’s head and gave her a gentle push to her bed. She called the dog and he obedient followed her up the stairs.

She gave him a pat on the head. “It’s just you and me holding down the fort. Now if only you could find Amanda and bring her home.”

Settling in on the sofa, sleep was already eluding her. She heard all sorts of noises through the windows. None of them comforted her much. In fact, she gripped her blanket tighter and tighter as the night wore on and there was no knock on the door. She must have fallen asleep at some point because she jumped when something crashed outside and it sounded like it was right outside on her front lawn and Buddy started to bark.

She tossed the blanket aside as she lunged for the door. Looking through the peephole, she couldn’t see anyone. She really wished her daughter was home already. Tammy didn’t know how much longer she could wait without totally losing it. And that’s all it took. Thinking about crying. The tears fell, running in endless rivers down her cheeks.

She desperately wanted her daughter and her husband home. They were a huge part of her foundation for living. If only the electricity would come back on, that it was only temporary, and all the worst-case scenarios when it came to E.M.P.’s were wrong. Or somehow the government and utility companies had been quietly preparing the infrastructure over the years so it wouldn’t fail for long. But that took foresight and embracing the doomsday attitude to invest that kind of money. She sank to her knees and cried into the blanket on the sofa so no one could hear. The strength that she needed left her and she didn’t know if she could go on. She didn’t have to think much more about it because she cried herself to sleep.

Tammy woke up in terrible pain. She was curled up on the floor, no wonder. She was too old to sleep on hard surfaces. Once she sat up, she realized it was more than that. She did move a fridge, and all the bulky wood shutters for the windows too. Easing her stiff body onto the sofa, she looked around the completely dark room. She couldn’t see much of course. No clocks or nightlights so she could see what was in the room. She turned on the taplight on the end table. Checking the time on her watch, it was still dark outside, but wouldn’t be for much longer. She leaned back and rubbed her face. Her eyes were still puffy from crying.

After using the bathroom, she went downstairs to check on her kids. All four asleep and the only sounds were their deep breathing and Holly’s snoring.

She went back upstairs and rested on the sofa. Instead of sleep, she thought about all the things she needed to take care of before they couldn’t run the freezer and the fridge on the generator. It was going to be a long few days and that was if the neighborhood stayed peaceful. It would take much longer if they had to stay in the safe room most of the day.

Tammy stared at the door when she couldn’t run lists through her head anymore. Slivers of daylight filtered in through the slats on the shutters. She was still tired. A full day awaited her. She wasn’t going to be able to function until she knew where Amanda was. And if Amanda never showed up… Tammy had to banish the awful depressing thoughts that came to mind.

If only she could access some news, how far the E.M.P. had spread, if it was natural or man created. She felt stupid helpless. Ben was so far and as much as she wanted him home with her, she held little hope he would ever get there. All the hope and faith encouraging talks she had with her girls had left her. Probably because she wasn’t mentally prepared to be on her own during the ordeal they’d been preparing for and she was terrified. For so long she researched everything that could happen.She’d have intense conversations with people in forums and on the street about all the things she knew.

Suddenly she felt like a hypocrite, knowing so much and yet it wasn’t enough to settle her mind to get her through it. She’d always had a fear of the unknown, though. That was something she couldn’t cure with this situation and the lack of information was the most disconcerting. Also knowing how other people would eventually behave once things turned desperate for them. She rubbed her forehead so she’d stop thinking and mulling over it all.

Mae peeked around the corner and Buddy bounded across the floor to greet her.

“Always the early riser, aren’t you? Even when the room down there is totally dark.”

Mae was already wiping tears from her eyes. Tammy wasn’t ready for that. She struggled to stop her own for the sake of her frightened daughter.

“Amanda’s not here.” Mae tugged on her pajama top and wiped her face with her sleeve.

“No, not yet.” Tammy sighed and patted the sofa cushion. Mae sat next her and curled up against her side. She stroked her daughter’s hair away from her face. “What do you think Amanda might be doing?”

“She might be lying on the side of the road because she’s lost and doesn’t know how to get home.”

“No, that doesn’t sound like Amanda. That sounds more like Zoe.”

Mae looked up and smiled a little. “Yeah, Zoe gets lost at the mall. I had to show her how to get to JCPenney’s.”

“Amanda doesn’t get lost. Not from school. She could walk home along the river too and then walk down the street, up the hill until she gets to our neighborhood. It shouldn’t take long.”

“Then why isn’t she home?”

