Envious (2 page)

Katie had confided in her sister a time or two that she wished she and Lee could have the kind of marriage Cassidy and Drake had. Loving, respectful, nurturing, passionate… Katie wondered if there was a man alive who would feel about her the way her brother-in-law felt about his wife.

“It’s not that we’re having problems really.” Katie bit her lip to stem the tears building. “It’s just that we’re not connecting anymore.” If she were honest, she would admit that they had never really connected on a deep emotional level. Their first couple of years together were focused on helping each other stay clean. The years since had been about giving their daughter a happy home. There didn’t seem to be enough hours in the day to work on their marriage.

“Have you talked to Lee about it?” Cassidy covered her sister’s hand with her own.

“When? He’s always at work. When he is home, he’s spending as much time as he can with Hannah.”

“Where is he tonight? Drake said they were calling it a day early because he had a meeting with one of his artists.”

“He said he was going to meet Chris at Jimmy’s.”

“Just shows how far he’s come,” Cassidy said. “Meeting a friend in a bar when he’s sworn off alcohol himself.”

“Yeah, he’s like a different person than the guy Drake introduced me to seven years ago.” Katie was proud of her husband’s recovery. If only he approached their marriage with the same single-minded determination. She couldn’t lay the blame entirely at his feet. She hadn’t exactly been pulling out the stops to make herself irresistible to him.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing. He’s come a long way in the past few years. He’s finished his degree, earned a job with Drake, not to mention the kind of father he is.” Cassidy hesitated as though she wanted to choose her words carefully. “Lord knows I wasn’t Lee’s biggest fan for the longest time, but he’s proven to me that people can change.”

“I know.” Katie forced a smile for her sister’s benefit. “I should be grateful. He works so hard so I can stay home and raise our little girl.”

“Is that still what you want?” Cassidy asked. “To stay home with Hannah?”

“Yeah, of course.” Katie almost felt guilty for thinking about working when she knew so many women would give anything to be able to stay home with their children. “But I can’t help but think about…”

“The daycare center you want to open,” Cassidy supplied.

They’d talked a few times about the pre-school Katie hoped to open once Hannah started school in the fall. There was a perfect space for lease just up the street, not that she could afford it. No matter how often she told herself the timing was all wrong, she still daydreamed about what that big open space would look like with cubbies for coats, tables surrounded by little plastic chairs, paintings on the walls, and a big scatter rug at the front of the room for story time. They lived in a nice middle-class neighborhood with a lot of two-income families. Katie knew just from speaking to mothers at the park that the need for high-quality childcare existed in their little haven.

Katie took a deep breath and decided to tell her sister the secret she’d been keeping even from her husband. “So I, uh, have kind of been taking some classes online for a while now.”

“You have?” Cassidy reached for a homemade sugar cookie from a plate in the middle of the table. She took a small bite. “What kind of classes?”

“Early childhood education.” She took a cookie and broke it in half over her plate. She wasn’t hungry, but she needed a distraction. “But I want you to promise you won’t say anything about this to Lee. He doesn’t know.”

“Why didn’t you say anything before?” Cassidy asked, touching her forearm.

“You know me.” Katie dipped her head when a blush spread over her cheeks. “It’s not like I’ve ever finished anything I’ve started.”
Except this
.

Katie knew as soon as she immersed herself in the first course that she’d found her calling. She plowed through, taking several courses at once so she could finish her degree quickly. Finding the time hadn’t been easy, but she woke early and managed to find a couple of hours during the day while Hannah napped and after she went to bed. Lee hadn’t asked where Katie went, and she hadn’t volunteered the information. If he assumed she was reading or surfing the Internet, she was content to let him believe that.

“Don’t say that,” Cassidy said softly. “You’re too hard on yourself. We’ve all made mistakes, but you’re getting past yours. That’s all anyone can ask.”

“I guess.” Katie found it hard to let go of the past because she was the one at fault for tearing their family apart.

“Anyways, I want to hear about these courses,” Cassidy said, squeezing her hand. “Tell me everything.”

Katie couldn’t help but smile. She’d maintained a high average throughout the program, and for someone who’d barely graduated high school, that was a major accomplishment. “I have to say, I’ve loved every minute of it. Learning how children develop, what stimulates and interests them, how to engage them and decipher their—” Katie stopped talking when she realized how intently Cassidy was listening. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I’ve never seen you so excited. Does mom know about this?”

“No, I didn’t want to get her hopes up.” Katie shrugged. “You know, in case I couldn’t see my way through to the end of the program.”

“How many more courses do you have to take?” Cassidy asked.

“I’m working on my last two right now. If I can pass the final exams, I’ll get my degree and I can teach pre-school.” Her dream was to work with children aged two to five, before they started their formal education. According to experts, children were little sponges during those years, and Katie wanted to be one of the people who helped foster that love of learning.

“That’s amazing, sis.” Cassidy reached across the table to hug her. “I’m so proud of you.”

It had been a long time since Katie had done anything to make her family proud. Seeing that glow on her big sister’s face meant more to Katie than Cassidy could imagine. “Thanks.”

“How have you financed it? I mean, you said Lee doesn’t know, right?”

“No, he doesn’t. I’ve been picking up hours as a virtual assistant, just enough to cover my tuition and books. I figured it might help, you know, if I ever decide to start my own business.”

“Is that what you plan to do when you get your degree?” Cassidy asked.

“I don’t know…” Katie watched their daughters playing, so innocent, so full of life and wonder. Seeing them intensified her desire to be surrounded by dozens of children their age.

“You’re dying to dive right in there and start this business. It’s written all over your face.”

If it was so easy for her sister to see that, she wondered how Lee could have missed it. Of course, it had been a long time since he’d given her more than a cursory glance. “I am. There’s this location just down the street from here that would be so perfect.”

“So why don’t you go for it?” Cassidy sounded more excited than Katie would ever have dared to be. With hope came disappointment, and she wasn’t brave enough to step out on that ledge.

“I can’t just start a business,” Katie said, laughing breathlessly. “Financing school was hard enough. I haven’t been able to set aside enough money for a business.”

“So I’ll lend you the money.”

“No!” Katie realized how harsh that must have sounded, but Cassidy had been bailing Katie out of one mess after another all their lives. She wanted to find a way to make it work on her own. “I’m sorry, I just need to figure this out without your help, or mom’s, or Lee’s, or Drake’s. I love you guys so much, but I need to prove to myself that I can build something from the ground up.”

“The financial backing has to come from somewhere,” Cassidy said. “With the economy being what it is, it’ll be tough to get it from a bank. Maybe an angel investor?”

Katie laughed at the absurdity of that suggestion. “I’d have to figure out how to write a business plan first.” The more she thought about it, the more she realized she was thinking too far ahead. As perfect as that space would be, she had to focus on finishing school first. Maybe then she would be able to save enough to finance the venture. That shouldn’t take more than five or six years…

When Lee asked Chris to pass by his house to tell Katie he’d be late coming home, Chris tried to find an alternative. He suggested his friend just text her, but apparently Katie lost her phone and had to get a replacement the following day. When Lee said he didn’t want to risk calling and waking Hannah, Chris knew he was out of options, so he’d agreed to deliver the message.

Katie always chastised Chris when he knocked, so he went around the back and walked into the kitchen, hoping he’d find her tucked away in her office. He tapped lightly on the doorframe when he spotted her at the kitchen table. When she looked up and he saw her red-rimmed eyes, his heart sank.

“Hey,” he said softly as he entered. “What’s wrong?”

She wiped her eyes with a crumpled-up tissue. “My sister and niece just left and…” She sniffled, shaking her head.

“Did y’all get into it?” Chris knew about their history, but according to Lee, the sisters were closer than ever.

“No, nothing like that.” Katie pulled out the chair beside her, inviting him to sit down.

He knew he should stand to avoid getting too close to her, especially when she was so vulnerable. But if a woman had ever needed a shoulder, Katie was that woman. “You wanna tell me what happened?”