Tammy narrowed her eyes at Mae but spoke to her gently, “That’s something I want to know too.” She couldn’t sit and talk in circles with Mae anymore. “Come help me get some meat out of the freezer. Then we need to feed the chickens.”

That was another thing she needed to do. There was an area where they planned to keep the chickens if they needed to stay in the safe room but it wasn’t ready for them yet.

One by one the girls joined Tammy on the main floor and each girl regretted getting out of bed. They were put to work going through the freezer, sorting foods they needed to eat soon and thawing meat so they could can it or dry it.

Everyone stopped what they were doing when there was a knock at the door.

Charlie started for the door first. “I bet it’s Amanda.” She turned away in disappointment after she looked through the peephole. “It’s not.” She went back to the kitchen.

“Who is it then?” Tammy asked, far more irritated than she meant to sound. Mostly she was disappointed over who wasn’t at the door. When she checked to see, she had a hard time making out who it was. The peephole distorted people’s faces. Finally, she realized it was a friend when he knocked again.

“Hello, Mason. Is it pretty quiet out there?” She peered out the door as she dried her hands on her sweats. No Amanda.

“It seems to be now that it’s early and everyone has no place to go today. How is your family doing?” Mason was always good about coming to check on her at least once a month while Ben was gone.

“Those of us that are here, we’re doing good.” She wasn’t going to cry in front of him. It was quite a fight to stop the water works that wanted to spill out her eyes again.

“Who is missing besides Ben?” Mason was genuinely concerned.

“Amanda never came home. She was in class at BSU.” Tammy folded her arms so she wouldn’t fidget. “Would you like to come in?”

“I’ll stay here if you don’t mind. We’re checking on everyone and reporting back at the church. From what I’m hearing, there are a lot of people we know that haven’t made it home. It was a little crazy last night. It happened so late in the day, I’m sure it would have been dangerous if everyone at the university and all of downtown started walking home at once.”

“But
we
aren’t that far from the university.”

“Far enough though, right along the freeway. Perhaps they’re being cautious.”

Tammy rubbed her eyes. A little something seeped out of the corners. “Maybe so. Have you heard what this is?”

“With how prepared you are, I’m surprised you and Ben aren’t HAM radio operators too. The Johnsons haven’t been able to learn a whole lot yet. They had to dig out their spare radio that was in a faraday cage buried under all the stuff they were storing from their remodel project. What they’ve been able to learn is that it has hit the entire country and Canada. No one knows about Alaska though. The Johnsons know that Ben is up there so they’ve been trying. Rumor is it was probably an attack and not a massive solar flare. Not verified though. Sharon said there are some people on there that are always sure someone is out to get them so they always assume everything would be an attack. There are others that are mentally stable and she’s hoping to hear from them before she believes that it was intentional hostility. There is a meeting at the church this afternoon around one. They want to hear who all is missing and what is needed food wise.”

“I’m sure we’re set.” Tammy didn’t like the idea of leaving her house or leaving her kids there while she went to the church.

“You should come. He has some good checklists for everyone and you are a great resource. I’m sure the people that aren’t as prepared as you might be comforted by some of what you know.”

“The stuff I know scares me. How can I comfort them when everything is going to get much worse?”

“Okay. Maybe that kind of knowledge isn’t helpful right now. I’m sure your presence and what you know will be beneficial.”

“I’ll try. She gripped the handle and looked past Mason’s shoulder again. “I’m not the best example of how to keep it together in a crisis at the moment. I keep hoping she’ll just come around that corner the moment I look down the street.”

“I’m sure she’ll be home soon.”

“Did you hear all the craziness last night? Oh, and some thugs wanted my suburban and another weirdo jumped the fence into our backyard last night. It hasn’t been a party over here with little Ms.Prepper know-it-all.” She pointed at her chest.

Mason rested his hand on Tammy’s shoulder. “Perhaps being a little naïve right now is helpful for me. I can see this has been far more difficult for you. We’re a community though. In larger numbers, we will be better off. More likely to survive the worst.”

“When most everyone’s food is gone? You think community will matter? The Donner party turned on each other in the end.”

Mason was left stumped and stood in silence for a long time. “We don’t even know what kind of time frame we are looking at. You’re already thinking this will be permanent. Perhaps at the most, this will last a few days.”

“That’s my hope. The things that I know, it’s telling me it will be longer, much longer.”

“Well, come to the meeting. Perhaps someone will learn something important by then.”

Tammy nodded. “All right. I’ll come.” After she closed the door, she went back to work. It was easier to keep busy to stop all her crazy thoughts.