“I started talking to her about something I’d been thinking about for a while, and saying it aloud made me realize how impossible it is.”

“Nothing is impossible if you want it badly enough.” That wasn’t true. Some things were impossible, no matter how badly you wanted them. He should know. He was staring into the eyes of someone he wanted but could never have.

“This is.”

He gripped her shoulder when she started sobbing. He shouldn’t touch her at all, but her heartache was killing him. “Does that have something to do with Lee?”

“No, why would you ask that?”

Nice going, big mouth.
“I just thought you guys might have…never mind. Why don’t you tell me what’s going on? It might help to talk about it.”

Katie looked at him for what seemed like an eternity. He listened to the seconds tick by on an antique wall clock. “If I tell you something, can you promise you won’t tell Lee?”

Chris knew getting between his best friend and his wife and sharing their secrets, especially when
his
feelings were in the mix, was a huge mistake. “Okay, as long as this isn’t something that could hurt Lee. You have to understand, I’ve been the guy on the other end when my wife told me she was leaving me for someone else. It hurt like hell. If that’s the kind of secret we’re talking about—”

Katie held up her hand, her tears evaporating with a smile. “No, it’s nothing like that. I can’t believe you would even think I’d cheat on Lee.”

Of course she wouldn’t. But if anyone had asked him whether his wife would have been capable of cheating on him, he would have said,
hell no!
“Okay, let’s hear it. What’s got you so upset?”

“I’ve been working on my degree in early childhood education for the past couple of years.”

“Seriously? That’s great. Why wouldn’t you want your husband to know that?” They must be living separate lives if Lee lived in the same house as his wife without realizing she’d been pursuing a degree.

“Honestly, I didn’t know if I could get through it. I didn’t want anyone to know until it was a done deal.” She looked at the table as she shred the tissue in her hands. “I’m a good starter, not a good finisher. It’s always been that way for me.”

Chris hated to see the doubt and self-recrimination in Katie’s eyes. She had no idea how amazing she was. If she were
his
woman, he’d tell her every day how incredible she was. “But this time is different, right?”

“Yeah, I’m finishing up my last couple of courses. If the final exams go well, I should have enough credits to earn my degree.”

“Congratulations.” His smile was so wide his cheeks hurt. He couldn’t have been more proud of her, but of course saying that would be inappropriate. If he did, she would know how much he cared.

“Thanks.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“I want to start a pre-school.” She closed her eyes as she sank back in her chair. “I saw this little spot down the road that would be the perfect place to start. You know the one for lease right between the hair salon and the women’s fitness center?”

“Yeah, I know the spot. So what’s the problem?”

“I don’t know anything about business, that’s the problem.” She sighed. “I’ve been working as a virtual assistant to pay for my tuition. I thought that would help me learn what I needed to know, but I was just kidding myself. I’ll never know enough to get a bank to look at me.”

Chris wasn’t going to lie and tell her it would be easy to get money from a bank. The few times he and his father had borrowed money in the early days of their company, it had been nearly impossible. The banks were tripping over themselves to hold on to their company’s business anymore. A few million bucks was just about enough to earn a banker’s respect.

“Maybe you don’t need a bank.” Chris couldn’t seem to help himself. The voice inside his head told him to back away slowly, but he ran straight into the fire.

“Please don’t suggest I ask my family for help. Cassidy’s been bailing me out my whole life, and I can’t ask Lee to take that kind of risk. He makes a good living, but if I invested a ton of money in a business… Well, we couldn’t afford to take that kind of hit.”

Chris leaned back, folding his arms. Not many people could afford to gamble with the fifty thousand dollars he estimated it would take to get Katie’s business off the ground. But he wasn’t most people. He could afford to take a loss, not that he thought it would come to that. Katie’s tenacity was one of the many things he admired about her. He knew if she accepted a loan from him, she would work day and night to pay it back. “You could take the money from an investor though. Say, fifty thousand for a forty percent equity share in the business.” That would make them partners. The idea appealed to him more than it should have.